Kill Garrus Volume 2
by BumbleBeePixie
Summary: "That woman deserves her revenge, and we deserve to die." In this second volume of Shepard's tale she has two more people to slaughter before she can have her final confrontation with Garrus. Little does she know how bitter revenge can taste...  Sequel
1. Electric Chapel

**A/N: **We are back baby! This long and uneasy road towards Mass Effect 3 is definitely going to give me wrinkles I swear. I seem to find spoilers everywhere I go. If you are reading this because you just happened to stumble across it you might want to read Kill Garrus Volume 1 first. Just a friendly bit of advice. If you are one of those readers that have put up with me and have stuck with this then welcome back! You have been missed and I love you guys. Let us hug our screens as a virtual gesture of trust and a silent thank you...or not. Without further yazoo let us begin the second volume of Shepard's tale of revenge xD

_"If you wanna meet me at electric chapel, if you wanna steal my heart away, meet me meet me baby in a safe place. Come and meet me in electric chapel." - Lady Gaga_ (Calibrators gonna calibrate.)

I do not own Mass Effect or Kill Bill. Come on if I did I wouldn't be typing this out with a laptop that is falling apart with crappy internet connection.

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><p>A sharp pain ignited inside Shepard's abdomen causing her to cry out in pain.<p>

She kept on telling herself that she only had one more day to get through before she could go and see Mordin. How she managed to take the feeling of sharp spikes stabbing her insides for months she had no idea.

Mordin had explained how hard the pregnancy would be to get through. He even tried to talk her out of it when Shepard had met up with him privately.

The salarian had warned her that she would need to eat dextro-amino foods until she neared her third trimester, and managed to give her some medicine that would stop her from going into anaphylactic shock every-time she ate. The only problem was that she would feel extremely nauseous and dizzy from the new diet that wasn't meant for humans.

"Hey, honey are you feeling okay?"

A warm hand gripped Shepard's shoulder gently. He wore a black tuxedo that did not have a single crease in sight.

"I'm fine Kaidan," Shepard soothed in the most reassuring voice she could manage in her state.

The biotic was not convinced. His brow furrowed in a concerned gesture. He was not unaware of how difficult Shepard was finding her pregnancy. The most he could do was comfort his fiance, nothing more.

"You don't have to do this you know. If you don't feel up to it we can go back to the apartment?"

Shepard smiled up at Kaidan as he sat down beside her on the cushioned seats and wrapped his arm around her.

He traced small circles on her shoulder in an attempt to sooth her. The gesture was nice but it done nothing to relieve the pain of a hybrid child moving around inside her womb.

The great thing about Kaidan was that he never asked too many questions, he was content just to have Shepard by his side once again.

Shepard had been dreading this wedding rehearsal the day Kaidan had brought up the idea.

When the biotic had asked for her hand in marriage a huge part of her bloated body wanted to say no and yet for some reason the word yes had passed her lips.

She was alone and on the run from everything she had been fighting for, she wanted someone to be by her side for a change.

When she had first bumped into Kaidan he hardly recognized her. She had dyed her mousy brown hair a jet black and took skin pigment pills daily that made her skin slightly paler. She had even changed her name.

Shepard had gave him as much information as he needed to know. She was pregnant and had left the Normandy under her XO's command.

The former commander missed out the bits of information that mentioned the father of her child was Garrus and that he happened to be the XO of the Normandy.

After the torturous wedding rehearsal had come to an end Shepard was to visit Mordin, so that he could perform a procedure on the 8 month child that would have him physically born a human.

The salarian doctor had warned her about the risks. However Shepard had made him promise that if anything were to go wrong then he was to put the child's life before hers, no exceptions. If she were to just let her baby be born naturally, regardless of whether of not Shepard survived the birthing process the child would not live to see his second birthday.

The concept of turian and human physiology combined meant that he would have a weak immune system much like a quarian. He would also suffer from abnormal bone structure, physically torn between two completely different sets of DNA. After a while his body would not know how to continuing developing causing the child to go into state of paralysis to the point where his heart would just stop.

Shepard's mind began to wonder how her child must look inside her womb. She had x-rays on the sly with Mordin that had confirmed that the child did not have a fully formed set of five fingers and his head was shaped in such a way that it looked like a fringe but with slight traces of hair.

All the while Kaiden was oblivious to the amount of turmoil Shepard had been going through emotionally the past few months. Realistically Shepard could never see herself telling Kaidan the truth behind everything once the child was born.

"I know I have already told you this but you really do look beautiful," Kaiden whispered into her ear causing her to shiver.

It was true. He had commented on how incredible she looked in her white dress whenever the opportunity presented itself regardless of the massive bump that stood out on her body.

Shepard's dress had to be custom fitted for her, something she wasn't entirely happy with but went along with it anyway.

All she wanted was a plain white dress and what did she get? A pearly silk dress that was made of thin lace along her arms. The hem of the dress just about managed to lay delicately on her bump and meet her feet which refused to wear heels in her condition.

The dressed up pair sat on the cushioned seats in silence as they observed the priest and the guests quarrel about flowers and decorations.

The chapel was indeed lovely but Shepard wanted nothing more than to just get the rehearsal all over and done with. Everyone inside the chapel was a stranger to her. They were all friends of Kaidan who seemed overjoyed that the biotic was getting married.

Of course they only knew Shepard as 'Delilah', a name she had chosen on the spot in order to avoid press and to stop any of her crew or the council locating her.

She had found herself watching news-vids often to find out about her team but they were only mentioned briefly.

Shepard remembered laying on the sofa in Kaidan's apartment in another wave of pain as the screen read,

_'The rumors of Shepard's death are again in question as people are starting to ask if she really had come back two years after the destruction of the SR1 Normandy.'_

The information stung a bit, but she realized that it was for the best. Shepard would rather have everyone assume that she did indeed die in the wreckage and never returned.

A clean slate was going to presented to her son when he was born. Not a life of danger and press. He didn't deserve that kind of life.

"Kaidsn I think I'm going to go out and get some fresh air, it's really stuffy in here," Shepard stated struggling to pull herself up onto the balls of her feet.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Kaidan asked letting her use his arm for support.

"No, you stay here and talk about flowers." Shepard grinned as the biotic frowned at the thought. "I'll only be five minutes."

Kaidan nodded reluctantly and headed towards his group of friends who were knee deep in a conversation about tulips with the priest. He casted a few more glances back at Shepard as she wobbled down the aisle and exited the chapel.

The fresh air felt good as it came in contact with Shepard's flushed skin. Words could not explain how uneasy she felt inside that chapel but the thought of how she was doing all this for her son made her dismiss her feelings.

The child had finally stopped squirming around inside her womb long enough for Shepard to relax. It was these kind of moments that she cherished the most.

Her hand rubbed the bump affectionately as a silent thank you as she awkwardly sat herself down on the benches outside the serene chapel.

The weight of her bump made it almost impossible to stand for long, even short intervals anymore.

"I heard rumors that you were pregnant. Kaidan sure doesn't waste any time does he?"

Shepard's head snapped to the source of the voice. Her emotions became a tangled mess as she saw the man who had spoken standing outside with her at the far end of the chapel.

Truth be told she had recognised the voice as soon as she heard it, but a part of her prayed that her mind was just playing tricks on her. It wasn't.

"Garrus?" she muttered incoherently with shock.

The turian slowly walked over to Shepard keeping his crystal blue eyes trained on her at all times.

A bandage no longer clung to his face revealing a healed yet brutal scar across his right mandible.

He carried himself with confidence. He was after all the commander of the Normandy now.

Garrus stopped dead in his tracks as he met the bench that Shepard was sat on. She dared not breath as her mind processed that the man she loved was standing before her after all these months.

"How did you find me?" Shepard whispered still in complete shock from the turian's sudden presence.

"My father once said that 'If you want something bad enough, you will get it' Delilah," Garrus purred switching to a mocking tone when he pronounced her new name.

Shepard smiled weakly as she looked up at him. "Not a fan of the name?"

"It's not the choice I would have made," he replied with a turian grin.

The unexpected small talk put Shepard at ease but only slightly. There were a lot of things that were being unsaid and neither of them were sure if they wanted to disturb their time together with the cruel reality.

Garrus sat down beside Shepard on the bench and looked her up and down.

"You look beautiful," he sighed with a hint of disdain.

Shepard had heard that line one too many times today. But when Garrus said it, the sentence suddenly became shiny and new.

Her expression must have spoke for her because Garrus was back at her twinkling eyes.

They had missed each-other immensely.

Shepard stretched her hand out hesitantly to stroke his face worried that he might pull away. Hell he had every right to.

Instead Garrus reached out for her like a drowning man reaching out for rope.

They both sank into a tight embrace as she hid her face into the crook of his neck while his talons stroked her waist.

Tears departed from her eyelids and Shepard thoroughly damned her hormones to hell. It hurt the former commander's ego everytime she revealed her emotions.

Thankfully Garrus didn't try to make a sly remark and just continued to hold Shepard who's body was now shaking in his grip.

He gently traced his talon down her back making her exhale a contented sigh.

Without warning the child fidgeted inside her womb again causing Shepard to wail out in pain.

A part of her figured that the child knew that Garrus was his father. It was like he was finally able to meet him for the first time hence his excitement.

Garrus suddenly let go of Shepard as he was caught off guard by a sudden scream leaving her lungs.

"What's wrong?" he asked confused.

Shepard's face went red while she tried to breath through the pain.

"It's the baby he's kicking again," Shepard explained through gritted teeth.

Garrus observed Shepard's enormous bump and slowly reached out to the unborn child.

"May I?" he asked respectively, hovering his talons over the bump that was the root of Shepard's turmoil.

Before Shepard could agree in her torturous state Garrus' talons gently caressed her stomach.

Her grip on the bench loosened while the pain gradually began to fade away much to her surprise.

The child seemed to calm down at Garrus' touch as if he was aware of whose hands were trying to comfort him.

With the pain becoming nothing more than a distant memory Shepard was finally able to relax under Garrus' soft caress.

He gently rubbed the bump from side to side as if he was rocking the child to sleep.

For the first time in months Shepard was content. Things felt right.

Garrus let his hand drop but kept his gaze on her swollen stomach.

"Kaidan is very lucky," Garrus stated as a matter of fact.

Shepard felt the cold absence of his touch and had to swallow the bile that had built up in the back of her throat. Her mind was screaming out for her to tell her turian there and then that she was carrying his child, but the words she desperately wanted to say refused to come out.

"Why are you here Garrus?" Shepard questioned.

Garrus didn't respond for second. He rubbed his fringe absentmindedly and took his gaze away from her bump to meet her bloodshot eyes.

"I could ask you the same thing."

Shepard's breath became wedged within her throat. He was right, Spirits was he right.

Before she could speak the chapel's doors opened revealing a dumbfounded Kaidan.

Shepard looked up towards her fiance looking as innocent as she could.

Her exterior resembled the kind of women you would find in tragic art piece. Her pale skin collided with the pearly lace dress she wore that hung from every angle, especially her pregnant stomach. There was no wind on the citadel to try and bring the dress to life with a sweeping flow. Everything about her was still. Her blood-shot eyes matched the puffy read marks around her eyelids, and her jet black hair was loosely hanging from a bun that held her delicate lace veil in place so that it gently rested on the back of her head.

It was hard to maintain a cool and careless posture when she could see Garrus still staring at her within her peripheral vision, ignoring the sound of the chapel doors for as long as he could.

"Garrus?" Kaidan voiced while charging over to the peeved turian.

The biotic held out his hand. "It's been too long."

"Not long enough," Garrus muttered under his breath so that only Shepard could hear him.

The turian turned away from the cautious bride and faced Kaidan with a face that gave none of his anger away. He gripped the human's soft hand tightly with more force than necessary.

"It's good to see you Kaidan," he lied causing Shepard to wince while she sat on the bench.

The child remained settled inside her womb yet she felt sick, like she could projectile all over the floor at that very moment. Instead she forced a weak smile to her lips and watched the scene play out before her.

"How are things going on board the Normandy?"

Garrus chuckled out of politeness and also to make Shepard feel more comfortable about the grueling scene of phatic talk. "Could be better, I'm definitely starting to feel the strain of command."

Kaidan frowned and shot a questioning glance towards Shepard on the bench who looked like she was going to pass out at any minute.

Garrus observed the exchange with a smirk. "Didn't Shepard tell you? I'm the commander of the Normandy now. Though it would have been nice to have been given a heads up before she decided to disappear."

An uneasy silence presented itself after Garrus' sly remark decoded through Kaidan's brain.

It was information that Shepard hadn't felt the need to tell the biotic, and Garrus seemed to have picked up on that a few seconds ago.

Kaidan let Garrus' comment go over his head and walked over to Shepard slightly pissed off about being kept in the dark. _A lot_ was going unsaid.

"Honey the priest wants us to recite our vowels again," Kaidan explained as if what had just occurred was now securely locked in the past.

He grabbed a reluctant Shepard's hand as he helped her to her wobbly feet.

The former commander was finding it difficult to form any words that would help her persuade Kaidan into giving her a few more minutes away from her fate.

Chaotic hormones were running rampant throughout her body making it hard to focus and centre herself.

The pair began to walk towards the chapel's entrance while Shepard kept shooting apologetic glances back at her turian.

Garrus clasped both his hands behind his back and stood up straight, he sure did look like a commander.

"Actually I was hoping to talk to Shepard, seeing as I haven't seen her in _months_," Garrus called out putting emphasis on the time span.

A pang of guilt struck Shepard causing her to falter in her footsteps. Her pounding head kept on turning back and forth between Kaidan and Garrus.

"I'll be inside in two minutes," Shepard promised to Kaidan prompting for the release of her hand.

The way she had said it made her sentence sound like a plea. Commander Shepard never pleaded for anything. But hormonal, soon to be mother, currently unable to grasp a situation Shepard was more than willing to beg if it made her life easier.

Kaidan bowed his head in defeat and nodded.

Before leaving the biotic cupped Shepard's face staring at a pissed off Garrus while he did so and placed a kiss on her forehead.

The former commander was amazed that Garrus had not moved from where he stood and just silently observed the dig.

"I'll be waiting," Kaidan informed her as his way of a goodbye and took his leave into the chapel without giving the turian a second glance.

Shepard stared after her fiance with a mournful expression, unable to face her turian.

"Glad to see he hasn't changed," Garrus commented in a sarcastic tone.

Shepard didn't submit to his insult and turned her swollen frame around.

Garrus looked tense by the way his muscles refused to relax, and she had herself to blame for it.

She wanted to explain everything to him, but she couldn't do it in the time frame she had been given.

The distraught turian paced up and down twice with long strides and halted his steps once he had blown off a bit of his extra energy that seemed to be boiling out of him.

"The crew and I managed to locate a few relay's which to our knowledge are going to be used as gateways for the Reapers."

Shepard smiled. He was making small-talk again, dancing around every other question that wanted to pour out from his lungs.

"I'm glad you guys are doing okay without me," Shepard replied. She meant what she said as well, she truly did believe in what she had fought against all those years. Yet her child had a way of changing her priorities.

"What can I say, I seem to have found my true calling in life; being a commander on a ship that used to belong to a pro-human terrorist organization," he chuckled darkly at the fate assigned to him and managed to get a laugh out of Shepard.

"Omega vigilante to saviour of the galaxy huh?" Shepard joked as she crossed her arms.

"Something tells me that I don't have the best track record of career choices," he scoffed happy to have a bit of light-hearted conversation. But his insides were against him, telling him that he should use the moment he was having with her wisely for he may not get another chance.

As soon as Shepard stopped laughing in agreement he took a few cautious steps towards her.

"Come back with me," he pleaded going against every fibre in his body that told him to stand his ground like a proper turian and demand an explanation for the amount of shit she had put him through.

"Garrus I can't-"

"You can't or you _won't_?," he growled. His expression was alive with the intense fury roaring inside of him.

Shepard shivered over the wake up call. Garrus looked lost, betrayed even. But she had come too far now, had let too many things slip through her grasp to allow herself to go back and finish her fight. Shepard believed in her crew, she had no choice but to believe that they could do something about the Reaper threat.

"Garrus I don't have to explain myself to you," Shepard stated in a formal manner.

That seemed to get a rise out of him judging from his clenched talons and his much more audible growling.

"I am a commander now, something I didn't exactly have a choice in might I add."

Shepard saw red and was doing her best to remain cool in order to not make the baby restless.

"Are you _trying_ to pull a rank on me?" she asked in a venomous tone that was to be the turian's warning to back down.

Unfortunately for Shepard he wasn't about to do that.

"I think you will find that I did," was his stabbing response.

Shepard sighed out of exhaustion and made her way over to the benches for a second time.

She was seeing a side of Garrus that she never wanted to experience. Mind you no one ever said that leaving everything and everyone you loved behind was going to be easy.

"I'm sorry," Shepard muttered in defeat as she stared at the floor unable to look Garrus in the eye.

"For what? Letting me think you were dead or turning your back on your crew?" Garrus shot back.

The former commander shook her head in disbelief. "So that's what this is about..."

The turian became silent once again and rubbed his fringe in frustration. He could not make this about him. He had a crew now, just like he had a squad back on Omega. Garrus wasn't going to let the past repeat itself. He was their leader now.

"Are you aware that the quarian's could be claiming back their homeworld right now if it wasn't for you?" Garrus spoke up in an accusing tone.

"Yes..." Shepard muttered in defeat.

The council had contacted her seeing as she actually cared about the forgotten quarians within the galaxy. Where the rest of universe marked them as thiefs and a liability Shepard saw a race that was not only intelligent but lived in a communist society that actually worked.

The message Shepard had received was sent to her one month into her pregnancy. It asked if she approved of the quarians gaining their embassy back. To do so without a doubt would have not only stopped them from being outcasts but returning to their home planet would have been the main priority on the council's list.

Council jurisdiction states that every race recognized by the council as a member of council space are to be treated equally. Meaning that they could not let the quarians remain on the Flotilla. They would have to aid them in taking back their homeworld.

Shepard was arguably the best warrior in the galaxy. Her fierce yet caring nature made her stand out from among the wreck. Her recommendation would have literally meant that the quarians were no longer space gypsies. They would have been forgiven, excepted even.

Ignoring the message was not something the former commander had done lightly.

In order to prevent anyone from tracking her down she was unable to answer the council.

Shepard could not work out whether or not she was being selfish. The whole reason she had even come this far as to wearing a pearly white wedding dress ready to marry a man who had once called her a traitor was all for her son.

The Alliance and the council would have made it their mission to care for Shepard and give her regular doses of treatments that were not fit for her child in particular.

It wouldn't be long until they realized that Shepard, humanity's golden girl was indeed carrying possibly the first ever turian/human hybrid child.

They would take her in for tests, take _him_ in for tests. Scientist's curiosity would be peaked from all over the galaxy.

Her child would be an outcast and there was no way she was going to let that happen.

"Are you also aware that because of your actions we are on the run from cerberus?" the turian continued without falter.

"Garrus-"

"And did it ever cross your mind that because you decided to go and run off without a trace the krogan's have missed their only chance at surpassing the genophage?"

"Spirits you said you agreed with the genophage!" Shepard shot back unable to comprehend the words exiting his mouth.

"It had to be done. But right now it needs to be cured," Garrus retorted truthfully. "Shepard we are going to have Reapers swarming the place. Did it ever cross your mind that maybe just maybe, having the quarians no longer reliant on their suits, having cerberus on our side and having a krogan army behind us might actually mean that the galaxy stands a chance?"

He was finally beginning to raise his voice, but judging from the way Shepard had hardly flinched it was all going to waste.

The turian sighed. Shepard had fucked him over big time. She had created this black hole of a mess and left him to pick up the shards.

He walked over to the white benches without caution where Shepard sat limply staring at the floor.

Garrus had a way of making Shepard enter a state of silence. When it came to flirting Garrus was a gibbering fool, yet when in came to heated confrontations he wasn't afraid to say it like it was.

Like Shepard he didn't utter a word. Spirits he was even holding his breath, anything to keep him in check.

The stabbing silence was becomming too much.

"What are you thinking?" Shepard asked suddenly.

His thoughts were bound to be something that would make her ears want to bleed from the depression of it all. The turian's mind could only handle so much betrayal and regret in his lifetime.

Garrus faced Shepard with a blank expression. However blank or no Shepard could still make out a hint of suffering in his blue eyes. The trick of reading a turian's expression by examining their eyes usually came in handy.

In this case Shepard would have been more than happy with being kept in the dark.

Garrus' mandibles twitched as if he was struggling with how to form his words or explain what was going on inside his rampaging mind.

"I'm...I am debating whom in my life has wronged me more. You or Sidonis..."

His voice gave away every single emotion that was begging to be released. It was heavy as if weights clung to the noise of his formed words.

"Just because your unexpected betrayal hurts the most doesn't necessarily mean that you are by far crueler or much worse than Sidonis," Garrus continued simply giving into himself and letting his thoughts pour from his mouth.

He wasn't going to brush everything off like he always did and pretend he was okay. He wasn't, spirits he was falling apart. Shepard had come back and shown him what it felt like to have someone actually care for you and be by your side. She had saved him from himself, Shepard was his beacon of hope, the one woman who truly understood him and made him feel worthy of everything he did. She gave him purpose.

Now...

Shepard had become his downfall.

Like a crazed surgeon she brought him back to life and offered him the world, only to cut off his life support machine and watch him enter a dark void.

There was no escaping the cruel abyss from which Garrus had entered. His mind would always be plagued with every single damn thing that had gone wrong in his life.

When Shepard left he lost his reason to breath, to get up in the morning, to eat... it just felt like by doing so he was only prolonging his suffering.

So he found himself a reason to continue, a reason to finish the fight.

He searched endlessly for Shepard. She had always had his back so he had to have hers.

The thoughts of what could of happened to her haunted his every dream and plagued his mind making him act irrational at times.

Shepard. The one good thing in his life that was _his._ She wasn't dead, she wasn't kidnapped. His commander, the woman he had actually grown to love left at her own will.

She had not only ignored her duties and the fate of the galaxy, Shepard had abandoned and treated him as an expendable piece of her life.

The hollow and numbness that overtook him soon cowered away once he saw Shepard in the flesh.

To have relief, happiness, shock, anger and sadness all colliding together within your body in just under an hour tended to take its toll.

"Care to help me out with this dilemma?" Garrus asked in a distant tone. "Who has fucked me over more, you or Sidonis?"

From the corner of her eye Shepard could see that Garrus was looking straight at her from her right-hand side.

He was sitting down patiently awaiting her answer.

The baby kicked gently for the first time ever as if he was doing his best to support his mother.

She carefully matched his gesture with a slight rub of her jeweled hand.

To not only abandon Garrus but to keep him thinking that he was alone in this universe was the greatest betrayal of all. For once she deserved the title 'Traitor'.

"Me..." Shepard whispered looking up from her bump to meet his tortured expression.

Her left hand reached out to stroke his visibly scarred mandible soothingly, as she leaned forward and gently peppered a trail of three delicate kisses on the left side of his jaw.

Garrus didn't push her away. In fact he had frozen when he realized what she doing.

Shepard was silently saying goodbye, using whatever strength she had left to push the dominant tears back.

Pulling away slowly she met his gaze and slowly lifted her bloated body onto the balls of her feet.

The former commander continued to look into his crystal blue eyes as she watched him battle against every emotion begging to take him over.

Shepard lifted her hands to grip the veil attached to her jet black hair and let it flow over her face.

This wasn't the best decision for Garrus nor her. But it was the best decision for her son.

It was that thought that gave Shepard the courage to turn away from her turian and take her uncertain steps towards the chapel's beckoning entrance.

Garrus watched Shepard painfully. She did not turn back to look at him once and before he knew it the woman he would have followed to hell and back without hesitation had gone.


	2. It's Not Getting Any Better

**A/N: **Six reviews already? Wow I am really baffled :O I'm sure to some of you that's small time but when I wrote Kill Garrus Volume 1 I barely had two reviews to put together. I just can't get over this, it leaves me with a warm fuzzy feeling feeling that you guys actually like my story. Aww you guys are so awesome, thank you, like seriously I really appreciate it that you take the time to read what I have wrote. If you were all looking for action in this chapter then I must say it is not the kind of 'action' you were probably expecting. I like to think this story runs a bit more deeper than just an outright revenge story. The next chapter will reveal the third person on Shepard's death list. We have had Jack, Tali... we already know that Miranda is coming up and obviously Garrus. But who I ask, do you think is number three on her death list? I would love to know what you think in a review!

_"I'm awake, everynight. And your running through my head, just like a knife. Cause I can't get by without your love." -Innerpartysystem_

I do not own Mass Effect or Kill Bill, they belong to their rightful owners, the Gods of our time Bioware and Tarantino.

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><p>Shepard's eyes weakly opened at the sound of someone crying in a painful manner.<p>

Her body was shaking under the confines of her crinkled white covers and her face was a damp mess.

It didn't take the commander long to realise that she was the person wailing inside her cabin.

Every night it was the same. Shepard either woke up from crying in her dreams or woke up screaming and flinging herself off the bed.

Shepard was surprised that she was actually still on her bed. Usually she got so agitated and scared in her nightmares that she would end up on the floor.

Slightly pissed off over the fact that her sleep had been disturbed again Shepard tried to close her puffy eyes and relax.

The odds were completely against her.

Shepard's eyes ached from her recent sobbing and refused to let her drift off to sleep.

She checked her alarm clock lazily rolling onto her right side instead of sitting up.

It was 2am on board the Normandy. _Great._

Shepard flung the covers from her body with a frustrated groan, the brave saviour of the galaxy was being haunted by nightmares of all things.

As she sat up on her double bed, Shepard tilted her damp face at the fish tank that was dimly lighting up her cabin with a faint blue glow.

Garrus must have restocked the tank with fish because Shepard sure as hell didn't.

They swam inside the large tank blissfully oblivious to everything that was going on in the universe.

They all knew their place inside their little society. Certain species were purple while the others were gold, some were faster swimmers where as some barely managed to drift. It all boiled down to the conclusion that regardless of their differences they were all fish at the end of the argument.

An ideology of acceptance that tiny scaled creatures could grasp but not the so-called dominant races inside the ever expanding universe.

Prejudice, sexism and discrimination would always exist in the breathable tank that Shepard lived in.

In the corner of her eye Shepard saw a figure slightly move near the coffee table.

Reacting quickly she pulled Jessie from underneath her bed and aimed her towards where she saw the figure move.

"Lights on!" she shouted causing the built in lights inside her cabin to bring the room to life without hesitation, giving Shepard a perfect view of the intruder.

The man held his hands up frantically and leaned his body back against the couch in a nervous manner.

"Joker?" Shepard voiced still training Jessie on the spooked out pilot on her leather couch.

"_Happy_ Joker if you stop pointing that rifle at me," he offered in high pitched tone.

Shepard's muscles relaxed and were no longer tense, training with people like Anderson in the Alliance gave her a new perspective on life. Take no chances. Hence why Jessie rested conveniently under her bed at night ready to fire at any given moment.

A short silence filled the cabin while Shepard lowered Jessie and placed the rifle in front of her on the bed.

Joker frowned as he finally overcome his mini-heart-attack. "You sleep with a rifle? _Really_ Shepard?"

Shepard gave an aggravated sigh. "What are you doing in my cabin?"

Joker lifted his arms to rest them on the back of the leather seats getting himself comfortable. It was a subtle hint that said he wasn't going to leave anytime soon.

"I was awake and EDI told me that you was in distress so I came in here to check up on you," the pilot answered carelessly like it was no big deal.

Shepard blinked at him. "What are you doing up at 2am?"

"Couldn't sleep." Again his voice gave nothing away. He was doing his best to put Shepard at ease and not make a big a deal of the situation then it was.

Shepard decided to accept his answer opting for the easy route.

She was wide awake, there was no way she could sleep now.

"Why didn't you wake me up if that is what you came in here for?"

Joker shook his head and muttered, "Jesus you are very suspicious this morning aren't you?"

Shepard ignored his attempt at lightening the situation and trained her stern face at him. "Joker I have just woken up to find that you have let yourself inside my cabin and have been watching me in my sleep."

It was a statement that she didn't feel she needed to explain. Shepard relied on his shared understanding so that she wouldn't have to go in depth of why that fact made her feel slightly on edge.

Joker groaned in retaliation. "Shepard it is just a friendly concern, I did attempt to wake you up but you starting swinging your arms around and I for one do not want a broken jaw."

Shepard smile apologetically as the pilot continued. "I decided to let you fight it out in the covers and just wait until your actions woke you up."

The commander rubbed her forehead. What a day this was going to be.

Her legs draped over the edge of the bed while she faced Joker.

She was wearing a plain-white tank top and some shorts. It wasn't exactly the best way of showing that you was an upstanding commander who could lead your team through hell and back and keep a good check on formality, oh no. However Joker was a very close friend, he was aware that she was indeed breakable and only human. She could let down her commander facade whenever she was around him.

"Joker I appreciate the thought but it's really nothing. Even commanders can have nightmares," she tried to joke.

Joker leaned foreword on his elbows and breathed in. "True. But not everyone starts screaming out their murderers name then starts to call out for their child when they have them," he countered being careful to not say Garrus' name. Joker wanted Shepard to relax instead of tensing up and forcing him out of the door.

He wasn't a psychiatrist, far from it. He felt really uncomfortable talking about feelings and emotions. This event was different however. Shepard was his closest friend and that is why he made the painful decision to head up to her cabin, to perhaps help her talk about what she went through.

The lifted weight may help her sleep easier at night. It was worth a try.

"Do...you wanna talk about it?" he asked hesitantly.

Shepard instantly shook head and let it hang. When she lifted it a few seconds later fresh tears had fallen from her eyes again.

"No...yes...I...no no..._fuck_," she muttered in shaky breaths. Shepard wiped her eyes roughly with her hand making them even more red.

Joker continued to wait patiently. If he felt awkward which Shepard was willing to bet that he was the pilot was not showing it.

"I...I think I do..." she decided finally, wincing at her words.

For some reason it felt like admitting defeat, letting someone know that she couldn't handle everything bottled up inside her. It was either she released the cap or the glass would begin cracking anyway.

Shepard stood up from her bed and retrieved a bottle of wine from her mini-fridge with two glasses in hand.

She strolled over to where Joker sat and seated herself on the parellel couch.

As she went to pour him a glass Joker swiftly lifted his hand up to stop her. "I better not Shepard, unless you want that whole bottle gone."

Shepard smiled weakly in response and went to pour the red wine into her glass. It wasn't exactly fair rubbing booze in Joker's face so to speak but she couldn't imagine telling him what exactly was going on inside her head without some liquid courage.

"I thought that killing Jack and Tali would be conscience free," Shepard admitted after gulping down some wine. "A part of me enjoys taking them out of the universe but then a part of me says that I am becoming exactly like them."

Joker leaned on his elbows and intertwined his fingers. "Shepard you are nothing like them-"

"Aren't I?" the commander interrupted. "I would even wager to say that I was worse."

She washed her sour words down with another rinse of red wine and bit her lip.

All she wanted was to feel numb for a few moments, to not experience the conflict of her emotions attacking one another for their rightful place.

Joker eyed Shepard cautiously before making an utterance. "Are you saying that you regret what you have done?"

The pilot did his best to not sound intimidating Shepard was allowed to feel whatever she wanted to feel regardless of how confused it had left Joker. On the other hand he did not want to sound sympathetic as if to silently agree that what she did was wrong.

He was in a dangerous territory, the kind that could make or break a friendship. Shepard was reasonable but everyone currently on the Normandy knew how her infamous 'Death List' was a touchy subject to bring up or question.

Never the less Joker prodded. Shepard had been there for him on many occasions. Sometimes she seemed to try and have a heart-to-heart with him but he usually just point blank told her that he wasn't entirely cool with the scenario or he would refuse to open up.

Then again Shepard wasn't entirely known for opening up and spreading around her feelings either. The only people she seemed to really confide in were Chakwas who was no longer here, Zaeed who now had responsibilities to his blood-daughter, Garrus and Tali who betrayed Shepard. He was all she really had left and he wasn't exactly the best person to go to.

Joker knew it, hell he was even willing to guess that Shepard was aware of the harsh fact too. Yet she had got up retrieved herself a bottle of courage and slightly began to let her shields down and spew out her guts.

"Jack suffered to her last breath, Tali's daughter saw her mother die...I feel sick, cruel and beyond redemption," Shepard answered absentmindedly in the most steady voice she could manage.

Joker's eyes widened over her confession and he shook his head. "Jheeze if you feel like this now then I don't know if I want to be around when you are finished with the rest of them."

His somewhat dark joke lightened the atmosphere for a slight second. Within that time frame a dull crease formed around Shepard's lips trying to bring out a smile, however a part of the commander was in a way awakened by his comment.

How would she feel when this was all over?

"To answer your question before, I believe the answer is no. I do not regret what I have done," Shepard answered distantly.

Without a doubt she felt like complete shit at the moment. Never had she killed out of revenge. Even when she had a chance to kill one of the scientists responsible for the thresher maw attack on her squad many years ago, her fingers refused to press down on the trigger even though she had nothing but hate and anger for the man.

The idea that she did not regret the women's deaths were true. No matter how down or sick she felt, Shepard would murder Jack and Tali all over again if she had to.

She wasn't recognisable anymore. Her hair was a different colour, her skin was paler than before and even her own morals and codes had changed.

It was having people like Joker around that helped her cling on to sanity with all her strength. As long as someone was there a part of her old self would always remain, that was the most she could be happy about.

"Believe it or not I think I understand what you mean," Joker replied.

He was perplexed at the idea that she felt guilty and had no regrets but he wasn't here to judge her. Joker was sure that she had judged her own actions one too many times.

Shepard solemnly sipped at her second glass of wine and did what she had been doing ever since she awakened from her coma: going into deep thought.

The pilot observed the scene before him and slowly stood up from his seat putting his hands in his pockets.

He walked over to Shepard so that he was standing in front of her on the couch.

"Sorry for busting into your room." He smiled a goofy grin while he bowed his head to look her in the eye.

Shepard met his gaze and stirred the wine with her finger. "Sorry for pointing Jessie at you," she whispered.

A weak smile appeared on her face, it was genuine however it still required a lot of effort on her side.

"Thanks for checking up on me Joker, I appreciate it," Shepard admitted in another defeated voice.

She felt like she was in such a vulnerable position something she didn't take kindly too. Yet Joker deserved the display, him of all people was able to understand how hard it was to express how you felt.

Joker intentionally kneeled down at a slow place in order to not cause himself any unnecessary pain.

He reached out without hesitation and stroked her cheek where a rebellious tear had fallen much to Shepard's dismay.

Their sleeped deprived faces filled with torment were a mere few inches apart.

Shepard could feel his rhythmic fresh breath cool down her heated lips while Joker felt her intakes of breath quicken and could smell the luxurious scent of strong red wine fleeing her mouth. To others the stench would be displeasing but for a recovering alcoholic who hadn't had the sweet taste of the chemical on his tongue for a few days it was heaven.

"You're welcome," he replied bashful yet proud of her thanks. It was never easy admitting that you are not okay. "I'm here if you need me."

The moment those words evacuated his mouth Shepard's lips were more than keen to move in.

With the force of the commander's alcohol induced desperation he barely had time to calculate what exactly was going on.

Before he could think rationally his lips returned he kiss eagerly.

They both closed their eyes while they relied on their bodies to act for once without their brain's permission.

Shepard cautiously placed her crystal wine glass on the table behind Joker, careful not to break the kiss as her now free hands acquainted themselves with Joker's hair.

He felt her skilled fingers run along his scalp the way she had done when she was with Garrus. Gently stroking the back of his fringe causing him to purr audibly in approval.

In Joker's particular case he had to suppress a moan and ran his hands down Shepard's back soothingly to grip her waist in return.

The commander banished whatever thought came to mind just letting herself enjoy the moment while it lasted.

The pilot was on his knees before her while his tongue gently pried her lips apart even more to meet her tongue.

The passion made the pair feel like they were on fire, both unhappily aware that it would soon be extinguished.

In an attempt to cling on to the pure bliss of relaxation and the caress of someone's tongue stroking her mouth, Shepard wrapped her bare legs around Joker's waist in order to pull them closer together, if that were even possible.

It surprised Joker that he was not focusing on the sweet taste of red wine cemented into her saliva. He was focused entirely on her, every suckle and bite she gave spurred him on to grip her tighter and make his kiss much more forceful.

Shepard savored every action he made acutely aware of the scenario was likely to end rather abruptly when one of them began thinking logically.

The were both tragic characters in her story of revenge, and they both needed this. To feel wanted, to feel like someone was there.

Every so often a tear escaped her eyes again in which Joker dealt with by licking the damp trail on her cheek lightly.

She moaned pathetically when he did so and that was enough for Joker to turn his attention back onto her sweet lips and make her feel alive again.

This was not what Joker had in mind when he came up to Shepard's cabin. Him on his knees before her exploring her mouth with affection while she returned his every move and wrapped her thighs securely around him.

Shepard pressed herself against him gently and repetitively so that she was grinding against him in a slow deliberate rhythm.

The sensation was a ocean of ecstasy causing him to feverishly moan into her slick mouth.

But as Joker suddenly began to feel his pants become uncomfortably tight and begging for Shepard's gracious warmth that was guarded by a mere pair of cotton shorts, that was when he began to realise just how deep the two of them were getting into this rabbit-hole of consequences.

Shepard felt Joker's erection pressed against which caused her internal muscles to throb even more in anticipation.

She needed this, they both needed this.

All she asked were for a few moments away from the bombarding thoughts of Garrus shooting her and cruel nightmares.

_A few moments just for us._

As Garrus' sentence entered her mind she froze in her movements all together queing Joker to pull away with caution and meet her gaze nervously.

Shepard's biggest desire was to see Garrus no longer breathing yet her heart remained his.

The thought sickened her, but it didn't stop it from being true.

She would find Garrus, and she would kill him. The fact that Shepard still cared for him deeply did nothing to change her stance.

Shepard looked into Joker's eyes that were painfully awaiting her rejection. He looked lost just like her and did what he had done for the same reasons she had.

Joker was he closest friend, nothing more. Neither of them loved one another, yet they both wanted to be loved even if it was only for a few minutes.

The firm legs that were securely wrapped around him broke their hold and loosely fell to his sides.

The given situation was awkward considering that they were still both holding onto one another, still both obviously aching for release and it was silence that decided to enter the equation of all things.

"Joker," Shepard spoke up hoarsely. "We haven't thought this through have we?"

Her words were intended to be sweet but they came out as a seductive teasing whisper.

The pilot had to regain his self control back and tell himself that his brain was focusing now, not his body that was getting more agitated by the minute.

Worried what words might leave his mouth that had only just lost contact with her soft lips Joker concluded that a shake of his head was the most appropriate answer.

Shepard sighed and stroked his hair with her hand that had remained on his scalp the entire time.

"What made you kiss me back?" she asked. Her tone wasn't accusing at all. It was innocent in order to put Joker at ease.

Joker's lips quirvered and parted numerous times before he gave up and just said the truth.

"I don't know...why did you kiss me?" he retorted curious as to her answer.

Shepard goofily smiled at him and opted to tell him the truth also.

"I don't know."

The commander leaned forward and rested her forehead on Joker's contently while they continued to hold one another.

"I think I should go..." Joker muttered preparing himself to release her before her grip tightened on him.

"Wait," Shepard pleaded.

Joker stopped with his movements and gave Shepard his full attention. He wanted nothing more right now than to just take a cold shower, have a beer and go to sleep. It had been a very long night.

"Joker stay with me tonight. I don't mean sex or anything like that, I just want you to...to..."

Her eyes began to glaze over yet again. Joker wasn't about to let her feel embarrassed about crying so he released her waist and skillfully rubbed the tips of his thumbs on her eyelids as a sign of acceptance.

Shepard didn't have to feel ashamed around him.

"What do you want me to do?" Joker asked calmly in order to give her the confidence to finish her sentence.

Her body tensed momentarily. "Hold me...in my sleep. I don't want to be alone if I have another nightmare."

Joker smiled at her adorably and pulled her in for a meaningful hug which they both relished in.

They were not _in_ love with one another but they did love each other and that bond is what made them strong and able to overcome anything thrown at them.

"I would love to be your teddy-bear Shepard."

Her felt her shake slightly as she laughed in his arms. As Shepard gently pulled away she leaned into his ear.

"Thank you," she murmured before placing a tender kiss onto his spiky cheek that hadn't been shaved yet.

Shepard stood up from the couch and offered her hand to Joker who was still knelt down but now facing her never regions awkwardly.

He accepted her hand and stumbled to his feet in the most suave fashion he could manage.

They stared at one another in anticipation.

"Shepard do you mind if I take a quick shower before I hop in there with you?"

Shepard gave him a quizzical look before she looked down and saw his manhood at full attention.

She felt kind of bad for getting him worked up, but he had done the same to her. They both knew that it was the right thing to stop what they were doing.

"Of course you can." Shepard smiled as he nodded an embarrassed thanks.

He power-walked to her bathroom up the three steps while Shepard lazily walked over to her bed and pinned herself onto it with a grunt escaping her.

The commander refused to let herself get comfortable until Joker joined her which was about ten minutes later.

He had patted himself dry and slung on his jogging bottoms and black t-shirt that he had been wearing when she found him his quarters on the couch earlier.

Neither of them said a word as she patted the left side of the bed that Garrus used to occupy and eagerly waited for him to peel back the covers and enter the comfort zone.

Joker rubbed his back up against the headboard and slowly let himself sink into the bed so that his head rested onto the plush pillow beneath him.

Shepard watched him the entire time with a smile as she sat up using her left arm to support her weight.

Joker tilted his head to her and stretched his arm out signalling for Shepard to make herself comfortable at his side.

Understanding the gesture completely, Shepard scooted towards the pilot and laid onto her side which left her pressed up against his chest.

She rested her arm across his torso that gently moved with each inhale and exhale.

He secured Shepard to him with his arm and pulled her in tightly by the waist.

They both enjoyed the brief moment of snuggling against one another, to feel the warmth that emitted from their pressing bodies.

Shepard had forgotten what it felt like to be held by a human. It felt strange and ridiculously alien because she was so used to Garrus' rough yet accepting plates rubbing against her in the night.

For the first time in a while Shepard could feel herself drifting off instead of laying on her bed wide awake begging for sleep to just take her away from her pending thoughts.

Feeling Shepard becoming more limp in his arms by the second Joker grinned and delicately tucked a strand of her hair out of her face and placed it behind her ear.

She had been through so much, things that other people would not mentally be able to handle.

At that very moment she looked at ease and peaceful, like all the weight of command and all the stress of betrayal had been lifted from her with one affectionate hold.

"Goodnight Shepard."


	3. You Killed Life

**A/N: **My eyes are blood-shot, my box of fags are empty, all the pepsi-max is gone and I need sleep. Andraste's tits I never want to write a chapter that fast again, I think I have writer's whiplash. But on a much happier note...it was those positive reviews, favorites and story alerts that motivated me to get this done as soon as possible. Not just that but when I got started I couldn't stop thinking about it. Every bloody time I tried to play L.A Noire I had to pause it and quickly type something else that sprang to mind. I have read over it twice and my eyes KILL!..._Bill? _Argh it's too late to be cracking crappy jokes Sami now go to your room! I have no sanity left, none what so ever. Oh yay! I will begin writing the next chapter tomorrow, but Sam you have maths revision you don't want to fail again! Surely you cannot be serious? I am, and don't call me Shirley :O In the name of Udina's douchebagness 'THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!' Nevertheless by kingdom come thy will be done. If there are some grammatical errors in that chunk of writing then let me know and it shall be dealt with, _fatally!_

_"Once upon a time, a woman was picking up firewood. She came upon a poisonous snake frozen in the snow. She took the snake home and nursed it back to health. One day the snake bit her on the cheek. As she lay dying, she asked the snake, "Why have you done this to me?" And the snake answered, "Look, bitch, you knew I was a snake." - Old Indian, Natural Born Killers._

I do not own Kill Bill or Mass Effect, they belong to their rightful owners...which is not me...unfortunately (That rhymed.)

* * *

><p>"She killed <em>Tali<em>?"

"And the biotic you met at the chapel," Garrus added to his dismay.

He had went against Miranda's advice of laying low and he wasn't confident about talking to his contacts over the extranet anymore. As far as he was concerned there was no such thing as a secure channel.

So he met who wanted to speak to in person regardless of how much Tuchanka was up there on his list of the the last places he wanted to be in the universe.

The krogan before him stared at the turian and pondered his words. Death was a usual occurrence on Tuchanka. Fearsome krogan would fight till their last breath before giving up on what they believed in and were known for holding heavy grudges.

Shepard in this case was no different.

"She always was too stubborn to just die wasn't she?" the krogan asked though it sounded more like a statement than a question.

Garrus sighed and rubbed his fringe absentmindedly, that one doubt always did float around in his mind when he had shot her.

"Wrex I came here to warn you," the turian voiced grabbing the distant krogan's attention instantly.

"About _Shepard_?" Wrex answered in a mocking tone.

Garrus ignored the krogan's inability to grasp the seriousness of the situation. "You've seen what she has done already, I have no doubt that she will come for you."

Wrex leaned back on the solid concrete chair and eyed the turian. It had taken a lot of pull on his part to actually get Vakarian planet-side. Neither one of his people were too keen on the idea of having a turian waltzing around the place.

The battle-worn krogan was expecting a full emasculation from the other clan leaders for it. He would just have to shoot them in the kneecaps to make them remember who ran things around here, who let them have the right to live in a rebuilding society as opposed to wondering the wastes like dim scavengers.

"Is this a friendly concern Vakarian?"

Garrus gave a short chuckle. The two of them rarely did get along back on the SR1, but that didn't stop Shepard from taking them both on every mission. The turian had been by the prick of a krogan's side in the battle against Saren.

When it came to skill they were the perfect combat duo. Garrus had his six while Wrex charged ahead.

Shepard was a good leader. It was just a shame she couldn't carry that title on.

"Of course Wrex, it would break my heart if something was to happen to you," Garrus responded sarcastically with a raise of a plated brow.

Wrex leaned forward. "Don't _push_ me Vakarian, I wouldn't lose sleep over my men putting a bullet in you," he retorted as a playful warning. He half meant what he had said and half didn't.

"Touche Wrex." The turian clasped his hands behind his back and cleared his throat. "If Shepard kills you then that is a big blow for us against the Reapers..."

Garrus looked around the concrete buildings that were practically piles of rubble and were falling apart. "Let's be honest here, your people would not be able to civilly get together and find a new leader to guide them. There would be wars and heavy loses."

Wrex gripped the beige lump of rock that he sat on. To krogans it was considered a throne. To him it was just another piece rubble that made him seem higher than the rest of the people in his aggressive race.

"I am not one to let guilt plague me Vakarian..." he began in an intimadating tone.

The turian thought he was so damn smart, when Wrex was sure he could smell uncertainty on his plates perhaps even a touch of fear.

The krogan stood up from his seat and walked straight past Vakarian who was beginning too look impatient.

Turians weren't exactly known for their ability to sit tight, just look at the first contact war for proof. Then again Wrex's people weren't ones for standing on the wall waiting to get picked either, they liked to control the pitch.

Wrex stood on the edge of the rock that he considered to be his space, the place where his people could come and inform him of news and on a daily basis and penalize his decisions.

Tuchanka was a shit-hole, but it was a rebuilding shit-hole. Every planet had their flaws, his planet just didn't cover it up with needless monuments and bureaucracy.

He kept his gaze on the setting sun, not bothering to give Vakarian any attention. He could wait. Here his rank meant nothing.

"That woman deserves her revenge...and _we_ deserve to do die," Wrex whispered into the stale air.

Garrus stood behind the red krogan with slack jawed mandibles. This wasn't exactly the best time for Wrex to start becoming sentimental.

"Wrex I know we have never seen eye to eye," Garrus declared walking over to where the krogan stood lost in his own thoughts. "But you need to understand that Shepard will find you and she will kill you if you do not do something about it."

Everything the blue tattooed turian said was true. Wrex honestly believed Shepard metaphorically had a heart of a krogan. But he had values, he never walked away from a fight and he was certain that Garrus already knew that. The man was just wasting his breath.

"If Shepard wants to come here and fight me then I say let her, and if the Reapers want to join in then I guess that'll make things a hell of a lot more interesting."

Wrex meant every word that left his scarred lips. In actual fact he was looking forward to facing Shepard, he could feel his blood boil and pump in anticipation. He wanted to feel the rush of battle again.

It had been years since he had faced someone that was worthy in a fight. Who better than the infamous Shepard?

Garrus' jaw moved to speak only to find that no words would exit his throat. You could not talk a krogan out of fight no matter how illogical it was.

He would need to hastily sort out some kind of back up plan just in case his fears did come true.

Shepard alone was just about the right kind of challenge for Wrex but Shepard with a thirst for blood and a team at her disposal unbalanced the odds.

With a click of his feet Garrus turned to walk away finally able to be rid of Tuchanka. He had said his piece, it was up to Wrex to decide what he planned on doing with the information handed to him.

"Vakarian?" Wrex called out halting the commander without a ship in his tracks.

Neither of the men looked at each-other, both frozen and facing opposite directions.

"How do you feel about Shepard awakening from that coma of hers?"

That peaked Garrus' full attention. He spun round to find that Wrex had done the same and had a genuinely curious glint in his red eyes.

"Shepard is out to pick us off one by one how do you think I feel?" Garrus answered dismissively trying to put the krogan off by answering his question with another question.

Unfortunately for the turian Wrex wasn't like most krogan. He had actually left Tuckanka soil the moment he was able to and became quite knowledgable after encountering all types of situations and species in the vast expanse of space.

He guessed that the reason why so many people did not pick up on the fact was because his krogan instincts told him to let his rage guide him, not his brain. It had worked well for him so far.

"Didn't you guys have a thing once?" he pressed hoping to get a rise out of the uptight turian.

According to Wrex, Vakarian was just one of those guys that you couldn't work out. You never knew were you stood with him. It wasn't exactly a particular trait that he was a fan of.

Garrus' eyes drilled into Wrex's large frame in an intimidating gesture and bared his teeth, something which turians tended to do when they were pissed off with someone. It was a warning to the unlucky son of a bitch who had managed to provoke their bad mood.

"It was more than a _thing_," Garrus growled using whatever self control he had left to stop him from attacking the entertained krogan.

At any moment Garrus could readily pounce the bigheaded krogan. However he guessed that he would only attract a group of young krogans with hardcore mood-swings ready to defend their clan leader. He also concluded that Wrex was aware of that fact too._ Bastard._

The display of a turian tensed up, teeth barred and growling was something that would be more than enough to tell the unfortunate victim it was aimed at to back down.

But not Wrex. In fact he was amused that he had even managed to provoke the laid-back turian.

He shot back a twisted grin towards Garrus feeling splash of smugness over getting him to lose a bit of self control. Then his face became one of seriousness again.

The krogan was more than intrigued as to what Garrus' game was, being able to get him that worked up was just a bonus.

"I can understand the appeal of a woman such as Shepard, she's different from most humans. But if what you both had ran deeper then what I thought...you really are a pathetic excuse of a turian you know that?" Wrex said emphasizing his point by looking Garrus up and down with disgust.

"So I have been told on many occasions," Garrus joked darkly. He couldn't help trying to lighten up the grim conversation, but it didn't mean the statement wasn't true. He himself didn't believe that he was a good example of a turian at all.

Wrex walked over to his status fueled chair and slumped down against it, observing Garrus before him with a dark look that eased away gently as the seconds passed by.

"You know Vakarian I don't blame you for what you did to Shepard, hell I even tried to do that to someone close to me," Wrex confessed still maintaining his tough exterior to Garrus' surprise.

Garrus remained silent gesturing for Wrex to continue.

"Her name was Aleena, she was an asari commando. I was sent to kill her and I didn't hesitate. You can't afford to let your emotions overrule you when you know that person must die. I couldn't respectively call myself a krogan if I did," Wrex explained getting lost in old memories.

"Before I could get to her, the station we were on was about to blow to hell, so I had to make a quick escape-"

"I'm sorry Wrex but what is there point to this story of yours?" Garrus rudely interrupted.

The turian came here to give the stubborn prick a message. One that he refused to acknowledge or do anything about. He didn't have time for a long rant.

Wrex grunted in aggravation. "My point _you impatient bastard_ is that when I escaped on the shuttle a part of me didn't feel right knowing that I let her die in that explosion. It just felt wrong, and it went against every fibre in my body. Not a minute later she sends me a message saying 'Better luck time' and that feeling of guilt and disgust, something which we krogans are not familiar with, disappeared."

Garrus shook his head. He was grateful for once that Wrex was willing to converse rather than let his shotgun do the talking however the turian was still pissed off from earlier.

"The situations are not the same," Garrus voiced confidently regardless of how much weight and relevance Wrex's words carried.

The krogan grinned yet again and adjusted his position so that he was leaning on his elbows on the edge of his seat in a intellectual manner.

"Aren't they?" he stabbed back. "Tell me, what made you stop that Cerberus woman from killing Shepard back at the hospital?"

From the way Garrus's eyes widened Wrex could tell that he had hit yet another nerve.

"I have morals Wrex, and killing someone when they are sleeping is a cowardly thing to do," Garrus explained as a matter of fact.

Wrex shook his head. The turian had matured over the years he would give him that.

When they had first met Vakarian was a naive kid hellbent on bringing people to justice. As time went on he began to learn that not everything was as black and white as he made it out to be.

"So you're telling me it was morals that made you prevent her certain death, not guilt?"

Garrus swallowed a golfball of a lump in his throat hoping that Wrex did not notice it. He pondered on answering Wrex's question but opted to not give the damn krogan the satisfaction.

"I don't have to answer to you Wrex," Garrus stated causing the krogan to shoot him a deadly glare.

The turian slowly began to walk away, carrying the heavy weight of the conversation with him.

"I hope for the sake of our fight against the Reapers that you do something about Shepard other than waiting for her to turn up," Garrus called out as his way of a farewell.

Wrex watched Vakarian make his way up the chipped steps of the building to his left and dissapear from his line of sight.

He wasn't sure what made him feel more on edge. The amount of whiny krogans he would have to deal with regarding Garrus' presence or the fact that Shepard rightfully wanted to spill his blood all over Tuchanka's soil.

He gave a tired sigh. "Fucking turians."


	4. Inkblots

**A/N: **Believe me when I say that I have been busy with the real world! I have only just finished my A level exams and everything has just been so hectic. I apologize for leaving you guys without a chapter for so long. Exams (Done) L.A Noire (Unfortunately done) Mass effect 3 (Delayed till the fucking 6th of MARCH 2012!) and last but not least I have a weekend ahead of me. So I am thinking that the next chapter will be up soon, I must admit I am actually looking forward to writing it, but then again there is the pressure of making it good hmmm...Me no no. With the torturous release date of Mass Effect 3 I am trying to be optimistic and tell myself 'Sam you have more time to get this fanfiction finished!' and I'm sitting here like '_The fuck_ I want Garrus, I want to stick my finger up to the council! I wanna be chased by a Reaper!' *Initiate slap* :O This chapter is shorter than I wanted it to be but I promise that the next one is going to be long and_ confrontational. _Review if the mood takes you, that way I can better myself :) Oh shit I almost forgot! **SPOILER ALERT: **This chapter has some spoilers for the Arrival dlc.

_'I heard a joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life is harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world. Doctor says, "Treatment is simple. The great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says, "But doctor... I am Pagliacci." Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains.' - Rorschach, Watchmen._

I do **Not** own Kill Bill or Mass Effect I am simply borrowing their ideas like the thieves guild member that I am :)

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><p>If Shepard was asked why she was finally able to have perhaps not a decent night sleep but an undisturbed sleep, she wasn't quite sure if she would actually be able to answer.<p>

Many factors contributed to her sleepy dreamless state.

For starters she had already awoke from a horrific nightmare in the morning's peak, what were the chances that a possibly higher power opted for her to experience another one?

Then when she had gotten over the sudden adrenaline of waking up to the sound of herself frantically screaming she'd had two glasses of red wine...well, three glasses. Shepard could still taste a touch of the fruity yet bland alcoholic liquid on her tender taste-buds.

Shepard always did have the unpopular opinion of finding red wine displeasing and quite frankly gag-worthy.

However last night she had needed it what with alcohol being her last resort and all.

But all avoiding the truth aside, the main factor that provoked her blissful slumber was the stubbled man who she snuggled against under the covers contently.

Joker's smooth skin was warm yet it didn't emit heat like Garrus' plates had done to the point where he would be the only blanket Shepard would need in the night.

The pilot's arm draped around Shepard's waist and she could feel his five-fingered hands resting limply on her stomach.

Garrus being a big fan of Shepard's supportive waist used to love stroking it, touching it. Every night the turian would lay on his side and pull Shepard close to him so that her back met his plated chest.

The former commander remembered the feeling of security, something she was rarely given by anyone. Of course Garrus and Shepard's story reached a landslide, you could not have a relationship that dared not to be grasped by the claws of cliche.

The stubborn pair were just too tragic of characters to be given a 'happy life' that had no consequences for bad and hasty decisions.

Joker grunted softly in his sleep as he seemed to sink into the bed even further with a slight shuffle of his now relaxed body.

Unlike Garrus in every physical way, Joker did share one unique and essential resemblance.

Shepard lazily concluded why she'd had an undisturbed sleep while she gently let her hand run down his chest that steadily rose and fell.

It was all in the way he breathed. Such a small task that put Shepard at ease until she needed to face the universe again.

She remembered how Garrus used to softly exhale down her neck while he slept against her yielding body. The feeling left her with tiny goosebumps and reminded her that she wasn't alone.

It felt familiar and comforting to hear Joker breathe, the moment was made even more relaxing when Shepard silently observed his expanding chest.

Greed and sloth existed everywhere in the universe. Wanting more of something when you don't need it, taking more of something just because you like it.

Nobody was content with what they had. 'More' would always enter the equation.

Breathing was the one thing that superior and inferior beings alike did not abuse.

It could be argued that as living creatures being a part of the mystifying universe we hardly ever notice when we breathe. That does not mean that the act is taken for granted.

Joker continued to inhale and exhale rhythmically. He took in oxygen but only the amount he needed, nothing more nothing less.

No matter what the act be it sleeping, exercising, making love or releasing a sigh of stress, everyone just took the air that was required for the particular situation.

It is unlike someone to sit there and suck in deep gulfs of air because he is aware that it helps him live and the amount he is getting isn't satisfying enough.

The thought of something as simple as breathing symbolising at least an ounce of good in every sentinet was a hopeful thought.

But it was what put things into perpective for Shepard. When boiled down to the core everyone was the same in many aspects.

That was why Shepard thought nothing of the fact that Garrus was a turian, the same way it never bothered Shepard that Joker had Vrolick's Syndrome.

"Shepard I know I'm sexy and all but do you have to stare at me when I'm sleeping?" Joker murmured in a groggy tone that Shepard was not accustomed to.

Shepard's startled gaze met Joker's closed eyelids as he attempted to fall back into a light slumber.

Her lips parted to speak only to falter when she suddenly heard a whispering snore leave his mouth.

She smiled at the peaceful scene of Joker retreated into a blissful cycle of relaxation and dreams.

Deciding on the spot that she would let him rest Shepard carefully unravelled herself from his limp grip and crept out of the comfort of her double-bed. EDI could continue piloting the ship until he was good and ready to be back in the cockpit.

Shepard let herself take in another glance at a sleeping Joker happily logging the image inside her memory before quietly making her way up the stairs towards her computer.

It was around 7am galactic time but she highly doubted that anyone on board the ship would take note of protocol and begin work at their stations.

The fish tank again was the only light within the cabin, Shepard didn't really feel like switching the lights on when she was enjoying the azure hue so much.

She lazily plopped onto the leather seat in front of her computer and brought the piece of technology to life.

It responded with a low healthy hum and flickered a deep orange at its revival.

Shepard was more than curious to see if Garrus had left any intel behind. It wasn't that she considered the turian to be stupid enough to leave a trail but then again she was sure that he wasn't expecting her to steal the ship back.

With her omni-tool at the ready Shepard awaited the torturous amount of firewalls she would have to pass in order to access her documents.

Every commander was expected to secure their files and reports with no exceptions.

By doing so not only was a high level of security maintained but it also meant that the commanders could actually have an ounce of privacy.

It took around seven minutes to hack into the now decrypted files. Shepard predicted that if Tali were to try and take a shot at hacking the system, she would not have broke a sweat.

Vividly remembering that Tali had admitted to hacking her computer back on the Flottila, Shepard inwardly grimaced.

The quarian had invaded Shepard's privacy out of genuine concern of her whereabouts only to find out how Shepard had damned her people for selfish reasons.

That one moment was what had caused Tali's overwhelming anger, it was what had driven her over the edge to do something so cruel to the woman she had once called a friend.

Shepard shuddered the thought of the quarian away as Ch'tatai entered her mind. There was no going back now. Tali deserved her fate, there was nothing more to it.

Mission reports from way back were still present on the system. Garrus did not delete them for some reason.

Refusing to analyze the thought any further Shepard began scrolling up to more recent reports until the majority of them were no longer signed under commander Shepard but commander Vakarian.

She held her breath for three seconds then slowly exhaled mentally preparing herself as she opened up a report that was summarized under the title, 'Balak System Incident.'

As the text appeared in front of her she could see, even feel Garrus typing it. They had always had a strong connection, something that was making every step forward all the more harder.

_Three talons dance along the touch-pad, their usual enthusiasm replaced with hesitance. "I write this with the deepest regret. All I can say is that I had to make a decision. Let the Reapers arrive or kill a few to save many."_

_Garrus writes with a voice yet at that particular moment his voice is muted by the bile building up in his throat. "According to the estimates three-hundred thousand batarians died when the relay exploded."_

_Another deep breath of courage then on with the details. "I did my best to evacuate the batarians from the system but my kidnappers managed to hold me hostage for exactly two days. I believe Dr Kenson's actions were due to the fact that she was indoctrinated by the Reaper artifact her team had uncovered."_

_The turian straightens his posture slightly before continuing the dreaded report. "I did everything in my power to evacuate the batarians. I do not like having the thought of people's deaths being pinned on me."_

_His mind races back to to his team on Omega, they all died under his command, every single one of them. All except Sidonis the root of the betrayal, speaking of betrayal Shepard slithered into his mind which was already pounding over the gravity of what he had got himself into._

_He would prefer it if it was Shepard that had remained commander, that way he would have never have been forced to make that kind of decision back at Dr. Kenson's base._

_But Shepard was gone. He had to keep reminding himself of that fact. Another death on his hands that he had difficulty acknowledging. When did things ever become this complicated? When did he find himself residing in Shepard's quarters alone with his thoughts and fish for company?_

_Garrus knew that Admiral Hackett would want answers. The situation was dire. The turian had tried returning back to the Reaper threat when he put a bullet in Shepard as a way of taking his mind off things. Yet everything just got harder and suffocating by the second._

_"If it pleases the board I will go to trial after dealing with a few more relays that I believe are being used as gateways for the Reapers. I would appreciate it if they could be shut down in a humanly fashion as opposed to what I had to do back in the Balak System. Hopefully my trial will highlight the danger of the Reapers so that more will be done to destroy them besides merely postponing them."_

Shepard numbly read the report again and again and again.

It was hard to imagine Garrus broken, especially when she wanted nothing more than to break him in half.

She didn't bother reading the extranet news that she had opened up swiftly after reading his report for the fourth time.

All they did was repeat the facts with no emotion and only served as evidence of what Garrus had done during her four year coma.

How does one carry the weight of so much death on their shoulders? Shepard had her fair share of moral decisions within the past, those life-changing moments were something she would never wish on anybody.

You either had the courage and stability to make a hard decision or you didn't. Garrus had no choice in his particular case.

Her mind momentarily pondered the thought of whether or not Garrus had felt that he had no choice when he decided to put a bullet in her.

Was it the only outlet he was willing to live with? The only option he felt he had left?

Shepard shuffled uncomfortably in her seat. No. Everybody has a choice. Even if you feel one decision is more weighted than the other there is always a damn choice.

Garrus chose to shoot her. He chose to not let her go.

His punishment? To fill her role as commander and learn why she wasn't hellbent on being the council's bitch any longer.

Some called it selfishness. The turian certainly thought that. The others definitely thought that. Shepard had half a mind to agree with them.

But she was fighting for something more than the galaxy. She was fighting for her son with all the strength she had. It was something that nobody could understand unless they were placed in her position.

If that made her selfish then she was more than willing to accept the trait with her head held high.

Behind the calvary of starship replicas Shepard could make out Joker sitting up on the bed gently letting out a muted yawn.

He met her eyes skillfully from across the room. His stubble looked much darker than before and his eyes were still adjusting to his awakening.

"Why didn't you wake me?" he asked letting out another strained yawn.

Shepard smiled and began closing all the documents on her computer in a utterly careless manner. She didn't want to bother Joker with the bundles of information she had learned.

Rationalisation kicked in slightly and warned Shepard to be prepared for the fact that Joker may have already known about the incident.

It seemed rather likely that if Joker had caught wind of the mass relay destroying the Balak System all over the extranet in her absence, then he would have probably kept the information to himself. The pilot was the meddling type but he knew when to keep quiet about things he wasn't one-hundred percent sure about.

"You seemed peaceful," Shepard explained mockingly before adding a serious chord to her tone. "Besides you looked like you needed some sleep..."

Shepard gave Joker another once over from her desk and shot him a sympathetic smile. "...You _still_ look like you could use a few more hours."

Joker shook his head before forcing himself to his feet. "As much as I would love to curl back into that bed I'm afraid that I have a job to do," he chuckled sleepily.

The commander's fingers lightly trailed the touch-pad as she continued her mission to be rid of everything she had looked up. She kept a cautious view of Joker in her peripheral vision and watched him lazily stroll up the steps towards her.

He regarded her with a light rub on her left shoulder as her computer thankfully came up fresh and blank from her ventures.

"I'll be in the cockpit if you need me. God knows what has happened with EDI manhandling my baby."

Joker exaggerated a look of dawning realization and made his was towards the door in a timely exit.

They would talk about last night in more depth when they were both ready. Neither of them felt the need to ruin the atmosphere at the moment.

"Joker!" Shepard called out from her desk stopping the stubbled man in his tracks. "You never did tell me why you don't wear your cap anymore..."

She awaited the pilot's response as he smiled and shivered at the thought of being back at Zaeed's place on Omega.

The memory still made him want to flinch whenever the mercenary was present.

Pushing the thought of having a gun shoved to his face aside Joker slightly turned his head and gave Shepard a simple answer.

"Check the draw next to your bed," he vaguely responded as he unsealed her door and happily made his way to the welcoming elevator.

The words ate away at Shepard's unhealthy curiosity forcing her to leave the confines of her desk and approach her rustled bed not even a minute after Joker's departure.

Plumping down on the soft mattress Shepard fumbled through her bedside cabinet that supported her ancient dog-tags for the very first time since stealing the Normandy back.

She deliberately began from the draws at the bottom and worked her way up savoring the ever-growing tension.

Reaching the top draw it didn't take an intelligent being to find an SR2 cap contently resting upon her other belongings.

Unable to process what feelings should be washing over her in that exact moment Shepard analysed the hat even further.

The black and white cap was in perfect condition after four years bursting with sentimental value. As she twisted the piece of clothing delicately within her hands Shepard noticed a scribble written inside Joker's lucky charm.

_"To Shepard, you will probably never read this, but it just felt right to leave you something before I pack my bags for Earth. Wherever you are right now, just know that it has been an honor serving with you. The galaxy is at a loss. From (you've probably guessed it) Joker."_

Shepard's grip tightened around the cap as if she was clutching onto the ledge of the Normandy again back at her escape from the collector base.

Joker had not forgotten about her when she disappeared and had left her something of his as a symbol of respect and hope that she was alive and would someday return back to where she belonged.

The act was also a symbolic way of letting go of his life on board the Normandy four years ago and of half accepting the fact that Shepard would possibly never return.

The feeling within the pit of Shepard's stomach was indescribable, almost alien. It was guilt and appreciation slaughtering one another to become king of the hill.

Shepard gently slid the cap onto her black cropped hair that held that unique 'just got out of bed' look and fell back onto the space of the messy bed.

Her glassy eyes focused on the stars above her through the transparent window in the ceiling. It wouldn't be long until Joker would reach the relay that would take her crew and herself to Tuchanka.

For now her thoughts were steady instead of vastly expanding like the void of space above her.

The simple gesture of leaving everything you loved about yourself, your past, your identity to someone was a gift that could outweigh a prothean artifact on the scale of value.

The commander and the pilot were reunited, both as completely different people. Yet it was their friendship that brought out who they really were inside.

As long as they had each-others backs those sparkling fuses of their old selves that would never die out.


	5. Bloody Shepard

**A/N: **I lost all my limbs trying to save a school that was burning down that, is why this has taken so long. Okay that was lie. I am really sorry for the wait, forgive me. I've had exams, friends bugging me to go out and live :'( Oh and I may have got Assassins Creed Brotherhood back, so I have been preoccupied. Apart from that I have been working on fan songs, tumblring, dosing up on caffiene pills because I don't have the energy anymore and all that jazz. If you do not understand the first bit of this chapter then do not worry all will be explained in due time. If you are still sticking with then thank you, you're awesome and quite patient :)

_"When Pontius comes to kill the king upon his throne, I'm ready for their stones." - Lady Gaga_

I do not own Mass Effect or Kill Bill M'kay?

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><p>Phobias are interesting concepts. They trigger the most undignified reactions out of people.<p>

Some phobias start from fear of clowns to fears of death. The cases vary. However depending on the phobia you have no matter how many times somebody tells you how ridiculous it is, it never stops you from freaking out.

It is argued that there are beings in the universe that do not have a phobia of anything. It can then be further argued that they just haven't discovered what they fear yet.

Commander Shepard, a fearless and brutal warrior when it comes to battle. Her prowlness under gunfire leaving spectators in awe, that's before she puts a bullet in them of course.

You had to be insane or very comfortable with your beliefs to stare death in the face.

It went without saying that Shepard was utterly frightened like many would be when she became wounded or the odds were against her.

Adrenaline was a feeling that she loved and embraced for it prevented her from showing any signs of weakness. Her straight and determined expression when faced with death was what brought people to admire and respect her leadership. Shepard was the kind of woman that you would want to follow to hell and back, the kind of woman that you believed in.

One would not dare to suggest that she had a phobia, assuring themselves that her hardened exterior could laugh fear in the face and walk away unscathed.

Shepard let out a hoarse cry and continued to hyperventilate. This was not the first time in her life where she was completely terrified.

Taking a bullet to the head was as easy as taking a piss. Everything was over in a flash. What hurt her the most that day in the bloodstained chapel was the betrayal and the look of pain in Garrus' crystal blue eyes.

Admittedly she was thankful for that outlet in an indescribably pathetic way. Yes, she was beaten to a pulp but she had been given the merciful route, well what Garrus had considered to be the merciful route at the time.

As Shepard banged her bruising head back against the cold metal that rudely greeted her she was reminded of the first time she died.

She remembered clinging onto hope as she was blasted out into space, always the optimist. That was until she felt her oxygen become thinner and harder to suck in while a white deceitful gas exited the tank on her back.

Panic set in like an incoming avalanche. Her death was slow and incredibly painful. It took forever to lose consciousness and she endured the toll of frantically trying to put a stop to her pending fate. After that came acceptance, the acknowledge that she was indeed going to suffocate.

Taking in three more thin mouthfuls of air Shepard waited for what felt like hours for darkness to take over. Her mouth involuntarily opened up to take in more oxygen when her brain told her on instinct that she needed more.

The scenario of breathing in only to receive no oxygen at all is cruel and unexpected. There is no way to mentally prepare yourself for the wrenching pain and tightness within your lungs.

Before her body shut down Shepard had to endure the tingling feeling of every cell in her body slow down which left her paralytic. Where her tormented frame could not move it was made up for by that fact that the dying commander could feel everything to the smallest detail.

That experience had left Shepard with vivid nightmares where she would wake up gasping for air. More importantly her death had made her regretfully claustrophobic.

She concluded that it was because of how a tight space reminded her of the loss of air and not being able to move her limbs freely made her feel helpless and paralytic all over again. It was a phobia that she had kept to herself, something that she was able to tackle given the right situation and adrenaline.

But not now.

The metallic crate that she was trapped in was sealed inside an airlock just waiting to release its contents at the given moment. Seconds turned into minutes as her frantic mind concluded that Miranda was enjoying the intensity of the moment.

This was not how it suppose to end, this was not how it was going to end. Her mind raced for a courageous escape plan and returned empty handed. Shepard had never felt more helpless.

A voice cracked through the intercom that was stationed throughout the hostile ship she had been dragged onto in the first place.

_"Vakarian was foolish when he chose not to kill you for good,"_ Lawsons crackled voice hissed through the intercom. _"I won't make the same mistake."_

Shepard struggled against her restraints inside the cramped crate refusing to give up that easily. This could not be happening, not this of all things.

Her screams although muffled were so fierce that that they could be heard from outside the airlock only fueling Miranda's bloodlust.

_"Keep that up and you won't have enough oxygen to last you more than twenty minutes,"_ she warned.

The commander could not hear a smirk on the bitch's lips as the she spoke. She was speaking as a matter of fact. Shepard had to preserve her air if she had any chance of getting through this, Miranda knew that fact all too well.

Throughout the tiresome struggle of being shoved inside the crate, Miranda had made it very clear that she was going to be spaced whether she liked it or not. The dawning look in Shepard's pleading eyes did nothing to make her hesitate.

If Shepard complied and gave no more resistance, Lawson would seal her inside the crate with a full oxygen tank. However if she continued her assault which had left a swollen lip on the operative in the process Miranda would only give her half a tank.

Logic had to overcome instinct in that case which is why a full tank of precious oxygen was sealed to her back and hissing lightly into her helmet.

Slamming against the walls of the crate in another feeble attempt to smash herself out of there, Shepard could make out the sound of locks being unsealed.

She could do this, there was no choice about it.

_"I doubt the Illusive man will be pleased to hear that his investment has been wasted. However as the woman who brought you back I think it's only fair that I have a say in whether or not you should be aloud to live...it's a shame it had to come to this."_

A sudden force knocked the wind out of Shepard as she felt the crate being shot out from the airlock with an impending force. The stars were awaiting for her return like cruel joke in which she was the punch-line.

In space nobody could hear Shepard scream.

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><p><em>3 hours earlier...<em>

A stench of blood, corpses and depravity engulfed Shepard's sense of smell. Tuchanka never failed to live up to its intimidating reputation.

Shepard wasn't surprised to find a group of bloodthirsty krogan awaiting her arrival. She wondered if krogans were happy to be deemed stupid with no common sense, it left their opponent stunned by their intelligence when it came to battle.

Without a doubt she knew that the krogans had tapped the Normandy as soon as it entered the system. Wrex must have been expecting her.

She shrugged the thought away as she exited the shuttle with Zaeed and Kasumi by her side. The others were to await them back on the Normandy under strict orders to sit tight unless ordered to do other wise.

"Hold it right there hu-" the krogan with the green tinted armor growled only to be cut off by Jessie tearing straight through his shields., no thanks to Shepard's sudden itchy trigger finger.

Zaeed and Kasumi observed the commander's action and aimed for the two dumbfounded krogan next to their gurgling comrade.

The thief was admittedly reluctant to pursue Wrex in such a head on way, but there was no arguing with Shepard now that she was already storming off into the concrete corridors with a sadistic look stretched across her face.

Massani noted Kasumi's reaction to such violence. According to her the guards were innocent, they were not the people they were after. As they both hurried after Shepard who was wordlessly spraying bullets into the corners of the labyrinth ahead of them, Zaeed spoke up.

"It was them or us kid."

The thief gave a curt nod and followed the mercenary over to where Shepard had just about finished the gunfire between herself and a stunned krogan. Poor bastard hardly had the time to pull out his shotgun let alone see the enraged commander round the corner next to him.

"If Wrex sent out a team to haul us back to him then I doubt we have much time until he realises his men are dead," Kasumi voiced urgently.

Shepard pulled herself out of her little trance that had kept her gaze on the dead krogan on the floor and faced the thief.

"I _know_ Wrex," Shepard stated her mind reeling at past memories. "He knows that those guards had no chance of apprehending us."

It was all a part of his little game. The rude greeting her squad were suppose to receive was a subtle warning that he was expecting her. It was also a stinging insult on her behalf.

Krogan tended to enjoy metaphorical battle prowess to highlight their strength as a warrior and to kick their opponent when they were down. A group of under-armed krogans were Wrex's idea of scratching at Shepard's honor and belittling her.

_Bastard._

"So what now?" Zaeed asked with mild curiousity.

The aging mercenary was keen on the idea of continuing along and causing carnage, however a problem would arise when they reached the main chamber in which a lot of krogan tended hover. As much as he hated to admit it three humans could not take down a horde of heavily armed krogan looking for an excuse to fight.

Shepard pondered every thought that entered her mind with great detail. Her adrenaline rush was screaming for her to just waltz into the chamber like she owned the place and unleash a hail of bullets.

Another option was to infiltrate yet again, however Shepard was vaguely reminded of Omega. Arguably the strategy went down quite well. However today was not about strategy, today was about honour.

Shepard respected krogan principles and desperately wanted to face Wrex one on one on the crimson soil.

She was fully aware that Wrex regardless of how much he had aged or how he felt towards her would not deny his old commander a fight. Yet politics endangered her little get together.

Krogans from other clans were sure to know of her. Shepard wasn't about to shun the idea that they all knew of how she did not help them out with the genophage when she had the chance. The clan leaders would see the action of letting Shepard freely request a match against Wrex as a direct insult. One could not allow a traitor to the cause to be given privileges or even set foot on Tuchanka.

This revelation would require Wrex to act on Shepard's arrival rather than allowing her to make her suggestion. Hence the muscle that had greeted her squad in an intimidating fashion when they had landed.

Still, he could have sent better warriors. To be mocked from afar only left Shepard more enraged and aware at the fact that she could slip up in the dangerous game that Wrex was playing.

"I have an idea," Shepard announced startling Kasumi and Zaeed from their thoughts. "I do not want to cause a massacre here today. I came to Tuchanka to kill one person and one person only."

"Try telling that to the krogans you killed two minutes ago," Kasumi muttered unable to avoid Shepard's aggravated stare while hoodless.

Things were still a bit sketchy between the two women ever since the thief found out about what Shepard had got Jacob and her into.

In many ways Shepard missed how they used to be when they first met. There was no trepidation on anyone's part and the friendship was strong.

Now however snide comments would be made. Opinions no matter how hard-hitting were voiced. It was something they had both unawarely grown accustomed to since reuniting.

What was evidentially clear under all the tough exterior of the relationship was that they both still cared about one another. Kasumi and Shepard were like two sisters, bound together by blood yet they hardly got along or agreed with each-other.

However no matter what, they had each-others backs and had a shared understanding about the way their friendship worked. To some the ideology was weak and to others it was strong. As far as Shepard was concerned it was at least something.

Shepard chose to ignore Kasumi's slicing comment but kept a angered expression on her face informing the thief that her words had stung.

"As I was saying I came here for Wrex, nobody else. My plan is to walk in there and make my pitch-"

Kasumi scoffed cutting the commander off mid-sentence. "So your plan is to go in there and get shot?" she asked in superior tone which did not suit her the slightest.

Why was it that Shepard could bring out the best and the _worst_ in most people?

"One more word Kas, Spirits help me!" Shepard shot back burying her electric eyes into her.

Kasumi almost flinched,_ almost._ She was not known as a master thief in her earlier days for not been able to control her body when she needed to. Especially the amount of times she'd had to cloak herself and not move an inch while surrounded by oblivious guards.

Both women stood their ground. Their faces merely inches apart warning the other one to back down. They were both way to stubborn to do such a thing.

Zaeed sighed as memories of his mercenary days conjured up within his head. If he had a credit for the amount of times he had to break up a cat-fight between mercs in his group he would certainly have not been living on a pisshole of Omega.

On the other hand the scene in front of him was not your typical cat-fight. Massani honestly took no joy in their feud.

He watched the two of them claw at one another mentally. Personally he would suggest the idea of locking them both in a room together while they teared each-others faces off.

Before long he predicted that both women would be scarred to oblivion with fresh cuts and bruises holding one another in a corner tearfully muttering apologies.

From his experience women were ruthless creatures. Just ask the asari who travelled with him for months then tried selling him out to a mercenary group all of a sudden.

A tough bird she was. Always did have a lecherous look about her. Though it was easy to forget those pesky thoughts when he was bedding her slender blue form every night.

Zaeed gave an audible cough only to be ignored by the two women.

He sighed heavily and stepped in, Zaeed wasn't big on being the voice of reason. "Could you ladies have this chat another time when we are not sitting ducks?" he asked sardonically.

Kasumi slowly took a step behind her signaling that she was backing down. Massani would have been taken aback if Shepard had decided to lose the battle of power.

The atmosphere remained tense for the moment. It hung in the air like a bad omen bringing down the levels of optimism that had flown through each squad-member's veins at the beginning of the mission.

"Shall I continue with my plan or would you like to interrupt me for a third time?" Shepard asked, keeping her stern gaze on Kasumi.

"No..." Kasumi muttered. "I'm sorry, I guess I just have a bad feeling about this..."

"Don't," Shepard ordered. "If we stick with the plan then Wrex will _die _today, and we can all go back to the Normandy in one piece."

There wasn't a falter in her words. The commander was confident her statement. Her stubbornness and anger would hopefully be enough for what she said to ring true.

"What kind of plan did you have in mind?" Zaeed questioned giving her the opportunity to say her piece once more.

Shepard bit her lip before speaking once again. "I need you and Kasumi to observe the main grounds while I request a dual with Wrex. To my knowledge there should be a balcony up on the floor above us that should provide you both with a good view."

"Wait!" Kasumi spoke up while shaking her head. "You are just going to go in there and request to have a fight with him? That doesn't seem a little optimistic to you?"

"You obviously don't know a lot about krogan culture," Zaeed murmured receiving an aggravated look from Kasumi in the process.

Krogan society worked in completely different ways compared to other races but it wasn't hard to grasp.

"Kass, Wrex is nothing but scum to me now but he still abides by codes. Every krogan believes in honour and the glory of battle. He wouldn't turn me down," Shepard explained.

The thief stared at the rubble under her feet. "And if he refuses?"

"That's what you two are here for. Though I highly doubt I will need any assistance."

Kasumi sighed as a way of accepting Shepard's answer regardless of how uncertain she was.

"There shouldn't be anymore krogan down in the lower level corridors," Shepard continued preventing Kasumi from questioning anything else about the outcome of her plan.

Shepard spun on heel and made her way confidently to the narrow brick staircase, leaving Zaeed to head up the stairs with Kasumi trailing behind.

"Keep in radio contact," Shepard called out to them as she reached the first step.

_"Will do Shepard,"_ Zaeed confirmed into her earpiece.

With that Shepard powered up her pace and jogged down the crumbling steps, determination driving her.

* * *

><p>Zaeed's distinctive voice cracked though her earpiece as Shepard made it to the ground floor.<p>

_"I spot two krogan, no shields, just outside your exit Shepard."_

"And Wrex?" Shepard prodded.

_"The king's sitting on his throne as we speak."_

"I better go and rectify that then," Shepard hissed with a smirk.

Hugging the wall Shepard peered around the corner. Zaeed wasn't bullshitting, two krogans were blocking her path to where Wrex should be sitting. The red-eyed krogan was hidden from Shepard's view by a bulky twenty foot slab of concrete. It only helped make their foreseeable reunion all the more tense.

Taking in shallow breaths Shepard cautiously approached the two krogan stealthily. Jessie was about to make yet another appearance as Shepard freed the rifle and pinned her sights between the oblivious guards.

All krogan are taught from a young age to trust their instincts, if something didn't feel right it would be a very unwise to ignore it. The two krogan before Shepard were no exception. As soon as they sensed that something wasn't right the two of them turned around in sync.

Unfortunately for them they were both met with the barrel of Jessie being held in place by very pissed off Shepard.

Shunning the surprise of seeing an armed human on Tuchanka both of the guards made haste to reach for their weapons. Shepard however was faster and quickly dispersed a round into the left krogan's foot startling the other.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Shepard warned.

The wounded krogan groaned as he felt the bullet bubbling underneath his leathery skin, while the other krogan was torn between helping his comrade or pulling his weapon out.

"You have a chance to prove the stereotype of krogans being idiots wrong," Shepard began much to her amusement. "I have shields, you don't. By the time you manage take them down you'll be dead on the floor."

The uninjured krogan burrowed his yellow eyes into Shepards ignoring the other guard who was grunting in disapproval on the dusty ground.

Krogans were not ones to show weakness so it made sense that the wounded guard would be doing everything in his power to not cry out too much in pain. They did it for numerous reasons, either to bluff their way through a fight or to retain some sense of dignity.

After a moment of pondering Shepard's words to her surprise the krogan guard before her nodded.

"Okay then." Shepard let out a long breath that she had been holding in through her nose slowly, in order to prevent the krogan from catching on that she wasn't entirely sure of the outcome in that standoff.

Shepard began to move forward cautiously toward the rubble stairs that according to Zaeed's intel was where Wrex was sitting.

Turning a ninety degree angle Shepard walked backwards towards the stairs keeping her steady aim trained on the two krogan that were watching her.

Regardless of their cooperation, Shepard couldn't help but remember what had happened the last time she had trusted someone. The commander was not about to make the same mistake again. She had to be on full alert.

_"Wrex should be right behind that concrete," _Zaeed informed Shepard over the radio.

With the krogan guards out of her line of sight Shepard turned around and placed her back against the beige concrete with force as if she was about to fall down from the edge of a building.

Admittedly she was nervous, however her pounding heartbeat only reminded Shepard that she was alive. That couldn't be said about Wrex in the coming moments.

"Guys do you have a visual?" Shepard harshly whispered, tightening her grip on Jessie.

Zaeed peered through the polished scope of his sniper rifle. "_Yep."_

Refusing to waste anymore time Shepard flung herself around the sharp corner unable to stop herself when Zaeed's voice crackled suddenly in her earpiece shouting, _"Wait!"_

Before Shepard felt fear, before she felt anger, before she felt her muscles strain Shepard felt her chest explode into a cacophony of overwhelming pain as she felt herself being pushed through Tuchanka's stale air.

Her back arched when she met the cracked ground, everything becoming a dizzy haze. Shepard was able to note many figures backing away from her, presumably krogans.

_"Shepard?" _Kasumi's voice rang. _"Shepard are you okay? Talk to me!"_

"What the fuck just happened?" Shepard muttered back, still lying on the hard ground from the impact.

_"The bastard moved from his position as soon I gave a visual, that's what happened!"_ Zaeed retorted in a frustrated manner.

Trying her best to ignore the pain building up in her chest Shepard blinked twice while struggling to sit up.

That's when she saw him. About ten feet away casually grasping a black shotgun.

"Shepard," Wrex greeted venomously.

With shake of her head, Shepard stared towards the enormous krogan. "Wrex."

From her peripheral vision the commander could see that the impact of the shotgun blast at close range had sent her flying across the wide expanse of the hall and left her pinned near the varren pit.

Krogans were watching her from a distance instead of attacking. Shepard concluded that they was waiting for Wrex to give an order.

"Is that how you greet old friends these days?" Shepard stabbed making sure to keep her voice strong regardless of how out of breath she was.

Wrex chuckled to himself and took three striding steps towards her pinned frame. He rested the shotgun on his shoulder, telling her that at the moment he wasn't going to shoot but the threat was still there.

"You've lost your right to be placed in that category," he explained carefully.

A light chalky breeze stroked Shepard's face preventing the sweat from her forehead leaking down to her brow.

_"Shepard I've got him in my sights,"_ Zaeed whispered into her ear. _"Just give the word."_

"Negative," Shepard replied just out of Wrex's earshot, voice unwavering.

_She_ intended to kill Wrex, no one else would be allowed the satisfaction.

Wrex eyed Shepard on the dusty floor noting that she was carrying weapons, what he found unusual was that she was alone. Shepard was either overly confident or plain stupid.

"You know you never did give me a chance to explain," Shepard spoke up with a strong voice for someone pinned to the ground.

The commander clenched and unclenched her fist while she watched Wrex, her eyes never leaving the frown on his scarred face.

"Words will not change anything." Wrex lowered his voice down a notch remembering the bitter memories his commander had left him with.

Krogans didn't do second chances, if you fucked up you got what was coming to you, no questions asked.

"I forgot." Shepard exhaled in exasperation. "Shoot now ask questions later right?"

The towering krogan actually smirked at that. They had been close friends once before choices and decisions got in the way. Both warriors had a reason to batter one another, yet neither one of them moved an inch.

An unsettling silence fell upon the grounds, the krogan bystanders preparing themselves for anything the conniving human had up her sleeve.

Kasumi and Zaeed watched with a clear view from the middle based balcony. The pair did not say a word to one another as sweat began to bead down their foreheads.

Shepard was completely surrounded. She had turned down Zaeed's call for a headshot earlier, and that wasn't settling down well with them.

"What is she playing at?" Zaeed murmured roughly as he concentrated on the wide berth before him.

Kasumi didn't look at Zaeed either as she spoke in a worried whisper. "I wish I knew..."

Remaining seated on the floor in order to not provoke any other krogan within the room, Shepard cautiously shifted her weight so that she was leaning on her elbows.

"Do you know why I'm here?" Shepard asked tactfully buying herself some time and letting Wrex calm down.

He took a crucial step forward looking down at her throughout. "Enlighten me," he growled.

Of course Wrex knew why Shepard was here hence the reason he shot her across the room as soon as he sensed something wasn't right. A woman as impulsive and determined as Shepard was the kind you had to look out for.

"You and I have unfinished business," Shepard stated with a icy glare.

Wrex grinned. "It's good that you came by then. I don't like leaving jobs _unfinished_."

In a sudden movement Wrex lifted his shiny plated shotgun and launched a powerful knock to Shepard's face, sending her body back to the floor who's once beige anatomy was becoming a dark crimson red.

Shepard blinked a few times unable to ignore the pain. For what was only seconds felt like minutes as her mind struggled to decipher what kind of situation she had put herself in.

She could feel blood trickling from her damaged nose, and judging from the tight ache and throbbing that came in random waves it was broken.

Wrex unfortunately was not done yet. Cocking his weapon he edged the barrel onto Shepard's temple not bothering to be gentle with the act.

A weak gasp escaped her lips as she felt the stabbing pain of the shotgun wedge itself against the sensitive area of her skull.

_"Shepard I've got a clear shot!" _Zaeed practically yelled in her ear, the dizziness however muffled his voice slightly.

"No!" Shepard screamed back startling not only Zaeed and Kasumi but Wrex too.

He looked down at Shepard quizzically without a word.

"Wrex," Shepard panted. "I am here to request a fight with you."

Although pleased to finally get those words out before things took an even bigger turn for the worse, Shepard's body remained tense. She was not stupid enough to relax just yet.

There were a few mumbles around her from the other krogans at the far sides of the hall, however a deadly glare from Wrex made them shut their jaws instantly.

"_Request?_" Wrex scoffed. "Do you have any idea what you are asking me Shepard?"

Everything about the red tinted krogan was threatening, his posture, his voice and more importantly his shotgun.

Shepard crushed the thought instantly and put on a facade of confidence and strength. Something she didn't exactly have in this particular moment.

"Yes..."

The commander warily got up on her booted feet finding the divine stubbornness to not fall back down on her arse.

Luckily Wrex could be patient when he wanted to. Shepard and him both knew that the only reason she was getting up and saying her piece was because he allowed it.

"When a krogan has wronged another krogan, they have struck at their honour. The only way to regain that honour back is by settling eachother's disputes in a fight."

Shepard was merely repeating what Wrex had told her once back in the dim cargo-bay of the SR1. He had got so caught up in the conversation that Shepard had to be the one to steer it towards the end.

Judging from the way Wrex narrowed his eyes further, he had caught up on that fact too. He liked to think that he knew the woman well enough to know she hardly ever did research. She preferred listening and learning in order to gain knowledge.

Now that knowledge was being used against him.

Wrex for one had honour, a great deal of it. To deny Shepard would be an atrocity. An insult to Shepard and himself. As long as his boiling blood pumped through his veins he would keep to his codes.

Shepard, regardless of her deceiving and suddenly selfish nature was still a worthy warrior in his eyes. He would give his old companion what she desired, and he would not make it easy for her.

"You are aware that the fight does not end until there is only one person left alive right?" Wrex stabbed.

His common sense had already figured out that she knew. But he liked to think the harsh reminder would lower whatever confidence she had left in her weak body.

Unfortunately for Wrex it only made Shepard beam out a cruel smile which tended to work well with her bloodied face.

"Of course."


	6. Frame Of Mind

**A/N: **Andraste's knicker weasels I finally finished this chapter. L'ORD. I apologise for the wait I was at Sonisphere festival for three days and Slipknot were the last band I saw. Needless to say my neck was in a labyrinth of pain. Does that even make sense? Oh well it sounds cool. I'm not used to head-banging so much so I spent the next four days resting then I caught a fucking cold that has been depriving me of sleep. With summer here now, even though it looks like winter from outside my window I'll have much more free time to actually get this story finished. Hurrah! Thank you for still sticking with this. It means a lot :)

_"I have two rules I follow," Saren explained. "The first is: never kill someone without a reason."_

_"And the second?" Anderson asked, suspicious._

_"You can always find a reason to kill someone." - Mass Effect (Revelations)_

I do not own Mass Effect or Kill Bill.

* * *

><p>"I will not allow this!" an angered voice emitted from the sidelines.<p>

Shepard and Wrex turned their heads slightly to see a yellow tinted krogan charging towards them, pointing a finger directly at the commander.

"Is there a problem?" Shepard questioned through gritted teeth.

Wrex observed his fellow krogan with scrunched up face, hinting to Shepard that the two of them did not get along.

The yellow krogan continued to point at Shepard but kept his line or sight on Wrex. He was within three feet of the pair now.

"This human is blight to everything we krogans have achieved. She's not permitted to walk on this soil let alone take part in fight of honor."

Shepard sighed out of exhaustion, she had half-hoped that after taking Uvenk down during Grunt's rite of passage that things would initially be a lot easier to deal with on Tuchanka. Yet there was always somebody willing to involve themselves in other people's business.

Who did this krogan think he was to even voice his opinion?

"Aren't _you_ challenging Wrex's honour by going against his decision?" Shepard pointed out.

The yellow hide krogan took an step forward which Shepard concluded was supposed to be intimidating and growled.

"You speak of honour yet you have none to your name human!"

Enough was enough. If Shepard was to be taken seriously she had to stand her ground.

Wrex was watching her curiously as was an audience of other krogans. The insult still hung in the like carbon monoxide poisoning her current status.

Without a second thought Shepard gripped her sharpened knife that rested inside her boot.

The krogan had only a second to realise what Shepard was doing before she wielded her weapon and flung herself at the insulter.

Shepard's roar echoed inside the confined grounds as she landed on top of the stunned krogan who was now slammed into the dirt.

He went to reach for her fragile throat before he felt the sharp edge of the blade wedge itself in between the crease of his yellow head-plate.

Gasps emitted around the commander from the krogan and from Kasumi through her earpiece.

Shepard applied pressure slowly turning the krogan beneath her into a wailing mess.

Wrex continued to watch unwavering, though the scene did make the clan leader of Urdnot uncomfortable.

"I think you owe _me_ an apology," Shepard voiced with a vice grip on the knife that had penetrated deeper into the krogan's head-plate.

The pain was inconceivable as was the thought of the commander going through with the action completely.

The krogan mumbled incoherently forcing Shepard to drive the blade in deeper.

She was rewarded with a few flinches from the other krogan in her peripheral vision and the sound of a high pitched yell escaping the tortured krogan's lungs.

Even though the bystanders looked like they were about to defend their fellow brethren Shepard held her ground on the belief that neither of them were willing to do so unless Wrex allowed it.

So far Wrex, their leader remained mute and continued to watch the act play out.

"I'm _running_ out of patience," Shepard warned, her face now slick with sweat from the intensity of holding the blade in place.

If she gave the slightest bit of leeway, that would be the beaten krogan's chance to fling her off. Shepard could not allow that.

After receiving no response from the krogan besides mumbled words Shepard sighed.

"I'm afraid you leave me no choice." She wedged the knife fully underneath his plate and sucked in a deep breath as she tilted the weapon upwards.

"Wait! Ancestors! I apologise, I beg of you, stop!" the krogan yelled hastily.

His breaths were quick and greedy as if anyone of them were going to be his last.

Shepard quickly scanned her surroundings. The krogans were still watching her, anger evident in their stained eyes.

Gripping the head-plate and forcing it down, Shepard yanked the knife away leaving the shamed krogan to gather himself and adjust to the new pain flooding his body.

Shepard had kept her word, and judging from the glares around her had earned her right to fight Wrex. Or at least prevent anymore hot-headed krogan from challenging her.

The yellow krogan stayed on the ground for a few more seconds as Shepard brought herself to her feet and observed him carefully.

He clutched his head-plate weakly and stumbled out of Shepard's space into the crowd without another word.

_"Nicely done if I do say so myself,"_ Zaeed chuckled over her earpiece.

Shepard made a mental note to thank Massani later but opted for silence seeing as Wrex was still staring at her expectantly. Regardless of his agreement to fight her, she did not want to give him the chance to realise that she wasn't alone.

Time can change people and so can revenge. Wrex may not have the same codes and morals anymore, it was a risk she couldn't take.

"You've changed Shepard."

The commander faced Wrex with a stern glare spread across her face.

Who the hell did he think he was to even make a comment like that.

"Says the guy willing to kill a woman and her child," she shot back angrily.

"Child?" Wrex scrunched his face up. "You don't know do you?"

"Know what?"

A large explosion shook the rubble around them sending a few krogans to the floor.

_"What the fuck was that?"_ Zaeed spoke cautiously.

Wrex looked around the area before pointing a finger towards Shepard.

"You brought back-up? And here's me thinking you were serious about fighting me one on one."

Shepard caught her breath with wide eyes feverishly scanning her surroundings.

"Whatever that was, it's nothing to do with me," Shepard admitted cautiously.

Both stunned by the conclusion momentarily another explosion invaded the premises only this time landing inside the grounds.

The blast struck a few krogan sending everybody for cover.

Shepard could feel the heat of the flames licking the bare skin on her face. That explosion was way too close to comfort.

She took cover behind a large lump of concrete to her right where she was joined by Wrex who had his shotgun at the ready.

"Shepard!" a distinctive feminine voice called out.

In the distance narrowly avoiding the crumbling avalanches of rubble Kasumi and Zaeed ran towards the commander at an energetic pace.

They halted at the sight of their commander leaning against a piece of concrete with Wrex beside her.

It only took a second for the krogan to put two and two together as he shoved his shotgun forward towards Shepard.

"No back-up huh?"

Zaeed immediately drew his pistol out and rammed it against the Wrex's temple while Kasumi watched hesitantly. The krogan bastard didn't even flinch.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Massani said casually yet his voice held a level of warning.

In the background the sound of yells and cracking explosions powered up yet again, initiating for the group to think fast about how they were going to go about this.

Shepard dared not to move under the excruciating barrel of Wrex's shotgun.

Luckily the pain of being shot earlier was dulled down by the adrenaline she was feeling. The bruise from the shot would be massive but that she could accept. Thank fuck for shields or she wouldn't be breathing.

"I brought them along in case you decided to shoot on sight," Shepard explained over the sounds gunfire and combat.

"Which I did," Wrex pointed out unconvinced.

Shepard stared past the barrel into Wrex's blood-stained eyes. "And I'm the reason why Zaeed didn't snipe you the moment you shot me."

Wrex nodded his head as a way of saying 'touche' and lowered his shotgun.

Zaeed huffed to himself and did the same.

"Any idea where those explosions are coming from?" Shepard openly asked.

"You didn't see the logo from down here?" Zaeed prodded.

Shepard crossed her arms in anticipation while Wrex continued to eye the human. He had quads that's for sure, but he still couldn't work him out.

The mercenary sighed in aggravation. "It's fucking Cerberus."

Wrex growled to himself. "Aren't they that pro-human group?"

"Yes," Kasumi answered. "Though I would say that they take the _pro-human_ thing a bit too far."

"The question is: What are they doing here?" Shepard offered as another eruption shattered near their line of cover.

"Do you _really_ need to ask that question?" Zaeed crossed his arms after making his point.

He was right, annoyingly. Why else would Cerberus turn up out of the blue on Tuchanka of all places.

For some reason they were after Shepard. Garrus had mentioned how they were all on the run from Cerberus, but that was _four_ years ago. How long were these terrorists willing to hold a grudge?

"You know I could just make everything a lot easier on my people and just kill you now," Wrex spoke up startling Shepard from her train of thought.

She banished the blank stare on her face and planted an expression of seriousness.

"But you aren't going to do that are you?" Shepard replied firmly.

"What makes you so sure of that?" Wrex challenged with a smirk.

"Because you gave me your word that you would face me in a battle of honour. Or is your word meaningless now?"

Wrex grunted then shook his head. "That's a good memory you got there Shepard."

"It's four years good."

"Tou-fucking-che..." Zaeed mumbled.

If it weren't for the explosions in the background the atmosphere would have been silent and awkward.

"Just for today can we forget about the past and focus on the now, as in right now Cerberus is attacking your colony and we are all just sitting here," Kasumi pointed out suddenly.

"It's about time you crawled out of your hole," Zaeed commented giving the thief a heavy pat on the back which she half accepted.

Wrex turned to the commander solemnly. "How about it Shepard?" He held out his hand which she eyed suspiciously as if he could poison her with his touch. "Help _me_, help you?"

His words spoke true regardless of how much Shepard wanted to tell him to go fuck himself. Cerberus was attacking his colony that Wrex was asking her to help defend. Then there was the issue that Cerberus was attacking the colony to get to her, so by helping Wrex she was saving her own skin.

Shepard warily inched her hand towards his levitating it in the air momentarily. "Know that this changes nothing."

Wrex gripped her hand in such a way that it carried reassurance and intimidation. "Of course."

Deciding to not waste anymore time Shepard peered over her cover to see three reinforced Cerberus shuttles in the air.

Not only were they fully armoured but they also had cannons attached to them that were powering up again to fire.

"Shit," Shepard voiced through gritted teeth. "It's going to take a while to take these down."

Wrex stole a glance at the Cerberus shuttles in the sky only to confirm Shepard's conclusion.

"Wait here," Wrex ordered as another blast struck the ground toppling Zaeed and Kasumi's balance slightly.

The blast deafened Shepard's response as she called out to Wrex while he made a break back towards his throne.

"Shepard their dropping operatives!" Kasumi warned readying her pistol.

Choosing to ignore whatever Wrex was doing for the time being Shepard stood up from cover and aimed down her sights.

She counted two Cerberus operatives on the ground both wearing bulky armour and wielding high-tech weaponry.

The one on the right swiftly blasted at a krogan that was charging at him with ease while the other began to move forward determination evident in his steps.

The impending operative suddenly stumbled back as his shields fizzled with a white spark.

Shepard turned around to see Zaeed with his sniper rifle out, resting firmly on his shoulder.

He snatched an aggrevated look at Shepard below him before returning his sight back to his scope.

"Feel free to start shooting anytime now," Massani yelled sarcastically.

Following his lead Shepard and Kasumi began their covered onslaught on the operative before them.

It seemed to take a hailstorm of bullets to get his shields down let alone kill him.

While his shields were draining the Cerberus soldier continued to storm forward in a suicidal fashion. If you're going to fall in battle you might as well take someone down with you.

He managed to get within six feet of the trio before Shepard landed a bullet that pierced through his damaged helmet.

Before falling the optimistic soldier attempted another spray of bullets with his assault rifle that Kasumi narrowly avoided to Shepard's relief.

Picking up from where she left off Shepard savoured the little break from shooting, then snapped back into combat mode.

She still had to deal with the other Cerberus operative coming towards them.

Zaeed took a step forward adjusting his scope while three explosions shook the rubble they stood on, abruptly jogging his aim.

"Shepard we need to sort out that firepower they got up there," Massani called out to the commander who was busy trying to aim down the sight with havoc occurring around her.

The reinforced shuttles still seemed to be packing heat, relentlessly blasting rockets anywhere and everywhere.

A concrete slab of rock would only provide them with cover for so long.

Thankfully some of the krogans from earlier finally got to the armory and began pounding into the Cerberus soldier with a kicking force.

Overwhelmed by strength and anger of krogan weaponry the operative began to stager in his steps, Shepard vastly disappearing out of his line of sight.

That was the only distraction Shepard needed. Kasumi and Zaeed seemed to follow suit as well as the three of them lifted their weapons in unison and sent multiple shots that left the soldier's body jerking from each nerve before collapsing to the ground.

Kasumi broke out a smile that was gone as soon as it appeared due to the sound of the shuttles whooshing over their heads.

"I'm guessing that Cerberus plans to keep sending more soldiers in or keep blowing shit up till we're dead," Zaeed sighed audibly over the commotion of combat.

Shepard weakly wiped the sweat off her brow to see one of the shuttles hovering down slightly to drop off more soldiers on the ground.

She flung her armoured arms into the air in exasperation. "Where the fuck is Wre-"

A scorching ball of energy sliced over the trio's heads and collided with the inconvenient shuttle. Flames emitted from the wreck after the bolts and doors flung out from the explosive impact.

Shepard turned away from the wreck to see Wrex walking up to them with a rocket launcher within his grasp.

As much as she hated to admit it, it did make him look badass, not that he needed help in that department.

Wrex took note that Shepard's mouth was agape and that she was staring at him as well as the other female. The human male on the other hand didn't look awestruck but he's crossed arms and slight smirk suggested that he was impressed to say the least.

"Sorry to keep you waiting, but this beauty is worth waiting for." Wrex tapped the rocket launcher on his shoulder thoughtfully.

As soon as he saw the reinforced shuttles he remembered that he had a rocket launcher behind his throne. He had always ridiculed the other krogans for taking such ridiculous precautions when it came to his safety. For example thinking that having rocket launcher within arms reach would be good for a close quarter battle.

Now however he realised just how wrong he was. He was certain that logic outweighed the usefulness of having a rocket launcher by your side, yet here he was clutching onto the weapon like a newly wedded bride.

How he wished he had thought of the idea of having one of these in his inventory back when he was hunting after Saren.

The pristine launcher packed a hell of a punch.

Instead of giving the humans time to speak Wrex casually lifted the rocket launcher to shoulder height again and took aim at the second shuttle preparing to avenge the deceased pile of debris in the middle of the chamber.

The force of the rocket slightly jolted Wrex in such a way that he felt it but showed no signs of that fact physically.

Spearing through the air like a knife cutting oxygen itself the rocket collided with the second shuttle turning it into a cascade of bright fierce colours and sending it into obliterated pieces.

Shepard held her sweaty palm over her eyes as she watched the scene for herself.

Only one more shuttle was left and it was doing it's best to either find a safe place to land or continuously fire rockets in hopes of killing the four of them.

It seemed that Cerberus did not believe in just simply walking away from a fight they were going to lose.

The Reapers had commented on that once. At how sentient beings just keep on fighting regardless of knowing that they are going to lose. It's not a feeling you can explain to someone. You'll know it when you feel it.

Feeling a strong tap on her shoulder Shepard turned around yet again to find Wrex in her personal space inching his rocket launcher towards her.

Four years ago that gesture would have meant the world to Shepard. Wrex being one of her closest friends and all, offering her a piece of carnage instead of taking it for himself.

Even if only for a few seconds Shepard could imagine for a moment that the incident at the chapel never happened. Everything was okay, Jack and Tali were not dead, Garrus had not lost his mind and Wrex was reminiscing about old times with her.

Now however old times brought up bad memories and soon enough those few seconds of pretending instantly faded and brought her back to reality.

Shepard stared into Wrex's genuine gaze and gracefully picked up the launcher with the slightest of nods, leaving Wrex, Zaeed and Kasumi to lean back as she tore into the third and last shuttle.

It felt good to cause havoc as she happily watched the wreck flay around in the air like a seven year old at their first fireworks display.

The adrenaline and accustomed feeling of being on top of the universe reminded her so much of her youth.

It was hard to imagine that within her dangerous and chaotic life she had lost six years all together.

Although leaning towards the optimistic side of her, she would rather lose six years than be dead.

"Feel good to be back?" Wrex teased knowingly over the darkness his question held.

Shepard let the chrome rocket launcher fall to the floor as she continued to overlook the wreckage of the grounds before her.

Burnt, crushed shuttles were scattered across the dusty ground, as were human and krogan blood mixed in with a charcoal splatter of where the explosions hit the concrete walls.

Taking in a well deserved deep breath Shepard smirked to herself. "Like you wouldn't believe Wrex."

Now that the sound of combat had died down all that could be heard was the flicker of the flames crisping in the area and noise of krogans helping their comrades. It was as peaceful as it was going to get.

"Do you think that's all of them?" Kasumi openely asked to the group.

The thief still looked unsettled and wary. The attack had been so sudden that there was no way to determine if that was all Cerberus had up their sleeve or if Shepard and company should be expecting another wave of gunfire.

The faint sound of clattering footsteps upon the graveled ground made Shepard unconsiously ignore Kasumi as she focused herself on the alien noise of feet entering the area.

A krogan's footsteps would be heavy and thump as he waded in but these were different.

"You guys here that?" Shepard questioned with rapid eye movement behind her cover.

Everybody was still crouched behind the lump of rock. They weren't stupid enough to walk out into the open just because the gunfight was over.

"More Cerberus operatives," Wrex grumbled. A statement not a question. Like Shepard he recognised the unfamiliar sound of steps moving further and further into his chamber.

Pause. The footsteps had halted allowing the the sound of weapons clicking to be made clear to the four of them.

Remaining behind cover for now seemed to be the wise tactic in this particular situation for nobody had a visual as to how many Cerberus officers were in the area.

For all Shepard knew they could be strongly outnumbered, risks in that case would _not_ pay off.

"Shepard?" a familiar voice rang out with a Australian twang.

With widened eyes Shepard was suddenly rising to her feet unaware of her emotions controlling her movement.

Kasumi went to grab Shepard disdainfully. She too recognised _that_ voice. "Shepard don't-"

The thief's hold was discarded as the commander roughly shrugged her off and began to storm out of cover in a rushed pace.

Zaeed and Wrex observed the scene with confusion and managed to hold Kasumi back as she went to go after her.

"Don't be a prat," Zaeed warned in a hushed manner. "If we hang back we have more chance of helping her."

Kasumi frowned up at Zaeed who was holding her down by the shoulders. "Are you joking? They will likely shoot her on sight." The thief may have been whispering but her voice still held plausible anger and worry.

"She's acting reckless," Wrex spoke in a low octave. He peered out of cover slightly to see a group of heavy armoured soldiers led by a female human who unlike the others was not wearing a helmet. "Let her do what she has to do. We can provide her with cover from here..."

Kasumi loosened herself from Zaeed's muscled hold in agitation. "Fine,"she agreed much to her annoyance. "But know this _Wrex_..."

She voiced his name with venom, discarding her usually sweet optimistic nature.

"Shepard is like a _sister_ to me, and you are one the reasons why she is risking her safety and destroying herself. If anything, and I mean _anything_ happens to her, you'll have me to worry about."

The thief's hands were shaking regardless of being balled up into fists by her sides. Every word ran true. Every person from the Normandy had changed, herself included. But her friendship for Shepard remained strong throughout it all. They quarreled and disagreed about everything, something they never did back when they first met. Kasumi was not there for Shepard back at the chapel four years ago. She was not even informed about her condition. She didn't want to imagine how lonely and afraid she must have felt. Not again. Kasumi would not allow Shepard to meet her end in such a way. She owed her that.

"Me too," Zaeed interjected staring pointedly at Wrex confidently. "You two go way back so I'll be civil for now, but if something happens to her consider all my rationality out the window."

The two humans eyed Wrex with an underlaying warning that the krogan noted.

His scrunched up features showed that he was in no way intimidated but he understood their threat. Once he would have said the same thing in their position. It's strange how sudden things can change in the universe.

By now Shepard could count about five Cerberus operatives in her vision. Spirits help her what was she doing. You never leave cover regardless of your opponent. But this was against her will. For once Shepard's emotions were strong enough to surpass the logical route. She had to be sure...

Her booted feet came to a crushing halt kicking the unsettled dust on the ground into the thick air.

"Lawson!" Shepard yelled metaphorically resembling a gas container about to combust.

_Had to be sure..._

All of the officer's weapons suddenly became pinned onto the commander making her inwardly flinch but thankfully not revealing any fear from her exterior.

A heavy armoured woman strode forward leaving three meters of space between Shepard and herself.

It was her all right, even in chunky armour the bitch was recognisable. But there was something off about her appearance...

Miranda slightly grinned as if she had won a trophy. "I heard rumours that you had woke from your coma. A part of me was still unconvinced, however it would seem that the rumour like all the others is true."

Shepard went to insult her, to close the gap between them and throttle her with every inch of her strength. But her body was against her again freezing her in place and opening her mouth to form words of something that was not yet comprehended within her mind yet.

Her breath was shallow, her voice just about audible over the destruction surrounding them. _Something about Miranda was not right._

"What the fuck happened to your eyes?"


	7. Conflict

**A/N: **News just in Sam is late again with yet another chapter. SAY APPLE! Yes I have finally aced Portal 2, I am not a moron. Thank you if you are sticking with this still, I appreciate it. Also a review would be quite nice with some feedback because I am really not feeling this chapter. I is quite nervous about it, for reasons unknown. Everytime I wrote I bored myself and I was randomly telling my brother about that feeling even though he still finds it weird that I write fanfiction. But my point is, he actually came out with something that actually made me complete this chapter and really try hard with it. What he said had just got me thinking _'Maker's breath I needed my fourteen year old brother to tell me it like it is.'_ But hey I can admit when I am down. So I guess I really wanted this chapter to be kind of dedicated to him in a way even though he finds what I am doing weird. Without my brother this would have probably have not been written at all. Thank you Charlie. Review if the mood takes you guys, espiecially if you know ways that I can improve it.

_"If you feel that what you are writing is boring, others will find it boring." - Charlie_

I do _not_ own Mass Effect or Kill Bill.

* * *

><p>The dark-haired woman frowned causing her alien blue eyes to become Shepard's only focus. They were bright, unmistakably bright. Everything about them screamed unnatural and was causing Shepard to remain wary.<p>

Without a doubt the sight was off-putting. The glass like stare she was receiving was managing to make Shepard forget that she was literally surrounded by Cerberus soldiers encased in heavy armour.

Miranda still had not answered her question that Shepard had blurted out in a moment of shock. Shepard was unable to ignore the fact that Miranda's eyes resembled that of The Illusive Man's.

"It is mere side effect to the upgrades I have received," Miranda answered vaguely causing Shepard to become even more curious.

Instead of foolishly chancing a look back at the others Shepard did her best to keep confident with the knowledge that they wouldn't allow anything to happen to her. Well, Kasumi and Zaeed at least.

"Upgrades? Not perfect enough huh?" Shepard prodded unable to apply a barrier between what she had meant to say and what she was actually thinking.

It's was hard to remain civil when faced with a situation that involved Shepard verbally confronting someone who has wronged her. In Miranda's case someone who had wronged her in more ways then one.

However Shepard had to keep vigilant, she did not know what exactly she was dealing with her. Lawson was quite talented with biotics and tactics, the thought rang true but it didn't stop it from raking Shepard's frustration. The bitch did not deserve compliments, her ego was as big as the mounted, curved points on her body that drove people to jealousy.

The most Miranda had gotten out of her old commander so far was hatred, pure and utter hatred at her deceitful existence.

Yet if what Miranda was saying was true, then the dark-haired woman would indeed be using tactics in a fight that Shepard was not familiar with.

Shepard was venturing into the unknown and would be damned if she couldn't squeeze at least a bit more information out of the damn woman before proceeding to lay into her.

Miranda glared at Shepard unblinking. The eyes, the fucking eyes were enough to give anybody the chills. The shiver skimming inside Shepard was not shown to the fully suited soldiers aiming at her however.

Pulling the wool over people's eyes came with the job of being a good commander. It's assumed within the galaxy that humans are quite easy to read. Their facial expressions or body language usually giving them away. Sometimes it was a false assumption that proved handy in confrontations like this one.

A poker-face has the power to guide disputes towards the player's favour.

"The Illusive Man retains a different sense of perfection compared to you and I. He never wastes something that has potential," Miranda explained admirably.

Even with the bulky armor covering her curved body Miranda characteristically placed her gloved hands on her hips seemingly pleased with herself.

Shepard took an offending step forward that instantly sent an officer releasing bullet into her.

The weapon he carried not only looked expensive but felt expensive as the impact although absorbed by her shields made Shepard stagger slightly.

Before Shepard went to raise hell on the ignorant soldier to her left in a suicidal uproar he was on the ground, limp.

Miranda was scowling at his unresponsive body that had crashed to the ground due to the heavy armor Cerberus required him to wear. Her hand was gripping a pistol, arm finally falling to it's side after being outstretched in the air.

Shepard eyed the corpse on the ground sharply switching her gaze back onto Miranda.

"I take it that all these guys are expendable?" Shepard lightly gestured to the other Cerberus officers eagerly pointing their weapons on her.

"If they do not follow orders then yes," Miranda replied with no emotion to her voice.

Lawson's features may have been soft but the piercing eyes she had acquired at some point banished any signs of a relaxed exterior.

"How did he disobey orders?" Shepard argued. "You _are_ here to kill me."

Miranda froze slightly locking eye contact with Shepard. "I never said that."

"Your rockets said it for you," Shepard shot back with both hands clenched at her sides.

With a slow shake of her head Lawson sighed. "The Illusive Man has been tracking you for a while now. When we located you on Tuchanka : the home planet of a race you happened to betray, we assumed the worse."

"Which was?"

"That you were either being held prisoner or dead," Miranda answered in a somewhat monotone way if you disregarded her accent. "The Illusive Man gave us the order to act."

Shepard turned her head to the left as she scoffed. "Figures. What The Illusive Man wants The Illusive Man gets even if that means committing genocide just to get to one person."

As surprised as Shepard was at Miranda's confession of wanting to keep her alive at The Illusive Man's request of all people, Shepard was the least bit stunned by the news of Cerberus living up to their terrorist name.

Why bother stealthily infiltrating a base when you could just blast your way through? It was hard to decipher whether of not Shepard considered the move to be pathetic or lazy.

Miranda seemed to let the snide comment slide either out of professionalism or the lack of caring about what the commander thought.

"You will not be harmed if you allow us to detain you," Lawson informed Shepard suddenly.

"_You_ will be," Shepard countered obviously unwilling to back down without a fight.

"The Illusive Man merely wants to perform some tests on you. If you cooperate he may even let you go."

Shepard bit the inside of her lip. Why was Miranda even bothering with trying to convince her. There was no way in the galaxy that Shepard was going to allow the immaculate bitch to leave Tuchanka with her heart still beating.

"Tests huh? Sounds legitimate."

The edge of Miranda's mouth curved slightly still unable to remove the negative effect her abnormal eyes were causing. "Your DNA could advance the human race Shepard. It would be selfish to keep such assets to yourself."

"Pray tell what makes my DNA so fucking special?" Shepard asked voice dripping with sarcasm.

Shifting her weight onto her left booted foot Miranda parted her pouting lips. "Your DNA was compatible with Vakarian's. Meaning you are one of the rare humans in the universe that we know of that can safely produce a hybrid child. This has happened to catch The Illusive Man's interest."

"Safely produce a hybrid child?" Shepard yelled leaning slightly forward. "Has what happened four years ago just slipped out of your brain?"

Lawson kept a stern poker-face expression on her features while the Cerberus operatives around her slightly fidgeted. They had obviously not been filled in on Miranda's dark past.

"Oh you fella's don't know?" Shepard openly asked in a mocking tone pulling an exagerated expression of shock as she did so. "You see this bitch? The bitch you guys are more than willing to take orders from?..." The commander pointed an accusing finger at the armoured woman refusing to lock eyes with her. To Shepard's surprise Miranda remained silent allowing Shepard to vent out her pent up rage over the injustice that was dealt out to her all those years ago in the chapel. "...Well she is responsible for the death of an unborn child. That child was not even giving a chance to live! Is this the kind of person you are willing to work for?"

Seeing as most of the Cerberus officers were wearing chunky silver helmets Shepard was unable to read them much to her annoyance.

The echoes of Shepard's hate fueled words bounced off of the damaged concrete walls around them. They repeated again and again, their venom getting weaker and weaker by the second.

Shepard noticed a Cerberus soldier's body language looking unsure compared to his fellow comrades. However with the damn helmet on it was difficult to tell if he was hit by the sting of her words or battle fatigue.

"You!" Shepard called him out making him instantly build up the strength to look intimidating once again with his rifle trained on her.

"Do you have kids?" she questioned sharply doing nothing at all to make her voice sound soft. Shepard had enough with being rational.

The soldier kept quiet continuously aware of the formation of Cerberus soldiers he was a part of, Operative Lawson especially.

Shepard's body was stiff and visibly shaking with frustration. "I _asked_ you a question," she growled in a low whisper.

"Y-yes," he answered hesitantly behind his helmet. He received a frightening glare from Miranda in his peripheral vision. "I do."

His cracked voice sounded somewhat defeated. The soldier obviously knew what was coming next.

"How many?" Shepard prodded remaining completely still in her locked posture.

The man's thick gloved hand tightened around his rifle as he tilted his head slightly to the right, likely trying to avoid the excruciating stare Miranda was imposing on him. "Two: One boy and one girl."

Shepard's next question came as quick as wildfire. "Do you love them?" Her voice held emotion on the sentence, due to the forsaken memories it was awakening.

The Cerberus soldier bowed his head and looked back up at Shepard hoping that even though his helmet covered his sweating face, that she was aware of him locking his moon-rock eyes with her.

"Yes," he spoke confidently completely disregarding Miranda's glowing gaze for a moment. "With all my heart."

Shepard was pleased with that response and opted to drone out the conversation a little longer now that Miranda had finally shut her pouty lips for more than a minute.

The trick with moments like these was to connect with the person you were talking to, get on the same level so to speak. If for even a few moments, Shepard was able to make him feel secure as if it was only the two of them in the wide hall.

"Tell me honestly," Shepard spoke up carefully doing her best to bore her crystal blue eyes into his helmet. "If Lawson, the woman you are taking orders from spirits forbid _murdered_ your children what would you do?"

The hall fell silent besides the crackling spark of fire near a wreck of rubble that Cerberus had incidentally caused in their so called rescue.

"I would kill her," he answered suddenly for what felt like an hour of pained silence.

As soon as the words left his mouth however a mute Miranda reached for her pistol with hastily ease and began to aim down the honest soldier beside her.

_Click._

"Don't even think about it bitch."

Whether it was Shepard's warning or Jessie's warning that got Miranda to lower her shiny plated weapon she would never know.

Shepard had a thing for people who were honest with her. That little moral seemed to get her into deeper shit than it did to get her out of it. The tight aim of Jessie trained on Miranda brought every other soldier to attention as they tightened their hold on their assault rifles ready for Miranda's signal.

Miranda eyed Shepard quizzically, completely aware of why Shepard pulled her rifle out on her but unable to understand how she felt obligated to do so.

Lawson tentatively stared into the barell appreciating the effort and what looked to be manmade craftsmenship.

"I must say even with that thing pointed at me I am able to admire it's beauty," Miranda drawled looking genuinely careless about the scenario she was in. On the other hand she had about five Cerberus officers willing to obey her every order at her fingertips, if you didn't count the unsure soldier beside her that Shepard was conversing with moments ago.

"I settle for nothing but the best," Shepard stabbed back, a bead of sweat skiing down the sharp landslide of her cheekbone.

* * *

><p>The soldier nervously watched the battle for the upper hand between the two women. <em>Stupid stupid stupid<em>. He was devoted to the cause of Cerberus how did he so willingly allow himself to be lured into that conversation?

Now he was second guessing himself. Everything for that matter.

His trembling hands were begging him to not pin his aim on Shepard, regardless that is exactly what he forced himself to do.

_'For the greater good,'_ he kept on telling himself. Hell, did he even believe that anymore?

A sudden pressure was applied to the unprotected part of his neck.

"Do not move," a cautious low voice whispered.

_Crap._

"If I get the slightest feeling that you are going to signal your friends I will not hesistate blow out your voicebox," the barely audible voice continued behind him. "Slowly lift the thumb on your right hand if you understand."

This was ridiculous but what other choice did he have at the moment? Seeing as none of his fellow soldiers around him were frantically blazing their guns at the perpetrator he could only assume that this woman holding a gun firmly against the back of his throat was cloaked.

He was addled with the decision to either warn the others that Shepard was not alone or play along with this woman's demands. He lightly lifted his trembling thumb cautiously.

"Now you and I both know that you are having second thoughts about this..."

He concluded that the mysterious cloaked woman was referring to killing Shepard. He still had his aim on her for heaven's sake.

"So we are going to have little agreement." More pressure was applied to his throat making the soldier silently wince, not wanting to attract any attention.

"One decision will work out well for both of us, the other will leave you dead. Understand?"

The Cerberus officer carefully raised his thumb hoping it was the signal that the intimadating woman was looking for.

"Good," she soothed a sly smile evident in her low tone. "Listen to me very carefully..."

* * *

><p>Miranda lazily slid her pistol back into place on her bulky armour and placed a hand on her hips carelessly. "I would much rather take you back to The Illusive Man alive than as a corpse. We do not need your heart beating for the tests we wish to run. If I were you I would take advantage of my kindness."<p>

Shepard frowned at her words. "Is that your guilty concience forcing you to put your weapon away?" Shepard spat sardonically. "If I were you I would unholster it."

The Cerberus operative's electronic eyes squinted in what appeared to be frustration on her part. "This is your last chance Shepard," she warned resembling a wasp ready to sting.

Luckily for Shepard her will to appear confident was as solid as a krogan's head-plate. "Shove whatever plans you had in mind up your ass, I _will_ make you regret what you did!"

Without another word Shepard packed a punch full of bullets into a Cerberus soldier onto Miranda's right while sprinting away from the open space.

Her movement was sudden and vigorous as the commander struggled to drain her chosen target's shields while being shot up.

_Shields 20%..._

Well if she was going to go down it wouldn't be without a damn fight. From the small distance she had managed run to, Shepard stood her ground on the dust riddled concrete and decided on the spot that spraying her bullets into the compact group of Cerberus soldiers would be the best solution.

In a sudden movement a crunching gunshot sliced through the air instantly taking down the soldiers who's shields she was trying to drain a few moments ago.

There was only one person inside the massive expanse of the hall that could have been responsible for that.

Shepard switched on her earpierce again frantically before dipping behind a tiny lump of cover

"Zaeed?" she voiced. Shepard chanced a look far back behind her where she had left Zaeed, Kasumi and Wrex in cover.

_"Now you decide to switch your earpierce back on?"_ Zaeed yelled protectively into her ear.

Shepard observed Zaeed duck out of cover to give her the middle finger which she saluted in return. As a commander she wouldn't usually take that kind of crap, but seeing as she practically put herself in danger all for the sake of being overcome with emotion she was aware that she deserved the insult.

Wrex seemed to be clamoring towards her, a grin could just be made out on his features. Whatever the reason for a fight, Wrex wanted in.

_"Shepard watch out for Kas!"_ Zaeed warned her while taking another shot at a Cerberus soldier who getting too close to Shepard for his liking. The bullet managed to drain the bastard's shields down 30%.

It was only during Zaeed's timely intervention that Shepard realised that she had been holding down Jessie's trigger this whole time.

"What do you mean watch out for-"

A fizzled image of a woman appeared behind the gunfire coming towards Shepard and Wrex as he was making his way down to her.

Only then did Shepard realise the thief had been watching her back the whole damn time. This also meant that Shepard needed to begin aiming with precision.

"You just can't help yourself can you," a grumbling voice said behind her barely audible over the gunfire.

"The bitch called me out, I wasn't going to just stand there Wrex."

The red-plated krogan smirked at the commander before scaring an overly confident Cerberus soldier away from their small ounce of cover with a blast of his pristine shotgun. "Spoken like a true krogan Shepard."

Shepard inwardly smiled, trust Wrex to compliment her on doing something that impulsive.

Kasumi seemed to have got the soldier with the kids on their side for now. He joined the thief by injecting bullets into his fellow comrades after steathily lowering their shields down in the pulsing heart of the battlefield.

Wait a second where the hell was Miranda? Shepard frantically scanned her surroundings to the best of her capability what with all the bullets pelting at her and Wrex's tiny wall of cover.

Just as another crack from Zaeed's rifle resonated within the hall Shepard spotted an exit past the line of fire concealed by faint traces of rubble.

"Fuck!" Shepard yelled suddenly dashing out of cover towards the mocking rocks at the other end of the hall

"Shepard?" Wrex called out to her only to be pinned back down into to cover by another hail of bullets from the enemy.

Neon red bullets scratched at Shepard's armour as she forced herself forward with each panting breath. If she didn't pick up the pace she would be dead before she even reached the exit.

_"Shepard what the fuck do you think you're doing?"_ Zaeed bellowed into her ear. He witnessed the commander run out of cover foolishly through his scope and was now weighed down with the responsibility of drawing the attention of her attackers away from her.

When he received no response he let out a growl of frustration and almost immediately began dashing towards where Wrex sat in cover before him.

Meanwhile Kasumi was busy with the new Cerberus companion she had acquired, trusting him to load his assault rifle into the enemy while she cloaked herself to deal crucial hits to the vulnerable parts of their armour.

She smashed her sharp elbow against the hip of a soldier she had managed to sneak behind. He stumbled slightly instantly thrashing around for the cloaked thief.

That was the Cerberus father's cue to peak out of cover and drain the soldier's shields down with what was left of his devoured heat sink. The action gave Zaeed and Wrex the freedom to then end the man permanently with a blast of a shotgun and a cracking shot to the skull.

The mercenary and the krogan made a pretty good team from where they stood. However Zaeed's loyalty lied with Shepard, there was no way in hell that he would try and make nice with the krogan that took part in her death.

In a way after Zaeed entered Shepard's life he seemed to have taken Wrex's place. Wrex was usually the one Shepard went to talk to when she wanted to hear about stories of battle or get an opinion with no bullshit attached.

The krogan was aware that he and Shepard would never be able to go back to how they were. Some things you just can't change. He killed his own father for betraying him for crying out loud, how else did Shepard expect him to react when she turned her back on his people?

Now Wrex was fighting off Cerberus soldiers with Shepard's new found father figure beside him for company on _his_ homeworld. Vakarian had mentioned that she would come for him but he wasn't expecting this.

Massani jogged Wrex with his shoulder plate as he yanked an inferno grenade from his belt. He launched it over their lump cover with an impending force towards the Cerberus soldiers.

"Might have been an idea to use that earlier," Wrex stabbed over the outcries of the burning men thrashing around as Zaeed's grenade made impact.

"Actually I was saving it for you," Zaeed countered peering through his scope to get a clean shot at the distracted recruits desperately trying to put themselves out.

"Touche," Wrex grumbled stealing Massani's kill with a pump of his shotgun.

The two men eyed each other ferociously before noticing that the high-pitched gunfire had died down.

Before standing completely out of cover they both observed the wreckage the battle had caused, that left charred corpses and crimson stained rubble in the hall's wake.

"Hate to be the one to clean this up," Massani commented holstering his rifle with ease.

Wrex followed the mercenary out of cover as they made their way over to Kasumi who was knelt down beside the Cerberus officer who had made the smart decision to help them.

"I think it adds character to the place," Wrex mumbled thoughtfully while treading over a bullet riddled corpse.

Zaeed shot him a quizzical look. "If that's your idea of character then I'd hate to see what you consider to be messy."

They finally reached Kasumi who to their surprise was dressing the Cerberus man's wounds, too concentrated on the task at hand to acknowledge them both.

The soldier's scrunched up face subsided as soon as the medi-gel began to work it's magic and encased his cuts.

"Thanks Kasumi." He smiled weakly trying to sit himself up against the slab of concrete behind him.

Kasumi pulled herself away from the soldier and brought herself to her the balls of her dusty feet. "You're welcome Luke," she replied casually.

Zaeed and Wrex raised their eyebrows at the thief only to receive an innocent shrug in return. The mercenary concluded that the fact she and _Luke_ were on a first name basis could wait until they managed to catch up with Shepard who by the sounds of it had turned off her earpiece _again_. Zaeed honestly didn't see the point in having one if that's what she planned on doing all the time.

"Not that I don't appreciate your help and all mate, but we need to go after Shepard," Zaeed said openly as he towered over the man.

"I understand," Luke nodded solemnly. He looked up to see Kasumi's chocolate brown eyes lingering on him as she lightly smiled. "Thank you again for not killing me."

Zaeed and Wrex were already power-walking towards the rubble filled exit while Kasumi kneeled down once again beside the Cerberus soldier.

"Word of advice?" Kasumi asked rhetorically with a hint of humour playing on her purple stained lips. "Find a new job."

And on that note the thief jumped back up lightly skimming the dusty ground as she ran to catch up with Zaeed and Wrex.

* * *

><p>Luke continued to let his limbs relax while his back was perched up against the unyielding wall.<p>

It had been nearly five minutes now and he was still sitting here in a hall full of corpses, corpses that _used_ to be his co-workers.

He easily let the guilt train pass. He was not friends with any one of them and because of his decision he would see his children again, that was what mattered right now.

All these years of dedicating himself to Cerberus and now this. Luke had morals, and if Cerberus was capable of doing what they were about to do back there then he didn't want to be a part of it.

Damn he really needed to get off of this lump of rock that the krogan's called home. Luke would have been more than willing to help out Kasumi with finding Shepard however he had seen the looks that the male human and krogan had gave him. They didn't trust him and they had every right to feel that way. It was much easier for everyone if he just thanked whatever force that had saved his ass and be on his way.

Hopefully Tuchanka had some shuttles to spar-

The sound of heavy weighted foosteps reached his ears as Luke stilled himself. He instinctively reached for his rifle on the floor slowy and carefully as the steps became much louder and fell into a rhythm.

Whoever it was they were running, quite quickly now that he thought about it, right towards him.

With a deep breath he jumped up, his sight instantly falling on a man wearing bloodstained Cerberus armour with a plated helmet. Luke pinned his aim on him without hesitation his mind reeling at how to act in his situation.

The Cerberus soldier had his weapon out too, ready to fire at Luke if he needed to while he wordlessly scanned the limp bodies of Cerberus employees filling the hall.

Luke undoubtedly had no idea what to do as he raked his brain for a solution. So far both soldiers had said nothing to one another as they aimed each other down.

Should he shoot him? Did this man know he was partly responsible for the deaths of his fellow co-workers? Should he...wait. Only six officers were sent with Lawson on the ground team.

Luke counted five corpses on the floor in his peripheral vision, and Luke himself made the number of officers sent with Lawson six. Something about this mute officer before him wasn't adding up.

"Why are you here soldier, you wasn't on the ground team!" Luke questioned him frantically.

The armoured soldier didn't reply and remained frozen keeping his aim on him in place. Luke became even more nervous. Did this man know what he did?

"I asked you a question!" Luke prodded his voice giving away just how uncomfortable he was.

Without moving an inch the helmeted man finally spoke, opting to question Luke rather then answer the inquiry thrown at him a second ago.

"Where's Shepard?"

His voice sounded...odd. It had a flange to it as if his voicebox vibrated as he spoke. Human voices could _not_ do that.

"Who _are_ you?" Luke mumbled thoughtfully with squinted eyes.

The armoured figure sighed in aggravation obviously in a hurry. "You're men are dead, if you answer my question you will not join them."

God what the hell was he? His voice was in no way distinctively human unless he was a committed chain-smoker and even then that would not explain the alien twang to his accent.

If it wasn't for the damn helmet Luke would know what he was dealing with here. Was this guy after Shepard? After all he wore the Cerberus armour. Yet why would he threaten a fellow soldier? Especially when there was no way this mysterious figure could know that Luke was partially the reason why the chamber was scattered in corpses?

Luke felt the familiar tickle of sweat beading on his brow. He was going to have to go on with his gut instinct on this one. Doing so had kept him alive so far.

"Hypothetically speaking," Luke began cautiously not wanting to trigger any unwanted reactions off of the man before him. "Let's say I assisted Shepard in killing these guys." Luke inclined his head over towards the bullet-torn and charred bodies but was intelligent enough to keep his eyes trained on his possible attacker. "What would that make us?"

The breezeless air made the sound of the eerie man's cocking of his gun all the more audible, forcing Luke to swallow a swollen lump in his throat. _Shit._

An uneasy silence presented itself as the man seemed to hesitate with taking the shot. He was most likely weighing out his options or trying to figure Luke out.

"I guess that would make us two guys with a common interest," the helmeted soldier answered finally with a hint of uncertainty.

Luke's moon-rock eyes went wide as he watched the man who was about to kill him a few seconds ago holster his weapon.

Hesitantly Luke did the same.

The Cerberus suited man confidently began to close the space between them curiously observing the abandoned bodies from the battle earlier.

"You're not Cerberus are you?" The words flew out of Luke's mouth before he could stop them.

The figure stared at Luke through the helmet wordlessly for a second. "Did you figure that out all by yourself?" the man half-answered, sarcasm dripping from the pulsated echoes of his voice.

Luke stayed hush this time, unwilling to trust his voice any longer.

Whether or not the suited stranger had managed to regard this he broke the embarrassed silence anyway.

"Back where I am from there's a lot of red tape to prevent chaos like this from happening." The man gestured his hands towards the battle-torn hall that he was now lazily scanning with his omni-tool. Probably just to be sure that there weren't any life forms besides the two of them.

"And where would that be?" Luke asked, hoping to lure the mysterious man under casual pretenses to give himself up.

Unfortunately for Luke the helmeted man did not take the bait. "You've been dancing from one question to another and you are yet to answer mine."

Luke furrowed his brow but the disguised man was right. He was surprised with how patient he had been so far considering how an aura of possible threat emitted from his bulky form.

"Lawson fled through that exit..." Luke pointed towards the only way out near the two of them showered with rubble. "...and Shepard fled after her mid-battle. Kasu...the people Shepard had with her let me live for helping them and went after her when the fight was over."

The man grumbled to himself as he went into deep thought causing the vibrations from his voice-box to become all the more noticeable.

"Is Shepard aware of what she dealing with?" he asked randomly with haste.

Luke blinked. "Erm...I think Shepard is aware that Lawson is a biotic, if that's what you mean."

"It is not," the man retorted sharply before spinning on the heel of his heavy boot and power walking towards the rubble consumed exit.

It took Luke a moment to register that the disguised man was leaving as he instantly forced his limbs to go after him. "Wait!" Luke called out.

The mysterious man glanced back at Luke but continued stomping towards the way out where Shepard was last seen. "Shepard is in a lot of danger, the longer I wait the likelier it's her corpse I find."

Catching up to the disguised soldier Luke watched the man begin to force his way through the small crevice that the dusty rubble had allowed to stay within the tight exit.

"Let me come with you!" Luke bellowed. "I'm a good shot and Shepard's squad are less likely to shoot you on sight if they see me accompanying you!"

The man went to argue back but he had already wasted enough time with talk, not to mention the blonde-haired soldier was right. Seeing a familiar face would give him a chance to explain himself.

He reluctantly nodded managing to catch Luke's wide grin before slipping into a stale passage on the other side of the exit.

Luke forced himself through the tight crevice with less ease than his mysterious companion who was waiting for him impatiently on the other side.

The man didn't give him a chance to gather his bearings as he began jogging at a fairly quick pace through the passage that was quite dark and narrow.

Luke caught up to him easily, the narrowness of the passage preventing him from jogging at the man's side so he jogged a few inches behind him.

"So why are you so worried about Shepard facing Lawson anyway? Sure the operative is skilled but Shepard was not made the first human spectre for nothing." Luke managed to force the sentence out with controlled breaths as he reminded himself to keep placing one foot in front of the other as he jogged.

The man kept a steady pace focusing his line of sight on the unknown awaiting him with each strong stomp he took. Never again was he going to wear Cerberus armour. He guessed the material was probably comfortable for humans, which in his case did not benefit him in the slightest.

He took in a stale breath as he continued jogging. "Have you ever heard of indoctrination?"


	8. Unwelcome Changes

**A/N: **Hello readers, it has been too long, very long in fact. That's my bad. I found this chapter interesting and particularly hard to write seeing as I have never actually tried to get inside Miranda's head before, quite literally in fact. Regardless I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. It is mostly backstory, but trust me, you need this information. Thank you to whomever is still following this story and thank you so much for the reviews, they are like cookies but better. Kill Garrus Volume 1 has finally hit 50 reviews! Which is kind of a big deal for me. So let us cling on to the hope that I will do this second installment even more justice!

_"I'm not dead, just floating. I'm not scared, just changing. You're my crack of sunlight." - Pink._

I do not own Mass Effect or Kill Bill :'(

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><p>A cold bead of sweat protruded down Miranda's face. It was a stupid idea to come here.<p>

The white immaculate walls made her feel uneasy. They encased and blocked out all of the work that was done on the station, things she was once a part of but longer wanted to be.

She had been waiting around for an hour now, it was probably Cerberus' way of establishing that Miranda was not going to receive special treatment.

All the years she had thrown into the organisation were seemingly forgotten. If you go against The Illusive Man's orders then you are willingly accepting a death sentence. As much as Miranda hated to admit it, she was lucky. She had got away with resigning and hadn't heard from The Illusive Man since.

Miranda guessed it was that thought that sickened her the most. Metaphorically she was crawling back, but what choice did she have? He was the only one who could help her, and she was the only one on the Normandy that might have a chance of convincing The Illusive Man.

An irritating click of heels meeting the solid floor shook Miranda from her thoughts. She jerked her head up when the clicking became eerily louder.

Within Miranda's line of sight was a petite redhead clutching a data-pad with a focused aura of sorts. The woman's uniform although more formal compared to the scientists and officers was still stained with the golden Cerberus symbol.

The redhead came to a halt in front of Miranda with an expression that showed no emotion. Lawson would usually admire professionalism, however her time with Shepard rewired that.

Shepard could be what was considered professional at times. She would keep calm in situations and never blow things out of proportion. Yet she always had this look in her eye that anybody could have understood no matter what their species. The look in question was her way of warning the unlucky bastard that she wouldn't take much more and blow a casket.

Miranda had always found that remarkable in many ways. One being that Shepard would do her job in such a way that she was implying she was a major threat while abiding the rulebook. Lawson questioned the way Shepard did things at first but then grew to respect her as the Normandy's commander.

No matter what the situation, with Shepard you knew where you stood. The same couldn't be said for the redhead neutrally standing before Lawson however.

Miranda recognised her as one of The Illusive Man's many assistants, who marched up and down the Cerberus facility with a look that suggested she was on a mission.

Having been a favourable operative of The Illusive Man, Miranda was certain that the pale woman must have recognised her. If true, which Miranda had concluded it was then she guessed that the assistant must of had some kind grudge. In the eyes of Cerberus Miranda betrayed The Illusive Man, in her mind she just did what was right.

Followers like the one in front of Lawson would die for Cerberus without hesitation. Their devotion to The Illusive Man would surely make them hate somebody like her, a 'traitor' so to speak.

But this redhead was giving nothing away. All she did was firmly blink every so often. Whatever the woman's opinion was, it was sealed inside her and that put Miranda on edge. Much like Shepard, Miranda liked to know where she stood with someone.

Professionalism in the eyes of Cerberus always was a never-ending path of deceit. Shepard was able to act professional without deceiving anyone. One of the reasons why she was so respected.

All bottled up thoughts aside Miranda had to remind herself why she was here in the first place. This was all for Shepard. If she kept that in mind then she could deal with two-faced followers.

The redhead stood up-straight eyeing Miranda vigorously on the chair. The woman pursed her tinted lips to speak while Miranda swiftly detached herself from the black chair and stood up. She refused to be talked down to, it was a matter of principle.

With nothing more than a quick observation that Miranda was not remaining seated, the redhead adjusted quickly and began to speak again. Always the damn professional.

"The Illusive Man will see you now Ms. Lawson." The woman's accent was surprisingly thick and had a German flang to it. Whether or not she hailed from Germany was debatable.

The redhead inclined her head down a narrow pristine corridor and began to power-walk away with that aggravating and repetitious click.

Miranda was not stupid, she was aware that she was suppose to follow the assistant, but a part of her couldn't help but make out the rude undertones of the sudden gesture. The redhead did not give Miranda the chance to acknowledge her words and seemed to be uncomfortable with holding prolonged eye-contact.

Regardless Miranda followed suit managing to keep up with the assistant's quickened pace. Being a part of Shepard's crew left Miranda in good physical shape. The redhead would have to do better than walking fast to get under her skin.

"I assume that you are unarmed?" the redhead voiced suddenly as the two women walked side by side with haste.

Miranda shunned away the frown that threatened to escape and continued to forward her gaze. "The security guards gave me a thorough search before I entered the station."

"And?..." the woman prodded.

As vague as the question was, Miranda understood what the assistant was getting at. This time the frown couldn't be prevented as she rotated her head to meet the redhead's stoney features.

"They found nothing, hence why I was allowed inside."

A web of of heavy silence spun around the two women with the exception of heels rhythmically clicking as they walked. Besides the irritating clank of heels Miranda welcomed the silence as she continued to follow the assistant through the maze of corridors.

Each corridor they walked through looked exactly the same. The exterior was a pearly white, every surface that was available was completely smothered with a clean shiny glint to it. Some of the numbered labs had glass windows that were especially designed to be one-way mirrors. This of course worked in favour of the scientists inside the labs. The secrecy and cover-ups were put in place for people like Miranda, people who were not Cerberus.

The Illusive Man was intelligent as much as Miranda hated to admit it. He would allow the scientists to think that they had the upper hand and could not be spied on. That of course was far from the truth. The Illusive Man would have hidden cameras inside the room monitoring ever hitch in someone's breath and most of all, foul play. Miranda knew this for a fact seeing as The Illusive Man entrusted her with this information when she took the lead on the 'Lazurus Project'.

"You're a biotic aren't you?" the assistant questioned further interrupting the peaceful silence.

"That is correct," Miranda replied with a seething undertone to her accent.

Within Lawson's peripheral vision she could make out the redhead's suspicious expression.

"Security can not exactly confiscate biotic abilities..." the assistant continued accusingly. She halted her footsteps at some wide doors with Miranda waiting by her side impatiently.

"You're right," Miranda noted. "They can't."

The biotic's voice carried the amount of warning she had hoped to achieve causing the assistant to hover her hand over the control panel and snatch another glance at Miranda.

For what was only seconds felt like minutes as Lawson observed the redhead tap away at the orange panel opting the wide doors to open up.

Miranda immediately went to walk through the doors as she felt a light but strict tug on her arm. The biotic's eyes followed the manicured hand down the length of the arm to meet the assistant's disapproving glare.

"It is a great privilege to meet The Illusive Man in person," the redhead began still gripping Miranda with an outstretched arm. "One false move and security will not hesitate to have you incarcerated by any means necessary."

Miranda did not need to study the assistant's body language to realise that she wasn't bluffing. Lawson knew that particular fact all too well when entering the station, which was why she was so on edge.

"You seem rather adamant on me attempting anything," Miranda concluded out loud.

The redhead pursed her crimson lips. "Your reputation proceeds you."

Releasing Miranda's arm the assistant spun on her heel to march away. "The Illusive Man is waiting for you inside Ms. Lawson," she called back without looking and headed down the corridor they had come from.

With a deep controlled breath Miranda forced her limbs to move and proceeded through the intimidating doors.

The Illusive Man's presence was not just something she could see, but feel. This was a man who carried too much power for her liking, a man with strong beliefs and a picture perfect memory.

As if waiting to have his portrait painted The Illusive Man leaned back into his leather chair with his legs crossed. He caressed a newly lit cigarette between his fingers and a flaming orange backdrop hung behind him of holographic equipment.

"I'm glad you could make it Miranda," The Illusive Man began, his expression undecipherable. "Please take a seat."

Miranda wordlessly sat herself down on the secluded chair he had gestured to with an inclination of his head.

A heavy mass of an uncertain atmosphere settled between them, for they were now facing one another with one meter of space to keep them separated.

Lawson watched The Illusive Man take another long drag of his cigarette as she eyed him with a suspicious glare. She did not want to be here. She should have never of come.

"Would you like me mind-read you're purpose for being here?" The Illusive Man offered with no humour or aggravation attached to his soulless tone.

Sitting forward slightly Miranda rested her elbows on her thighs. There was no going back now.

"Shepard is missing," Miranda vaguely stated. She observed every inch of The Illusive Man's body language that would signal any involvement from his side.

He didn't flinch. His frame was as still as a stone statue with the exception of the chalky smoke oozing from his cigarette.

"I know."

Miranda's expression contorted into a frown. "What do you mean you _know_?"

"I will not repeat myself," The Illusive Man stated his voice dripping with high status. "According to my sources Shepard will be missing for exactly five months in the next two galactic days."

This was a fact that Miranda was more than familiar with. Every so often loud growls and profanities could be made out from the communications room by Vakarian. Whenever he spoke to the Council to update them on their progress he would bring up Shepard. He would accuse them with throwing the issue to the side just like they were doing with the Reaper threat. The roars evolved from _"Shepard has been missing for two weeks,"_ to _"Shepard has been missing for a month!"_

No matter what the crew was doing that day whenever Vakarian disconnected the Council brashly he always looked ready to kill someone. There was only so much searching the crew could do while trying to tackle the evident Reaper threat without the Council's acknowledgement.

Which is why Miranda was sat opposite the man she never wanted to see again, a man who she did not trust the slightest. She had asked for Vakarian's permission to take three weeks of leave to try and find some answers for Shepard's disappearance. He hesitantly agreed to it, obviously pissed off that he could not do the same and had to lead the crew.

Biting her plump lip with force Miranda debated whether she should of informed Vakarian of her decision of turning to The Illusive Man for help. She did not take pride in keeping secrets but she was aware that the situation called for it considering the cracked relationship between Cerberus and the Normandy's crew.

Vakarian had tried contacting one of the only people who could locate Shepard: Liara T'soni, yet to the crew's dismay even she couldn't give an answer for Shepard's disappearance.

There was only one other person in the universe who would know how to find Shepard, and he was sat right in front of Miranda admitting his knowledge of the great commander Shepard missing in action.

"Do you know where Shepard is?" Miranda challenged while The Illusive Man exhaled a puff of smoke.

"Let's say I do. Why should I tell you?"

Miranda leaned back and crossed her arms with a strong scowl upon her features. "Not only did I work for Cerberus for years, but I was irrevocably loyal to the organisation. Surely that stands for something."

"It did," The Illusive Man acknowledged. He bowed his head slightly. "But your recent resignation has made it quite clear where your loyalties now lie."

His sentence hung in the air for a few seconds. It was just as Miranda had predicted. The Illusive Man held grudges, he would not help someone who had abandoned his cause.

"I see that this meeting has been a waste of time," Miranda voiced knowingly. She abruptly stood up from her seat aware of The Illusive Man's glowing gaze on her. "I'll see myself out."

The Illusive Man dotted out his cigarette as Miranda on instinct hastily made her way to the doors from whence she came.

Her gloved hand reached out for the panel only for it to beep unhealthily. To her dismay the panel instantly changed to a raw red.

Shaking her head in disbelief Miranda did a 360 turn as she heard The Illusive Man rise from his chair.

"I didn't say you could leave Ms. Lawson."

Miranda's brows knitted together as she gave The Illusive Man daggers. "Is this some kind of joke?" she questioned, her brain instantly beginning to panic and inwardly scan for another exit.

He took a confident step towards her, his expression unreadable. "Do I look like I'm laughing?"

Feeling her biotics flare up Miranda tightened her hands into fists intimidatingly. "Open the doors," she ordered.

The Illusive Man straightened his posture and clasped his hands behind his back. "I'm afraid that is out of the question," he stated. "You put your feelings before Cerberus and ruined our chance of understanding the Reapers in more depth-"

"The base had to be destroyed! So many human lives were lost there!" Miranda argued back debating whether or not to slam The Illusive Man face first onto the solid ground while she tried to make a run for it.

So far he had not tried anything. Yet.

"I never thought that you were the kind of woman to choke on the hard decisions Miranda. I helped you come to terms with who you are, I am the reason you're as skilled and as powerful as you are today!" The Illusive Man countered turning his back on her to face the flaming orange backdrop of equipment.

He rubbed his rough face with the palm of his hand and sighed. "Which is why you make the perfect candidate."

Miranda shot the back of his head a quizzical look as six Cerberus guards suddenly stormed through two hidden panels on the walls surrounding her.

Her gaze shifted between the barrels aimed on her frame as she mentally prepared her body for combat.

"I'll have to humbly decline whatever you have in mind!" Miranda roared unleashing a sudden throw from her slender frame that smashed the guards surrounding her to the ground. With the wind knocked out of them Miranda quickly grabbed a M-6 cannon that had landed beside her feet.

The Illusive Man still hadn't turned around to the commotion occurring behind him.

"I must admit I am little insulted," Miranda hissed gripping the weapon tightly and pinning her aim onto The Illusive Man's head. He didn't flinch. "You admitted it yourself, I am exceptionally skilled."

Refusing to even acknowledge her The Illusive Man remained exceptionally calm as he felt the weapon apply more pressure to his skull. Miranda's finger hovered over the trigger.

Essentially The Illusive Man had played the role of a father-figure in her life, but a line had to be drawn somewhere. He had gone too far with his 'cause' and had turned his back on her for doing what she believed was right.

If anyone was going to end The Illusive Man, Miranda wanted to be the one to do it. She owed Shepard that much, where ever she was.

Hopefully his timely death would give her enough time to scour the facility for any information to Shepard's location and status, Miranda did not want to leave empty handed.

"This is for Shepard," Miranda voiced with glistening eyes and pressed down hard on the trigger.

A loud crack of a gunshot bounced around the walls of the room.

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><p>An orchestra of bubbles fizzed and popped inside a glass case which The Illusive Man had been observing for eight minutes in solitude.<p>

He did not regret his decision. The mere concept of doing so was impossible. He often wondered why so many people chose to ponder on their past mistakes, it was often argued that you learned from them. But why would you go through with something that you felt you were going to regret? Why allow yourself to be put in a position of weakness, where your judgement had let you down?

The Illusive Man dismissed regret. If he did something, he stood by his actions. Always. Even if life was to throw some past choices his way he would not analyse them. Whatever he did was done. Over. He could not go back in time, therefore there was no point in allowing regret to even enter the equation.

Maybe it wasn't regret that he was feeling. No, maybe it was something else...

His slightly wrinkled hand rubbed the glass of the case. It was warm to touch, kept at the right temperature to preserve a human body.

He did not feel regret. He felt disappointed.

There was no room for the colour grey in his line of work, he had made that very clear to his followers. And of all the people to turn against him it was Miranda. _His_ Miranda.

When she was young he had found her, accepted her even. At first he had been intrigued with the upgrades her father acquired her with. The Illusive Man had no doubt that if trained well, Lawson would become a great asset to Ceberus.

He was not wrong. However he didn't realise just how devoted she would become. Miranda respected him greatly, this he was more than aware of. But he never expected to feel a bond with the woman. He wouldn't go as far as saying that she was the closest thing to a daughter he ever had, they were just close. Nothing more. Nothing less.

They respected one another and both fought for the same thing. Despite her icy demeanor The Illusive Man took a shine to the operative. She was one of the few people he trusted.

Then he sent Miranda with Shepard, and all her years spent serving Cerberus seemed to blow out of the airlock. After everything he had done for the woman, she turned her back on him, after everything!

The Illusive Man half-expected Shepard to choke on the hard decisions but not Miranda. She had been his back up plan, she was to be the one to convince Shepard further. But no. Miranda frowned at him, told him of her resignation and went off to destroy the Collector base.

Call him reckless but there were just some things he could not forgive.

Turning his head slightly The Illusive Man read the readouts on the glass case for the third time in six minutes.

_Test Subject: Miranda Lawson_

_Heart Rate: Normal_

_Progress at 13%..._

"You sure know how to hold a grudge," came a voice from behind him that was soon followed by the closing of doors.

The Illusive Man did not utter a response and opted to stare silently at Miranda's coma-like features inside the glass case. To his humour it was the first time he had ever seen her look so relaxed, there was no frown or crease to be found on her face.

"Sir?"

"I heard you Kai."

Kai raised his eyebrows before letting out a sigh causing The Illusive Man to turn around irritably and give him his full attention.

"I'll admit I would much prefer testing the technology out on Grayson first," he seethed.

Leng shook his head solemnly. "I _will_ find him Sir, do not worry about that."

The Illusive Man instantly frowned. "But I _do_ worry Kai. If you were to do your job properly then we would know the risks of using the Reaper technology on Lawson."

A bleep resounded inside the glass chamber startling the two men from their weighted conversation. _Progress at 15%..._

"Sir, with all due respect, if I didn't turn up when I did, Lawson would have put a bullet in you," Kai countered much to his annoyance.

With a swift turn The Illusive Man faced Miranda inside the glass case again ignoring Kai for a moment before clasping his hands behind his back formally.

"That I have no doubt," he whispered while staring at Miranda's limp features.

He would prefer Grayson in this position first, he really would. Just so Cerberus could really push their limits with the Reaper technology they acquired. Now however they had to be careful. If the experiment was a success, Miranda would become even more of an asset than she was two years ago.

Inside the particular punishment was opportunity. A chance to really understand the Reapers, a chance to see if their influence could be manipulated.

The scientists had informed The Illusive Man that the experiment would be an excruciating process that would involve self-replicating nanites and particle entanglements that would soon take over Lawson's nervous system.

Whether or not any part of her former self remained did not matter. What mattered was the overall outcome of mixing Reaper technology with the '_perfect_' human.

The Illusive Man was not surprised by her aggressive reaction a couple of hours ago. Admittedly he had expected her to try and escape instead of taking the time to put him down. A terrible decision on her part. Leng was informed of what The Illusive Man had in store for Miranda. When he observed the guards thermal signatures collide with the floor he timely intervened by charging in and on reflex, pinning Miranda with a well placed shot between her shoulder-blades.

Of course if the experiment turned in Cerberus' favour, The Illusive Man would have to take cautious measures to get her back to the Normandy within three weeks, provided that Miranda looked just like she did before.

Vakarian would be none the wiser of Cerberus' upper-hand and with luck, Miranda's manipulated mind would be enough to take control of the Normandy and the crew.

Kai shuffled from foot to foot awkwardly. "You know it's going to take a while to prepare her physically for the experiment right?"

"Yes," The Illusive Man replied still fixated on Miranda's body that sucked oxygen rhythmically from the mask attached to her mouth.

_Progress at 17%..._

Noting Kai's inability to take a hint The Illusive Man rubbed the bridge of his nose in annoyance. "You are dismissed Leng."

Kai opened his cracked lips to speak but decided against it before nodding and hesitantly heading out of the lab.

Sighing over the welcomed silence The Illusive Man placed his slightly wrinkled hand against the tank again, gently rubbing it's warm exterior.

"Welcome back Miranda."

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><p><em>We are the harbinger of your destiny...<em>

Miranda instantly felt sharp pains within the confines of her weighted skull. It was like someone was slicing at her head at every given opportunity, their attacks relentless and powerful.

She couldn't move, why couldn't she move? Was this a nightmare? Why did it all feel so real?

Deep within her mind she could feel an irritable presence, a presence that resembled that of a mosquito which would continuously buzz next to your ear every so often but you couldn't catch it.

_Do not fight the inevitable..._

That was not her voice. Somewhere in the pitch black space of her brain someone else's words echoed within her thoughts. They were audible enough for Miranda to know they were there but low enough to be difficult to decipher.

Without warning Miranda felt each and every muscle spasm against her will, shaking whatever thoughts she had conjured up with a tsunami of wrenching agony.

Lawson felt a bellowed scream creep up from her throbbing lungs, through her soar throat and...nothing. Not a single sound, not even a faint squeak.

Her lips...her lips would not open, something was preventing them. From what she could tell through the never-ending waves of affliction there was a strong metallic taste in her mouth.

_Submit..._

No! No! She continuously drilled into her brain. But she wasn't strong enough, for once Miranda was not strong enough.

No matter how much she tried to move, or to respond to her torturous state, her body continued to remain paralytic.

She was helpless. Completely helpless as another surge of electricity ached and stung her feeble muscles even more.

Is this what Shepard felt like when she was spaced? This feeling of dread, fear and hopelessness.

As Miranda's scathed body took another roaring blow of hushed stinging whispers, sharp edged scratches and looped suffering she uneasilly dived into unconciousness.

The last memory that fully belonged to Miranda and Miranda alone was of Shepard.

_Embrace perfection..._


	9. Monster

**A/N: **This might actually be the first time that I am not going to apologise for being late with a chapter. Quick somebody get the confetti! Sure you guys have roughly waited two weeks but considering how long it has taken me to get the other chapters up in the past this is an accomplishment in itself. Much like Kill Bill Volume 1 and 2, Kill Garrus Volume 1 was the questions and Kill Garrus Volume 2 is the answers. Again a big thank you for those of you that have reviewed, alerted and favourited this series, it really does help.

_"I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin, I must confess that I feel like a monster." - Skillet_

I do not own Kill Bill nor do I own Mass Effect.

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><p>The narrow corridors all conformed to a particular style making it much harder for Shepard to not get lost.<p>

She hoped that during this tiring pursuit of endless running and blocked corridors that Miranda was still within range. Shepard had not come this far to see her get away.

A part of her mind raced back to her teammates that she had left behind. As much as Shepard's every moral yelled at her to go back and make sure they were okay her legs just continued moving after Miranda.

Again and again each path she took lead to another mocking dead end in which she would instantly retrace her steps. Shepard may indeed have been slowly losing her battle with fatigue, but she was winning her battle against pessimism. The way the commander saw it, every dead end brought her closer to Miranda where ever she was in the Tuchankan maze of corridors.

Fatigue would soon set in on the operative as well, she was only human after all. Although the bright glowing eyes held a sort of contradictory note to that statement.

Pushing herself forward Shepard felt a sudden sharp impact to her face before colliding to the floor.

Judging from the squeamish crack that resounded from the blow and the montage of pain flooding her face Shepard concluded that her nose was broken.

She blinked through the welled up tears in her blurry eyes to search for her attacker, only to be met with a brutal kick to the ribs that could be felt through her dented armor no thanks to Wrex's shotgun earlier.

Shepard spluttered and coughed as she rolled to her side reeling over the riot of pain that consumed her body.

"You have brought all of this on yourself," hissed the familiar Australian voice that Shepard had unfortunately grown to recognise.

Miranda finished her sentence with another stabbing blow to Shepard's aching chest.

"All you had to _do_ was submit!" Lawson bellowed revealing a heavy weight of emotion for the first time during their reunion. "You _will_ know pain!"

As Lawson unmercifully continued with her torturous rampage on Shepard's body, the commander sucked it up allowing two more kicks before forcing herself to block out the throbbing pain and yank at Miranda's incoming boot.

Within a fraction of a second Miranda joined Shepard on the dusty Tuchankan ground. Shepard did not delay and flung herself on top of the operative fist first before the black-haired woman had time to react.

The first punch thankfully dented into the Australian woman's jaw but it was only as Shepard went in for another blow that she realised they were having no effect.

Miranda had not paused once in her actions to try and fling the commander off of her form, blocking out every hit and focusing on the dark energy glowing threateningly in her palms.

Shepard instantly reacted with the help of her paranoid reflex miraculously beating Miranda for the upper hand and kneed her roughly between the crevice of her legs. The stinging pain that presented itself was unexpected immediately throwing off Miranda's concentration.

This was Shepard's moment that she caught swiftly using both thumbs to press down with determination on Lawson's unprotected throat.

The more Miranda feverishly squirmed beneath her the more pressure Shepard applied, inwardly smirking at the thought of snapping the operative's head off from the angered urgency of her grip.

Each eager breath Miranda tried to take in was cut short while she did her best to tear Shepard off of her. It was no use however, Shepard just continuously tightened her hold while eerily leaning forward so that her bloodied face was a few inches from Miranda's that was gradually tinting blue by the second.

"It's a shame it had to come to this," Shepard whispered through gritted teeth locking eyes with a frantic Miranda. "If, possible..." Shepard continued ignoring the ache of her muscles begging her to relax her grip. "I would like you to see things from my perspective."

Miranda's bulging eyes opened wider than before glowing lamentably. Shepard was reciting what Lawson had said back on Mars. But, she was comatose how could she even...

"I...am doing you a favour!" Shepard seethed with venom relishing in the look Miranda's pleading eyes were giving her.

* * *

><p>Miranda's body shook involuntarily. She remembered the incoming memory vividly. Vakarian had sent her to Mars to finish Shepard off and she was more than pleased to proceed with the mission at hand.<p>

But for the first time ever a chord had struck, and it was Shepard's words that had plucked the sensitive strings in question. Why did Miranda want Shepard dead?

Lawson's head was in a whirlwind of pain as an itch began to form in the back of her mind that wasn't being caused by Shepard's relentless hold on her throat. Why? Why had she never questioned that? In fact what was the damn answer? The itch was becoming more urgent as her breaths were as shallow as water remnants on a beach when the tides out.

Frantically digging through every memory she could recall, Miranda was finding no answers other than that she wanted Shepard dead. There was no justification of it. She pictured Shepard comatose, she pictured Shepard at the chapel and still nothing. Going beyond that day Miranda remembered Vakarian giving the uncertain order and being pleased with the decision while everyone else in the conference room didn't really want to dwell on it.

What was the damn answer, there had to be a reason for her hate, just something, anything! Miranda went to reconcile with the earlier events of when Shepard had actually disappeared. Strange. The memory got all the more blurrier as she went further into it and then nothing.

Running out of precious time from Shepard's unyielding lock Miranda rushed herself before the darkness of unconsciousness could take her. What happened between the events of Shepard's disappearance and death that Miranda couldn't for the life of her remember? To even think about the missing piece was causing a searing pain within her brain that was counteracting the lightheadedness.

_"These attacks are pointless..." _a familiar voice growls within her head.

Terrified, Miranda began forcing her feeble body that lacked oxygen to begin building up dark energy, it caused her to feel excruciating pain making her eyes glow even brighter.

Shepard began to look uncertain, how the fuck was Miranda building up dark energy when she was barely hanging on to conciousness?

_"You cannot resist..."_

Miranda had no idea what she was doing but it felt like their was a barrier within her very mind and it was scratching and tearing at her skull, she couldn't deal with it let alone comprehend what was going on.

_"This body's pain is irrelevant..."_

With the small ounce of strength left in Lawson's form she unleashed a forceful push knocking Shepard across the corridor and her own body against the solid floor.

Like a prothean vision something within her mind snapped and began to play causing her to forget about her much needed gulps of air.

All Miranda could do was remain paralyzed on the ground as a cacophony of memories flooded her system that she watched in an outer bodied experience, eyes widened with a bright glowing fear of the unknown.

_The sound of heavy booted footsteps shook Miranda from her train of thought. She paused what she was doing at her desk while an enraged turian stormed into her office. His form was haggard from lack of sleep and stress but that did nothing to stop him from looking intimidating._

_Miranda was about to speak only to be prevented by Vakarian who was wasting no time with pleasantries._

_"What the hell was that back there Lawson?" he questioned with a snarl while towering over her desk._

_Doing her best to remain professional Miranda regarded him politely. "What seems to be the problem?"_

_Vakarian scoffed before flinging his azure armoured arms in the air. "The problem? The fact that you undermined me in front of the whole squad might be a good place to start."_

_Ahh that. "Vakarian I was simply stating-"_

_"I didn't ask you to simply state!" he interrupted embracing his commanding position for once. "I didn't ask for your opinion on anything! Shepard left me in charge and therefore you do as I say. That means not questioning my orders to continue looking for her!"_

_Vakarian was absolutely fuming with rage. He had been inconsolable ever since Shepard's sudden disappearance and now he was finally venting it out on Lawson to her dismay._

_As he went to pace out of the room Miranda abruptly stood out of her chair. "What would Shepard say if she saw you acting like this?" she yelled after him instantly regretting it as he stopped in his tracks and inclined his head back slightly._

_"What?" he muttered in a barely audible threatening tone._

_Miranda thanked whatever force that prevented her voice from trembling and maintained eye contact. She had come this far, she might as well see her actions through. Lawson was anything if not determined._

_"Is this any way to honour her? By not finishing her fight?"_

_One minute Vakarian was by the door, next he was literally a mere inch from her body as he slammed her into a wall. Dark energy prickled her skin begging to be released at the sudden intrusion of her personal space. Miranda inwardly willed the urge away...for now._

_"Until I have seen a body you will refer to Shepard as being alive," Garrus growled menacingly._

_Vakarian was close to breaking point, he didn't want to be put in charge, he never asked for any of this. Now he was overcome with so many emotions and he didn't know what ones to deal with first._

_When someone you love is missing you are torn between mourning them or clinging onto the hope that they are alive._

_Miranda did her best to not let fear become evident on her face as Garrus bore his bloodshot eyes into hers._

_"You are not the only one on this ship that is worried about her Vakarian," Miranda explained slowly as she watched Garrus slightly back away but still hold an intimidating glare of hostility. "But the Reapers are still out there and need to be dealt with. Lives are at stake, the crew needs to focus on this."_

_Vakarian's strong towering build instantly became a slumped mess. The whole situation was ridiculous. He had known this the whole time but had tried to avoid it. He had held on to the hope that they would find Shepard in one piece and things would go back to how they were. But time was running out for the galaxy and Shepard was still nowhere to be found._

_Garrus sighed heavilly before fully backing away from Miranda's form. "Lawson I...apologise I just-"_

_"Miss her," Miranda finished for him with a weak smile._

_The turian nodded with reluctance washing away any anger that was left over._

_"Vakarian," Miranda spoke hesitantly with a touch of sympathy. "I am aware of how close you and the commander was, I understand that this must be hard for you." Garrus remained quiet unable to trust anything that left his lungs._

_"Look, allow me to continue searching for Shepard. Three weeks leave should be enough time."_

_Garrus' scarred face perked up at that. "Okay...I'll put Tali in charge and come with you to-"_

_Miranda lifted up her gloved hand causing the turian to pause. "With all due respect the crew needs you here Vakarian, they need some stability. Shepard left you in charge because she wanted you and only you to take her place."_

_Flaring his mandibles Garrus went to counter Miranda's argument to find that he had nothing credible to his point. Once again the operative was right, only this time she didn't look smug about it._

_"I take it you have some ideas on where to start looking?" Garrus offered in defeat._

_Clasping her hands behind her back Lawson gave him a faint smile. "Of course. You and the crew can be focusing on the Reapers while I try to find information on Shepard. It's a win-win situation."_

_Vakarian bowed his head, not making direct eye contact with Lawson. "Yeah...I guess I should go and hold another meeting in the conference room, inform the crew about the change of plan."_

_"Very well," Miranda acknowledged fighting the need to breathe a heavy sigh of relief._

_The turian began to make his way out of her brightly lit room before pausing between the door for a second time. "Thank you for doing this Miranda," he sighed, the sentence sounding foreign to him._

_For a moment the operative seemed shocked but she quickly locked that emotion away and presented the turian an expression of complete formality. "You're welcome Vakarian."_

_On that note the turian left without another word ignoring the exchange of looks between the startled crew-members in the mess hall that had overheard the commotion in Lawson's office._

_It didn't take long for Miranda to get back into the flow of things and quickly forget about her and Vakarian's 'discussion', right now she had bigger issues at hand._

_Confidence was something Miranda prided herself in, but that trait had sprinted away as she went to click send on the email she had reworded again and again on her orange humming computer._

_She didn't want to go crawling back, but Vakarian had tried every other possibility. Even T'soni was of no use to them. Lawson had little choice. Shepard was out there and if He of all people knew where, then this was something she had to do._

_With one hesitant click, Miranda's message to The Illusive Man was sent._

* * *

><p>Shepard could feel an uncomfortable dampness within her hair as well as a sharp shockwave of pain. Judging from the dark crimson liquid running down her neck it was obvious that she had cracked her head against a rock when she collided with it.<p>

Doing her best to shake away the dizziness clouding her senses Shepard struggled to move, her body protesting against the mere thought.

Surprised wasn't the word for what Shepard was feeling concerning Miranda's sudden biotic push. Not only did the operative manipulate dark energy in a most vulnerable state but the push itself was far from weak.

If the biotic in question was Jack, Shepard would still be skeptical. The commander could see the operative slowly losing consciousness before her very eyes, the fact she had even manage to pull that push off just didn't make any sense at all.

Like an alarm clock abruptly going off it occurred to Shepard that Miranda had not followed through with her powerful attack. It should have only taken her twenty seconds or so to get over being strangled and yet she was not in the commander's line of sight.

Using her rage to take back control of her beaten body Shepard clung to the sharply cut wall behind her that was painted with her blood. Her head ached with defiance and the rapid swelling was making it feel all the more heavier.

With a deep breath Shepard put one foot in front of the other preparing herself to chase after Miranda once again, she couldn't let the woman flee, not when she was so close!

Shepard brushed past a chunky beige rock inside the maze and was just about to head down another parallel corridor in front of her. That was until she heard the familiar sound of a body meeting the floor, yet this sound was somewhat alien to her seeing as it was continuous, frantic and without pause.

Curiously Shepard followed the eery sound. Her breath hitched as she looked down and observed Miranda in a corner splayed out as she seemed to be having a seizure of sorts.

Her limbs thrashed around helplessly knocking against the concrete in a such a way, making Shepard inwardly cringe. Miranda's eyes had rolled back into her head causing the glow to become brighter without a pupil to soften it's appearance.

Something just wasn't right about this, admittedly Shepard would have been by Miranda's side four years prior but this was the present. The fact that Shepard watched the scene before her gruelingly play out for longer than needed pleased and sickened her.

Again Shepard had to remind herself that she was still human, and that she had to cling onto her humanity even if there was only an ounce of it left after all the things she had done.

As realisation washed over her, Shepard paced towards Miranda's position noting that the operative had retched up some bile during her frightful episode.

* * *

><p>Miranda's body was reacting negatively to the memories resurfacing within her mind and there was nothing she could do to stop it.<p>

She wished for the continuos pain to stop yet she pushed forward as each memory got clearer and clearer.

_"Shepard is missing."_ Miranda watches herself say. She looks uncomfortable wherever she is, she doesn't want to be there. Another voice suddenly presents itself, husky and mysterious compared to her own, just out of her line of sight.

_"I know." _Miranda may have been a bystander within this scene she was putting together piece by piece but even she recognised that voice. The Illusive Man.

Images continue to scratch the insides of her skull trying to prevent her from remembering. With what can only be described as a fizzle of light encasing her brain, the images become frantic yet immaculately clear.

The Illusive Man traps her, she knew she shouldn't have come. The door...the door won't open...guards closing in. She eradicates them easily with a throw. She knows she should leave but the temptation is too much. Miranda takes the guard's weapon, she presses it to The Illusive Man's head, she is going to end him, her decision is final.

Darkness surrounds the playing images and fills her ears with a hellish tune of high pitched screams.

_"You know it's going to take a while to prepare her physically for the experiment right?..."_

The words could just about be made out over the screeching that cut into her every nerve.

_"Welcome back Miranda."_

Lawson clung on to whatever strength she had left, whatever part of her body remained hers.

__"We are the harbinger of your destiny..."__

Torture, Miranda remembered torture, inexplicable pain that she never asked for.

__"Embrace perfection," __the voice teases, for once Miranda resists.

The indescribable pain melts down into a humming dull ache as she reaches yet another scene, clear as the light of day.

She is in what seems to be a chapel as she scans the golden ceiling draping over her. It is beyond beautiful.

A stampede of bullets echo within the hall destroying the blissful tranquility and prompting Miranda to jump for cover. She breathes heavilly and chances a look from behind a bench as the mysterious shooting stops.

Five people instantly make their way through the massive doors and down the aisle. She recognises each and every one of them including herself.

The air is stale and carries a unwanted silence with the exception of the crew's footsteps.

"No! Garrus!" someone outcries in a blood-curdled tone. Another voice that Miranda recognises making her shiver involuntarily.

Lawson follows the echoed voice instantly wishing she hadn't as her worried gaze falls on a pregnant Shepard who's wedding dress is splattered with the blood of her groom and guests. They are slumped around her form lifelessly, eyes wide with dead emotion.

The crew slowly make their way over to her their faces expressionless yet seemingly focused.

Shepard awkwardly rises to her feet and stares at Vakarian specifically while clutching at a leaking wound on her arm. Miranda feels a build up of bile in her throat at the sight.

Without halting Vakarian moves in on Shepard without a single word while the others remain a meter behind him. There is a distant look in his eyes crystal blue eyes suggesting that he is not entirely in control.

Nothing feels right about this. Before Lawson can scrape at her mind for the answer he and Shepard come face to face. The commander is breathing heavily as Garrus stares into her glistening eyes. He reaches out without caution to stroke her arm all the while maintaining eyes contact with her.

Shepard flinches away from him abruptly, not out of fear but out of disgust.

She instantly reels her hand back and launches it onto the scarred side of his face with roaring cry. Her breaths come out a jagged mess as she awaits his reaction.

Vakarian doesn't even stagger from the force of the punch, barely acknowledging it. He sighs heavily in defeat and nods back to the crew without giving Shepard a second glance.

Miranda watches the crew and herself make their way over to Shepard who's exterior physically shows her trying to work out what to do.

The operative wills herself to run over and help Shepard, she can't take much more of this. However her feet hold her into position.

_"You will know pain Shepard," _the voice echoes in her mind making her wince.

In a flash Shepard's arms glow a vibrant blue as she hurls a shockwave towards the incoming crew. The action is without a doubt impressive for someone that heavily pregnant, yet regardless of how striking the movement was it only seems to knock Tali back slightly.

Wrex suddenly grips Shepard's injured arm causing her to cry out a tortured scream that sounds foreign to the commander's lips.

The krogan doesn't give Shepard time to react and smacks the butt of his chrome shotgun into her unprotected jaw knocking her straight into Jack's fist that collides forcefully with the commander's eye.

Miranda wished for the horrifying scene to come to and end but Shepard endlessly refused to back down. The injured woman staggered as she leant into the punches obviously to stop the crew from inflicting any harm to her unborn child.

Even though she was clearly outnumbered Shepard refused to back down and endlessly fought back with her own fists and biotics. On a few occasions Shepard landed a few punches towards her attackers dealing a lot more damage than Miranda expected.

Vakarian stood a few meters away, watching the scene with interest but not interacting.

Another scoarched yell from Shepard brought Miranda's eyes back on her as the commander miraculously raised Wrex with a biotic lift from her left hand and flung Jack and Tali across the aisle with a forceful throw from her right.

That's when Miranda saw herself flare up her own biotics. After pulling off her previous stunt there was no way a beaten Shepard could avoid the heavy slam pinned on her.

The dark energy released from Miranda unceremoniously lifted Shepard into the air and hurled her back down onto the chapel's unyielding surface beside the bodies of her deceased groom and guests.

Miranda's stomach twisted into tight knots as she watched Shepard struggle to get back up to find that she had no more fight left inside her. Her face was battered and swollen leaving her in a unrecognisable state.

None of the crewmembers acknowledged Shepard as she watched them with a look of anger and betrayal.

_"Your form is fragile..."_

A stinging tear trickled down Miranda's cheek. She had caused this, if it wasn't for her all of this could have been prevented.

Lawson's memory began to darken and fade away to the back of her mind. She managed to ignore the heavy ached wedged inside her skull as Vakarian walked over to Shepard's body and said, "Do you find me sadistic?"

* * *

><p>Shepard pinned Miranda's arms to her sides with the most strength she could muster. Miranda was going to die by her hand, there was no other option. If that statement meant she had to prevent Lawson from dying now then so be it.<p>

Her limbs frantically lurched back and forth until her movements came to a halt with an arched spine that collapsed to the floor after a full second.

The commander eyed the operative's body with suspicion as she knelt beside her. "Lawson?...bitch you better be conscious," Shepard warned.

With a deafening retch Miranda flung her head to the side as she vomited aggressively on the ground. Shepard was thankfully able to edge away in time, the action however did not stop the foul smell emitting out of the yellow fluid from intruding her nostrills.

Shepard frowned as Miranda gagged yet again only this time not bringing anything up.

Both women remained silent for a while, Miranda was dazed and still trying to comprehend all the new information she had learned while Shepard wanted the brawl she had been waiting a long time for. She refused to fight Lawson unfairly, that wasn't how she worked.

"I'm sorry," Miranda choked out suddenly to Shepard's surprise making her all the more wary of the operative. The way Shepard saw it, having issues with trust kept you alive longer.

"He's whispering in my ear, I can't...everything is my fault," the operative murmured in self pity. She remained in the same position from earlier, too weak and in shock over the news that had dawned on her.

"Who?" Shepard questioned curious and on edge. "What are you talking about?"

"Harbinger."

Shepard froze over the operative's announcement. What the fuck was she playing at?

Proceeding with caution Shepard swiftly brought herself to the balls of her sore feet and unholstered Jessie. She aimed the weapon directly at Miranda on the ground who stared but up at her vacantly.

"Cut the bullshit Lawson!" Shepard ordered, her palms shook with aggravation. She would not allow herself to drawn into a false sense of security.

It was obvious that Miranda's eyes had dimmed down slightly, they were still a frightening sight but they no longer held their dangerous glow.

"I don't know how long I have got Shepard, there's hardly anything of me left," she explained in defeat. "I can only fight him for so long."

To Shepard's surprise she listened, she couldn't fathom why or if her feared conclusion was true. All she knew for the moment was that Miranda was not trying to kill her and held nothing but remorse.

"I have no right to ask your forgiveness, really I don't but please know that it was never me, not really. The indoctrination is strong, the things they did to me...I am just a tool for the Reapers now."

Shepard observed Miranda's facial expression which seemed as genuine as her words, and the scenario seemed awfully familiar to that of Benezia's when she had managed to unravel herself from her indoctrination for a few moments.

But surely Miranda was not speaking the truth? The operative was indeed smart enough to come up with such an extraordinary excuse to save her own skin. Then there was the issue of her wrenching seizure earlier and her now weak exterior that had once been strong moments ago.

"You expect me to believe you? After what you did me?" Shepard challenged still aiming Jessie on Miranda's sunken form.

"I have relived what I did to you for the first time ever with my mind and my mind alone. This technology inside me influences my decisions and corrupts that of others."

Shepard blinked at that. "What are you saying?"she spoke out loud pronouncing each syllable with precision.

A free tear exited Miranda's dimly glowing eye as she recalled the events which had led to this moment. "I'm saying that it's possible that the technology inside me could have affected the crew, causing them to make brash decisions or errors in their judgement."

With that sentence Shepard's whole form slouched. It was much easier to just lust after revenge and track down those who had wronged her greatly. Now Miranda of all people was telling her now that there might have been more to it? Like a fucking indoctrination of sorts clouding the crew's judgement?

It was all a matter of not knowing what to feel. Even if indoctrination had played a part in her death at chapel it didn't initially excuse those responsible. They still held control, their mind was still their own and they chose to do what they did.

The thought still irked and racked at Shepard's brain however that she had murdered Tali and Jack without knowing the full story. The answers she had received from them were vague and petty only fueling her rage further. Shepard couldn't help but think for a second that if she knew then, what she knew now would it have changed anything?

Miranda struggled to stand up, feeling ever so breakable and fragile without the Reaper's influence controlling her fully. She balanced herself against the wall beside her as Shepard closely watched her every move with an expression that informed the operative that she was lost in thought.

"Shepard I do not expect you to let me walk away. I do not deserve it. You helped me in the past with Orianna and I am forever grateful for that."

Carefully summoning up her omni-tool Miranda selected a file, sending it directly to Shepard's omni-tool instantly.

"Liara T'soni has moved locations, those are the coordinates to her ship. She will have good information on where you can find Vakarian."

Shepard frowned at Miranda in return. "Why are you helping me?"

A weak smile adorned Miranda's cracked lips that harshly complemented her pale chalky skin and dark circles under her eyes. The seizure she had experienced left her in a roughed up state.

"For the first time in four years my mind is my own, I plan on doing some good with this moment given to me. I know I have no right to ask but please if you ever bump into Orianna tell her-" Miranda bit back a knotted lump in her throat. "Tell her I love her."

Shepard nodded forcefully. Miranda was right, she had no right to ask her for favours, but this seemed like a reasonable request.

"I wish I could let you go Lawson I do," Shepard admitted painfully as the words struck at her pride. "But I just can't forgive you. Everything I did, every decision I made was for_ my_ son. And you are a part of the reason why he never got the chance to live. You are a part of the reason why I will never get to hold him in my arms. I'm afraid I can't let go of that grudge."

The commander raised Jessie apologetically as Miranda eyes widened over Shepard's words. She had already accepted her fate but she couldn't go down without Shepard knowing, it just wasn't right.

"Shepard," Miranda breathed slowly with caution forcing her old commander to pause in her actions for a slight moment. "Your son- _Arghh_!"

A high pitched scream form Miranda's burning lungs filled the abandoned corridors whilst Shepard instinctively took a guarded step back.

The operative thrashed around helplessly as the whispers inside her head became stronger, rapidly tearing away whatever was left of herself. She was scared, she didn't want this.

"Damn it Shepard, shoot me! I can't fight it!" Miranda managed with a panicked screech.

That was all the confirmation Shepard needed. She had seen this happen to Benezia a powerful Matriarch. Even she couldn't defend herself against the indoctrination, there was no way Miranda could hold out for long despite her upgrades. Shepard was stunned that Lawson had held out for as long as she did if she was perfectly honest.

Instead of letting the daunting decision plague her morals Shepard skillfully aimed Jessie onto a tortured Miranda.

While Shepard's gloved hand went to pull on the trigger she felt herself accelerate through the stale air at breakneck speed. A surprised yell evacuated her lungs. She managed to catch a glimpse of Miranda with her armored arm outstretched as Shepard's exposed skull cracked against the wall behind her.

A wave of distressing pain afflicted all her senses resulting in her bruised physique crumbling to the solid floor.

As strong-minded as Shepard was even she couldn't fight off the darkness of unconsciousness prying at her nerves.

Miranda slowly made her way over to her, clearly no longer in control of herself and in able shape despite every injury she had sustained and endured. The Reapers were known to use up the tortured vessels they had acquired to the full, take Saren for example. He had committed suicide yet Sovereign refused to abandoned his form, using his skeleton to continue his ghastly work.

"We are the beginning Shepard. It is only right that you meet your end the way fate intended you to."

Shepard was unable to put up a fight as she felt Lawson grab hold of her dead weight with ease. The commander to her dismay slipped into void of complete and utter darkness as she blacked out.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** I am a sucker for cliffhangers. If you guys remember back to Chapter 5: Bloody Shepard, then you can pretty much guess what is going to go down from this point. I look forward to giving you guys the latest chapter soon :)


	10. Grey

**A/N:** Hello? To anyone out there who is still reading this, I am sincerely sorry for being very late with this chapter. Writer's block, exams, coursework and the real world have all played their part in preventing this chapter from ever happening. Oh and my laptop has kind of had it. It is fucked up beyond all recognition. So for quite a while when I could write, it just wouldn't load up anything, at all. So yeah, sad times amigos. I'm not 100% happy with how this chapter has turned out but you know what? I need to get this ball rolling because soon the Mass Effect 3 demo is going to be here and I don't see myself being able to tear away from it. If I am properly able to settle down and do chapters just as long as this one, I would say that Kill Garrus Volume 2 has 3 more chapters to go :D

_"What is better? To be born good or to overcome your evil nature through great effort." - Paarthurnax_

I do not own Mass Effect or Kill Bill

* * *

><p>"Why are we stopping?" Zaeed growled in frustration as Kasumi halted her steps by a concrete wall.<p>

Wrex wordlessly walked over to the thief, his shotgun falling to his side as he caught sight of the scene before him. Tuchankan rock painted red would not usually signal any bad brain waves for him. But in this instance he felt a chill ripple through his spine.

"Is this a fucking museum? We can marvel at the ever so great krogan architecture once we know Shepard's safe," Zaeed continued only for his words to fall on dead ears. "Oh for fuck's sake..." Zaeed stomped over to Wrex and Kasumi only to join them in a grueling silence.

Before the armed trio was a heavy pool of crimson blood, dripping from the chalky wall and onto the floor. The blood left a messy path deeper into the labyrinth of hallways which to their discontent meant that a body had been dragged away in a hurry, judging from the constant rippling pattern.

"Tell me that's not Shepard's," Zaeed whispered, his eyes still locked onto the nerving sight.

Kasumi shook her head dismally. "I don't know," she managed to say, her voice weak.

Why did Shepard have to run off like that? She couldn't have just stayed with the rest of them oh no. Now the thief didn't know if the three of them were still chasing Shepard or her corpse.

"It's hers, I recognise her smell," Wrex offered with a grunt, catching Kasumi's troubled expression become more strained if that were even possible. "Don't lose hope just yet kid," Wrex said to Kasumi while following the trail of blood a few steps down. "That's a lot of blood for Shepard to lose, but I don't see that Cerberus bitch dragging away her corpse."

"I wouldn't be too sure of that," a flanging voice spoke up from behind them, tearing the trio away from the blood and towards the sound with pointed weapons at the ready.

They were met with two Cerberus soldiers. One with a helmet on and the other guy from before who was raising his arms in surrender.

"Hey, hey! Don't shoot! It's me, Luke, remember?" the young officer bellowed with haste as three weapons were pinned on him.

"I remember thinking it wasn't a good idea to leave you alive," Zaeed stated with venom, glancing at the helmeted Cerberus officer beside Luke. "Looks like I was right."

"No, no it's not what you thi-"

"You think you can come after us when we're not expecting it, you little shit? We'll just wipe the floor with you again," Zaeed interrupted, cocking his assault rifle in the process.

Kasumi sighed heavily, keeping her weapon trained on Luke and the stranger. "Zaeed let the man speak!" she argued.

"Shooting them instead of listening to them will get us to Shepard faster," Wrex murmured with a lecherous smirk.

He shrugged innocently as Kasumi frowned at him.

"Look I understand you're reasons for not trusting us but we're here to help," Luke spoke up convincingly.

Kasumi inclined her head towards the officer beside Luke, unwilling to holster her pistol just yet. "Who's your friend? I thought you were the only Cerberus soldier we left alive."

Luke rubbed the back of his neck anxiously. "Yeah, erm I don't think this guy's Cerberus..."

"You think right," the soldier said removing his helmet to reveal smooth skin that was different shades of green along with midnight black eyes.

"...and by the looks of things, not human either," Luke continued with raised eyebrows.

Kasumi blinked at the drell before her and lowered her weapon. "Koylat?..." she questioned, surprise evident in her voice.

"Yes," Koylat nodded politely. "I don't believe we've met. I only remember meeting Shepard and her turian friend who I hear isn't in her good books right now."

Zaeed scoffed. "You can say that again."

Wrex looked back and forth between Koylat and Kasumi with his shotgun still raised. "You know this kid?"

"He's the son of one of the crew members we worked with on the SR2," Kasumi answered patiently, releasing a deep breath as Wrex finally holstered his weapon. "Koylat, why are you even here? Where's your father?"

Koylat bowed his head slightly. "He is with the sea now, his condition worsened and about year ago he just stopped breathing." Koylat tilted his head back up to face his audience. "He made me promise to look into what happened to Shepard when she disappeared off the grid without a trace. My ties with C-Sec helped me figure out what was going on."

"That still doesn't explain why you're here on Tuchankan soil," Wrex growled, his patience wearing thin with the unacquainted drell.

"My father loved Shepard. There was never anything I could do about that. Once I found out what had happened to her I knew my father would have wanted me to help her. She had already murdered Nought and Zorah, I figured she would hit Tuchanka next searching for you." Koylat stared at Wrex with great distrust creating a heavy atmosphere around the group.

Luke shuffled his feet awkwardly on the dusty ground, looking up at Kasumi every so often with expectancy. The thief mirrored his gestures subconsciously, the two of them both uncomfortable in the particular situation.

"What about the Cerberus get-up?" Zaeed questioned easing the tension that was filling the stale air.

Koylat shrugged nonchalantly. "I took out a Cerberus patrol unit on the way here, figured I'd wear their armour in case I bumped into more operatives."

"Smart," Kasumi commented while placing her hands on her hips. "But how about we play questions later once we've found Shepard in one piece?"

"Agreed," Koylat answered before he remembered Wrex's staining presence. "However I don't think it's a good idea to bring the krogan."

The drell stared down Wrex who was audibly growling under his breath while Zaeed and Kasumi helplessly looked at each other and Luke became fully alert.

Kasumi finally shook her head, she could really do without all this drama. "Koylat, he's here to help us for now-"

"He's suffering from indoctrination, and is beyond help," Koylat countered confidently. "He could turn on us at any given moment-"

Before Koylat could explain himself to the startled humans further, Wrex suddenly charged into the young drell with great force and slammed him painfully against the rocky wall behind him.

The sound of guns being unholstered sung in the air yet again but that didn't put Wrex off.

"I oughta snap that gangly neck of yours," Wrex threatened in a low tone to Koylat, their faces only a few inches apart.

In the drell's defense, Koylat hardly flinched, as if he was prepared for such an outburst from the krogan. He would have been more concerned if the krogan hadn't responded in such a way to his accusation.

"Wrex let him go!" Kasumi ordered with haste, her pistol aimed on the back of Wrex's skull.

The thief never had to deal with a krogan outburst before, and she wasn't Shepard. Wrex had no reason to listen to her at all.

"If he's indoctrinated Kas we have to take him down!" Luke voiced, his actions mirroring Zaeed and Kasumi's.

Wrex did not spare the Cerberus soldier a glance as he began crushing Koylat's windpipe with a vice grip. "I'd like to see you try human," he warned under his breath, loud enough for Luke to gulp audibly in response.

_"Kas? Anybody? Come in!"_ Joker yelled into Zaeed and Kasumi's earpieces suddenly.

Kasumi punched her finger down on the ear device while aiming at Wrex with the pistol in her free hand. "Jeff this isn't the best time!" Kasumi retorted in a rushed manner still focusing on the krogan strangling Koylat. "Wrex I am warning you, put him down!"

_"What is Wrex doing there?"_ Joker thought out loud, _"Look nevermind, the scanners are picking up a frigate, looks like Cerberus. And a shuttle seems to be heading towards it,"_ Joker continued.

"Oh God..." Kasumi murmured before addressing the squabbling crew. "Guys, Shepard's alive I know where she is!"

Wrex abruptly released his hold on the drell opting Koylat to take in a full gasp of air as he leaned back against the wall to support his weight.

The krogan ignored the two male's guns still locked on to him as he faced Kasumi. "Where is she then?" he questioned, eerily calm unlike someone who was just choking a man to death a few moments ago.

"Miranda's boarding her on a frigate as we speak," Kasumi explained holstering her pistol yet again.

Zaeed did the same with his rifle in one swift motion. "Then why are we still pissing about? We can beat the crap out of each other later, let's go!" The merc raised his arms in an agitated gesture that recieved a stern nod from Wrex and Kasumi.

Luke kept his line of sight firmly on Wrex as he continued to aim him down. "What if she's dead?" he called out, all eyes falling angrily on him.

"This is Shepard we're talking about," Koylat spoke up in a croaked voice as he raised himself from the wall. "She's too stubborn to die."

"Either way..." Kasumi spoke up already walking further into the tunnels with Zaeed on her six, "...we are going after her, she would do the same for us."

Koylat went to follow Zaeed and Kasumi, nodding at Wrex as he passed him. The krogan returned the gesture. A silent agreement that they will put whatever quarrel they had with one another aside, for now.

Luke however, who was still frozen in the stance of pointing his gun on the krogan wasn't overly convinced. The krogan was out of control, surely it wasn't safe to actually go after Shepard with him by their side?

The two humans and the drell were already half way down the tunnel as Wrex slowly looked back at Luke in annoyance.

"If you're planning on shooting me, you better make sure I'm dead," he warned with a vibrating growl.

Luke sighed. Killing Wrex was more trouble than it was worth, and having him on their side would help them get Shepard back faster, if she was still breathing of course.

He reluctantly slid his rifle onto his back catching the krogan smirk as he did so.

"That's what I thought," Wrex stated as the two of them went to catch up with the others down the tunnel.

_"Kas? It's Jacob. Marla and I are in a shuttle and heading for the frigate now."_

* * *

><p>The operative waited for the thief's response while he watched Marla click on the last few latches of the armour he had lent her, since they both agreed to suit up on the shuttle to save time.<p>

Jacob was admittedly worried that Marla would refuse to help him infiltrate the Cerberus vessel, but the bright pink-haired girl was quite enthusiastic about the situation saying, "Finally some fucking action!" at the time.

Taylor didn't care much for the girl's naive outlook, but she was still young and had likely spent her whole life on Omega. Marla was bound to have a casual albeit animated stance on violence and danger. Not to mention the fact that she had Massani's genes and traits to fuel her complicated personality further.

_"What? Why? Jake she's just a young girl, a girl who shot you if you remember correctly!"_ Kasumi yelled into Jacob's earpiece abruptly interrupting his thoughts.

He sighed heavily. "Kas I know this isn't going to go down as one of the best decisions I've ever made..." he caught Marla glaring at him with venom from the opposite seat inside the shuttle, "...but this is for the best. You guys still haven't left Tuchanka yet and we have the frigate in our sight. At the very least we can prevent Miranda from taking off with Shepard before you get here."

Kasumi went silent for a second, giving Jacob the chance to shoot Marla an apologetic look. It couldn't be easy having everyone around doubt you before they even got to know the real you, but that didn't mean that Jacob wasn't going to keep an eye on the young girl. Kasumi was partly right, Marla had indeed shot him, meaning that the pink-haired mess was impulsive. Impulsiveness never was the best trait to have in a squad-member.

_"...Massani's not going to like this...but fine. Just make sure Miranda doesn't get away_," Kasumi responded in defeat. _"We'll get there as fast as we can."_

"Copy that," Jacob replied while he grabbed his submachine gun.

Marla watched him with a knowing smile. "Your girlfriend didn't sound to happy," she stated.

Jacob smiled back at the girl as the frigate came closer in to view. "I think she has every right to be a bit worried about me going on a rescue mission with girl who tried to kill me," he chuckled.

Rolling her eyes Marla went to stand up as the shuttle latched onto the Cerberus vessel's decontamination chamber. "Jheeze you're not going to let that go are you?"

Jacob scoffed as he followed suit with his submachine gun at the ready. "Remember we're here to bring back Shepard safely, and hopefully give Kas some time to get here with the others. Presume all-"

"Presume all hostile, yeah I heard ya the first time," Marla interrupted sardonically, flashing Jacob a devilish grin as he glanced at her in surprise.

A hissing sound resonated within the shuttle as the air was decompressed to match the air pressure on the frigate. The light on the shuttle door instantly turned a neon green.

"Ladies first," Jacob offered slyly with a small wave of his free hand.

Marla inclined her head curtly towards the door, not missing a beat. "Go on then."

Taylor raised his eyebrows in a mocking manner. "Well played," he muttered as he proceeded to walk onto the frigate with Marla following him. They both raised their weapons expectantly only to receive no fire from the opposite end of the corridor.

"Strange, I would have thought that Cerberus would be here to greet us," Jacob said moving forward cautiously.

"Maybe those pricks don't know we're here," Marla offered from behind him.

The pair were presented with another set of doors. "I don't know, this place is too quiet," Jacob commented getting ready to open the next set of doors.

All that was audible within the Frigate was the hum of engines and the voices of Marla and him. To be frank the place was giving Taylor the creeps.

"Shit, are you always this pessimistic?" Marla mumbled as she readied her weapon for a second time.

Jacob ignored her jab with shake of his head before activating the doors. As they opened the pair hastily moved in and took point to find nothing but empty hallways. Jacob really didn't like this.

"Wait!" Marla exclaimed, stopping Jacob from moving further down the hallway. "Do you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"Shh!" Marla ordered placing a armoured finger over her lips.

Jacob impatiently waited frozen in place as a muffled sound of someone speaking prodded the filtered air.

Nodding to one another Marla and Jacob followed the sound down the hall silently yet on full alert. They slowed down their pace when they saw what was stamped above the locked room that was the source of the noise. 'Airlock.'

Marla shot Jacob a puzzled look before the voice spoke again.

"Keep that up and you won't have enough oxygen to last you more than twenty minutes," the familiar voice warned.

Jacob's eyes widened. "Shit...that's Miranda," he stammered in a hushed tone he hands reflexively reaching for the door's panel to try and hack it.

It had been years since he had last seen her and by the sounds of things she had changed for the worse. What the fuck was she playing at? The operative's hands worked with haste, grace and patience long forgotten as he poked at the flaming red door panel.

"For fuck's sake hurry up," Marla ushered him, the seriousness of the situation dawning on the young girl.

A low crackling noise unexpectedly emitted into the pair's earpieces."We_ found a Cerberus shuttle, ETA five minutes. Where's Shepard?"_ Kasumi piped up.

"We think she's in the airlock, this Miranda is in there too, Jacob's hacking the door," Marla informed her. The pink-haired girl began flexing her fingers, fuck this was taking way too long.

"The airlock? Damn it what is she doing in the airlock?" Kasumi questioned, fear evident in her voice.

Marla continued to stare at Jacob while he worked, a bead of sweat starting to appear on his brow.

"Your guess is as good as mine Suzi," Marla uttered as the panel suddenly turned a healthy green.

"Got it!" Jacob announced raising his submachine gun and opting Marla to do the same.

The young girl activated the door as they two of them slowly crept into the airlock. The room was spacious, designed in such a way to hold huge crates of garbage. The idea behind it was to release them out into the wide expanse of space by stepping into a confined sealed box to activate the massive glass shutter that provided a staggering view of Tuchanka. It wasn't the galaxy friendly way of disposing of rubbish. But it was quick and efficient.

Citadel space had actually brought in a new law to remove the old designs of airlocks off of starships. This law only allowed crew members to compact their rubbish into chunky cubes that are disposed of inside a small boxed container that sends the rubbish into space.

This however was the terminus systems and cheap frigates like these still had the old design. While it had points for being fast and effortless it had huge flaws that fell under health and safety.

Marla and Jacob continued to scan the area to find a section partially cut of from their sight by a wall.

"I doubt the Illusive man will be pleased to hear that his investment has been wasted," Miranda continued unemotionally.

With their weapons cocked and ready to fire the pair slowly made their way over to Miranda's voice. Their hearts sunk as Lawson came into sight, not so much over her presence, but the fact that she was standing by a translucent containment chamber with a sealed metal crate inside it.

"However as the woman who brought you back I think it's only fair that I have a say in whether or not you should be aloud to live..."

Miranda's finger danced across an orange panel in front of her as it suddenly dawned on Jacob and Marla that she was opening the sealed hatch inside the chamber.

"It's a shame it had to come to this," Miranda sighed pressing down on the panel for the final time.

"Miranda no!" Jacob yelled to the top of his lungs, opting Marla to impulsively take a shot at the Cerberus operative at the same time.

But it was too late, the airlock inside the chamber relentlessly opened as the confined crate with his commander inside was sucked into space at a unforgivable speed.

Thankfully Marla had managed to catch Miranda off guard resulting in a bullet wounding her arm. That did nothing to calm the young girl down though.

"You fucking bitch!" Marla screamed as the operative slunk back against the panel and hissed in pain.

Jacob stared through the glass shutter as the crate painfully disappeared from his line of sight. He swiftly turned back to Miranda who was now pointing her weapon at the pair.

Marla was fuming, like her whole body was on fire, her chest expanding with each fiery breath she took.

"What in God's name is wrong with you Miri?" Jacob bursted out. "Was Shepard alive in there?"

Miranda hissed at the pain torturing her weeping arm. "Shepard was already dead inside, give her a while and her body will resemble that fact too."

Jacob trained his weapon on her angrilly. "Stop fucking around Miri, was Shepard alive in there?"

The operative grimanced at Jacob's words. "Unless you plan on getting to her in twenty minutes then no," she snarled sardonically.

Jacob stared at a wounded Miranda helplessly as a storm of footsteps charged through the frigate towards the trio.

A squad that consisted of Kasumi, Koylat, Zaeed, Wrex and Luke sprinted through the unlocked door. They immediately stopped in their tracks, their breaths coming out rugged as their eyes focused on the standoff that was occurring within the airlock.

Kasumi's breath refused to steady as the fatigue of sprinting through the frigate faded and panic began to replace it. She scanned the airlock which was home to a few crates, other than that, nothing. Kasumi instantly stopped looking around and stilled her head.

"Where's Shepard?" she demanded, aiming the question at whoever was willing to answer it.

"She fucking spaced her!" Marla bluntly explained while pointing her pistol accusingly at Miranda who wore an expression that reeked of satisfaction.

Massani tore his concerned gaze from his daughter as his vision flooded red and aimed his rifle towards the wounded operative menacingly. "You little bitch..." Zaeed said in low tone that acted as a stern warning that he was ready to deal Miranda some well deserved punishment.

Lawson was like a replica of Vido only worse. Only she didn't kill_ him_, she had killed Shepard and that made her a dead woman in his eyes.

The mercenary's hand tightened around the rifle causing his bones to ache.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Miranda spoke up quickly yet with a professional tone. Everyone in the airlock had their weapons trained on her with a venomous look in the pools of their eyes. "My vitals are linked with an explosive device that I have stored onto the frigate. Once my heart stops beating, you'll be blown to pieces."

Zaeed scoffed while the rest of the squad behind him loosened their grip on their guns, slightly uneasy over the recent news.

"You're bluffing," he stated, caressing the trigger of his rifle, the desperation to slam his finger down and not lift it back up till he had to reload heightening.

Miranda bowed her head and frowned before looking at him through her eyelashes. "Is that a risk you really want to take?" she challenged, clutching her wound as another stinging sensation rippled through her arm.

The room fell silent until Luke sniffed the air, then a second time with added effort. "Erm, do you guys smell that?" he asked out loud warily.

Angry glares were shot at him until realisation dawned on everyone's faces as they chanced a few sniffs for themselves. Luke was right, there was a strange smell plaguing the air.

"That would be the nerve toxin from the vents," Miranda explained in a nerving calm voice. "It shouldn't take long for it to kick in. I for one immunised myself before you boarded so I should have no trouble bringing you back to Cerberus."

Luke backed away from the group without a second thought and rushed to the door only for the panel to flash red. "Shit, she's locked us in!" he voiced, panic setting in as he waved his arms in the air and turned around to face Miranda. "Why are you doing this?"

The Cerberus soldier caught Miranda looking at him innocently as if she honestly believed she was in the right.

Koylat shook his head and sighed in frustration. "She's indoctrinated, she believes that what she is doing is right," he explained yet again. He held his arms out to address everyone and grab their attention. "We are going to be given to Cerberus because a small part of her is still there, a part of her still obeys the Illusive Man. But the rest of her mind is tainted by the Reaper's influence."

Miranda still looked on at the group emotionless, Koylat's words having no effect on her what so ever. The rest of the squad however were becoming more drawn in by what the drell was saying.

"Shepard proved to be a nuisance to the Reapers, the one obstacle always holding them back from annihilating the galaxy. So they wanted her dead. The only way they could achieve such a task without making themselves known to the galaxy as of yet was to strike at Shepard when she was at her weakest by using a vessel that was indoctrinated. The indoctrination was mild at first. It had the ability to influence someone's actions but not taking their mind whole so that they weren't aware of the Reaper's presence. Miranda was a carrier for the Reaper's, able to play with the crew's minds and make them think irrationally. This form of indoctrination passes on after spending quite some time with the indoctrinated. Shepard's disappearance would hurt the crew, and the Reapers would put thoughts into their brain that made them ponder the idea of killing her and carrying out the Reaper's wishes without their knowledge."

Koylat paused for breath and pointed a finger sharply at the krogan next to him. "You Wrex, are indoctrinated. You feel like your mind is yours because the Reapers haven't needed you since Shepard's death. Think for moment as to why you helped kill Shepard. Was it really because she betrayed your people? You've just accepted the blinded truth that the Reapers have fed to you. I do not doubt that you felt betrayed and angry, but you didn't want to kill her, she was your friend. But the Reapers influenced you, and you will continue to be a pawn in this game of theirs unless you do the right thing!"

The entire room fell eerily silent as they all looked at the krogan. Some wore expressions of wariness, while Kasumi, Jacob and Zaeed wore an expression of pity. The krogan had helped kill a friend without his knowledge and was forced to believe that his actions were right. If that was the case for him then then the indoctrination applied to everyone involved in Shepard's death.

Wrex was the only one scowling at the young drell. "Do the right thing huh? I can't even guarantee if your green ass is being straight with me."

Koylat blinked at the krogan sympathetically. Wrex wasn't being overly aggressive like he had expected him to meaning that his explanation was having some effect .

"You know I'm right Wrex, everything I have just said makes sense and you know it," Koylat said defensively.

Kasumi turned her head back and forth between the two of them expectantely. Right now they all needed to focus on how to get the hell out there without dying or ending up in a coma, and hopefully getting to Shepard before her oxygen ran out or hypothermia took effect. The nerve toxin was bound to kick in at some point.

Luke fidgeted as he eyed the door panel. Mentally judging how fast he could hack it.

"Don't even think about it," Miranda warned, startling the Cerberus soldier in the process. "If any of you attempt escaping I will not hesitate to shoot you."

Again the room went quiet, each person in deep thought as they looked at one another helplessly. All except Wrex who was as still as a statue and cutting into Miranda with his blood-red eyes.

Marla scoffed once she had ran the situation over in her mind for the third time and took a step towards Miranda. "So if we try to get out, we die. If we shoot you, we die. And if we fucking stay put we'll be coma-ridden and handed over to Cerberus?" Marla rehearsed, her voice dispensing the amount of hatred she felt for the operative.

"Yes," Miranda answered, a smug smile adorning her lips.

Wrex clenched and released his fist, repeating the motion three times before exhaling an exhausted sigh. He didn't have to time to over-think, krogans were known for shooting first and asking questions later. And that is exactly what he planned to do.

Without warning the enraged krogan charged into Miranda causing her to cry out in pain as her body and wounded arm crashed against the wall.

"What the hell are you doing?" Jacob demanded aiming his weapon at Wrex who now had Miranda locked in his arms so that she couldn't fight back. "You'll get us all killed!"

"Standing around doing nothing is going to get ya killed," Wrex growled threateningly as he held a struggling Miranda. "Hey kid," Wrex spoke again while he looked at Koylat, who was as shocked as everyone else by the krogan's impulsiveness.

"Yes?" he answered quickly.

"You drells are biotics aren't ya? Can you do a strong enough barrier to cover everyone?" Wrex continued hurriedly. Not only were they running out of time, but Shepard was too.

"Why do-"

"It's a simple question, yes or no?" Wrex interrupted as he frowned at the cautious drell.

Koylat hesitated for a moment. "...Yes, I can."

Wrex grinned wickedly. "It might be an idea to spring one up," he said in tone that sounded like a suggestion but was really an order.

"What are you playing at?" Zaeed snarled, his patience wearing thin as Koylat obeyed the krogan and maintained a barrier around everyone with the exception of Miranda and Wrex.

"I'm saving you're asses," he answered vaguely while tightly holding Miranda with his right arm and aiming at the huge glass shutter with his left arm. "It should take about a minute for this bitch to suffocate, so you have about a minute to get the fuck off this frigate."

Miranda suddenly began to try and escape his grip more frantically. "No, no!" she screamed freely trying to pull away. "The Reapers mustn't be stopped don't you get it? There's a place for us all and you want to kill us both? You're mad! Let me go, damn it!" Miranda's voice was full of fear instead of anger, trembling with panic as she spoke.

Wrex recieved satisfaction from watching her squirm while Jacob stood out like a sore thumb, opting to look at the floor instead and trying to ignore her pleas. The way Wrex saw it, Miranda was getting a taste of her own medicine, this must have been exactly how Shepard felt when she cruelly shot her through the compact airlock. As for him he didn't fear death, in the eyes of his kind this would actually be seen as a 'good' death. Of course Wrex had always imagined meeting his end to hordes of enemies, taking out hundreds of them before his hearts stopped but this...this would have to do.

Wrex looked at the group for the last time, raising his voice to be heard over Miranda's screaming. "If you manage to get off this Frigate, promise me you'll find Shepard alive. And tell her...tell her she has more honour than I ever will," Wrex's voice became more low as he finished what he was saying but Kasumi managed to pick it up.

The thief's eyes watered slightly, she wasn't the biggest fan of Wrex but he was doing what was supposedly the right thing, and she respected that immensely. "We will Wrex...thank you," Kasumi replied solemnly.

Wrex gave the shielded group a final nod that spoke a thousand words. Even if he still wasn't one-hundred percent sure that Koylat was right about the indoctrination, the kid was as convincing as hell.

He had done what the drell had asked him to do, to look back at the incident. Not a day went by that Wrex didn't think about the carnage at the chapel. He remembered every little detail, remembered how Shepard although heavily pregnant managed to put up a decent fight, and yet he had never questioned why he did it. He settled with the conclusion of her death being the price she had to pay for betraying his people. Yet the moment Koylat actually told him to question it further was the moment things began to not feel right. His mind may have felt like his own, but once a krogan can't rely on answers from his himself that is when you know something is wrong. If what the drell had said was true, then there was no way he wanted to live as a vessel for those bastards. His saving grace, his way of making amends was now, and it was that replaying thought that made Wrex confidently press down hard on the trigger of his shotgun.

"Jacob, no, help me-" Miranda's cries for help were cut off as the glass shattered and the suction of space forcefully dragged Wrex and Miranda into it's dark expanse.

One second they were there then they were gone, just like that. The airlock was a rampage of heavy noises as crates were pulled out and Miranda's cries still echoed in everyone's mind.

Koylat's barrier was thankfully preventing anyone else from being sucked into space, as they all wordlessly waited for the emergency shutter to slam down over the gaping hole in the airlock.

The frigate shook slightly as the door slammed down and the interior pressure automatically became normal again.

With shaking hands Koylat took pleasure in letting the barrier down as his body was overcome with exhaustion. To his relief Kasumi managed to quickly catch him as his body gave way beneath him.

"Luke, hack that door as fast as you can," Kasumi ordered hastily while holding Koylat to find that Luke was already hacking the panel with utmost urgency.

Kasumi looked down at Koylat who's breaths were coming out ragged. "Koylat are you okay to run?"

The drell mumbled incoherently. All he wanted to do right now was rest.

"I've got it, let's go!" Luke voiced with emphasis on the 'go.'

Marla and Luke were already sprinting through the frigate and back to the shuttle as Kasumi felt a hand grab her shoulder.

"Kas go, we'll carry him back!" Zaeed told her, instantly grabbing Koylat's arms with no intention of being gentle and Jacob going for his legs.

That was all Kasumi needed for her feet to suddenly spring into action. Miranda's heart could stop at any moment.

She forced herself down the narrow hall rapidly with Zaeed and Jacob following suit with Koylat in their arms.

"Hurry the fuck up!" Marla yelled in a voice that reeked of desperation rather than encouragement as the group came into view of the shuttle.

Luke and Marla were already on board as the rest of them piled in opting Luke to hastilly shut the doors and spring the shuttle into action.

The shuttle was filled with heavy panting and the engine roaring to life as Luke maneuvered it away from the time bomb of a frigate as fast as he could.

Everyone on board grabbed onto something to steady themselves except Koylat who Jacob and Zaeed had left dazed on the shuttle floor in their rush to safety.

Getting further and further away Marla peeked out of the viewing window to stare back at the frigate, her breath finally steadying.

"Don't tell me there never was a bomb..." she murmured hopelessly out loud.

Without warning the frigate lit up like a super nova, collapsing in on itself as it blowed up, managing to dangerously barge the shuttle that had just made it out of the blast radius.

The blast knocked everyone about, Jacob managing to land on the floor next to Koylat while everyone else hungrily held onto something.

As Luke managed to take back control of the shuttle and make it steady once more Zaeed looked up at his daughter who was wincing after being knocked against the glass.

"Is that proof enough for ya?" Zaeed asked rhetorically while stretching his arm.

The atmosphere inside the shuttle slowly became relaxed when the forceful trembles stopped. Everyone taking a deep breath and gathering their thoughts except Marla, who's comeback to her father was snatched away as Joker sounded through speakers.

_"Final__ly you're back online!_" Joker voiced with relief. _"EDI said that she picked up abnormal heat waves waves from your position and I'm getting all kinds of anomalies popping up on the scanner, what gives?"_

Kasumi rubbed her face as she walked over to Luke at the controls. He glanced back at her quickly as she leaned on the back of his chair.

"Things didn't go as planned Joker, I can explain everything later but right now we need you to give us the coordinates to the anomaly that appeared on your scanner first before all the others," Kasumi explained vaguely, tapping her foot as if that would get them going any faster.

_"The scanners picked up the first anomaly about eighteen, maybe nineteen minutes ago, sending you the coordinates now. Why'd ya need them? Where's Shepa-"_

"Luke I need you to make this thing go as fast as you can!" Kasumi pleaded with worry.

As soon as the Cerberus soldier heard the time frame and received the coordinates the engine was instantly roaring to life again. The group had no time to waste, Shepard's oxygen was running dangerously low. Hell, she could be suffocating right now.

_"Kas, what's going on?"_ Joker spoke up again after Kasumi's slicing interruption. _"Where is Shepard?"_

"That anomaly, is Shepard," Kasumi answered, the situation becoming more real and dire now that she said it out loud. "Have the Normandy prepared and ready for us, we'll be coming in quick once we've got her."

Joker went quiet, at a complete loss for words. He couldn't quite comprehend what Kasumi was saying at first. His mind was raging at him to open his mouth to question everything and to know every little detail but he shunned the thoughts away. He needed to act practically not act on emotion. God he needed a drink.

_"I'll meet you guys in the cargo bay," _Joker responded bitterly, his hope wounded.

Now it was all a matter of getting to Shepard before her vitals dropped too low, and time wasn't exactly on the crew's side.

* * *

><p>When you look into space, you can't help but admire the strong tranquility that emits from it. As frightening as the unknown void may seem it is the one place that you will find complete and utter silence. You wouldn't guess that somewhere out there a woman was frantically screaming as her body continuously shivered and her oxygen decreased by the second.<p>

"Fuck," Shepard muttered in exhaustion as she hit her head back down on the metal crate she was sealed in.

When Shepard had felt herself launch into space she was overcome with feelings of terror and anxiety, her relentless past catching up with her, reminding her of the first time she had died.

That dreadful experience still haunted her, and the thought of having to relive it all over again made her panic. Shepard just couldn't fathom the idea of suffering like that again, alone and terrified.

It took a few good minutes for her to try and control her untimely breaths that were coming out quick and uneven. In the end Shepard had to think logically, not out of emotion. If there was any chance of her surviving she needed to preserve her oxygen.

Even though Shepard was screaming at Miranda before her launch, she still managed to catch what the operative had said.

Twenty minutes. Twenty minutes to rake her brain for a way to survive, twenty minutes to realise that there was no way she getting out of the crate and whatever time she had left she would spend worrying and contemplating her death.

It wasn't exactly the way she wanted to go, mind you the first and second time she died didn't fit her requirements either. Was it really too much to ask for a nice death? Shepard concluded that growing old and passing away in her sleep just wasn't going to happen for her, fate was pissy like that.

Although Shepard was sealed in pitch black due to her omni-tool deciding not to work no matter how much she tried, she could have swore that she could see the heat of her breath leaving her lips.

If it wasn't for the heavy doses of adrenaline pumping through her veins she was sure that she would be shivering wildly. Yet for now she could ignore the numbness of her toes and fingers. The fear of death always was the best cure for physical injuries. If you broke your leg you would be flooded with waves of pain and crumple to the floor, but if Reaper was about to crash into your position you would ignore the pain completely and limp for your life.

Shepard took another intake of chilled oxygen into her lungs. To her dismay the oxygen felt thin and shallow to inhale, her time was running out.

The thought of accepting death was not pleasant, if she had nothing left to live for then she would be more than happy to die for the third time. But this was not the case. Miranda, Wrex and Garrus were still breathing and that fact irked her more than anything.

Again as she breathed in, it took more effort than before. Shepard was aware that she should feel sick from her hatred for the trio, but for now it was that hatred that was keeping her alive.

Each shiver and wave of panic was suppressed with anger and realisation. The realisation that she was indeed going to die and angry over dying without doing what she intended to do.

Shepard hoped that her team could get to her but as the oxygen was becomming literally nonexistant she had to accept that it wasn't going to happen.

The commander took one last breath, more than aware that it was likely her last if she was monitoring the oxygen level right. She held her breath for roughly ten seconds and exhaled as slowly as she could, maintaining her focus and trying not to panic. Whenever faced with a situation such as this it is the exhale that could save your life.

Even if her chances of being rescued were highly unlikely, Shepard would be damned if she wasn't going to try and make it out of this.

She continued to exhale slowly, her N7 training had been enough to help her with this terrifying predicament she was in. Hopefully her team would be able to track the crate she was in and get to her before her heart stopped beating, for she doubted she could avoid passing out.

And that was it. She exhaled all she could giving herself at least thirty seconds of spare time. It was this part that she hated the most.

Shepard immediately recognised the torturous feeling of her lungs begging her to breathe but she tried to ignore it. She focused on on her child, someone she cared about more than the whole galaxy, the sole reason she was in this horrifying situation.

But she couldn't blame her child, this was all her fault and hers alone. She fucked up, she made the wrong decisions, allowing her emotions and her fear to cloud her better judgement.

The crate rattled ferociously but went unoticed by Shepard as her skin turned a eerily pale blue. Her head that was pounding and weighing a ton a few seconds ago was slowly becoming lighter.

Again Shepard remembered the sickening feeling of being helpless and suffocating. No one could hear her scream, no one would try to help her. She was alone in the galaxy.

Shepard's last thoughts were of Garrus and her with their child, if things had turned out differently. How she wanted to stay in that comfortable place of her mind. A place with those she loved, no death, no pain and no Reapers.

To her joy she finally passed out with the faintest look of content on her features. There was no scowl or expression that resembled sorrow, she was at peace, relaxed. Something that Shepard had not experienced in a long time.

Now if only she could shut out the muffled noises bouncing around in her brain.

"Damn it just get it open!"

"I'm trying for fuck's sake!"

"Oh my God..."

"Is she breathing?"

"She barely has a pulse, we need to get her to the med-bay now!"

"Shepard, if you can hear me, you're going to be okay. Just stay with me, please."

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><p><strong>AN: **Cheers for reading and for sticking with this story. Every fav, alert and review really helps. Especially those reviews, hint hint nudge nudge.

But seriously even if it's to tell me that you really don't like this story, or that you feel my writing is to a terrible standard please, por favor, let me know. Just try to be a bro and be constructive like "This really sucks, your flow is awful, you've completely ruined that character, but here's some advice on how to improve it." Or even if it's to have a go at me for being very late with the chapter. Who knows maybe I need someone to go off on one in order for me to get the next chapter up quicker.

Oh and last but not least. We will be seeing a new character in the next chapter, who I have been really really really looking forward to getting in this story. Just think along the lines of Kill Bill Volume 2. Everyone on Shepard's kill list is dead accept Garrus, and I can already tell you that we are not at the Garrus confrontation just yet. So who could it be? So much suspence! Well not really, but still I'm pumped!

Hope you guys enjoyed this one, the big unveiling of Koylat dun dun dun and Miranda and Wrex dying in a way that I hope was a surprise to you lot.

See you guys in the next chapter, stay awesome! :D


	11. Empires Of Dirt

**A/N: **Sorry for the wait yet again, but that demo is fucking amazing. I hope you guys are ready for a rather long read. You see, I got carried away and yeah remember that one time I was like "Yeah! Longest chapter yet, it's over 8,000 words?" Well allow me to have my moment** IT'S OVER 9000!** Quite a bit over 9,000 actually. It's 12,580 words. Yeah I don't know how that happened either. I debated on cutting it into two chapters, but I did promise you guys that you will see this mystery person in the next chapter so that was out of the question. I really enjoyed this chapter despite how hard it was to write, again like the Tali chapter, one of the scenes here spurred me to actually write these fics. I really hope you enjoy it seeing as I have never wrote this much in one go in my life. You know what's great about writing over 12,000 words? Having to proof read the damn thing. _Twice._ I'm pretty sure there are a few errors left but if I find them I will be sure to correct them. A big thank you to those who reviewed, added this to their story alerts and favourited :D Also just some friendly advice, when you get to the third horizontal line you might want to open up www . rainymood . com

_"What have I become? My sweetest friend, everyone I know goes away in the end. And you can have it all, my empire of dirt, cause I will let you down, I will make you hurt." - Johnny Cash_

I do not own Mass Effect or Kill Bill.

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><p>"Jeff, I think she's waking up," Marla informed Joker while she hovered over Shepard's readouts in the Med-Bay.<p>

Joker immediately sprung into action, no longer feeling the fatigue he had felt for the past fourteen hours of sitting by Shepard's bedside. He had left EDI in charge of the Normandy's systems while he remained in the Med-Bay with Shepard ever since her damaged body was recovered.

Marla had promised him that the commander would be fine and that she just needed time to recover, so Joker went against Kasumi's advice and kept Shepard company even if she wasn't awake to acknowledge it. Joker felt that he needed to be there when Shepard woke up, that she needed someone to keep her calm and make her feel safe after her terrifying ordeal.

He hazarded a guess that another reason for his presence was due to guilt. He had not been there for her. While Kasumi informed him about the dreaded news he felt helpless. The others were out there trying to rescue her and all he could do was wait for them to arrive back in the cargo bay.

Keeping Shepard company felt like an obligation, like it was the least he could do. The team needed to rest therefore it was only right that Joker was the one to stay awake and offer what help he could to Shepard.

He remembered the look of panic on the crew's faces as they boarded. Zaeed and Luke had aggressively cracked open the crate that Shepard was inside as soon as they got her on the shuttle.

From there they all rushed to Med-Bay with Zaeed carrying Shepard in a panicked fashion. He had never seen the mercenary look so worried before. Yet when Marla started to spout out orders on what they needed to do to help Shepard, Zaeed suddenly took on a look of determination as did the rest of the crew.

They were lucky to have Marla there for the rest of them were not experienced with medicine or the protocols of someone who was suffering from hypothermia and lack of oxygen.

Marla barked at Zaeed to give Shepard mouth to mouth while she ordered everyone else to help her set up the monitors and equipment that she needed to save Shepard's life.

Once everyone had done as Marla ordered in a frenzy they then had to endure the gruelling wait of Shepard's heartrate returning to normal as Zaeed breathed into her mouth again and again.

Sighs of relief resounded in the Med-Bay when Shepard's monitor beeped healthily and her chest began to expand on it's own. For a split second before she began breathing, Joker was mentally preparing himself for Shepard's death to hit him yet again.

Thankfully all of that was over now, and according to Marla, Shepard was waking up.

Joker watched Shepard's expression carefully as her closed eyes twitched. He slipped his hand into hers gripping it lightly but reassuringly.

Shepard appeared to be getting slightly restless as she was coming out of her sleep. Her body was twitching in tiny movements and she was just about audible as she mumbled incoherently.

The pilot leaned forward, still locking his hand with Shepard's. "Shh," he soothed while guiding away a stray piece of hair on Shepard's face with his free hand and delicately tucking it behind her ear. "It's okay Shepard. You're on the Normandy, you're safe now." Joker's voice was hushed and tender as he watched Shepard finally flutter her eyes open and lazily look up at the source of the sound.

As much as Joker wasn't happy with Marla's decision to drug Shepard while she was sleeping, he was secretly glad she had went through with it. He was worried that after all Shepard had been through the last thing she needed was drugs pumped into her that were not doing anything to help her recover.

However Marla was insistent. Telling Joker that if Shepard woke up she would panic instantly and the drugs would keep her calm enough where everything could be explained to her.

"I'm...I'm alive?" Shepard croaked in a dazed manner.

Joker smiled warmly at Shepard who was weakly gripping Joker's hand in return. "The squad managed to get to you in time," Joker explained vaguely.

Shepard's face contorted slightly to Joker's worry until he realised that her eyes were watering and that she was just trying not to cry.

Unfortunately for Shepard the drugs Marla had put into her bloodstream made that a losing battle.

Her lip trembled while a free tear escaped her right eye. That was more than Joker could take as he lent in to hold her tightly. She had just been through an ordeal that she had experienced before and was still haunted by. Joker was almost certain that Shepard would have been terrified within that crate, she had no way of knowing that the crew would reach her time. The fact that they barely scraped the time limit sent a shiver down Joker's spine.

No, he couldn't keep thinking like that. They managed to get Shepard back, that's what mattered right now. There was no point in reliving how close a call the situation was.

Shepard continued to sob into Joker's shoulder as he rubbed her back soothingly, he surprisingly didn't feel awkward like he thought he would. It just felt right, being the person to hold her while she she went through a storm of emotions.

From the corner of his eye Joker could see Marla busying herself inside the Med-Bay by cleaning equipment that was already clean and checking the monitor for the fourth time. Anything to make her feel like she was intruding less he guessed.

He felt Shepard's weak grip slacken, indicating that she was ready to pull away from him. He released her with a sympathetic smile, ignoring the stains she had left on his white shirt as she settled back down against her pillow.

Marla took this as her cue to join the pair, clutching a glass of water in her hand and hovering it towards Shepard.

"Here, drink this," Marla offered, a pleased smile adorning her face as Shepard carefully gripped the glass and sipped it gently. "You're vitals are back to normal, how're you feeling?"

Shepard peered over the rim of her glass as she swallowed it's contents and shot Marla a questioning look.

"I practically lived in that hospital where my mother stayed Shep, you tend to pick up quite a few things. Don't worry you're in safe hands with me," Marla explained while taking a seat on at the end of Shepard's bed.

"She's no Chakwas, but she knows what she's talking about," Joker said lightheartedly in a attempt brighten the mood.

Shepard downed the rest of her drink before placing it on the table next to her. "Where are the others?" she asked softly still feeling the effects of the drugs.

"They're sleeping. Don't worry," Marla answered reassuringly. "It's been a long fucking day for them too."

The Commander nodded in agreement and leaned further back into the pillow behind her. God she felt like shit.

"What happened back there?" Shepard murmured.

Joker and Marla looked at eachother with reluctance before Joker opened his mouth to steer the conversation away from the dangerous route it was taking.

"Shepard, you've just woke up, we'll explain everything when your feeling bet-"

"What._ Happened_?" Shepard repeated in annoyance, her drugged voice hardly carrying the weight she had hoped it would.

Joker sighed heavily while rubbing his face. He was way too tired to be doing this right now. But if Shepard wanted an explanation, she had every right to have it.

"From what Kas tells me, Zaeed, Wrex and her went after you once you took off for Miranda," Joker began, noticing Shepard's guilty expression.

She should have never have done that, she knew it was a bad idea the moment her feet charged in Miranda's direction and into the tunnels. It was irrational and impulsive. More importantly it played a big role in how she ended up in this cruel position.

"They found your blood in the tunnels. That's where they bumped into Koylat and Luke."

Shepard blinked at Joker in disarray and had to do a retake. "Wait...Koylat? Thane's son?" she stammered in confusion.

"I know I was surprised too, apparently he's been trying to track you down for a while now," Joker voiced. He had been kept in the dark about Koylat and Luke throughout the mission and had only just had their presence explained to him when Shepard had become stable. Right now he didn't have much of a reason to not want them on board the Normandy, they played their part in rescuing Shepard after all.

It took Shepard a few seconds to process Joker's information, but like the strong leader she was she quickly got over the initial shock and moved the conversation forward. "You mentioned someone called Luke?"

Joker rubbed the back of his neck nervously. He hoped that Shepard would be able to take this news in her stride as well. "Yeah...erm, he's a Cerberus officer, Kas said you had a run in with him."

"The one with the kids?" Shepard retorted, not missing a beat.

"That's the one." Joker confirmed, carefully awaiting Shepard's reaction. A mild look of distrust and confusion had settled upon her features, instantly making Joker cautious like he was treading on thin ice.

"What was he doing with Kolyat?" Shepard prodded further, her once relaxed body tensing up.

"Helping him from what I gathered," Joker answered innocently.

Shepard glared at Joker, making him gulp. Again he felt the need to thank Marla for drugging Shepard, for he was certain she would be flipping out right now.

"He's Cerberus," Shepard stated as a matter-of-factly, the statement needing no elaboration.

"He's proven to be trustworthy so far," Marla countered, joining the conversation. "He helped us get you back."

She figured that Shepard might value her opinion over Joker's. The only reason being that Marla had worked with Luke during the mission and had a better recollection of the events.

Shepard wasn't entirely convinced herself but she was convinced that her crew trusted this Cerberus officer, she had no right to become skeptical about their judgement after they had worked with him.

Joker shyly smiled at Marla over the Commander's bed as a silent thank you before recapping the mission again. "From there I tracked down Miranda's shuttle leading to a frigate orbiting Tuchanka, so Jacob and Marla figured they'd head there, seeing as they could get in before Kas and the rest of them."

"But as you already know we were too late," Marla interjected sympathetically.

The Med-Bay fell eerily silent as the trio remembered the events that had concluded with Shepard's near death. That was something no-one on the Normandy wanted to go through again.

Shepard sighed as she looked down at her lap. She had only herself to blame for this. Kasumi had tried to stop her from going after Miranda, and she didn't listen. She put her team and herself in danger all for the sake of revenge.

"I'm sorry," Shepard whispered with regret. "I shouldn't have gone after Miranda like that."

Joker rubbed Shepard's arm soothingly. "Don't worry about it Shepard, what's done is done."

"Yeah," Marla joined in. "Hey, at least she's dead now."

Shepard's body stiffened with Joker's hand frozen on her arm during which he looked at Marla in disapproval. It was only then that Marla realised she had said too much.

"Miranda's dead?" Shepard questioned, her voice hollow. Her eyes searched Joker and Marla's faces waiting for an explanation.

Now Joker had no choice but to elaborate the situation for her. He had hoped that this part could wait a while and that Kasumi or someone else could handle it. Thanks to Marla's severe case of word vomit that wasn't going to happen.

"From what everyone tells me, Miranda had linked her vitals to a bomb on the frigate," Joker explained slowly, allowing Shepard to take everything in with ease. "She was also releasing a nerve toxin into the airlock so she could take the rest of them back to the Illusive man."

"Right..." Shepard said willing the pilot to continue.

Joker pulled his hand away from Shepard's arm and rubbed his unshaven face. Why? Why did he have to be the one to tell her this? He was unsure of how Shepard would react. Now she was silently staring at him making him anxious. He hoped he wouldn't regret this.

"Koylat explained how Miranda and Wrex were indoctrinated and Wrex well..."

Joker's voice trailed off. He didn't care much for the krogan after everything he had done to Shepard. But after being informed on the ins and outs of everything from Koylat, he actually felt bad. Wrex tried to redeem himself the only the way he could, that had to count for something.

Shepard was still staring at Joker awaiting the dreaded news. She wasn't absolute on what happened exactly but a part of her brain had already hazarded a guess as to how Joker's explanation was going to end. If Shepard was correct she wasn't entirely sure that she wanted to hear it.

Sometimes ignorance was bliss, and being kept in the dark had the potential to provide happiness. But this wasn't about what she wanted. She needed to know, she couldn't allow herself to hide from facts.

"Shepard," Joker whispered defeatedly. "Wrex spaced Miranda and himself to buy the others time to go and save you."

Yep. The commander would have definitely preferred to not know about this.

She felt herself stiffen yet again as Marla and Joker awaited her reaction cautiously. Shepard wanted to scream endless questions at Joker, she wanted to know the why's and the how's and yet her mouth refused to move.

Joker chanced a glance at Marla before looking back at Shepard who had now settled for staring blankly at her lap.

"Shepard are you okay?" he asked out of genuine concern.

Blinking slowly, Shepard inhaled. "You guys should get some sleep. I want some time alone anyway."

The pilot couldn't help but feel reluctant at Shepard's suggestion. Was this one of those complicated social moments where she actually wanted him to stay or did she really mean what she said?

Before Joker could put his foot in it further Marla shot him a look and inclined her head towards the Med-Bay's exit. Joker hung his head in defeat, if that's what Shepard really wanted then he would give her that. He knew from experience that being alone with your thoughts was never a good thing but he guessed that Shepard wouldn't feel like she had to keep a brave face on if the two of them left.

He slowly stood up, feeling Marla lightly grab his arm to steady his balance. Joker usually resented anyone who felt the need to take away his independence but that acidic feeling didn't occur this time. She was just being nice after all.

Marla had always reminded Joker of Jack except she was less crazy and she actually had hair, bright pink hair of all things. He was glad that he was right from the start about Marla being alright, he would have hated the repercussions if he were wrong.

So far besides the few mood-swings here and there, Marla had proved to be loyal. With Zaeed to keep the girl in line Joker doubted he would be taking back his words anytime soon.

On impulse Joker awkwardly leaned forward towards Shepard. He cupped her face inside his hand and lightly tilted her head up to look at him. His eyes searched hers with concentration, there was strong emotion in her azure pools but nothing that told Joker that it wasn't safe to leave Shepard alone.

He gave his commander a weak smile that she did not return. He was able to understand that she didn't do that out of spite, she just couldn't bring herself to do it. Joker didn't blame her.

Without thinking Joker inched his face closer to Shepard while he urged her to close the distance between them simultaneously with his hands.

Shepard allowed him to do so as the pilot gently placed a lingering kiss on her forehead. It was a gesture that voiced the unspoken, Joker letting Shepard know that he respected what she wanted and that if she needed him he would be there.

Joker pulled away and with Marla's help he stood back up. Shepard chose to keep her eyes shut to avoid the pair's concerned gazes as they exited the Med-Bay.

As the doors closed it was then and only then that Shepard felt a tear lightly scale her cheek.

If she was honest she wasn't sure how she should be feeling right now. A cacophony of emotions flooded her in tidal waves as she drowned in her own pathetic pity.

She was content knowing that Miranda and Wrex were dead and yet other emotions invaded her. There was the regret that Shepard didn't get to do it herself, the pain of knowing that indoctrination had played a huge part in their actions against her and the fear of how close her craving for revenge had put her friends and herself into the planes of hell.

Time passed as Shepard sat on her bed alone with her thoughts, constantly replaying the scenario over and over again. She wasn't sure if she had been there for ten minutes or two hours. It didn't matter. What she did know was that she couldn't stand to be inside the Med-Bay any longer.

Shepard instantly began to unhook herself from the beeping machines she was attached to. Waking up from near death, in a room that smells of antiseptic and wallowing in past mistakes, that just hit too close to home for Shepard.

She found her self pausing in her actions as she lifted her top up to stroke her flat stomach. All she needed now was for a batarian to waltz in and attempt to take advantage of her.

Yep, she definitely didn't want to stay in the Med-Bay any longer.

Thankfully Marla had been kind enough to dress Shepard in a baggy white t-shirt and grey jogging bottoms as opposed to putting her in a dressing gown with a gaping hole at the back. If that had been the case for Shepard at least there was no one around to see it. According to her omni-tool it was roughly 3:00am on board the Normandy, no one would be up to notice how she looked anyway.

With a bit of a struggle Shepard eventually made it to the empty kitchen outside the Med-Bay. Her face was still damp from her previous breakdown and her hair felt matted.

She chanced a glance at her reflection on the fridge. Shepard wasn't expecting to like what she saw but she didn't think that the woman staring back would actually frighten her.

Puffy bruised bags hung under her eyes, her lips were cracked, her skin sickly paler and she was noticeably thinner...she looked awful, like a battered shell of the woman she used to be.

Unable to stare at her reflection for more than a few seconds Shepard swung the fridge door open with force, reaching for a bottle of water inside. She took a greedy swig before shutting the fridge door again and leaned against it.

Shepard's body was still protesting her decision to leave her bed in the Med-Bay, but she couldn't possibly sleep, not with all the horrid thoughts swimming around in her mind.

As she downed some more water Shepard caught herself eyeing the main battery. She knew that going in there would probably do more harm than good yet her legs had already begun walking weakly towards it.

Perhaps she could push her thoughts of Miranda and Wrex aside with the help of some painful memories of Garrus. Was that even possible? Using a different kind of grief to replace another?

Shepard held her breath before opening the main battery door like she always did. She had to tell herself repeatedly that Garrus would not be standing by the console as soon as the doors opened, the induced thought never did make her feel any better.

Once opened Shepard's reactions kicked in as she chucked her bottle of water straight at the figure before her. All in a split second Shepard felt shock from actually seeing someone in there, her instincts made her use her bottle as a weapon and then worry surfaced over the fact that she was now hallucinating about Garrus.

However as Shepard blinked she could see that the figure who had dodged the bottle chucked at him wasn't Garrus at all. Fuck this was was going to be a long night.

"Koylat?" Shepard questioned, eyeing the drell with conspicuous surprise and confusion.

Just like his father Thane, Koylat clasped his hands behind his back when he was greeted. "Shepard, I didn't mean to scare you," he explained slightly amused, though he didn't show it.

Fuck, she must have looked ridiculous flinging a water bottle at him. Though in her defence it wasn't like she was physically ready to take down an intruder so that's the first thing her mind ordered her to do.

While calming down Shepard noticed a tray with food and drink on what used to be Garrus' cot. The commander couldn't help but look at both the tray and Koylat with suspicion.

"What are you doing here?" Shepard asked bluntly, in a tone that demanded a quick answer.

Koylat blinked at Shepard innocently. "I assumed that Joker had explained to you how I was on Tuchanka."

"No," Shepard interjected with frustration . "What are you doing _here_? In the main battery?" she elaborated.

"Ah," Koylat wheezed before nodding. "My apologies Shepard, I was waiting for you."

Shepard shook her head, for once she just wanted a straight up explanation. "What do you mean you were waiting for me?" she prodded not moving from the main battery doors.

"I wanted to speak with you," Koylat rebutted simply.

"And what if I didn't come here?"

"You would have eventually."

Okay, that was weird. Shepard had too much pride to admit that Koylat was probably right so she remained silent.

Koylat cleared his throat, grabbing Shepard's attention as she stared at the floor. "Would you care to join me?" he offered, gesturing toward the tray of food and drink.

Shepard really wasn't in the mood for this, she wanted to be left alone, just a few minutes to herself that's all.

"Thanks for the offer Koylat but I'm really tired-"

"Why would you leave your bed if you were tired?" Koyalt countered, but not in a accusing way.

"I was thirsty-"

"I have some drinks over here."

"I'm fine thanks I just want to-"

"Go back to the med-bay where you'll end up in a depressed state alone?"

"Koylat!" Shepard shouted corrosively. "Please, I don't want to be around anyone right now. I was spaced yesterday, two of my closest friends are dead, all I want is some time by myself!"

Shepard's body trembled with new found adrenaline as she looked at Koyalt who seemed to have tensed up...and now his eyes were glazing over and...oh no...

"Fear dances inside everyone in the airlock, krogan, ignores fate while clutching the screaming cerberus officer. He stares at the group, my words itching at him, he breathes in, _if you manage to get off this frigate, promise me you'll find Shepard alive. And tell her...tell her she has more honour than I ever will._ The thief shows compassion, her voice withered, _we will Wrex...thank you._ Krogan nods, accepting his fate before forcing his finger on the trigger. The glass shatters, room instantly cold, _Jacob, no, help me!_"

Koylat abruptly looked down at the floor, overcoming his state of solipsism and condemning himself for entering it in front of Shepard. He was still young, it was something that he couldn't help. But still, of all the people to do that in front of.

As the drell lifted his head back up he could see Shepard exactly as she was before stood in the doorway, only this time her body had slackened in defeat and her eyes were watering.

"Shepard, my apologies, I didn't mean to-"

The commander shut her eyes while nodding with force. "Drells slip into memories easily, I know," she concluded for him.

Koylat assumed that his father must have informed Shepard about solipsism, considering that she wasn't freaking out. Only a few weeks into his job at C-Sec and Koylat had already slipped into a memory in front of Bailey, the old guy didn't ask took many questions, but he still seemed a bit sketchy about it. Shepard seemed mostly concerned about having the situation described to her, she definitely looked like she shouldn't be alone right now.

Joining C-Sec meant working with all kinds of races on the Citadel, which took some getting used to. But Koylat was an eager learner and was confident in being able to tell if someone no matter what their race was in distress. Bailey on the other hand wasn't all that good on reading body language. The old guy pretty much relied on Koylat's opinion when he brought in people for questioning. From there Koylat just kept on getting more work, more experience and more credits. Shepard had played a big role in getting him to where he was now, he wasn't just doing this for his father, he was doing this because he felt obligated to.

"Shepard, I understand that you have been through a lot," Koylat began, taking an understanding approach towards the commander. "I have been looking for you for a while now..." The drell took a gentle step towards her. Shepard didn't move. "It would mean a lot to me if you would join me for a drink, besides this stuff" Koylat pointed to the tray "will help you recover much better than those machines you were hooked up to."

The young drell reached his hand out for Shepard, hovering it in the air, praying to Arushu that she would accept his invitation.

For a few seconds Shepard eyed his hand skeptically. She trusted Thane, but she hardly knew Koylat, and after everything she had been through her trust issues were sky high at the moment. She debated on declining his offer as politely as she could and then returning to her bed. However after hearing all that she wasn't sure she wanted to be kept up all night by those horrid thoughts. It wasn't like she could ping Joker and ask him to spend the night with her again, he would only get worried about her being up and about when she should be recovering.

Shepard let out a breathy sigh before placing her hand in Koylat's.

The drell smiled, mirroring his father for a second as he guided Shepard towards the tray of food and drinks on what used to be Garrus' cot.

Koylat released her hand finally as he sat down on the main battery's floor. Shepard didn't have the energy to protest so she followed suit, watching the drell place the tray delicately between them with tired eyes.

"Here," Koylat said offering what looked like tea to Shepard.

Fruity smoke steamed from the cup as Shepard clutched it in her hands. Whether she wanted to be here or not, Shepard couldn't deny that the drink smelled good.

"What's this?" Shepard asked with mild curiousity, her eyes transfixed on the liquid in the cup.

Koylat took a sip of his own drink before answering the commander. "It's a remedy the drell came up with. I guess you could say it makes you more mellow and relaxed."

Shepard shot him a quizzical look, still uncertain about the drink's contents.

The young drell gave a flanging chuckle. "Don't worry Shepard it's not poisonous," he assured.

Fuck it, Shepard blew on the drink three times before taking an experimental sip. It's taste wasn't as watered down as Shepard thought it would be, a strong berry sensation coaxed her tongue before the commander felt a sudden kick.

It wasn't enough to make her choke but it was noticeable. The surprise must have shown on her face seeing as Koylat looked like he was preparing to tell her something.

He rubbed the back of his neck in a mockingly anxious fashion. "I may have added an extra ingredient," he confessed.

Shepard looked up from her cup and held her breath. "What?"

Koylat smiled at her shyly. "It's just a splash of alcohol, you look like you need it."

Shepard began to relax again, after the number of attempts on her life she couldn't help but be a paranoid and on edge. Luckily Koylat had changed drastically from a naive teenager to a mature young man so a part of her felt safe with the knowledge that she could trust him. She was certain that Thane was proud of Koylat for turning his life around considering that the guy was ready to assassinate a target the last time they met.

"How is your father?" Shepard asked politely on impulse.

She had always enjoyed Thane's company and the talks they used to have in Life Support. Thane and Shepard had grown close as they confided in one another about their lives and their pasts, in some ways they had grown too close. Thane had eventually confessed his feelings for Shepard, telling her that he had became infatuated with her, that he cared for her greatly. That was when Shepard had to painfully explain to him that she was already smitten with someone else and that she could never be anything more than his friend. He took her rejection well and in his stride, he explained how he understood and how he hoped that Vakarian and her would be happy together. She wondered if the whole thing was an act, but he was insistent that he genuinely just wanted her to be happy, and if her finding happiness meant not being with him, then he was content. He never did stop calling her 'Siha' though...

"He's with the sea now," Koylat answered instantly, repeating that sentence for the second time. His voice wasn't torn with grief or anger, more like acceptance.

Shepard stilled for a moment and exhaled slowly. She knew that Thane's Kopral Syndrome was eating away at him but the sudden news of his death still hit her hard.

Everyone she got close to died or went away. It was a deep conclusion to come up with yet it was the only thought that engulfed her in that moment.

"I'm sorry for your loss," Shepard deadpanned. Words didn't heal, they don't have the ability to bring someone back or change past events. There was no point in dwelling on the depressing matter further.

"I'm sorry for yours too," Koylat replied, his dark pooled eyes focusing on Shepard with a sympathetic glint to them.

Before Shepard could voice her confusion, Koylat elaborated.

"My father often talked about you with great respect and enthusiasm. I'm aware that you were both close."

"I see," Shepard murmured still grounded over the fact that Thane was gone, just like that.

The drell poured Shepard some more steaming herbal tea into her cup, it's fruity aroma filling the main battery once again.

"I am at peace with what happened to my father," Koylat continued. "He died knowing that I cared greatly. Our damaged bond was never something that could easily be repaired. We needed time to heal, and time is exactly what we didn't have, we both knew that. But I forgave him, and that is what he needed. He had no reason to prolong his suffering anymore."

Koylat looked to the side and paused thinking of how to word himself. He turned back, knitting his hands together and resting his elbows on his knees. "Shepard, in my father's last minutes there was no fear in his eyes, no regret. He looked...he looked ready."

Shepard smiled sadly at Koylat, listening to his every word tentatively. Even though she wasn't keen on talking about how Thane passed away, Koylat's words helped. The thought of Thane dying knowing that his son forgave him, and that death took him because he let it allowed Shepard to find some peace with the news.

The young drell opposite Shepard watched her like a scientist observing an anomaly in a experiment.

"And then there's you Shepard," Koylat said in a low tone. "You don't seek closure, you seek revenge. You've become disconnected."

Shepard frowned at Koylat's change of discourse. Who was he to talk about being 'disconnected?' She couldn't help but feel like Koylat was thoroughly judging her, his eyes unblinking as he waited for her to respond calmly.

"Don't tell me you wouldn't do the same," Shepard argued with the only ammunition she had. She placed her tea back on the tray defiantly before crossing her arms and returning the drell's stare.

"I'm not judging you Shepard, I'm sure you've judged yourself enough." Koylat's voice held genuine sorrow instead of his words sounding snide and accusing.

It was almost like he was trying to understand Shepard, trying to figure out what made her tick.

Koylat raised his hands as he got more confident in how far he could push Shepard. "You don't receive any gratification when they die. You go out of your way to take their lives and you don't even enjoy it do you?" Again his voice was the pinnacle of calm, kind of like a psychiatrist when they are probing your mind for locked away memories.

The drell took in a deep breath, his monologue building up to the crescendo. "Doesn't that remind you of someone?"

Shepard saw red as she felt her biotics flare up from where she sat, goosebumps appearing on her skin for the tingling pressure. Koylat didn't flinch. "I am nothing like him," she warned through gritted teeth.

"You cannot deny that there are similarities," Koylat pushed, his words damaging Shepard's ability to remain calm.

Her arms continuously ached to release dark energy, but she tried to shun it away. How dare he compare her to Garrus?

"Aren't you suppose to be making me feel better?" Shepard spat sardonically. "Cause you're doing a really shit job of it."

"I just need to know if this is what you really want."

"If what is what I really want?"

Koylat studied her again for a moment. "Do you really want to continue killing? Knowing that taking Garrus' life will not make anything better?" he reasoned.

Shepard went silent for a second, the blue flare on her arms fizzling out. "...Yes," she whispered truthfully.

The drell's face was overcome with what looked like disappointment, she guessed that he hoped she would see things from his perspective. But right now she was beyond reason. Garrus had to die. She knew that the moment she woke up from her coma, it wasn't about what she wanted, it was about what she needed to do.

With one last sad look on his features Koylat promptly opened up his omni-tool, tapping away a few buttons before Shepard's own omni-tool pinged.

She eyed the drell with a questionable look before opening up the message's contents that contained what appeared to be an address.

"What's this?" Shepard blurted, her eyes scanning the information, trying to decipher it's purpose.

"Someone who knows where Garrus might be," Koylat responded simply.

Shepard paused her actions before looking at the address again. "Why do you have this?"

"I've been looking for you for a while Shepard, that's part of the intel I gathered along the way."

Shepard went to reply as she saw Koylat nonchalantly preparing to leave. That was it? That's why he wanted to speak to her?

"Please help yourself to whatever's there" Koylat politely offered gesturing to the tray of food on the floor.

He straightened his clothes out before heading towards the main battery's door turning around halfway before his departure.

"Shepard," he called out, causing her to look up at him. "I've gave you that information because I want to help you in any way I can. That doesn't mean you have to use it."

On that note the drell left the room, leaving Shepard alone, staring at the address skeptically.

Either way she was damned. She could honestly see where Koylat was coming from but that didn't overshadow how badly she needed this. Shepard had come so far, further than she had anticipated, she had to see it through.

All she had to worry about now was how she was gonna get this guy to tell her where Garrus was, fuck it, she had to try.

Shepard finished off her tea savouring the kick it gave this time round. It wasn't pleasant, again it was simply needed. She didn't fancy going back to the Med-Bay, that would just resurface more bad memories. For now the main battery seemed perfect, she actually felt comfortable and at ease.

She finally stood up, pushing the tray to the side as she sat herself in what used to be Garrus' cot. The material was hard and uncomfortable but it still carried his scent which was enough to outweight the cot's bad qualities.

"EDI, dim the lights," Shepard ordered while she allowed her self to try and get comfortable and lay down.

EDI did not question the commander and dimmed the lights immediately to Shepard's relief.

The hum of the main gun's console soothed and coaxed Shepard into closing her eyes as she felt herself slipping into a deep sleep. Whether or not it would be restless, Shepard didn't know.

Before darkness took her Shepard mumbled, "EDI take the coordinates from my omni-tool and give them to Joker when he wakes up. Tell him we're going to Palaven."

"As you say Commander," EDI replied, but Shepard didn't hear it as she sunk into a deep sleep. For now, this was the closest to Garrus as she was going to get.

* * *

><p>Joker had pretty much flipped out when EDI informed him of Shepard's orders.<p>

Throughout the past few weeks Shepard had grown accustomed to being told _"This is insane...are you sure this is what you want?...Shepard I don't think you've thought this through..."_

For a while now, Shepard had let those comments float at the back of her mind. However when Joker felt the need to criticise her for wanting to trust Koylat's intel, that was the last straw.

"You nearly died yesterday Shepard!" he practically yelled at her when she entered the cockpit. "And now you want to go chasing down some contact who may try to kill you as well?"

Things were never easy were they?

"The more time I waste resting and mentally preparing myself the more time Garrus has to come up with a plan against me!" Shepard argued back with defiance.

She watched how Joker's frown deepened before he turned his attention back to the console in front of him. He tapped at the screen as aggressively as he could, the scene would have been funny if he's actions weren't the product of their heated argument.

"Joker..." Shepard whispered, once her anger fizzled out.

The pilot didn't respond, his false attention pinned on the orange controls.

"Joker," she then repeated with a less apologetic tone, she placed her hand on his shoulder lightly as she breathed his name.

Joker groaned in aggravation, he hated it when he was forced to continue a conversation he didn't want to have.

"What?" he muttered in a half defeated half angry tone. He continued to stare at the flashing controls in front of him, his only way of knowing that Shepard was still behind him was from her hand that was resting on his shoulder.

"If you don't want to be a part of this, I'll understand," she lied. Joker was one of her closest friends, she would be damned if she didn't offer him a way out of this mess. It didn't stop her from feeling anxious about his answer though. She needed him more emotionally than anything else, the thought of him leaving made her worry.

Shepard felt Joker's chest expand as he let out an exhausted sigh. "You're crazy Shepard," he whispered flatly. "Anyone else would not have survived what you've been through, but you just keep coming back and proving the odds wrong."

Joker stroked his chin subconsciously. "I don't agree with you throwing yourself into hell again and again. You're luck may run out soon, you may not come back this time."

Shepard let her hand tighten on Joker's shoulder in response to his words, Joker chose to ignore it. "You're right," he breathed while staring at the controls "I don't want to be a part of this."

The commander felt her heart sink before Joker turned his head to look up at her and saw the pained expression on her face. "But that doesn't mean I'm going to leave you."

Shepard caught Joker's soft smile and smiled back at him, the two of them comfortably transfixed on one another for a few moments. Of course Joker was the one to back out first as he cleared his throat awkwardly.

"Now that this emotional moment is over I think Zaeed and Koylat are waiting for you by the shuttle," Joker finished turning his head back around to face the console.

Shepard had informed the team earlier about what she planned to do, receiving a lot of bad feedback mostly from Kasumi. Other than the thief's unhelpful comments regardless of how much she meant well the team eventually accepted what Shepard wanted to do.

Koylat and Zaeed were to accompany her for this trip. Massani was like a crutch for her in many ways, she practically needed him, and thankfully although Koylat was disappointed with Shepard's decision to use his information he didn't put up a fight when she asked to come along. The rest of the team were to sit tight and wait for their return.

Shepard had asked everyone left behind to keep an eye on the new guy Luke regardless of the praise he had received so far. If Shepard wasn't so bound to Koylat's intel she would have taken some time to talk to the guy, to develop her opinion on him that way. But for now all that had to wait.

Joker let out a sigh of relief when he heard Shepard walking away, he hated arguing with her, they didn't suit being angry with one another. Joker honestly didn't agree with her going through with this so soon, but it was her choice. He wasn't going to blackmail her his help in order to make sure she was safe.

Suddenly out of nowhere the pilot felt soft lips press themselves against his whiskered cheek. His eyes frantically scanned the cockpit as his body froze in a sketchy reaction.

Followed by the prolonged kiss was light breath tickling his stubble and ear. "Thank you Joker," a feminine voice whispered, Shepard's voice, before he heard the sound of her boots walking out of the cockpit.

Joker managed to compose himself after a few seconds of sitting in his chair completely still. He let out a long exhale allowing his hand to touch his slightly damp cheek. The action was quite pathetic from his point of view, but it wasn't like anyone was here to see it.

"Shepard has asked for the cargo bay doors to be opened," EDI popped up.

Joker jolted in his chair as if a surge of energy passed through it. "Jesus EDI don't do that! Didn't we talk about you sneaking around?"

EDI's blue form opened like an eyelid. "I was merely waiting for Shepard and you to finish your discussion," EDI explained.

Joker found himself groaning for a second time, what did a guy have to do to get a break around here?

"I tell you what EDI, let's both forget about what just happened and go back to our usual selves okay?" Joker suggested waving his hands for emphasis.

"Very well," EDI replied.

"Thank you."

"But Shepard-"

"EDI! What did I just say?" Joker shouted not so much with fury but with annoyance.

EDI went silent a bit taken back by Joker's touchiness before speaking up again. "Shepard would like the cargo bay doors open," she said simply yet again.

The pilot felt his cheeks turn red. Fuck. "Oh, that. Yeah, sure," Joker replied quickly as if his little outburst didn't happen. He opened up the cargo bay doors swiftly trying not to trigger anymore reactions from EDI.

The blue orb hummed monotonously as if she was judging him. Man this was awkward.

_"We're heading out now Joker,"_ Shepard informed him over the speaker.

Joker responded straight away ignoring EDI for a second. "Alright Shepard, good luck," he replied solemnly.

He watched the shuttle leave the Normandy with a sad smile formed on his face as they joined Palaven's traffic.

It would have been much easier docking in one of Palaven's many bays. But they had to remember that Shepard was considered officially dead and that commander Vakarian owned the ship now.

And considering that the team stole the ship back...yeah the explanation with the Palaven docking officers wouldn't go down so well.

Joker swore to himself that he'll be ready for anything this time, he didn't like the situation and didn't care much for the planet.

He wasn't anywhere near religious yet he prayed that Zaeed and Koylat had Shepard's back no matter what kind of trouble headed their way.

* * *

><p>Hot was an understatement for Palaven.<p>

Shepard remembered how fondly Garrus used to talk about his home planet with such passion and pride. He was always enthusiastic once he got started on the subject, constantly telling Shepard that she would see Palaven one day if he had his own way.

Shepard had always expected to visit Palaven with Garrus by her side, instead she landed on the tropical planet with back up and was here in an attempt to track down Garrus' location. It was funny how things turned out, if you had a thing for dark humour.

The commander frowned underneath her helmet as droplets of rain splashed on her. One thing she remembered Garrus saying, "It hardly ever rains on Palaven." Of course it would suddenly decide to do just that as she cut through Cipritine's streets with Zaeed and Koylat.

"Shepard, I hate to be the guy here," Zaeed spoke up over the rain that was now soaking the trio "But are we nearly there?"

"I don't know Zaeed, you know what with this being my first time on Palaven and all," Shepard retorted expecting that to be the end of their conversation.

They made it a few steps further into one of Cipritine's busy districts before Zaeed cursed loudly. "Fucking hell, trust it to piss down when we get here."

Shepard sighed in frustration. "Suck it up Massani, if anyone should be complaining about how damp it is it's Koylat and so far he's kept shtum."

Without a helmet on Koyalt's sly smile was visible to everyone causing Zaeed to glare at him.

The temperature of the planet was still considerably hot, not as hot as Therum but still enough to make you sweat when it's raining.

Shepard and Zaeed didn't waste time with covering there bodies with all sorts of skin protecting lotion and just settled for wearing their armour to protect them against Palaven's radiation.

If it wasn't for the rain, Shepard guessed that the unarmored Koylat would be taking a liking to the planet. Although the drell was beginning to look rather hot and irritated after a few minutes.

It took the group a while to track down the contact's address in the bustling streets of Cipritine. Many turians continued to go about their business regardless of how much they would get drenched. Garrus had mentioned how turians disliked the cold, then again the water that splashed down from the skies was luke warm, she guessed rain was an exception.

After numerous complaints from Zaeed and a lot of sweating inside her suit the group finally tracked down the apartment they were hastily searching for.

From outside the group observed the architecture which was neatly cut with a silver polish to it. It was pretty obvious that in order to live in these apartments you had to be making a serious amount of credits.

Shepard found herself wordlessly staring at the chrome door before her, she hadn't planned this at all, which was unlike her.

This time round she trusted her instinct instead of coming up with a plan, now she was outside the contact's door however the velocity of the situation dawned on her.

She had no way of knowing if the contact would provide her with the information she needed and Shepard had no intention of forcing the information out of him.

Damn it this was tricky.

Zaeed attempted to make eye contact with Shepard when he caught her entering deep thought. "Hey," he said drawing her attention to him. "How're you doing?"

Shepard sighed nervously and gave the merc a weak smile. "I'm fine."

Zaeed looked at Koylat then back at Shepard cynically, the merc and the drell both unconvinced.

"Well, the door's right there," Zaeed hinted. "Unless you're planning on getting soaked all day."

Again Shepard was reminded of why she appreciated Zaeed tagging along. He wasn't exactly polite in his words of encouragement, but he always managed to keep Shepard on task, constantly reminding her of why she was doing all of this hard work and preventing her from wussing out.

Without dwelling on the matter further Shepard pressed her index finger on the doorbell, allowing herself to exhale slowly as she retracted her hand.

The group could hear footsteps approaching door instantly as they beeped open. Time to face the music.

Before them was a rather tall turian wearing gold and navy civvies. Judging from his rough plates Shepard guessed that he was in his late 50's early 60's, regardless he still held an uncanny resemblance to Garrus which slightly overwhelmed Shepard.

She found her self staring at the turian as soon as he opened the door her mouth slightly agape and unable to form words. It was almost like looking at Garrus in the future, not that he had one if things went Shepard's way.

Surprisingly the turian did not appear to be startled by the guests at his door, instead his eyes seemed to examine the three of them, his blue orbs focusing mostly on the human female before him.

"You took your time," the turian stated as a matter of factly. He leaned against the wall on his left opting to speak again when he realised that he wasn't going to receive a response from the calculated commander. "I was wondering if you ever were going to ring the doorbell and that I might have to get up regardless to put you out of your misery."

Shepard went to query the turian on how he knew she was outside his door for so long but the question was already hanging in the damp air before she could speak.

"Hidden cameras," the turian answered simply. He looked past Shepard into the distance which was covered in green and yellow foliage. "You never can be too careful."

Zaaed and Koylat remained like silent statues behind Shepard. This had nothing to do with them, their only purpose for being here was just in case something went wrong.

Shepard turned her head to glance at where the turian was looking before facing him once again. The rain thankfully filled the void of silence that would be occuring right now. Shit, she just had to summon the courage to do this.

Clearing her throat Shepard spoke up. "You sound like you were expecting us," she stated with pathetically false confidence.

The turian flared his mandibles as his blue eyes burrowed into her small frame. "That's because I was."

Thunder suddenly spoiled the splashing rain as the skies flared to life, Shepard was proud that although she was on edge she didn't flinch.

"Come in," the turian offered, though the offer sounded more like an order. He stood to the side allowing Shepard to reluctantly step inside his apartment with Zaeed and Koylat following mutely behind her.

Shutting the door behind the group the turian turned to face them again. "You understand Shepard that I'd prefer to talk to you in private," he cast a glance at Zaeed and Koylat who like Shepard were soaking wet "You're men are welcome to wait here for you."

Honestly, Zaeed didn't care much for Shepard being alone with the turian and judging form Koylat's concerned expression neither did he.

"Very well," Shepard answered while shooting an apologetic look towards the two men.

The turian took note of her answer and clasped his hands behind his back, he was a military man through and through. "You only have to worry about the radiation outside, the atmosphere and temperature is fine in here," the turian began "Also I would appreciate it if you didn't get my furniture wet."

He seemed to be eyeing the drenched armour Shepard was wearing with great apprehension. "You want me to take my armour off?" she asked suspiciously.

"You may leave it on the table behind you," the turian offered pointing towards the chrome table against the immaculately white wall.

Zaeed shook his head in frustration, enough was enough. "So not only do you want her alone but you're denying her protection as well?" Zaeed piped up gravelly.

The turian frowned at Massani's small outburst, his blue orbs slicing through the merc. "Protection from what exactly?" the turian challenged with a low growl of his own. His growl was much deeper than Garrus', it was probably something to do with his age.

"Zaeed stand down," Shepard barked, preventing the argument from going any further.

The whole apartment went instantly silent besides the crackling of thunder and rain outside.

Shepard took the silence as her cue to begin peeling off her armour. She was just as suspicious as Zaeed was but she had to admit, it felt good to take the blasted thing off, she was practically sweating buckets inside it.

Either way she was still appropriately dressed and she still had her shields, so if the turian turned out to be a brilliant actor and decided to take her on, she stood a chance. Albeit a small chance.

"Follow me," the tall turian said already walking further into the apartment, leaving the merc and the drell in the anxiously awaiting Shepard's return in the hallway.

Shepard didn't know what she was expecting but it wasn't this. She had brought her gun and back up for a reason. So far the turian had done them no wrong, yet that didn't stop Shepard from being wary.

The pair entered a pristine room that's decor was mostly silver and black. An artificial fireplace burned away in between two large leather chairs that seemed to be the only pieces of furniture in there besides a bookshelf, a small table and glass cabinet. A rather large rug in the middle of the room made up for the lack of furniture, while carefully crafted paintings of turian battles hugged the pearly white walls.

Despite the glorified battles surrounding Shepard, she felt that the room had a cosy feel to it.

"Please take a seat," the turian offered politely gesturing towards the leather chairs when he noticed Shepard hesitating in the middle of the room.

Shepard nodded in reply slowly taking a seat as the turian turned his back to her and started to rummage through the glass cabinet at the opposite side of the room.

From a fair distance the leather chair looked very comfortable, but looks were quite deceiving as Shepard found that it was hard as rock when her body greeted it, probably a turian thing. Plush cushioning wouldn't appeal to a race who had an exoskeleton.

"Care for a drink?" the turian asked, pulling out two crystal glasses regardless of her answer.

"I'm actually okay, thank you."

She was certain that the old turian heard her reply, but simply chose to ignore her as he cracked open a bottle of blue liquid and poured it into a clean cut glass. Shepard watched him awkwardly, it wasn't like her be nervous when meeting someone, but this was different. It was difficult to play the confident commander Shepard card.

Once the turian had poured himself a separate drink he let out a shriveled sigh before turning around to meet Shepard's gaze. Obviously she wasn't the only one who felt weird in this situation.

He took two long steps towards Shepard offering her a glass that she was debating on turning down yet again.

As her mouth maneuvered to speak the turian quickly interjected. "Please, Shepard," he exhaled still holding the blue drink out to her "A drink will help us both get through this."

The cracked plates on his face were loose in an expression of genuine sincerity. Shepard liked to think that she took the drink because she found an ounce of trust in the turian rather than how she really needed some liquid courage then and there.

She brought the swishing liquid to her lips as soon as it was in her hands, taking pleasure from the after-taste that kicked in.

The turian took a swig of his own dextro-drink, maintaining eye contact with Shepard the entire time. He breathed out sharply, his mouth now refreshed and carrying the sour tang of Palaven fruit.

Shepard toyed with the filled glass in her hand plucking up the courage to speak. "Mr Vakarian-"

"Please, there's no need for formalities here. Call me Drusus," Drusus interjected.

Admittedly Shepard was surprised with how polite and upfront the turian was being. The way Garrus had described him, he always sounded like a hard-ass.

"Very well Drusus," Shepard replied offering a weak smile.

"And what do I call you? Other than Commander Shepard that is?"

Shepard felt her body tense from the weight of the question. Her first name was no secret but she preferred it to be used only by people she trusted. Garrus had been one of those exceptions. She loved the way he used to whisper and moan her name into her ear, the way he growled it with such lust and depth. Kaidan knew her name, but when they were together he seemed to be more comfortable with just calling her Shepard which suited her fine.

Right now, Garrus' father was inquiring her about it, a man she had heard a lot about and not all of it good.

Fuck it.

"Beatrix," she answered simply, not showing how difficult it was for her to share that information with the turian.

Drusus widened his mandibles in a turian version of a smile. "How surprising," Drusus muttered while swooshing his glass' contents around so that it resembled a liquid tornado. It was almost like he was preparing to unleash a storm between them, the hormonal thunder outside doing nothing but heightening the tension.

"Garrus mentioned how you weren't comfortable with others using your first name," Drusus continued "A shame really, it's quite beautiful."

Shepard took another swig of her drink, giving her time to process what Drusus had said. "Garrus told you that?" she prodded unable to hide the shock in her voice.

It wasn't that she felt angry at Garrus for it, she doubted that she could hate the turian any more than she did. What bothered her was why, how Garrus had brought that up in a conversation with his father.

"Indeed," Drusus confirmed. "He often talks about you, even more so since you woke up from your coma."

Shepard instinctively tightened her hand around her glass to the point where it was becoming painful. "Are you aware of how I ended up in that coma?"

Drusus stared at the floor absentmindedly and released a uneasy sigh. "Unfortunately yes," he forced out, washing his throat with more alcohol straight away.

Shepard didn't need to question the turian about how he felt about his son's actions. His feelings were notable from the pained expression on his face, unveiling emotions that words could not begin to explain.

"Drusus," Shepard spoke up, willing herself to continue what she wanted to say as the turian acknowledged her once again. "What...what did Garrus say about me?"

Her expression almost looked hopeful in a pathetic way, but she couldn't help herself. She caused herself pain whenever possible it seemed.

The elder turian leaned back into his seat regarding Shepard thoughtfully. "He often talked about how he missed you, how..." Drusus closed his eyes for a second "how he loved you. Once the subject was on you there was no getting out of it."

The commander allowed herself a sad smile, thankful that she wasn't choking up over this.

"I must admit," Drusus continued with reluctance "I never expected my only son to tell me that he was infatuated with a human. I guess I should have expected it really, he was always one to follow his heart, never orders."

Shepard finished the rest of her drink and placed it delicately on the glass table beside her, mentally bracing herself. "Drusus, judging from how you've reacted so far, I take it you know why I'm here."

It was Drusus' time to finish off his drink now. "You're hoping that I can tell you where Garrus is," he recalled flatly.

"Yes," Shepard whispered unsure of the turn the conversation was going to take.

Drusus nodded sadly, his rough plates making him look even more exhausted than he probably was. He wordlessly got up from his chair and walked over to a window that was shrouded with Palaven's rain and foliage creeping at the sides.

He clasped his hands behind his back as he looked out at the scenery, Shepard silently observing the turian from her seat by the crackling fireplace.

"He's staying in a penthouse suite, top floor of hotel Nex in the center of Cipritine."

The was no emotion clinging to the elder turian's voice. He gave Shepard the information as easily as he would help out a lost tourist.

"Why is he staying there?" Shepard questioned, still debating on whether or not Drusus' information was any good. This was his son after all.

Drusus kept his blank gaze on the storm outside. "He initially came here to see me, then he found out that that you had killed whoever was left from his old contacts and decided to stay for a while longer."

Shepard was confused, none of this was clicking for her.

Thankfully Drusus responded to her silence, turning back around to face her. The lightning behind him from outside the window almost made the elder turian look frightening.

"Do you know why I'm helping you Beatrix?" he asked, making his way back over to his seat.

Shepard shook her head. She couldn't fathom why Garrus' father was being so light about all this, this really wasn't how she had expected this to go. "No."

Drusus took his seat and leaned on his elbows, his penetrating gaze never leaving Shepard's. "Because Garrus would want me to," he spoke softly.

A little taken aback Shepard sank against the rock hard seat. "I highly doubt that," she argued lightly.

"Oh?" Drusus retorted. "So the fact that he stayed on Palaven instead of hiding somewhere else when he knows you would come to talk to me is mere coincidence?"

Shepard had nothing to reply to that, she didn't even know where to start with her argument.

"My son still loves you Shepard, and I've seen him plagued by what he did to you for too long." Drusus rubbed his fringe anxiously. "Ever since that incident at the chapel Garrus and I have been talking. He had no one else to turn to. I've always tried to do best by him Shepard, that's the most any parent can do."

Drusus shook his head while Shepard politely listened to his confession with sympathy. "It would seem that I failed at that. The most I can do for him now, is lead you to him."

The elder turian became fidgety and got up from his chair, snatching his glass from the table as he did so and shakily poured himself another drink.

"I know what's become of my son, Beatrix. I know about this_ indoctrination_." Drasus scoffed out of self pity, lifting his now filled glass to his mouth "I remember trying to stop him from becoming a spectre in case he ended up like Saren." He swallowed all of the glass' contents in one go relishing in a forceful exhalation afterwards. "Not once did I consider the similarities being something to do with mind-control."

Shepard eyed Drusus with caution, either he was drunk or he really knew what he was talking about. "How do you know about all that?"

Drusus held up his three-taloned hand. "Please, Beatrix. I'm renowned at C-Sec for a reason. As soon as Garrus told me what he did to you I knew something was wrong. Garrus is hotheaded and impulsive but he isn't capable of doing what he did to you. You have to understand that as a father I just couldn't accept his answer," Drasus explained, emotional torment evident in his flanging voice.

"It took me years of investigating to link everything together until I found out the root. The Reapers! Those bastards corrupting him, taking away everything that made Garrus his own person!" Drusus yelled destructively before slamming his fist down on the glass table.

The commander was surprised that the table didn't shatter as she waited patiently for Drusus to calm down, she would give him as much time as he needed, this was his son after all.

"Just do what you have to do Beatrix," Drusus said hollowly in defeat while Shepard watched him with a heavy amount of concern. "I would have put him out of his misery by now but I knew that you were lurking out there somewhere, I couldn't deny you this, not after everything he put you through."

As he turned around to face Shepard on the leather seat by the fireplace he found that she was no longer there but right behind him. Her eyes were glassy as she stared at the turian.

"Thank you Drusus," Shepard managed to whisper as her voice began to quiver.

She decided in the moment to fling her arms around the elder turian with a tight grip. The gesture seemed silly and had a high risk of backfiring if he instantly pushed her away, but right now she needed some sort of contact, after everything she had been through she didn't consider herself to be a strong anymore.

Drusus was admittedly startled by Shepard's actions as he felt her hold on him tighten. On instinct the elder turian found himself recuperating the gesture by idly situating his hand on her back and stroking her spine in an attempt to sooth her.

Of course he would have preferred his son to find a turian mate, but the way Garrus spoke of Shepard with such raw passion and respect changed Drusus' old attitude.

The quitely sobbing human in his arms was almost like family to him, he found that he had no quarrel with comforting her.

The two of them stayed in that position for a while, wordlessly clinging to one another in an attempt to find comfort. By the time Shepard slowly pulled away the thunder outside had stopped and the pelting rain was reduced to tiny droplets.

Drusus looked down at Shepard attentively. "One word of advise Beatrix, don't go in there guns blazing," the elder turian suggested.

"Why not?" Shepard retorted wiping her eyes as she looked up at the turian, she wasn't sure how she wanted to go about this yet.

"I just feel that there is a lot Garrus and you need to talk about, four years is long time," Drusus answered vaguely.

Shepard nodded once, her mind already jumbling with ideas on how she was going to approach this. Her first thought; why wait?

"I appreciate everything you've told me Drusus, I know this can't be easy for you," Shepard thanked, her voice still a bit wobbly.

Drusus scoffed in disbelief. "Please Beatrix, I don't want your pity. Just do what you have to do," he said, leaving Shepard with an opening to take her leave.

She felt bad about leaving the turian alone in his apartment while he knew that she was going to go after Garrus. But as she began to walk out of the room she saw relief wash over his face, he looked relax and at peace with what he had done.

Shepard hoped she would feel the same way in the next few hours.

She placed one foot in front of the other, Garrus wasn't going anywhere but that didn't stop her from powerwalking. She waved her hand at Zaaed and Koylat in the hall as she past them, to get them to follow her outside while grabbing her suit and slotting it back on as she walked.

How did she feel right now? Terrified, nervous, excited. Shepard almost wanted to burst into tears again from how overwhelmed she was.

She had worked so hard to get to this point, so damn hard. She had lost so many friends and had put her life on the line on numerous occasions. And just in the time period of an hour Shepard had everything she needed to end all of this.

Maybe killing Garrus wouldn't make her feel any better but it was still a step forward, and another way of erasing her tragic past.

Zaeed spoke up from behind Shepard who was in the middle of sealing her chest-piece as the merc and drell struggled to match her pace down the damp streets of Cipritine.

"'Ere Shepard? Is there anything you wanna tell us? I didn't hear any gunshots so I assume it went well?"

Shepard looked back at Zaeed, continuing her fast pace and shooting him a determined look. "I know where Garrus is."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Sweet mother of Knul, I can't believe I am actually going to say this. Here it goes my dear loyal patient readers; the confrontation with Garrus is next! :D


	12. Somebody You Used To Know

**A/N: **Words cannot explain how sorry I am about this update. As I have been reminded I haven't actually updated since February which is a piss-take on my part. I guess it was just a little overwhelming the fact that this story is actually coming to end and that I actually have to finish Kill Garrus in such a way that not pleases you but leaves with some closure unlike the ending to ME3 but let's not talk about that. Another reason for why I haven't had the gumption to update sooner is because of post Mass Effect 3 depression that the entire fandom is feeling right now, haha. Again I apologise and it still surprises me that people are still putting up with me and still reading this, I really can't thank you guys enough. I'm not overly confident with this chapter, I never am, mainly because the entire concept of this story does require some open-mindedness and patience and even then you still might find yourself unable to enjoy it. But regardless I appreciate every single one of you who have taken the time to sit down and give this a read :)

_"But I don't want to live that way, reading into every word you say, you said that you could let it go, and I wouldn't find you hung up on somebody that you used to know." - Gotye/Kimbra_

I do not own Mass Effect or Kill Bill.

* * *

><p>Even Cipritine's hormonal climate couldn't bring the commander down.<p>

Shepard was completely and utterly determined at this particular moment, the amount of adrenaline pumping through her veins deafening her to any argument that criticised her plan, literally.

Behind her Zaeed and Koylat weren't struggling to meet Shepard's unique pace but they weren't exactly taking a nice stroll either. Koylat wasn't prepared to speak to Shepard in more depth any time soon, not with the unwelcome rain completely smothering him. Massani however felt quite the opposite.

"Shepard," Zaeed called out, his voice sounding exasperated more from the complicated situation than the power-walking.

The commander didn't ignore the merc intentionally, she had simply convinced herself that there was no reason for anyone to speak up or be concerned about the events that were going to transpire. It was like she was physically able to block out any voices of reason. This is the moment she had been waiting for, the moment that haunted her sleep and played on her mind. To not act on the intel she had due to fear or doubt would be an unforgiving move on her part.

Zaeed called out to Shepard for the second time, a heavy gust of wind soaking the trio with more rain than necessary and drowing out the merc's frustrated voice.

It seemed that Cipritine's weather was becoming much worse by the second. Even the carefree turians that were going about their business as usual earlier were suddenly opting to go back inside their houses or stores. Shepard didn't blame them.

She missed the subtle warmth and complete dryness of Drasus' apartment, where as outside, in Cipritine's streets it was uncomfortably hot regardless of the sun being hidden by dark grey clouds. The moon was still partially visible in Palaven's sky, but with the dismal clouds surrounding it and rain showering down, it looked rather morbid.

Shepard jolted out of her daydream state as she suddenly felt a rough hand grab her shoulder and spin her around.

"What the fuck Zaeed?" Shepard yelled, frowning at the mercenary who had only just let go of her shoulder.

Zaeed stole a look from Koylat behind him, the drell sharing the same concerned expression as Massani.

"What are you playing at Shepard?" Zaeed said in a low tone when Shepard had expected his voice to be aggressive and loud.

The way Zaeed looked and sounded in front of Shepard in that moment reminded the commander of how he was back when he gave her Jessie. You could see the evident marks of how much he had aged and how much he had seen. Now he was looking at Shepard with an encased emotion set in his eyes.

Shepard's body stilled the moment she registered Zaeed's words and his form. When he grabbed her so suddenly her voice and temperament was prepared for a full blown argument where she half expected him or her to storm off. She knew that when she opens her mouth for the second time, her voice would no longer be able to brew with anger or the annoyance of his trepidation. How could she be angry when the only unvoiced conclusion Shepard could gather from the old mercenary was that he truly cared?

"I'm doing what needs to be done," Shepard answered slowly her voice sounding almost apologetic.

Zaeed tilted his head to the side as he continued to meet her gaze as if it was only the two of them that existed at the moment.

"Are you sure about that?" he questioned further, his voice rugged but delicate.

The rain was still pouring down on the trio heavily but this was a conversation that couldn't wait. It needed to happen. Even Koylat was able to ignore the dreadful weather that they were openly standing in, he didn't want Shepard to follow his intel in the first place, but he couldn't deny her a choice in the matter.

She had acted upon it without hesitation, now she acting upon the information Drusus' had provided her. Things were moving so quickly like there was no time to breath and think about the repercussions of everything. Koyalt guessed that Shepard preferred it that way.

"Zaeed," Shepard implored buying herself some time to word her response correctly. Turns out that was easier said than done considering that she didn't want to say what her brain had come up with. "I have been looking for Garrus for a while now. If I knew where he was when I woke up from that coma I would have dealt with him first. Are you asking me whether or not I'm sure that I want to go after him now and kill him?"

It was difficult to tell if Shepard's eyes were watering due to the constant rain or not, but either way Shepard managed to keep herself together. She scoffed before shrugging as Massani and Koylat continued to look at her. In a dark way she found her feelings rather humorous considering everything she had been put through.

"No. I'm not sure Zaeed. In fact, I really don't want to do this" Shepard rubbed her wet face, taking in a deep breath "I'm going in there to kill the man I fell in love with, the man who is destroyed and has become something awful because of how I left. So, no I'm not sure, but this needs to be done, please try to understand that and stop forcing me to think things through so that I'll lose my nerve."

Shepard wasn't stamping down her authority on Zaeed nor was she ordering him. She was pleading with him to just drop it and to let her do this. Shepard would rather settle this the way she had been doing so all along. Not dwelling on things too much and just doing it, she could always deal with her emotions later.

Zaeed remembered just how shaken Shepard had looked after killing Tali, and he remembered her stone cold expression when she killed Jack. It seemed that Shepard was using Drasus as a distraction from Wrex and Miranda's death. Now she knew where Garrus was, and it made sense that if she struggled with killing the people she once called friends then her psyche would really be struggling with Garrus, the man she loved.

It was a now or never kind of thing.

"Fair enough," was Zaeed's only reply. What else could he do, shout at her, convince her to see reason, to not go out and about straight after her accident?

As far as Zaeed was concerned Shepard and Marla were no different. He cared about them both in his own way, the same way he had cared about Jack.

He was glad that Shepard didn't ask for him to tag along with her back on Omega. He understood that the girl needed to die but that didn't make it any easier for him. Zaeed had grown accustomed to both Shepard and Jack back on the Normandy, sure Jack could be a right bitch when wanted to be but he respected that about her, she took shit from no one not even him.

Massani didn't want to lose Shepard as well, physically or mentally but he would be damned if he stopped her from doing what she needed to do. She was a grown woman for fuck's sake. She didn't need him second guessing her, she needed support. That was the best the old mercenary could do for her.

Shepard smiled weakly back at Zaeed, even though he wasn't happy with how things were going he was willing to stand by her decision anyway.

Koyalt shuffled on his two feet shaking some of the rain off of his shoes regardless of them only becoming wet again soon after. His opinion didn't really matter here. This wasn't his business. He was doing what his father had asked of him, to make sure Shepard was okay, to help her and that was exactly what he planned to do whether he agreed with the path she had taken or not.

"Lead the way Shepard," Koylat offered, watching Shepard nod as she began walking again.

The trio walked at a quick pace, neither of them talking and just allowing the heavy rain to fill the silence.

Shepard had debated on whether or not she should tell Joker about the situation, but she knew he would get worried and she really didn't want to make a big deal out of this. For now she had Koylat and Zaeed to look out for her if things went badly.

A few more damp streets and corners brimming with foliage and multicoloured flowers later the group found themselves standing directly outside hotel Nex. Even though the weather managed to paint everything in Cipritine in a dismal light the hotel in question still managed to look rather elegant and outstanding. It was definitely a place that required you to have a hefty amount of credits in your bank if you wanted to stay there. It was mainly a creamy stone colour while the stairs leading into the hotel were made of black and white marble. The sign at the top point of the building shone a diamond white, reading what must have translated to 'Hotel Nex' in Earth-English.

Strolling into the hotel Zaeed was able to make out a few frowns from the turians they passed inside. He wasn't sure if it was because they were human or because the three off them had water practically dripping from their armour onto the floor.

Koylat didn't seem to care about the looks thrown his way and was just content being in a place that was dry regardless of how expensive and pristine the place looked. Shepard on the other hand seemed to ignore the looks she received, relieved to be inside a building that had air conditioning as she walked over to one of the reception desks.

The turian female behind the metal desk seemed surprised by the group that approached her but professionally got rid of that expression as soon as it formed.

"Good afternoon and welcome to hotel Nex," the turian female greeted, her voice a little more high pitched than the male turians Shepard had met. "Do you wish to make a reservation?"

Shepard lazily leaned onto the counter, the turian receptionist inwardly wincing as droplets of water dripped onto it. "I'm actually here to see someone," Shepard said as Zaeed and Koylat patiently waited behind her and scanned the hotel's interior.

"And who would that be Ma'am?"

"Garrus Vakarian," Shepard answered in the least venomous tone she could manage.

With reluctance the turian receptionist nodded before clicking away at the orange computer in front of her. She stared at some information on the screen with concentration before turning attention back to Shepard again.

"Well this is a little odd, err, may I please take note of your first name?" she asked in a polite tone.

Shepard was instantly suspicious and she could tell that Zaeed and Koylat were quite confused from the question as well.

"Why do you want my first name?" Shepard prodded her voice a little sterner than before.

The turian reception glanced at her computer quickly. "Well Mr Vakarian says here that he is expecting someone and to only ask for their first name as proof of identity. Something about not wanting to attract any publicity."

That, was a bit much to take in. Shepard didn't like how Garrus was expecting her, she didn't like it one bit, but there was no way she was walking away now. As for the identity process, Shepard gathered that Garrus was more than aware that by saying her full name the receptionist would be taken aback, seeing as the commander was supposed to be MIA after all.

Shepard felt like she might as well scream her first name from the rooftops the amount of times she felt like she was going to be saying it. It didn't help that Koylat and Zaeed were in ear-range either. She instantly concluded that Garrus had done this on purpose to annoy her though she couldn't see any other option of getting through. Fuck.

"The name's Beatrix."

Offering Shepard a smile the turian nodded. "Yep that matches the name we have here, usually Hotel Nex would ask for your full name as well as ask for an ID scan but we can make an exception this once," she informed with a toothy smile.

"Why's that?" Shepard asked, curious as to why the hotel willingly went against protocol just because Garrus said so.

The turian intertwined her fingers. "It is an honour having someone like Mr Vakarian stay here, and he is quite generous with his payments."

Shepard looked down at the wet patch she had left behind on the reception desk absentmindedly watching it travel to the edge and fall onto the marble floor. "I see."

The turian's smile dropped slightly as she looked past Shepard to eye Zaeed and Kolyat. "My apologies Ma'am but I'm going to have to ask your companions to wait out here, Vakarian only mentioned _you_ showing up."

Shepard glanced back at the two men who were quickly trying to think of a way around the situation, they couldn't leave Shepard alone-

"Consider it done," Shepard confirmed tearing her eye contact away from the shocked pair.

"Thank you, and I'm also afraid that I'll need to confiscate your weapons," the turian revealed. "We'll keep them safe in the hotel's vault and return them to you when you leave."

Shepard squeezed her eyes shut. Things just didn't want to go right today did they?

"I'm keeping my weapons," Shepard insisted readying herself for whatever would follow up from that. Either way she would get to Garrus, no matter what obstructions got in the way.

The female turian clicked her mandibles before leaning forward slightly. "It's the hotel's policy I'm afraid. Of course if you were to sneak in a weapon it's not like we have any scanner to detect them," she hinted with such innocent subtlety.

Shepard blinked at the turian in front of her who's expression gave nothing away. Why was she's trying to help? What was her deal?

Pushing the thoughts to the side Shepard nodded still ignoring Zaeed and Koylat watching the scene play out before them with concerned looks plastered on their faces.

The turian inclined her head towards a room behind her. "Mr Vakarian has provided you with some dry clothes that you can get changed into back there," the turian offered "This is a formal hotel we can't have you going around wearing that wet armour, people will talk," she finished before Shepard could argue again.

Fuck it, right now she just wanted to get to Garrus, even though she despised the thought of wearing clothes that he had got her she concluded that they were at least dry and she could actually sneak a weapon in with her. Her armour didn't exactly have many places in which she could conceal a weapon.

Shepard walked straight towards the back room without a single word spared on Zaeed or Koylat. To be quite frank she didn't know what to say to them at the moment.

Inside the room Shepard stripped out of her wet armour placing it in a corner relishing in the sweet conditioned air hitting her bare skin. She quickly scanned the rest of the petite room when she spotted some clean clothes lying on a clothes-rack. The clothes were actually quite nice, Shepard was mentally preparing herself for a dress to be laid out for her and Shepard just didn't do dresses.

Instead Garrus had ordered her a pearly white halter neck top, black lycra flared trousers and white flats. He really did know her too well which made this situation a whole lot worse. He knew she was coming, he knew how she reacted to certain things but what he didn't know was that she didn't plan on talking this one out .

Shepard folded Jessie as small as she would go strapping the gun to her leg and rolling her flarred trousers over it.

As Shepard went to walk out she caught herself in the mirror. She didn't look as bad as she did when she woke up from being spaced, but her skin was still quite pale and she still had bags under her eyes with a purple and blue tint to them. Hopefully after all of this was over she would start feeling physically better, as for the mental part she wasn't so sure.

"You can do this," Shepard said to her reflection with determination, ignoring how pathetic the act could be deciphered as she took a deep breath and walked out of the door.

Shepard shot an apologetic look towards Zaeed and Koylat as they watched her walk out still remaining silent.

The turian receptionist peered up from her desk. "You look lovely Ma'am," she commented, Shepard guessed she was lying. "Here's the activation key to get to the penthouse suite, just plug it into the slot when you're in the elevator."

Taking the key from the turian's hands Shepard realised that this was really it, she muttered a thank you before walking towards Koylat and Zaeed who looked rather anxious.

"Sorry guys but I've got to do this on my own," Shepard informed them apologetically.

Zaeed sighed, "I know Shep, I know."

Shepard blinked in surprise at the mercenary. "You're not going to yell at me? Tell me I'm acting suicidal?" she questioned with exaggeration.

The mercenary casted a glance at Koylat then back at Shepard. "This is your choice Shepard, you know as well as I do that if you really wanted me and Koylat to accompany you we would have come up with something."

He was right, as always. Shepard could have easily called in Kasumi and have her disable the security for a short amount of time in order to take Koylat and Zaeed with her. But honestly, this was personal, she wanted to go about this herself, whether the idea was stupid or not that's all she wanted right now. To be alone with Garrus.

"Please understand," Shepard asked Zaeed tentatively touching his wet arm.

Zaeed grasped her hand in his, gently stroking her fingers with his coarse hands. "I do understand Shepard...that man up there isn't the bloke I used to know," his voice trailed off as he looked at the elevators. He just couldn't help but have a bad feeling about this.

"Shepard, come back alive whatever you do. I'll wait here for as long as it takes, the moment I get a bad feeling I'll start shooting my way up to the penthouse, understood?"

Shepard smiled at the old mercenary genuinely. "Thank you Zaeed, if I don't come ba-"

"No," Zaeed stopped her. "No, goodbyes. Just get in there pull the trigger and that's it. You've got this."

Shepard nodded regardless of how unsure she was about this. She waved her hand at both Zaeed and Koylat who carefully watched her enter the elevators.

They saw her apprehension as she inserted the key into the slot, her face expressionless as she entered deep thought. Her glazed eyes focused on both Massani and Koylat, her vacant expression still haunting them once the set of doors had closed.

Neither of the men moved, both tensed up in the main hall of the hotel ignoring the residents that passed them.

"I'll give her ten minutes then I'm finding a way up there," Zaeed commented truthfully.

Koylat kept his eyes on the shut elevator doors like the man next to him. "I would suggest roughly two hours," Koylat reasoned.

Zaeed looked at the drell cynically. "Unless Shepard's planning on torturing the fella, there's no way killing him is going to take two hours."

"They have a lot to talk about." The drell met Zaeed's angry stare not at all threatened.

"Shepard's going in there to kill him, not to have a nice little chit-chat."

"Things aren't as black and white as you deem them to be Mr Massani."

Zaeed knew the drell was hinting at something now. "What aren't you telling me?"

Koylat sighed. "Four years is a long time."

* * *

><p>Shepard was nervous now. The kind of nervous you felt before bungee-jumping. People often get philosophical expressing how it's never the fall but the land that's the worse. Shepard disagreed.<p>

No one ever seemed to bring up the leap, when that was the hardest part of all. Actually taking the jump required more courage than facing the landing or the fall. You were willingly commiting yourself to something that you knew would not end well.

Shepard had not yet taken that leap. As the elevator slowly made it's way to the penthouse floor she rested her head against the metal walls. Once she stepped out of this elevator there was no going back, she would have finally jumped off the edge, finally chosen her fate.

Of course she knew that Garrus would put up a fight, and she knew that there was always the chance that he would win, that she wouldn't be returning to Zaeed and Koylat.

Deterring away from that thought Shepard rubbed her face, trying to physically induce a mock confidence to take hold of her.

_Level 10,_ just two more floors away from her destination.

Shepard felt her hand move for Jessie underneath her lycra trouser leg, allowing herself to unfold the gun without a second thought. Jessie glowed a blue hue in anticipation, ready to take down any target Shepard no longer wanted breathing.

_Level 12: Penthouse suite._

Well, there was no turning back now. Shepard sighed heavily, training Jessie on the doors in front of her. She had to continuously keep telling herself that if Garrus was behind those sealed doors then she had to shoot without hesitation. She would have no choice but to go against Drasus' advice of avoiding the gun's blazing route. Talking with Garrus will only add more fuel to her fiery doubt.

Her heart wasn't in this, nor did it agree with the actions she was taking, but it was the only logical choice. It didn't matter what she wanted, not anymore.

The elevator doors opened at a achingly slow pace as Shepard felt herself tense up with Jessie aimed straight ahead, her hand itching at the gun's trigger, begging to be pressed down and just end it all.

But Garrus wasn't waiting for her. No one was.

From inside the elevator, Shepard could see the fine decor of the penthouse suite. A small kitchen, complete with the finest cooking utensils was to her right with a blue and white colour scheme. Azure tiles and blue metal cupboards hugging the walls, while the floor and counter was an immaculate white marble.

On the left was a black spiral staircase with watercoloured paintings cosying up the white walls. Then there was the middle of the room which glowed a beautiful blue from the largely round fish tank that was situated underneath the floor so that you could walk on it if you pleased. Other than that unique feature all that was left was a furry cream rug in the middle of the circular tank, with two leather sofas facing one another on the the opposite ends of the tank's circumference.

Unless Garrus had transformed himself into a piece of furniture, he definitely wasn't in the wide space Shepard was debating on entering.

With every ounce of common sense screaming at Shepard to not walk in further she edged herself in slightly. She was on high alert, cautiously daring to take another few steps with Jessie at the ready.

A low noise was just about audible, snapping Shepard's aim and attention to a sliding door leading out to the Penthouse's roof garden.

Inwardly cursing herself Shepard gulped as she took another paralising step. She wasn't scared of Garrus, she was scared of the implications of what she was going to do. Usually she was able to brush those thoughts aside but her mind was in a cruel mood, deciding to plague her with these thoughts as Shepard got closer and closer to the opened door.

A small breeze hit her face that felt like the winds of change as she was nearly in position, readying herself to whizz outside and take the shot. Whether Garrus was literally waiting for her with his own rifle outside she didn't know.

Damn it, she couldn't do this. Her body stilled at the glass door leading to the garden. This was her own damn fault for thinking about it all too much. Shit, she loved him, she couldn't change that. And right now she had choice. To take away his life or let him keep it.

God, what was she saying? There was no choice. For once things really were black and white, and Shepard had no time for the colour grey. Killing Garrus would not make things better for her, but it was a way of erasing the past, of erasing ghosts...of erasing what had manipulated Garrus and turned him into the cruel man that he was.

Shepard blinked away the tears that were beginning to form. Right now she needed to be strong. Once Garrus had stopped breathing, then and only then could she wallow in self pity.

Sighing deeply knowing that if Garrus planned on shooting her then it might be the last time she got to do so, Shepard instantly flung herself through the open door without hesitation. She was paying no mind to the green plants, the swimming pool or the night sky just simply pinning her aim on...

No one.

Shepard's body slouched in response as she released an exhale of frustration and exhaustion. Where the fuck was he?

Refusing to let down her guard just yet Shepard raised Jessie and began scanning the garden properly. Nothing but a small swimming pool further in with small lights and exotic flowers littering the place. All that was audible were the ripples from the swimming pool seeing as the rain had finally stopped Shepard noted. Looking up at the sky she could see that the clouds were actually clearing revealing Palaven's stunning moon, it's light perfectly reflecting on the city of Cipritine.

Out of nowhere, a sudden russle, an anomaly of a sound, a sound that occured so quickly that Shepard didn't have time to register it before a small figure came out from the garden's foliage and charged straight towards her, covered by the garden's blind spots.

"For Palaven!" yelled the tiny figure with a young voice as they unforgivabably went straight for the weak points behind Shepard's knees and tackled her to the ground.

"What the fuck?" Shepard voiced, as the figure unmercifully began hitting the commander underneath them.

Their punches were weak and feeble doing no damage what so ever as they struck her sides, what the hell was going on?

Shepard's instincts kicked in as she toppled the intruder off of her, quickly scrambling for Jessie on the floor.

Her attacker made a squeaking noise that sounded like a bad attempt of a growl as they rolled across the floor and tried to get back up to strike again.

Shepard however was faster and was already aiming Jessie straight at the...turian child?

The boy stilled as he noted that Shepard had the upperhand, staring into the barrel of the gun then back at Shepard. His fringe was short and tiny, the spiky fringes Shepard knew of being blunt in the child's case. He wore a casual blue outfit that had a few dirt marks from where he was hiding in the garden's bushes, obviously he didn't care much for his appearance.

But that wasn't what stood out about him. That wasn't what made Shepard freeze in place and stare wordlessly at the short turian boy.

Her brain was flooded with questions as to why a child was in Garrus' penthouse, then her brain noted how the turian child's face had a few distinctive familiarities to Garrus which was painfully striking a chord within her.

And last but not least the strings to that chord snapped as Shepard made eye contact with the young turian staring at her anxiously. His eyes, unlike Garrus' were a much darker blue, like Earth's oceans, like...Shepards.

"Oh God..." Shepard whispered in a hollow tone.

The child continued to stare at her curiously as tears freely escaped her eyes and her grip on Jessie slackened.

She didn't even notice Garrus appear in the doorway leading into the penthouse with his mandibles widened in a soft smile.

"Ares, I'm disappointed, all that talk about being a great warrior and I see that Shepard's already bested you?" Garrus teased playfully.

Shepard watched the boy's attention snap back to his father with a childish look of frustration. "She has a gun," Ares stated in defence. He didn't seem fazed by the fact that Shepard had a gun that was pointed on him a few moments ago, he sounded more annoyed that she had a weapon and he didn't.

Garrus scoffed at the stroppy turian. "That she does," he said choosing to switch his gaze onto Shepard now who couldn't take her eyes off Ares. "That, she does."

Shepard could feel Garrus moving closer towards them both, her body still refusing to move as she was overcome with shock.

Garrus knelt down besides Ares placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder as they both looked up at Shepard. They looked exactly alike with the exception of their eyes.

"Well?" Garrus openely asked. "Aren't you going to say hello properly?"

The question could have been aimed at either of the pair but it was Ares who shot his father a look of honest confusion in which Garrus shook his head.

"Remember how I told you that your mummy was a bit different to you and I?" Ares nodded thoughtfully "And do you remember that picture I showed you?"

Ares went to nod again but paused in his actions, his tiny mandibles hanging open as he looked between his father and Shepard unable to voice his question.

Garrus just smiled at the young boy before inclining his head towards Shepard in a approving gesture. "Yes, Ares. That's your mother."

Before Shepard could feel herself plummet from the confirmation she felt two small arms suddenly wrap themselves around her. She looked down to see Ares squezing her waist and burying his face into her stomach, regardless of how much strength he was putting into the action, his hold still felt weak.

In that moment Shepard completely ignored the fact that Garrus was still knelt down in front of the pair watching them. She knelt down to Ares' level and pulled him into a deep hug of her own.

He felt so tiny and fragile as she held him, his small chest vibrating slightly as he let out a shaky purr.

If this was all a dream, if Shepard was still in a coma, then she never wanted to wake up.

Shepard felt lost after her ordeal, her son, the one precious thing she fought for had been taken away. And yet here he was, in her arms, embracing her with nothing but acceptance and joy.

It was like she was regaining back her motherly instinct all over again, she suddenly felt protective, she felt this longing to just keep Ares safe. Her baby, her son, was alive, and she was doing what she never thought she'd get to experience: holding him.

Shepard closed her eyes, sinking into the hug as soft tears continued to trail down her cheek.

"I thought I'd never see you," Ares mumbled into Shepard's neck as she stroked his back soothingly.

"Me too baby," Shepard sympathised turning her head to place a secure kiss on Ares' forehead. "But I'm here now, that's what matters."

"Daddy always talks about you," Ares said still clinging on to his mother "He said that you've been beating up bad guys."

Shepard frowned at Garrus as Ares finished his sentence, her protective side already judging the way the turian had summarised this ordeal to their son.

Garrus rubbed the back of his neck in an awkward fashion "Mmm actually I said that you were on an important mission that required your _expertise_ and that you would come and see him when it was done."

Shepard felt anger rise within her yet again just from looking at Garrus who carried a sort of smugness about him before Ares changed the discourse of her thoughts.

"Did you finish your mission mummy?" Ares asked innocently.

Shepard gave the child another comforting squeeze while looking at Garrus. "Nearly baby," she whispered maintaining unyielding eye contact with the turian in front of her "I've just got one more loose end."

Garrus held Shepard's gaze knowingly but seemed to just take the information on board rather than let it affect him. He knew he was playing dirty and he knew that Shepard would not do anything of the violent sort right now, not when she had just been reunited with her son.

Shepard pulled Ares away from her gently, "Hey, let me get a look at you," she said in a delicate manner.

Ares let his hold loosen as Shepard, his mother, leaned away still keeping her hands on his shoulders protectively.

Shepard couldn't help but stare at her son with contentment shunning the feelings of shock and bewilderment to the back of her mind. It was like she could feel every inch of her, every selfish thought melting away, not to make room but to be replaced with a powerful urge to keep Ares safe.

The entire concept of actually being a mother felt surreal. She had painfully accepted that she would never get to meet her son and never get to hold him the moment she escaped the hospital on Mars. Yet in a few flooding seconds she had become a mother to a beautiful healthy boy, who had spent four years growing up without her but still felt comfortable within her arms.

She stroked his plated face with reasurrance as he released another soft purr. His fringe was not as developed as his father's who was patiently watching the two of them share a moment together in silent ease. Also Ares' plates had a shiny fresh gleam to them, unlike the cracked and worn plates Shepard had seen on most adult turians. He just looked so precious, so worth battling through hordes of Reapers in order to be protected.

If this is what being a mother felt like then Shepard couldn't imagine how hard things must have been for Samara. It was as if Shepard could finally understand a morsel of the turmoil the Justicar must have gone through with her daughters being born ardat-yahkshi's. How Samara managed to force her hand and kill Morinth she would never know, however considering that Morinth was still alive Shepard found herself questioning if Samara had purposely done that too.

If that was the case, then Shepard didn't blame the woman as she continued to stroke her son's mandible and regarded his ocean blue eyes that were defined by his creme plates.

"Hey," Garrus spoke up in a gentle tone to Ares.

The child looked back at his father causing Shepard to lower her hands back to the boy's scrawny shoulders again.

"Why don't we make mummy a drink?" Garrus suggested before patting Ares on the back and moving his hand further up.

"Yeah!" Ares exclaimed turning his attention back to his still enraptured mother. "Do you want a drink mummy?"

Before Shepard could retort she could feel Garrus' hand now resting on top of her hand that was on Ares' shoulder. Her brain instantaneously told her to pull away, hell she _wanted_ to pull away but she didn't want Ares to understand the full force of the animosity between his father and mother. She decided to keep her hand where it was ignoring the way Garrus' fingers were stroking it tenderly.

"Of course!" Shepard answered urging herself to sound cheerful and enthusiastic about Ares' offer. There would be time to unleash her anger out later on Garrus when Ares wasn't within earshot.

The child bared his tiny razor teeth at his mother in the form of a wide smile as he grabbed her other hand and began to pull Shepard with him into the penthouse.

Shepard felt Garrus finally pull his hand away with hesitation as he followed the pair inside, mentally noting how Shepard had left her rifle outside due to her overwhelming desire to spend time with Ares.

It was hard to pinpoint exactly how Shepard was feeling at that exact moment, her mind too distracted by Ares, her son, a turian at that pulling her towards the lit up kitchen.

Should she be questioning Ares' existence? Yes. Should she have shot Garrus by now? Of course she should have. The million credit question however was: Was she doing any of the above? No.

Shepard's hand felt oddly cold as Ares released his feeble grip, walking around the marble kitchen counter with a gleeful bounce. He looked so happy, so untainted by some of the universe's cruel ways. Shepard couldn't nor did she try to hide her smile at the sight.

Ares struggled as he reached for one of the cupboards, forcing himself to tiptoe as the glasses inside were not within his reach.

"Need a hand there?" Garrus baited the child as he pulled out a bar-stool for Shepard.

The commander had almost forgotten that Garrus was following them both inside due to being so fascinated and focused on Ares, the fact her mind managed to do such a thing worried her slightly.

For many parents she was sure that the act of being able to focus on your child and nobody else was quite beautiful, but for Shepard it meant that she was letting her guard down. She didn't have the privilege to relax around her family like your average person, Garrus had taken away that possibility before their family had even began.

"No!" Ares replied in a stubborn manner, intent on reaching the glasses that were clearly out of his reach unless they magically fell into his hands.

"Of course you don't," Garrus responded sarcastically.

Shepard reluctantly sat on the bar-stool that Garrus had pulled out for her as she watched him join Ares on the opposite side of the kitchen counter.

He smiled at his son, concealing a laugh from the way Ares was now practically jumping up and down to reach his target.

"Have you ever heard of the saying, _good things come to those who wait_?" Garrus asked tilting his head to the side.

Ares didn't look at his father as he continued jumping, shooting his thin arms up in a amusing manner. "Why wait when I..." the boy took another reaching jump "...can take what I want..." and another "...right now?"

Shepard laughed properly at that causing both turians to look at her in amusement. Ares looked adorable when he smiled, his bared teeth not holding the aggressive look that older turians had.

"He gets that from your side you know," Garrus stated to Shepard as he lifted the young boy up to reach the glasses, mockingly grunting at Ares' weight "None of this cocksure attitude is from my genes."

Shepard remained quiet, biting back her retort. Garrus was trying to familiarise her into the situation, trying to lighten her up, to act like nothing had happened.

Admittedly Shepard wanted that, craved it even. To just start from a clean slate, to enjoy this moment properly in the way she was entitled to. She knew that Garrus was aware of this, he was smart she'd give him that. Yet she willed herself to stay alert, to not address him directly in way that wouldn't affect Ares.

The fucked up situation that Shepard had been thrown into was delicate, and being delicate was not exactly Shepard's forte. But the commander would be damned if she wasn't going to try.

Garrus accepted Shepard's silence as he put Ares down, watching the child proudly place both glasses on the counter in front of her.

"There's this juice dad gets, it's my favourite, do you want some?" Ares asked, getting excited over the thought of introducing his newly met mother to something he liked.

Shepard shot him another beaming smile before acting amazed and excited for his benefit. "Ohh you'd let _me_ try some of your favourite juice?" Ares nodded eagerly "Why _thank_ you, is it safe for me to have?"

Ares immediately looked thrown off and confused as he looked back up at Garrus for guidance who was stood behind him silently watching the scenario play out.

Garrus playfully raised an eyebrow at his son. "Ares, mummy is a _human_, she's not a turian is she?"

"No..." Ares muttered still not catching on.

"So her DNA is much different to ours isn't it?" Ares stared at Garrus with a deadpanned expression making Shepard crack another smile as Garrus sighed "...meaning that mummy will probably have an allergic reaction is she had your juice."

"Oh..." Ares contemplated the marble floor, disappointment overcoming his once bright features.

Shepard instantly reacted before she knew what she was doing, her hand reaching across the counter to supportively apply pressure under Ares' chin and make him look at her. The action felt...natural.

"Hey, you know what I'd really like?" Shepard whispered while staring into his hopeful eyes.

"What?"

"A _nice_ cold glass of water...do you have any of that?"

"Yeah, yeah we do," Ares answered enthusiastically as he took Shepard's glass and walked to the fridge, a contented expression adorning his features yet again. "Glass of water coming right up!" he voiced making both Shepard and Garrus laugh together in chorus.

The two of them made accidental eye contact during the action causing their laughter to die out there and then while Ares busied himself.

Garrus cleared his throat, opting to rest his hands on the counter. They were both aware that this entire moment wouldn't be a case of letting bygones be bygones, yet Vakarian still felt the urge to at least make some attempt of adding some normality to all of this.

"You know," Garrus drawled "It's hard trying to teach him the difference between levo-amino and dextro-amino, I think he thinks that everyone no matter what their race would have the same reaction as he would if they were to eat something of the opposite acid."

Again Shepard said nothing, though her question seemed to hang in the air as Garrus and her both stared at one another with deeply suppressed emotions.

"I remember when he was two years old, I had a...meeting with the council on the Citadel, bearing in mind that at this stage this one had got to grips with walking and was getting better at the talking business" Garrus smiled at the memory and shook his head "The meeting was suppose to be quick so I left Ares in the hands of this Asari receptionist back in the embassies. I wasn't even gone for an hour and when I get back I walk in to see the asari frantically rising from her seat yelling at him."

Garrus rubbed the back of his neck as he shot a quick look at Ares who was fumbling with a jug of water in his hands. Shepard remained silent, the act only urging Garrus to continue with his story.

"It's only when I'm fully in the room that I see Ares shoving these red sweets into his mouth with the most innocent look on his face ever. Before I could question the asari on why she was freaking out over a few sweets she starts yelling that they're levo-amino...spirits I don't know how I didn't have a heart attack then and there. I instantly lifted Ares into my arms trying to make him spit them out while running to the nearest medic room..."

Garrus leaned closer towards Shepard, lowering the tone of his voice. "Now get this...when I got him to a doctor and explained the situation the doc starts asking him questions like how he was feeling, how many sweets he ate... Ares says that he feels fine, over fifteen minutes later he says he has a stomach ache, five minutes after that the stomach ache's gone. According to the doctor, there is only 5% chance of Ares having a fatal or horrible reaction to something levo-amino based. 5% percent!"

The turian pushed himself away from the counter and leaned on his left leg. "I still don't let him eat anything levo-based just in case but it's still impressive."

Shepard stared at Garrus incredulously. How could he just stand there and make conversation like everything was alright? Like the past four years of torturing events never happened?

"It's a shame I wasn't there," Shepard murmured out loud by accident in a tone that would have a stabbing effect if physically acted out.

Garrus' eyes defiantly met hers once again. His gaze had become intimidating causing her to feel weighed down by it.

"Yeah..." he agreed "...It is a shame."

Shepard immediately opened her mouth to retort with something, she didn't know what exactly but she felt a powerful need to take the man down a peg.

Luckily however Ares made her pause in her actions as he placed a glass of water in front of her, a few splashes of the drink greeting the counter due to his clumsy grip.

"Here you go," Ares offered proudly paying no mind to the spillage he was responsible for.

"Why thank you," Shepard replied politely with a smile noticing out of the corner of her eye that Garrus already had a cloth at the ready to wipe up the small mess Ares had created.

Shepard sipped at her drink, keeping her attention on Ares as Garrus mopped up the water on the counter with mock annoyance.

"You know Ares, it'll be nice if for once just once you poured a drink and most of it remained in the glass," Garrus hinted, chucking the damp cloth to the side once the spillage was wiped.

Ares wore an expression of innocence while gulping down his own beverage.

"Sorry dad," he apologised automatically.

Garrus grinned from his son's response. "You say that all the time Ares. The whole point of saying you're sorry is that you don't do it again or you at least make an effort in preventing it."

Without warning Shepard scoffed grabbing the pair's attention straight away. She couldn't fathom the new role Garrus had taken, the _responsible_ father. Sometimes there was only so much bullshit you could take.

"Like you're a fucking saint."

The sentence that had been crashing around inside her head finally escaped her lips. Did she mean her words? Absolutely. Did she mean to actually voice them? No.

It was these little mishaps that were causing Shepard to question whether she was losing her touch or not. She was always reserved as a person, an excellent speaker and most of all she knew when to keep her mouth shut. Garrus just had a way of bringing out the buried urges within her.

Ares looked at his mother in confusion where as Garrus...he just froze where he stood, his head bowed slightly as he seemed to recoil into himself.

She had hit a nerve, now she had the power to snap it if she pleased, they both knew that.

Silence surrounded the trio, Ares looking between his parents in order to gain some understanding in what had just occurred, his tiny mandibles fluttering as he thought about how to word his question.

Shepard noted her son's movement but kept her eyes fixated on Garrus until the turian finally gave in and slowly turned his head to face her.

The commander had half-hoped for him to acknowledge her with a challenging glare, anything to keep her angry and in the state she was in. But Garrus didn't. Instead his light blue eyes almost looked pleading with a crushing pang of sorrow hidden beneath the surface, as if the cocky renegade turian she used to know had half accepted that Shepard was about to tell their son some home truths.

Her stern expression loyally gave nothing away but inside she felt sick and twisted. That one look that he wore so well was a new one for her, an expression she had never experienced throughout all the years she had known him.

The worst part was how Garrus didn't look angry in the slightest. His expression was honest and silently spoke a thousand words, begging and preparing for whatever was about to leave her mouth next.

"Has daddy done bad things?" Ares asked harmlessly still unsure of what was going on exactly.

Shepard and Garrus were both breathing heavily as they continued to stare at one another, the situation getting tenser by the second.

"Yes," Shepard replied simply, noticing Garrus' breath hitch slightly.

Ares leaned his head on the counter idly, childish curiousity taking over. "What did he do?"

_What did he do? _A question so innocent with a corrupted answer leeched onto it.

Garrus knew Shepard had full control of the events transpiring, he could admit that, he wasn't too sure if her could deal with the likely possibility of Shepard coming clean with their son however.

His father fucked up his relationship with him, and it's only thirty years down the line that Garrus and Drasus were actually on good talking terms. Garrus didn't want to repeat that kind of relationship with his own son, he couldn't bear the thought.

Shepard's stern gaze on Garrus morphed into one of disgust and scrutiny as she shook her head. She tried to tell herself that she was doing this for Ares' benefit and not Garrus'.

"Well you see Ares," Shepard began slowly, her son hanging on her every word. "Your father isn't as good as he'd like you to believe-"

"Bee please," Garrus interrupted with a sigh.

"You've lost the right to call me that," Shepard snapped back instantly, banishing the frown on her face as she acknowledged Ares once again.

Garrus' mouth was still open slightly like he wanted to say something else but he chose not to, either that or his sentence got caught in his throat.

"I remember a few years ago" Shepard began again to Garrus' despair "Your dad got himself into a pretty tight situation on a station called Omega."

Shepard was pretty sure that she heard Garrus exhale in relief not that she cared, this was for Ares' sake.

"What's Omega?" Ares asked tilting his head slightly.

Another smile formed on Shepard's face, young children were so eager to learn and she was glad that Ares felt comfortable in asking questions and gathering knowledge. "Omega is a station built on a _big_ asteroid" Shepard imitated it's size with her hands only deepening Ares' fascination "It's filled with all the alien races you could think of-"

"Salarian?"

"Yep."

"Quarian?"

"Uh huh."

"Even Elcor?"

"Even Elcor yes," Shepard confirmed beaming at the young boy. "Along with batarians, asari, turians, krogan, you name it they are there."

"Wow..." Ares cutely placed his talon on his forehead as if entering deep thought. "So...it's like the citadel?"

Shepard shrugged. "Yeah I guess. Only very overpopulated and a much higher crime rate. There's no law on Omega."

Ares pondered this for a second. "So why was dad there?"

Sipping on her drink Shepard chanced a glance of Garrus who was watching the pair carefully. "That's a good question," Shepard stated.

Ares waited for his mother to speak again while looking at her expectantly unaware of the heavy atmosphere that was surrounding the them.

"You see that scar on your dad's face?"

Ares nodded eagerly.

"Your dad got that from a rocket ship," Shepard explained vaguely as she lazily pointed to Garrus.

The child's mouth hung agape as he turned to look at his father, amazement evident in the undertones of his voice, "Really dad?"

"Yeah..." Garrus admitted reluctantly, rubbing the back of his neck in a human gesture.

"Did it hurt?" Ares pressed.

"...A bit yeah, but not anymore, you're mum kind of came to my rescue." Garrus smiled at Shepard contently, that day as fresh in his head like it had happened yesterday.

Straitening her posture up on her stool Shepard reached for her drink yet again, anything to avoid Garrus' gaze. "Well, we all make mistakes," she stated in tone that felt light-hearted and joking. The painful truth still seeped out of it's pores though.

Garrus acknowledged that but continued to treat it as a joke for Ares' sake.

"Why did a rocket ship shoot dad in the face?" Ares questioned oblivious to the excruciating battle going on between his parents mentally.

Shepard sighed feeling herself getting reeled back into the past, a place she didn't want to go to right now. "You're dad managed to anger three big mercenary bands, and they wanted him...taken cared of. So after spending a few days held up in a building fighting them off alone I tracked him down. We ended up taking out the mercenary bands together when this gunship comes out of nowhere and shoots him in the face with a rocket."

Ares turned to his father, letting his mother's explanation sink in. "Why didn't you duck dad?"

Garrus laughed at that, Ares' innocent question even making Shepard crack out a smile.

"Turians don't know how to," was Garrus' deadpan answer only irking his son further.

"Yes they do!" Ares argued confidently "Look!"

At that moment Ares quickly ducked his head beneath the counter in order to prove a point causing both of his parents to chuckle at the display.

"You must get that skill from your mother's side," Garrus teased watching the child clumsily perch himself back onto his stool.

The young turian blinked at his father. "Turians can't do that?" he asked, an ounce of shock in his voice.

Shepard shook her head. "Don't listen to your father Ares, of course turians can do that." Shepard extended her hand out to gently stoke the side of Ares' face. "Your dad just happens to be an idiot."

Another smile lightened up her features as Ares giggled. It was these little moments that she could happily lose herself in. No reapers, no death, no pain, just pure happiness and contentment. Just one more reminder of how she could never forgive Garrus for fucking it all up.

"Hey I resent that," Garrus argued playfully enjoying the sound of Ares finding amusement in Shepard's insult. It was pleasant to hear, he could never get bored of it.

Soon enough Ares' laugh began to calm down as he leaned into his mother's soft touch. The penthouse falling into a comfortable silence if you disregarded the tense atmosphere between his parents. If someone was to take a picture of the scene then and there they would have never have guessed the torturing events that led up to it. All you would be able to make out is an unlikely family sitting at a kitchen counter enjoying eachother's company, and they would never realise just how wrong they were.

"Were you sad?" Ares asked suddenly throwing Shepard off.

She gently pulled her hand away from Ares' mandibles and eyed him carefully. "Sad about what honey?"

"Dad getting shot in the face," he elaborated "Did it make you sad?"

Shepard went silent for a second, feeling Garrus' heavy gaze on her which she was doing her best to ignore as always. Every time the turian made himself known it just reminded Shepard of the sick act she had come here to do in the first place.

"Yeah..." Shepard whispered truthfully "I was sad, the same way I would be sad if that happened to you," she added quickly before Garrus could use that as ammunition against her later. Unfortunately that's how this mind game worked, you had to be constantly on your toes in order to not give your opponent the upper-hand.

"Don't worry mum, I know how to duck," was Ares' honest response pulling out more hearty laughs from his parents.

The laughter died down after a few seconds where Garrus used that moment to check his omni-tool.

"You know Ares it's getting late, you should have been in bed thirty minutes ago," Garrus hinted causing Ares to groan in exaggeration.

"But dad I wanted to show mum Galaxy Of Fantasy!" Ares argued childishly.

Garrus gave his son his best authoritative look that he had used back when he had a squad on Omega. Thankfully it still worked like a charm.

"Dad..." Ares groaned.

Shepard grinned at Ares, enjoying the child's defiant display of trying to get something he wanted with Garrus of all people.

"It's passed his bedtime already," Shepard started still locking eyes with Ares "A few more minutes wouldn't hurt."

Garrus understood what Shepard was saying. Yes she wanted to spend more time with Ares but she also wasn't ready to be alone with him yet. He nodded calmly cueing Ares to shout "Yes! Thanks dad!" already off his seat and grabbing Shepard's hand to lead her to the game console in the lounge.

A few minutes turned into a full hour of Shepard happily watching and listening to Ares excitedly explain his character's powers and the game's storyline while he sat in her lap. He even let her take control of his character a few times which he never allowed Garrus to do in fear of his father being incapable of actually playing the game after past experiences. Shepard was actually quite good at it, or good enough to not get killed on countless occasions and force Ares to take the controller back in annoyance.

"They're going about this all wrong, you don't charge out into a killzone when your enemy can take you from range," Shepard said out-loud as she picked off krogans with her electric arrow on the screen one by one.

Ares leaned into his mother's chest as he watched the screen in amazement. "If you press both green and red together you can create a line of electricity that will kill the rest of them," he offered helpfully.

"Is that so?" Shepard took her son's advice pressing both buttons and watching the screen light up as four krogans were sizzled to death.

She hummed to herself as Ares smiled proudly at the screen. "Isn't this a bit violent for you to be playing?" she asked skeptically.

Ares kept his eyes transfixed on the screen. "It's only a bit of blood mum, they're not really dead," he explained innocently.

Shepard scoffed lightly, rubbing Ares' fringe. "Thanks for the heads-up."

"That's okay," Ares reassured unaware that his mother knew that knowledge already.

The young child proceeded to let out a long yawn, tensing then relaxing against his mother again.

"Hey," Shepard said soothingly. "Maybe you should go to bed?"

Ares looked up at his mother sadly as she rubbed his arm. "But I'm not" he yawned again "tired."

Shepard playfully cracked an eyebrow at that, he was a cheeky one. "Oh really?"

A guilty expression flooded Ares' features, he looked so exhausted bless him. "...Yeah."

Shaking her head Shepard gently broke away from Ares and helped him to his feet not buying his words for a second. "Come on you, you look like you're gonna pass out."

"Aww," Ares moaned "Do I have to?"

His mother already had his hand locked into her own as she guided him to the stairs this motherly side coming naturally to her. "I'll play that game with you some more tomorrow alright?" she reassured.

The child tiredly looked up at his mum as they climbed the stairs slowly. "You promise?"

Shepard's reply died in her throat as she looked at Garrus who was absentmindedly pouring himself a drink in the kitchen. Honestly, she didn't know how things would pan out between them, she knew what she had to do, what she wasn't too confident about was whether she could actually do it or not. Garrus could be sneaky and unpredictable when he wanted to be, hell he might just shoot her as soon as she came back downstairs. Yet another feeling took over, one of determination. She wasn't going to let Ares down.

"I promise," she said finally as they reached the top of the stairs, Ares delicately hugging his mother in response.

Her eyes watered slightly as she hoped that she didn't just lie to him.

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><p><strong>AN: **There were actually six ways I was debating on going about this. Now that I have decided on how I wanted this part to play out I'm now torn between three ways I can end this series for y'all. I'm actually quite curious if any of you guys were actually expecting this to happen, in another turn of events I was actually planning on Shepard's son being dead like she believed but decided against it and went roughly with the KB2 cannon slightly. But yeah I'd be interested to know if you guys were expecting this or not and most of all how you feel about this turn of events, if you're not happy with it I would like to know why to give me a bit of perspective for when I write future stories.

The next chapter is going to be a killer to write, I know that much. Thanks for reading guys!


	13. Even Angels Fall

**A/N: **The wait wasn't too long this time I hope? Well here you go. This chapter was a bitch to write and don't even get me started on proofreading it. If I've messed up anywhere or got a spelling wrong I'd appreciate it if you let me know. I've proofread it twice now and there's no way I can bring myself to do it again. Any who you've got over 16,000 words to read so I won't keep ya. Enjoy :)

_"On the first page of our story, the future seemed so bright, then this thing turned out so evil, I don't know why I'm still surprised, even angels have their wicked schemes, and you take that to new extremes, but you'll always be my hero, __even though you've lost your mind," - Gracie Hancock's cover of Rihanna's Love The Way You Lie __Part 2._

I do not own Mass Effect or Kill Bill.

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><p>Ares had fallen into a comfortable sleep thirty minutes ago, a peaceful slumber that only a child could experience. His bare leg lazily hung off the bed causing his blunt spur to catch onto his blue covers, while his arms were splayed out by his head in a relaxed manner. He was breathing soundly in his dreamlike state yet Shepard still couldn't bring herself to leave his room that was clustered with small model ships and gaming posters.<p>

She found herself transfixed on Ares' tiny yet detailed facial features. He had no clan markings to speak of, but Shepard concluded that he would most likely receive them when he got older. His little nose crinkled ever so slightly every time he breathed in then in a split of a second it relaxed as he exhaled. Shepard could have honestly lost herself in that moment.

The commander and new found mother finally had some free time to soak in everything that had occurred, a chance to sit down and allow her emotions to break through. There were no chances for her rational side to take over when she came face to face with Ares and Garrus, that part of her had to be locked away for her own son's sake.

After everything she had endured to get to this point, being shot, thinking she had lost her child, likely raped while in a coma, missing four years of her life, having to deal with how much her friends had changed, almost spaced, killing Jack, Tali, Miranda and Wrex...she figured she was entitled to a few moments just for her and Ares.

Shepard despised Garrus for everything he had done, whether indoctrination had played it's part or not. He always seemed to have one over on her, in this case using his son to save his own hide, knowing fully well if he had been the first to greet her, a bullet would have greeted him.

The usual tears made themselves known on Shepard's pale cheeks as they travelled down from her glassy eyes. Put anyone else in her position and they wouldn't be able to handle it.

But Shepard was a strong warrior, giving up was something she didn't know much about. No matter how many times you knocked her down she'd get back up ready for more. That's what differed her from other people, that was what made people ready to follow her command willingly, that's what made people believe in her.

Now if only she could believe in herself.

Shepard took a deep breath, soaking up everything she could from this moment of contentedness before exhaling slowly. She had to finish what she started whether she liked it or not.

She stole one last look at a sleeping Ares who was blissfully unaware of what was about to occur in a few moments as the covers comforted his tiny frame. Shepard logged that image of him sleeping soundly in her mind like a precious snapshot, a constant reminder of why she had to come back alive as she crawled off the bed in a cautious fashion.

Standing up Shepard felt herself smile warmly as a wall of model ships greeted her. If things went according to plan...well whatever was left of the initial plan, then she would give her son some of her own model ships to add to his growing collection.

Ares seemed to be missing the Destiny Ascension from the set, that would snugly fit in the middle of the turian ships he had already, Shepard noted offhandedly.

She turned to face the doorway, "You can do this," she said under her breath, taking a few anxious steps out of the room.

Ares let out a soft wheeze in his sleep when Shepard reached the door frame. She instantly clung onto it as if dark energy would make itself known and drag her back into the room.

It was hard to accept that this could be the last time she ever saw her son. She had missed four beautiful years of his life that she would give anything to experience, and she knew that the moment she left his room she would likely never get to experience him grow up.

Maybe Shepard was just faffing around, desperately trying to find something that would put a further hold on her and Garrus' confrontation. Yet a part of her just couldn't leave Ares like this knowing fully well that they may never see each other again.

Blinking her prickly tears away Shepard lifted up her omni-tool, turning her body so that she could look at Ares while she stood in the doorway, he was still sleeping thankfully.

Without prolonging the action further Shepard delicately hit record on her dimly glowing omni-tool.

"Hey," Shepard whispered in the most low and soothing voice she could manage in her state. "If you're hearing this baby then you're aware that I'm not here any more."

Shepard kept her damp eyes trained on Ares, committed on not waking the young child up, but still anxiously relying on the image of him sleeping peacefully to get her through this.

"I want you to know that I'm sorry," Shepard stated, the horrid truth tasting like bile as it escaped her lips. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, I'm sorry that I wasn't the mother you deserved and I'm sorry for some of the home-truths you will be hearing when you're older from your father."

Shepard was vaguely reminded of Matriach Aethyta's situation and the story she had told the commander of her own parents. A krogan father and asari mother, both very different but still able to love one another. Until just like with her and Garrus situations changed, and they both felt the need to be rid of one another, making Aethyta promise to love whoever survived the stand-off. Neither of them did. Shepard promised herself that would not happen today. Only one of them would go. She wasn't going to leave Ares an orphan.

The commander took a deep breath as she continued the recording. "I just want you to know, that no matter what, I am so proud of you, and there is nothing more in the galaxy I love" Shepard's voice cracked slightly but she kept calm, pausing for a second before urging herself on "more than you. You mean everything to me baby, please remember that."

Shepard stopped the recording while wiping away another free tear that was dripping down her cheek. If worst came to worse, she would mention the recording to Garrus and tell him to let Ares hear it. Indoctrinated or not, she couldn't picture him denying her a request like that.

She looked at Ares for what could be the last time knowing fully well that this moment would be her constant reminder of why she was doing all of this. Hopefully thinking of Ares would be enough to keep her alive. Hopefully.

Without saying another word Shepard regrettably tiptoed out of the door, shutting it quietly behind her. Merely doing that proved difficult.

After a moment of collecting her thoughts Shepard mustered up the courage to face the monsters in her closet and made her way towards the spiral staircase. As she descended she did so at a slow pace as the bottom of the penthouse came into view and more importantly Garrus...who was idly fiddling with Jessie...

Shepard's body naturally stiffened in response but she forced herself to continue going down the stairs, her body language giving off signs of determination but also caution.

Admittedly seeing Jessie in Garrus' hands alarmed her considering it was the only weapon she had managed to sneak in. She guessed he recovered it from the garden when she went upstairs with Ares, the sly bastard.

As she was halfway down the spiral staircase, Garrus looked up from Jessie in the open planned kitchen when he heard the slightest noise emit from Shepard's steps.

Everything about Shepard screamed potential danger like a python stilling before it struck you with it's venomous fangs. Yet Garrus looked placid, almost amused actually as they both kept their gaze on one another from across the room.

"This rifle is quite the masterpiece," Garrus commented lazily, his eyes grazing Jessie again "the kind you would say thank you to if you were shot by it."

Garrus was way too calm for her liking, she knew he liked deflecting serious situations with humour or idle chit chat, but this situation was more than serious. It was their final conclusion, a confrontation that they had been boiling up to for four years, and he still couldn't bring himself to acknowledge the gravity of what was about to take place.

"It was a gift," Shepard informed him in a stern tone as she reached the bottom step, holding onto the railing as she turned into the spacious living room.

Garrus raised his brow plates at her, not at all fussed about Shepard closing the space between them, at least he wasn't showing it.

"Oh?" he said urging her to elaborate in a way that cleverly made him appear only mildly interested in who gave it to her.

Shepard glared at him, gradually walking further into the living room and closer to the kitchen.

"I think you know who," she stated calculatingly, refusing to play along with whatever mind game Garrus had conjured up.

Whether the banter was to distracted her or make her question herself Shepard didn't care, she had to stay strong, to constantly remind herself of Ares and how Garrus was the reason for most of the torment she had experienced recently.

The turian in question hummed to himself thoughtfully while he examined the gun further with a laid-back posture about him. To be frank, his ability to come across as being so calm and capable of conversing politely was putting Shepard more and more on edge. He had to be up to something, and Shepard knew that if he was, she had to be prepared no matter what.

She continued to move closer as she reached the middle of the living room, standing on top of the floor's aquarium beneath her feet as Garrus sceptically looked at the name 'Jessie' carved onto the assault rifle. He looked slightly thrown from that little discovery.

"You're telling me Massani managed to rebuild this thing then he just gave it you?" Garrus summarised, he was always quick to work things out, even if he couldn't quite believe the facts.

The commander rarely blinked as she looked at Garrus, constantly on high alert. There was no need in sugar-coating the truth. "All I did was mention what you'd done and Jessie was in my hands."

Garrus scoffed at that while shaking his head, taking all of this in his stride.

"Huh, I guess I shouldn't be surprised, Massani always did have a soft spot for you," Garrus said, his voice getting slightly lower as his mind began to wonder. "How is he anyway?"

It didn't exactly surprise Shepard that Garrus hosted genuine concern for the dangerous mercenary seeing as the two of them were very close on the Normandy. They would constantly share stories and discuss weaponry whenever they had the chance. Shepard guessed their friendship grew from the moment she left Massani behind with Garrus on Omega while Miranda and her cleared out the basement that was filled with Blood Pack members.

Damn it, Miranda...how did things turn to shit so quickly?

As much as Shepard hated to admit it, Koylat had a point back on the Normandy. She never actually gave herself time to grieve for the people she lost...no not lost,_ killed_. The friends she had killed.

It's not like she didn't have time to do so either, it was just getting her revenge was at the top of her list of priorities. To think Garrus, the man she loved and still did sickeningly, was the sole reason she had turned into this hollow mess.

When Shepard laid her eyes on Ares, a bit of that hollowness disappeared instantly, it was almost as if her son was her salvation, the only thing she had going for her at the moment. And Garrus...regardless of how much it hurt to acknowledge, he resembled a cancerous lump, and if she wasn't rid of him soon, he had the potential to take away her life.

Garrus was still waiting for her to answer his question while she stilled herself in the living room, he continued to look at her expectantly but he didn't repeat himself.

Shepard crossed her arms in a manner that was meant to look intimidating, she didn't know if it would still work on her old lover though.

"At this moment he's probably worried that I'm taking so long," Shepard explained honestly, allowing her mind to quickly flicker to Koylat and Zaeed in the lobby. "I think he's exact words were, _just get in there and pull the trigger_."

The commander didn't regret going into more detail than she needed to, in fact she felt empowered by making minor digs at Garrus.

The turian however didn't seem all that fazed by it as he softly scratched his right mandible. "Well that puts a sour note on our friendship," he stated light-heartedly.

"Yes it does," Shepard agreed, opting to cautiously sit on the couch behind her. Shepard was angry, betrayed, but she wasn't going to go any nearer to Garrus while he had Jessie conveniently in his hands, that would be a foolish move on her part. Garrus must have understood how Jessie was stopping Shepard from doing anything rash as of yet too for he only decided to put Jessie down on the counter beside him as Shepard's body met the couch.

An eerie silence filled the room as they stared at one another. Garrus of course was the first to speak as she felt his piercing blue eyes roam her body.

"Those clothes look good you," Garrus half complimented to Shepard for pulling them off and to himself for picking them out.

"Fuck you," Shepard spat back instantaneously as she felt her insides begin to simmer with annoyance.

Garrus held his arms up in a playful manner. "Okay, _okay_, that's the last time I try to do anything nice," he teased, actually teased! Was he trying to get her worked up, to get some sort of reaction out of her?

Shepard said nothing and remained seated as she observed him, her fiery eyes searching his. She initially meant to see if Garrus showed any physical signs of indoctrination, but there was nothing there in the slightest. To see such a sign would admittedly make Shepard feel better about going through with all this. He just looked like the same turian she had fell in love in, only his plates began to shows signs of age, and the right side of his face was no longer bandaged revealing a healed scar.

Another silence presented itself in the penthouse causing Garrus to let out an exhausted sigh. "You're not still angry about Ares are you?"

Shepard clenched her fists tightly, her white knuckle bones threatening to pierce through her skin as she began to see red. Her body was frozen to her seat with the exception of the slight shake of her head, her ocean blue eyes hinting that a storm was brewing inside of her.

"You piece of shit..." Shepard mumbled in disbelief, her barely audible tone carrying the heavy weight she desired. How dare he try to downplay everything? To try and make out that she was the one who was being irrational?

Garrus dipped his head before choosing to stand up from his stool in the kitchen while Shepard watched his every move, like a predator observing it's prey.

"Now now Bee let's not reduce ourselves to insults-"

A chair being bioticaly flung towards Garrus cut off his sentence abruptly as the turian managed to dodge the object, colliding with the kitchen floor as he did so.

Shepard's arms were glowing that stormy blue as she stood from the couch. She took her moment to pull Jessie towards her from across the room without hesitation, adrenaline pumping through her veins like wildfire.

She could hear Garrus cursing under his breath in the kitchen as Jessie finally came into contact with her. Shepard's hands quickly acquainted themselves with the familiar weapon, the commander's grip on Jessie unyielding while she held onto the one thing that brought her any sense of safety.

Garrus was already rising to his feet until his eyes met Shepard, his body in a half-crouched position.

To his chagrin Shepard had Jessie steadily aimed on him regardless of how shaken up she was from all this. She was still an N7, she knew how to appear cool, she just hoped Garrus couldn't see through her confident disguise.

Annoyingly Garrus managed to look past the barrel of Jessie and into Shepard's eyes that didn't even dare to blink in this crucial moment.

They both knew that from a distance of three metres Shepard could easily land her shots. Garrus therefore didn't move, doing his best not to provoke her as the only sound audible in the penthouse was Shepard's heavy breaths.

"Bee-"

"Call me that again," Shepard dared in a threatening tone as she took a jabbing step forward with Jessie still locked onto the turian.

A wordless stare was all Garrus offered her before he released a pitiful sigh in defeat.

"You and I both know you're not going to shoot me."

There was no poisonous undertone to Garrus' voice, it was a simple statement, one that was supposed to throw Shepard off. Thankfully she stayed focused.

"You know I've killed a lot of people to get to you Garrus," Shepard breathed, her arms beginning to ache slightly from holding Jessie in the same deadly position. "And they were more than people, they were friends."

The turian continued to study her from his position as Shepard took another step closer. She was building herself up, trying to work up the courage to take his life, that much he was certain of.

"If I can take their lives, then what makes you think I'm incapable of taking yours?" Shepard spat in a low growl.

Garrus didn't flinch or seem wavered by her words, there was a nerving sense of certainty about him as if even in his losing state he still held all the cards. It shook Shepard to the core.

"Because you want to talk, to get answers from me first," Garrus answered confidently.

Shepard scoffed sadly, images of that day in the chapel reappearing in her brain again. She had to end this.

"Like you, I think I'll let my gun do the talking," she said spitefully, her finger readied on Jessie's trigger as she looked Garrus dead in the eyes.

_DO IT_

Shepard forced her finger down on the trigger before she over-thought the situation, she prepared for the gruelling sound of a gunshot, for the sight of Garrus lifeless before her, but that wasn't the case.

She had heard a click, but that was it, and Garrus was still breathing, in fact he now had a strange look in his eyes, and he was suddenly getting up, and moving towards her all in fraction of a second and -

"Fuck!" Shepard yelled as she felt Garrus deal a stabbing blow to her stomach.

She didn't have time to process the action, only the flooding pain due to Garrus' right hand suddenly closing around her throat.

Shepard began to panic, her mind not thinking straight as she struggled to breathe. Her legs kicked out frantically as she was lifted from the ground by her neck and slammed into a nearby wall, knocking down a few paintings in the process.

Garrus held Shepard in that levitated position, his face a few inches from her blue tinted one as he closely examined her.

Her arms flared blue in intervals, her biotics hungry to be unleashed but regrettably never reaching the strength she wished to achieve. Shepard was still recovering from her ordeal with being spaced. Regardless of the amount of Cerberus technology within her to help her heal faster it seemed that getting shot in the head fucked up that process.

Now she was paying for it.

"I can tell you where I hid thermal clips if you ask nicely," Garrus teased while Shepard continued to struggle for air.

The sly bastard knew how Shepard would go about this the entire time, letting her believe Jessie was loaded was all a part of his game.

Unfortunately Shepard felt no yield to Garrus' hold, he just held her against the wall with a sad look in his eyes.

Shepard's kicks had no force behind them, her hands couldn't continue trying to break his grip during which the edges of her vision began to blacken to take her into an unconscious state she lamentably knew so well.

She choked out his name as she felt her oxygen become nonexistent, the dark feeling of claustrophobia taking over her senses, terrifying her.

How the fuck did she manage to fall for that trick of his? Was she that incompetent now?

Suddenly out of nowhere oxygen found it's way to her lungs just when she had accepted she was going to pass out and possibly be strangled to death by Garrus.

She had no time to register that Garrus had released her bruising throat or acknowledge how he was holding her upstraight by her shoulders while she coughed and gasped for air frantically.

It felt like a good minute before her vision was no longer blurry and her coughing episode had reduced to an extremely sore throat.

Garrus was still holding her, if he hadn't she would have most likely lost her footing and collapsed to the floor. Shepard still felt weak but that didn't stop her brain from yelling at her to fight back while she had a chance.

She could hazily see Garrus a foot away from her face as she breathed in quick succession. His expression looked like a cross between concern and something else she couldn't quite figure out.

It didn't matter, from this angle she could easily land a right hook, if she ignored how feeble she actually felt right now.

Shepard played up her recovery slightly letting her head drop subtly to the side as she clenched her right fist and attempted to power up her biotics.

Garrus didn't let go of her shoulders while he watched her silently, meaning if she timed this right, he couldn't block it.

From there...well Shepard hadn't planned that far ahead.

Without warning Shepard reeled her arm back and went for the side of Garrus' left mandible...only to have him catch her fist midway.

Shepard let out an angry groan as Garrus pushed her hand above her head doing the same with her other arm before she could attempt to escape him again.

He growled in annoyance when she started to kick out her legs at him, trying to aim for the back of his knee to topple him over. But Shepard was at a disadvantage, she was still weak, her reactions slow, giving Garrus the chance to pin her arms up with one hand and use the other to defend himself against her frantic kicking.

In the frame of a few seconds Garrus had managed to take the upper hand and trap himself in between Shepard legs, holding her up with his body as well as his hands.

"Get the fuck off of me," Shepard ordered, in what was meant to come across as an intimidating tone but held no weight due to the position Garrus had her in.

"Or what?" Garrus tested superiorly, his face closing in on her own.

They both knew she couldn't do anything, not yet, and they were acutely aware that Shepard despised feeling this helpless.

"You fucking bastard," Shepard growled, verbal attacks being her only asset at this moment.

Garrus scoffed lightly, looking down and back up at Shepard.

"Yeah you've said that already. I'm a bastard, I'm a piece if shit, I'm a monster," Garrus leaned into Shepard fully now, making her aware that he was completely in control. He had a hurt yet aggressive expression consuming his features. "But it's this monster who raised our son, _our_ son Bee. Our son that you didn't tell me about. Who's life I would have missed out on if your little plan worked out the way you wanted it to."

Shepard was using whatever strength she had left to not recoil from his body or his words. The turian was cleverly turning all of this on her in a way she didn't appreciate.

"Let go of me," was all Shepard could come up in a shaky voice, disregarding what Garrus had just said.

She could make out his eyes dilating while he took in a deep breath because of the close proximity of his face before he spoke.

"I'm sorry Bee but I can't..." Garrus said solemnly, his forehead connecting to Shepards in a strangely sensitive gesture, setting off alarms in Shepard's brain. "I can't let go of you. I never could. You betrayed me in the worst possible way. You had me thinking you were dead that whole time. That I had lost you again, and for your information letting someone who loves you-"

Shepard struggled as a reflex, she could feel her body reacting to what Garrus was doing to her, the way he was looking at her. There was no way she could let the turian know he still had that effect on her while Garrus instantly held her tighter to the wall.

"_Loves_ you Bee! Letting them think you're dead, is one of the cruellest-" she could have swore his voice cracked a little "things you could ever do."

A small silence threatened to engulf the air and Shepard could not allow it do to so. She had to seem like she was immune to him, she had to get herself angry again, instead of feeling hurt. Getting the upper-hand would be much easier if only she could manage that.

Without another second of hesitation Shepard let out a humourless laugh, causing Garrus to retreat his plated forehead back. Good.

"So I'm the bad guy? That's what you're saying?," Shepard recapped wildly allowing herself to succumb to whatever anger was boiling up inside her. "Coming from the man who shot me? Who's plan backfired and put me in a coma for four fucking years so I don't get to see my own son grow up? I'm the cruel one? You son of bitch-"

Shepard suddenly felt at sharp pain on her spine as Garrus forced her into the wall some more, his free hand pointing an accusing sharp talon in her face.

"Don't you_ dare_ for a second make me out to be heartless!" Garrus threatened her, Shepard's plan of riling herself up unintentionally angering Garrus too. Fuck. "I've had that image of you in a pool of your own blood in my mind ever since that day. Haunting me. You don't think I regret it? I had the chance to have you finished off in the hospital you were in, Lawson was by your bed ready to kill you in your sleep and I stopped her-"

The commander scoffed loudly even with Garrus' talon dangerously in her face.

"Oh oh well _thank_ you Garrus, how lovely of you to give me a second chance!" Shepard spat sarcastically, her voice progressively getting louder. "How fucking decent of you-"

"Fuck you! I loved you!" Garrus roared, his own flanging voice towering over Shepard's pitch. They both stared at one another knowingly, neither of them wanted to wake Ares up and raising their voices was the wrong way to go about it. The pair took a few seconds for both of their breaths to become somewhat steadier as Garrus chose to speak again.

"...I still do," he said calmly his voice much more softer now, while Shepard tried to look at him with a vacant expression, one that told him bluntly that she didn't care either way. The truth however was that Shepard couldn't help but care, she couldn't just turn her feelings off. She hated the man with every cell in her body, but that didn't mean she didn't love him. Unfortunately for her, Shepard's expression was unable to hide the conflict in her head. Her gentle frown and quivering lip giving every ounce of her away.

Garrus didn't appear to be thrown nor empowered by her display, he was merely letting his shields down, something they were always able to do around one another in the past when Garrus didn't deflect everything with humour. "Putting a bullet in your head was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I waited here for you, knowing fully well you wanted me dead. But I had to see you. I just had to."

"You want a medal?" Shepard said spitefully in an attempt to pierce the emotional atmosphere that wanted to suffocate her.

Garrus sighed in defeat for the first time since he held her to the wall. "Damn it Bee, why do you have to make this so difficult?"

Funnily enough Shepard felt like that was a question she should have been asking Garrus herself. In actual fact, if everything had went roughly to plan, her turian should have been dead by now.

But he wasn't, he was alive and kicking, pinning her against a wall, having the cheek to ask her why she was the one making this harder for him?

"You shot _me_ Garrus, I didn't shoot you."

"You might as well have," Garrus shot back truthfully, with no venomous undercurrent, just the plain truth.

Regardless of the amount of profanities Shepard wanted to unleash on Garrus at that moment she held back, his sentence annoying but also dealing a sharp blow to her.

The silence that followed was an uncomfortable one filled with difficult questions that neither of them were ready to ask or answer. But things were turning out bad on Shepard's part to the point where she was beginning to worry. Whatever happened from here, she needed some sort of closure even if she wasn't happy with some of the answers, again it was a matter of need not want.

"Your father says he thinks you're mildly indoctrinated," Shepard breathed in a low tone, carefully waiting for Garrus' reaction.

"I know," he said simply in a instant, looking away from Shepard as he continued to hold her.

The commander blinked at him once incredulously, then again, then another time before tilting her head down to try and get Garrus to look at her. "That's it? _You know_? You have nothing else to say about that?"

Garrus finally met her eyes thoughtfully. "Do you think I'm indoctrinated?" was his question, a difficult question at that, but it was one that he was keen on her answering.

Shepard was torn over the idea of Garrus being in the process of indoctrination, she always had been since Miranda mentioned how the remaining crew were in the early stages of it because of her. Jack, Tali, Wrex...and Garrus. Miranda's indoctrination was in the final process when Shepard saw her,_ that_ she could believe, seeing as the woman beared physical and emotional elements of indoctrination. As for Jack, Tali and Wrex the thought of indoctrination made sense to her to the point where the process of it overtook rationality and played with their emotions, making them believe that killing their commander, their friend, was the right choice for how they felt when she disappeared.

Then there was Garrus. She still remembered the look in his eyes when he saw her at the chapel four years ago, the way his azure gaze sliced through her with a feeling of burning yet hopefulness.

He was the only one she was unsure of.

"_Come back with me_," he had said, almost pleaded. Unlike everyone else he wasn't hostile when he saw her, he let it be known that there was an option for her to come back to him, to be with him again, to try and get through the stunt she pulled.

The fact that she didn't go with him seemed to be his breaking point and because of that she only had one answer for Garrus who was waiting patiently before her for it.

"...I don't know," she muttered honestly.

Garrus hummed to himself, her answer not being the one he was expecting. "Same," he informed her, causing Shepard to look at him questionably yet again.

"You know, there are times when I ponder the idea," Garrus began, saving Shepard from trying to word the questions floating around in her mind. "I've done a bit of research on it as well as my father and I do meet some of the criteria, I won't lie about that."

Shepard felt Garrus' free hand lightly stroke her thigh absent-mindedly.

"I guess it's easier to believe that indoctrination played a part in what I did to you, but even if I was, or am partly indoctrinated, all it really did was solidify my decision. Make things easier to go through with."

He stopped stroking her thigh and opted to rest his hand there instead while Shepard's eyes glazed over slightly.

"Why are you telling me this?" she asked not only out of confusion but because his words hurt to hear.

Garrus wasn't trying to justify his terrible actions any longer, he gave her the truth, laid out the facts, pushing her reach a consensus on her own.

"Because unlike you I believe in being honest," Garrus stated, his voice heavy with his dig at Shepard. "When you lie or keep things concealed bad things stem from it."

Shepard shook her head slowly in disbelief as she felt her pinned arms beginning to ache.

"...So you're saying that I deserved to be shot?" she prodded, her voice no longer hollow and weak as she felt a familiar wave of anger surge through her.

Garrus exhaled in defeat. "I'm_ saying_ that nothing good comes from keeping secrets," he clarified calmly, not thrown by Shepard's change of tone.

"Nothing good would of come from me being honest either," Shepard countered.

"Really?" Garrus nodded, mimicking deep thought. "So me finding out that you were carrying our child and taking care of you, raising a family, that would have been bad?"

"Like you would have jumped at the chance of being a father to hybrid child!" Shepard barked.

"You don't know that! Cos you decided to run off instead of dealing with the unknown!" Garrus growled back with the same volume and velocity as Shepard.

The commander became physically aggressive at that and feverishly began struggling and trying to break Garrus' hold of her. He was talking about her actions like she did them lightly when in actual fact, upping and leaving without a trace was one of the hardest things she had ever done.

But Shepard didn't voice that, and focused her energy onto getting out of Garrus' grip while she grunted in aggravation. She felt his hold on her arms loosen slightly as she flung herself about only to feel his free arm trap her up against the wall yet again.

She let out a strangled cry, emotion overwhelming her as her haggard breaths came out as tortured wails. It was only a few seconds in that Garrus realised she was crying. Actually crying, in such an anguished manner that Garrus' annoyed stare melted into one of concern.

Her head was tilted up at the ceiling, looking past her arms that Garrus had pinned, as she continued what appeared to be a breakdown, constantly wailing and looking helpless.

Garrus felt like he had been punched in the gut, he had seen her helpless like this before only he had been looking down at her past the sight of his pistol then.

"Bee..." he called out to her, his grip still holding her to the wall and his waist still pressed up against her.

Despite everything he felt a powerful need to hold her in a way that was comforting, reassuring. However he was reduced to have contact with her from pinning her against a wall to stop her from lashing out and possibly try to kill him. Which he wasn't going to let happen.

Shepard's wails became much louder as Garrus felt her tense body suddenly relax against him, shit she really was having a mental breakdown.

Again Garrus called her name, a bit more sharper this time to grab her attention, and yet again he was ignored, she wouldn't even look at him any more.

"Fu...uu...uuck...I...I...can't...Oh..God..." Shepard starting saying in between wails incoherently.

All the times she didn't mourn, all the times she didn't cry, all the times she had nightmares and all times she questioned herself all finally collapsed in on her, forcing her to deal with every emotion then and there.

She felt like she was falling apart, that she was reaching rock-bottom at a rapid and terrifying rate. Shepard had almost forgotten that Garrus was pressed up against her, calling her name as she felt his free hand tenderly but desperately grab her chin and force it down so that she was looking straight at him.

Her face was a damp mess as tears were still spilling from her ocean blue eyes and her lip trembled constantly as she tried to stop herself from crying out any more.

Garrus chose to rest his hand on her wet cheek as he attempted to brush away some of the hot tears. Shepard's watery eyes made her vision blurry but she was still able to make out the concerned look Garrus had about him. He seemed torn between trying to help or allowing her to let this pass naturally.

A small whimper escaped her yet again.

"Shhh" Garrus soothed in a much gentler tone compared to how he had spoke to her since they reunited.

As pathetic as it was Shepard found her breath steadying slightly as he hushed her, when a few moments ago she was on the brink of hyperventilation.

They stayed this was way for a few moments, Garrus trying to bring her back from that intense episode by stroking her cheek with his free hand and whispering "It's okay" repeatedly.

Shepard let out a shaky breath as she felt herself begin to calm down, her damp face beginning to dry as she watched Garrus in front of her, every part of her laid out for him emotionally yet he took no enjoyment out of it.

She noticed that Garrus was studying her, like he was conflicted about something, his mind battling between indecision.

That's when his face slowly but surely moved closer to her own.

"Garrus," she said, knowing fully well what he was doing. The turian paused his actions till their faces were a mere inch apart. "Don't," she pleaded her breath tickling Garrus' mandibles.

But that defiant, entranced look in his eye didn't disappear and he did move away.

His mouth suddenly came into contact with her own, just like she had expected them to as he very slowly took his time at licking her tear-stained lips with his tongue.

Shepard didn't pull away nor did she recuperate the gesture. Regrettably a part of her wanted this, a part of her had missed_ this_, while another part of her screamed at her to try and move her head away.

Instead she stilled herself, found comfort in the fact that Garrus was doing all the work. He was only able to do this because he held her there against the wall and there was no getting out of his hold. Yeah that was it...

He gently nibbled on her bottom lip relishing in the soft accidental moan that left Shepard's mouth as he pulled away slightly.

She looked undeniably annoyed with herself as they both looked at one another with a sense of desperation and undercurrent of shame, their breaths coming out heavy and haggard.

Fuck it, Garrus had waited for years, wanting nothing more than to see her again, to feel her again, to taste her, he was going to enjoy this and if he had it his way Shepard would too.

He leaned in once again taking it slow, every movement deliberately prolonged as he savoured each weak noise that left Shepard's lips.

Shepard had her eyes closed like Garrus', allowing his tongue to explore her mouth delicately. She wanted to kiss him back, God did she want to. Yet she knew it would overcomplicate things.

Couldn't she just enjoy this moment and make her goodbyes properly before jumping the gun?

Garrus' tongue lightly coaxed her own tongue inside her mouth urging her to get lost in this moment.

Whether doing so was the wrong decision or not she did it anyway, moving her tongue softly against his in which he growled in appreciation.

Her own lips finally took the moment suck and nibble on his plated mouth as she felt Garrus press himself against her further like a blind man seeking some sort of contact.

And at that the kiss became much deeper, much more urgent as they moaned into each other's mouths, forgetting everything for just a few moments.

Garrus' body grinded sweetly against Shepard's warm core, her body responding to the action with eager haste as she allowed to herself to enjoy the subtle but electrifying movement.

Suddenly Shepard's hands were free as Garrus used his own to roam and reacquaint themselves with her body as if he needed reassurance that it really was her, that she was really here kissing him.

She could have easily took that moment to knock Garrus away from her, yet she didn't. This was the only time they could spend together before their own morals went against them.

Her free hands ached from being held up for so long, the blood thankfully rushing back. But instead of resting them Shepard immediately began stroking behind Garrus' fringe, a soft smile appearing on her lips as a deep purr emitted from him and their kiss deepened further.

The two of them were always on the same level when it came to intimate moments like this, they both knew how to read each other. There was no need for them to keep asking if the other liked something they did or act cautious about a certain action because they both knew in detail what the other liked.

Their bond used to be as strong as the Normandy's shields and now it was in tatters. But even in that depressing state they worked with what they had, whatever was left in the wreckage of their relationship.

Before Shepard could register what was going on she felt Garrus lift her away from the wall, his tongue still snaking into her mouth while she tightened her legs around his waist so she wouldn't fall.

In a slow, cautious manner Garrus took them back into the centre of the lounge, carefully kneeling both Shepard and himself to the rug on the floor covering the colourful aquarium beneath them.

The kiss broke slightly as they both laid on the soft rug. Garrus naturally found himself resting in between Shepard's legs while licking her neck and Shepard stroking his back while moaning appreciatively.

"I've missed you so much," Garrus breathed into her bruised neck before licking her hungrily once again.

Shepard leaned into his touch, not trusting herself to speak as of yet. Right now she didn't want to think.

Soon enough his mouth was on hers again, tasting her as they both got lost within each other, they're movements thankfully compensating for their lack of words.

Garrus' hands busied themselves in the mean time as they stroked her body, moving lower and lower to Shepard's hips, till his talons hooked themselves around her trousers, slowly bring them down and -

"_This is me at my most masochistic_."

Shepard gasped loudly as she shot up from the rug and toppled a surprised Garrus off of her.

"What the hell...what's wrong?" he questioned in a instant looking back Shepard who was panting heavily while clutching her skull.

Of all the times for that to enter her mind...

"This," Shepard answered finally looking at him from her seated position, her hand falling down and resting to her side. "_This_ is wrong."

Why did she feel the need to make this harder for herself?

Garrus sighed one of exhaustion while rubbing his fringe. "Bee it doesn't have to be like this-"

"Oh and what other ways could this be like huh?" Shepard challenged her senses coming back to her.

"We could work things out, we have a healthy boy to raise, we can be a family, that is a possibility," Garrus argued back, his voice hopeful and convincing.

He appeared to actually believe his words, like he was physically and emotionally able to try and lock away all the dreadful things they had done to one another. Shepard on the other hand couldn't do that.

"Every time I look at Ares I'll remember what you did, every time I look at you I'll know that a part of me needs you dead Garrus," she explained, blunt and to the point. It seemed like that was the only way to make Garrus realise things weren't going to go how he wanted them to, he needed a harsh wake up call.

Her words seemed to have the intended effect seeing as Garrus had stopped trying to argue his point any further, opting to mull over what she said and somehow come to terms with it.

Breaking the dismal silence, Shepard cleared her throat, choosing to stare out the patio door instead of facing Garrus who hadn't taken his hurt gaze off of her since she last spoke.

"Every person I've killed since I woke up, I've killed to get one step closer to you. Every. Damn. One," Shepard started, informing Garrus of how the situation was broken beyond repair, how their time together resembled a deeply scratched record. The formidable scratches ruin the song completely. It's more than difficult to try and just focus on the song when you constantly hear it cut out or screech a lot. "Each time you take a breath, I am unable to move on with my life, I'm unable to be happy...and when you're gone, I'll still be unhappy..." Shepard turned her body to face Garrus, her puffy eyes unable to bring out any more tears since her tormented breakdown "...but I'll finally be able to move on," she finished sincerely.

She didn't want Garrus to like her decision and her reasons, but she at least wanted him to understand them. Also saying them out loud for once was a clear reminder of why she couldn't give things another go with him. They were both beyond that point now. It was time to face facts.

Garrus studied her, like he was trying to figure out the meaning of life or solve some tiresome puzzle. His expression changed slightly, like he was ready to give up on the puzzle with missing pieces and start a new easier one.

"So where do we go from here?" he asked, accepting Shepard's wishes, finally.

Shepard cracked a smile at him, a honest and genuine smile that Garrus remembered so well. "I don't suppose you'd just sit there and let me kill you huh?" she said suggestively, verbalizing her thoughts.

The turian scoffed at her, enjoying the calm before the storm. He shook his head humorously.

Thankfully she was still smiling, taking all of this in her stride as she picked at the cream rug she sat on. "I didn't think so."

"Bee?" Garrus called out grabbing her attention once again. His face was back to being serious now, opting Shepard's smile to drop to sadder version. "Are you sure this is what you want? Because I won't be going easy on you, I want to watch Ares grow up just as much as you do," he informed her, driving down the road of honesty instead of feeding her bullshit.

Unknown to Garrus he was only repeating what Shepard was ready to expect from him, it didn't stop her from being touched by the gesture though.

"I don't want this Garrus, I need this. And I understand. I don't expect you to hold back."

With that Garrus crawled back up to his feet, his posture resembling his strong features, sending a jolt of worry into Shepard's system.

She bites at her lip when Garrus slowly walks over to her, hinting that she shouldn't consider him a danger as of yet as he offers her his hand. She takes it, allowing him to help her to the balls of her feet.

"Just one thing though Garrus," Shepard remembered as they faced one another. "If you do end up besting me, there's a recording on my omni-tool, I'd like you to give it to Ares."

She noticed Garrus tense for a moment before he nodded belatedly.

"Thank you." Shepard cautiously reached out to the turian, leaning forward so that their foreheads brushed together like they did the first time they made love.

They both closed their eyes in synchronisation, breathing in calmly, allowing themselves to remember that moment, when things were just simply right. Now they were sharing this moment in a time and place where everything was regrettably wrong and damaged but was made bearable due to this one gesture.

Of course Shepard and Garrus both knew this moment couldn't last, not when their minds were deterring to thoughts of how exactly they were going to kill the other.

Shepard tilted her forehead away from Garrus in order to place one last soft kiss on his mandible which was soon replaced by an intelligent and unexpected jab to his unprotected stomach.

Garrus stumbled backwards clutching at his aching stomach causing the commander to feel a sense of accomplishment that she actually managed to land that blow correctly. The element of surprise was on her side but instantly lost when she hesitated for millisecond readying herself for spinning kick.

The minor mistake cost her as Garrus managed to catch Shepard's leg before it collided with him and chucked her to the floor unceremoniously, a loud thud emitting from her fall.

"Ha I didn't even know we were starting so soon," Garrus commented offhandedly, wasting no time in moving in on Shepard who was crawling behind the sofa at a rapid pace.

She felt his talons lock onto her left ankle in a attempt to pull her back into the open in an aggressive manner, her nimble hands reacting fast and snagging a weirdly shaped ornament on a table conveniently near the sofa.

As soon as Garrus dragged Shepard back into the open space the commander immediately lunged forward with all her strength to collide the heavy ornament with Garrus' plated head, the object smashing into chunky pieces forcing Garrus to instinctively let go of her ankle and clutch at that throbbing part of his body.

He winced at the pain, giving Shepard enough time to get back up and find her footing as she breathed heavily.

"Unfortunately my saving Grace right now is to fight dirty," she retorted her breaths unstable.

Garrus was quick to recover while giving his head another rub, unfortunately for Shepard she hadn't done no permanent damage. "I can see that."

Trusting her instinct Shepard carefully backed away from Garrus, pushing past the leather sofa. "Unless you wanna tell me where the thermal clips are," she voiced hopefully. "It'll make things a lot easier."

The turian quickly began pacing towards Shepard, chucking the sofa out of the way like it was a feather in order to get to her. "Now where's the fun in that?" he growled intimidatingly.

Reeling back her arm Shepard flared up her biotics as best as she could swinging her blue fist into Garrus' face without missing a beat, a crack resounding from the action that she soon realised came from her knuckles instead of Garrus' plates. Like the rock he was Garrus shook the pain off as Shepard suddenly began to feel a sharp ache ignite in her hand. Of all the things she could of done she thought it would be a good idea to smack a turian of all people in the face.

The pain was intensifying but she ignored it, focusing on her adrenaline as she went to deal another blow, this time to his unprotected neck.

To her dismay Garrus ducked on cue, producing an effective position to sweep kick Shepard to the floor as he knocked her feet from under her.

This time the turian doesn't falter, suddenly lunging down for Shepard who to her credit reacted just in time by rolling deftly out of the way and forcing herself to her feet.

She could feel Garrus' actions taking it's toll on her body, feeling it aching and throbbing in protest as she dashed for the kitchen.

Shepard considered herself to be a proud woman, but she wasn't proud to the point where she'd deny that she definitely needed some sort of weapon right now, anything to take Garrus down a peg and give her a fighting chance.

He was like a damn machine the way he soaked up her blows and recovered so fast. That's what was worrying her, that and the fact it was obvious that she was the one getting her ass kicked.

When she reached the pristine kitchen area, she frantically scanned the place for something that could help her right now, preferably the thermal clips that she had when she entered the penthouse.

Luckily her eye caught onto the next best thing laid out before her; a knife.

There was no time to jump for joy as she could feel Garrus running up for her like a crazed animal. The knife was already in her hand when Garrus was a meter behind her, instantly jumping back as Shepard turned around and slashed the knife at him.

The sharp object cut through the air twice due to Garrus dodging both her attacks swiftly. Unfortunately for him Shepard managed to strike him the third time, slicing his bicep with a deep cut from where he miscalculated his dodge.

Garrus growls menacingly at that, something Shepard had never heard before. The sound that erupted from him nerving her, screaming danger. Yet instead of acknowledging the excruciating wound Shepard had created on his person Garrus powered that sharp pain into sudden anger, ignoring the aching need to clutch his arm and the dark blue blood seeping down his civvies.

Allowing his growl to actually frighten her slightly caused Shepard to judge her next swing wrong, leaving her open to Garrus charging into her body with great force and suddenly lifting her up while she attempted to regain herself.

Even registering being lifted up wasn't exactly possible as Shepard felt herself flying across the penthouse. The bastard actually threw her!

Either Garrus had perfect aim when it came to throwing people or luck really wasn't on Shepard's side as her bruising body collided with the television set in the middle of the lounge. A crash of absurd volume overflowed the penthouse from the impact, making Shepard's ears ring in discomfort. She found herself to be in too much shock to cry out in pain, every bit of her body ringing alarm bells.

While squirming on the floor and choking on her breaths near the smashed television, Shepard weakly felt around for her knife to find that it was no longer by her side. If she was also judging the obscenely sharp pain flooding her left arm correctly then it was most definitely sprained to her annoyance as well.

It was just one bad thing after another wasn't it? But she had come too far to give up, no matter how much her body protested.

Out of the corner of her eye Shepard spotted what was her prized possession at the moment, roughly two metres away from her beaten position laying delicately on the rug half-covering the aquarium.

With whatever determination and strength Shepard had left in her she found herself crawling desperately towards the knife at the fastest pace she could manage, relying on her elbows to get her to her destination due to her sprained left hand.

Unbeknownst to Shepard, Garrus was making his way out of the kitchen area at a storming pace, navy blood practically oozing from his arm but unable to grab his attention.

Shepard could hear him approaching now, the knife not even five centimetres away from her grasp as Garrus' foot relentlessly stamped down on her right hand with all his weight.

A strangled cry escaped her throat followed by mindless profanity and constant whimpering before Garrus took the pressure off of her hand.

The damaged hand was quickly cradled to Shepard's chest as a jerk reaction, giving Garrus the chance to pick up the knife and kick Shepard full pelt in the stomach so that she landed on her back, knocking the wind out of her.

Garrus knelt over Shepard, so she was laid out perfectly in front of him, noting that her injuries were leaving her at a major disadvantage.

With that, Garrus wasted no time in saying his goodbyes or apologising, you had to be quick with no room for hesitation because neither of them were prepared to go down easily.

He punctured the air with the knife bringing it down towards Shepard, surprised that she actually managed to move her upper body out the way in time. Unfortunately for her however just like Garrus back in the kitchen she misjudged the area the knife was aiming for, the blade cutting past her arm and wedging itself into a now cracked aquarium beneath her.

Shepard let out a blood-curdling scream that allowed her to posses some kind of strength from her anger and bioticaly kick Garrus backwards into the television set that her fall earlier had already demolished.

"Fuck..." she muttered weakly, using her right hand to grab hold of the knife attaching her to the floor's aquarium.

She grunted and cried out in a deafening tone as she felt the knife suddenly wedge free and slice back out through her arm in a searing pain.

"Fucking damn it...argh!" Shepard voiced bitterly, trying to get up in her beaten state while clutching at the fresh wound Garrus had marked her with.

She could make out the turian in question from across the room as her foot collapsed from underneath her annoyingly.

Garrus was faltering as he got up himself, but it was clear that he was nowhere near the bad state Shepard was in as she struggled to stand up for the second time. Her body was completely against the direction she was taking, wanting nothing more than to relax for a moment and take note of every wound and bruise she had acquired.

"At least we match now..." Garrus huffed over by the television set, properly standing up now and observing her.

Shepard was past being able to laugh over her arm's resemblance to his own, things weren't looking too good for her at all.

She managed to get to the balls of her feet, her legs bent like she was carrying a heavy load on her back and the knife tightly clutched within the bloodied palm of her hand.

Garrus stared at her, you didn't have to be a doctor to recognise just how badly torn up Shepard was, but that didn't mean that she was unable to fight back for her mind was still strong and determined...barely.

Not being stupid enough to charge at the woman while she still had a weapon in her hand Garrus hastily picked up the smashed television next to him, Shepard's face dropping further as she watched him with a confused expression.

"Are you...serious?" Shepard asked in disbelief, her voice dry and shaky.

Garrus didn't need to answer her as her lifted the television set over his head, his breaths coming out haggard.

To Shepard's credit she attempted to throw the damn knife at his form, fighting through her body's discomfort all the way. But Garrus as always didn't hesitate as he heaved the heavy object through the air, the throw appearing as if in slow motion as Shepard felt it plow into her chest knocking not only the wind out of her but her body to the azure aquarium on the floor.

The impact was so great that her powerful fall smashed the already cracked tank's glass beneath her, fragments of the glass embedding into her yielding skin, her pain-fuelled cried muffled as her head and body were overwhelmed with forty centimetre deep water.

Shepard quickly shot up from the boxed liquid, choking and crying out as the water eerily turned red, tropical fish flapping about on the lounge floor and her knife flung across the room.

"Forgive me Bee," she heard Garrus say in a croaked voice, his voice so clear and crisp that she realised he was kneeling beside her, his face contorted into one of sorrow, his brow plates low.

Two hands were suddenly at her bruised throat once again, pushing her back into the shallow water of the floor's smashed aquarium as Shepard tried to frantically break free. She scratched and punched Garrus' arms, the pain of her injuries a thing of the past now that she was faced with this sudden danger.

She could vaguely make out Garrus staring down at her from under the water, the splashing and the struggle constantly creating small waves.

Her lungs were pleading for air, begging for it. She couldn't breath...fuck she couldn't breath.

It couldn't end like this, it just couldn't. A part of her mind was already accepting that her fate, but the stubborn part of Shepard damn right refused.

Shepard's hands began feeling around the ground outside the tank, Garrus' hold getting tighter and tighter like it had the potential to snap her windpipe.

She couldn't do this.

_"Shit, I didn't peg Shepard for a pussy."_

...Jack?

The voice unmistakably belonged to the deceased biotic, but Shepard couldn't see her anywhere just water and Garrus' frame clouding her vision as she was edged closer and closer to her death.

_"That's our commander you're talking about,"_ came a feminine Australian voice...Miranda?

_"That's not the commander I remember,"_ Jack argued nonchalantly _"Look at her."_

_"Doubt you're gonna bring her back this time,"_ a deep voice joined in, Wrex...

_"I really thought she had it in her..."_ Miranda mumbled, her voice sounding almost regretful.

_"She knew the risks when she went in there, but chose to ignore them,_" Tali offered...

What in the actual fuck? Their voices sounded off, almost distant. Shepard was dying at an excruciatingly slow pace, was she losing her fucking mind too?

_"Don't lose hope on the girl yet, she's got this,_" Zaeed spoke up, sounding like the only one who had confidence in her at the moment.

Shepard could roughly hear Joker do his trademark groan,_ "Zaeed...I don't think she does..."_

_"You, shut your face, she can do this,"_ Zaeed growled back.

Jack laughed_ "Look at her, she looks like death already."_

_"The turian doesn't look like he's going to break his hold any time soon,"_ Wrex noted.

_"Shepard you daft cow, fucking fight back"_ Zaeed ordered her angrily as he ignored the krogan.

Shepard continued running her hands along the ground which gave Garrus the opportunity to strangle her freely. She could feel fragments of the glass piercing and cutting into her hands, but she was no longer flinching from the pain...it was like she was already...dead-

_"Jesus christ are you serious? You're still alive, but if you just lay there doing nothing you soon will be!"_ Zaeed yelled at her.

_"Give her time,"_ Koylat suggested suddenly out of nowhere, his voice brimming with confidence.

_"Time is something she doesn't have!"_ Zaeed established.

Shepard could feel her vision beginning to blacken, slowly but surely...she couldn't think straight, her hands still roaming the floor above her blindly...

_"God she's not going to do this,"_ Kasumi whispered sounding distraught.

_"Kas,"_ Jacob soothed _"She really doesn't need to be hearing that right now."_

_"Fucking kick him, do something!"_ Marla ordered angrily as she came into the equation.

Shepard attempted to lift her leg from the tank finding that she couldn't, not while she was drowning and being strangled at the same damn time. She was helpless.

_"I can't believe this..."_ Zaeed stated offhandedly.

The commander was so close to death's door now, she could feel it engulfing her, coaxing her into simply letting go and allowing it to happen...so this was how her story ended?

_"Every warrior has it's day..."_ Wrex offered distantly.

Shepard's weak roaming hands miraculously came into contact with a shard of glass, this time not a shrapnel...and judging from the sharp pain that jolted through her the shard wasn't blunt...

_"Mummy..."_

Shepard felt a whole new feeling overwhelm her, a whole rush of new found energy, adrenaline, determination...surging into her every pore.

_"Mummy you promised."_

She _did_ promise...and Shepard kept her damn promises. Especially the one she made to her son.

The commander gripped the shard tightly as it cut into her hand ignoring the odds against her, every second carrying significance.

Garrus was thankfully too busy cutting off her oxygen that made him for once unprepared for what she about to do. If she could manage it in her state.

With the thought of Ares empowering her Shepard jabbed the shard through the air with all the force and strength she could muster, landing it straight into Garrus' unprotected neck.

The effect was immediate almost overwhelming, the voices disappearing, Garrus' hold abruptly taken away, her wind pipe opening back up, her head pushing through the water, gasping and choking for air...

When Shepard took the oxygen down it felt more than uncomfortable, the air tickling her sore throat like someone had scraped it continuously with a rake.

There was a lot of flaying about on her part as she attempted to compose herself but was suddenly introduced to every ounce of pain that was unwelcome on her body.

She would have screamed if she could, but her mouth could only force out a cut off whimper for the time being as her body shook from the absence of adrenaline and her dripping wet body meeting the air.

It was difficult to pinpoint just what she should try and sort out about herself first, feeling completely vulnerable and soaked in crimson water.

She blinked her eyes three times trying to adjust to her surroundings, she couldn't focus on herself just yet, not until she knew where Garrus was-

"No offence...but you look like shit Bee."

Shepard's head snapped towards the sound of Garrus' voice, her body already penalising her for the sudden movement.

Garrus was slouched against the couch on the left almost looking immobile. What stood out about him the most injury wise was the shard of glass protruding from his neck with fresh blue blood weeping from it.

Shepard's body rocked ever so slightly as she struggled to form her words. "Speak...for...yourself...argh..." she recoiled as her throat protested against her using her voice just yet.

She sounded like had smoked for sixty years and her throat was beginning to cave in. Yet she still managed to give Garrus the weakest smile she could as he watched her almost dreamily.

"I tried...to take this thing out but..."Garrus winced before trying to shrug off the pain "I think you've managed to pierce a vein...heh...keeping this damn thing in...is what's keeping me alive...at the moment," he explained in grunts.

Shepard didn't speak, still shaking from the damage she took, unable to rejoice at the scene before her. Though if she was honest, she never expected to feel a sense of accomplishment or happiness from doing this.

Her legs stung from the shrapnel of glass that managed to pierce her skin as she struggled to lift herself out of the shallow tank, desperately pulling herself along the floor until her body was out of the water.

"I can't fucking believe it...I really thought I..had you," Garrus informed her weakly.

It was true, the turian genuinely couldn't believe that Shepard managed to take him on in her state. If he wasn't in such agonising pain he would have been impressed by the display.

Shepard watched Garrus sit completely still, probably worried about causing himself more suffering from moving while she laid on the floor coughing a few times, appreciating the moment where she could finally just lie down.

"Hey,"Garrus called to her inhaling carefully.

Shepard eyed him from her position, her open wounds still bleeding and bruises covering her body from head to toe like she was developing a new skin tone.

"No...hard feelings for all that?" Garrus asked, his voice strained but still able to carry the slightest ounce of humour.

A content smile, or what could be considered a content smile in her fragile state formed on Shepard's face as she gently shut her eyes and hummed to herself. "No hard... feelings," Shepard croaked in agreement.

Garrus was more than happy with that development, even if he did have a deadly shard wedged into the side of his neck.

The commander half-opened her eyes to see Garrus' own blue eyes appear droopy. He was losing a lot of blood.

"Does it hurt?" she managed to question with concern.

Garrus went to laugh until a sharp sound left his throat, again something Shepard had never experienced and something that she would have been fine without hearing. "Don't make me laugh, now that the adrenaline is wearing it feels, let's just say...uncomfortable."

With a pitiful grunt Shepard attempted to raise herself up into a seated position, doing her best to breathe through the waves of pain trying to stop her. She stopped tensing her battered body as her slashed back leaned against the opposite sofa that was knocked over, exhaling in the slight relief.

"I should have known you'd go for the glass." Garrus sighed, he had been so sure of himself.

Shepard eyed him cheekily, her battered image contradicting the look she was attempting. "So much for... top hand to hand specialist..."

Garrus' mandibles widened in a smile he actually felt. It was good to feel a sense of lightness in their difficult conversation, anything to stop him from focusing on that damn shard. "Hey... you don't have to... worry about weapons in hand to hand combat," he countered causing Shepard to smile feebly.

A small unpleasant silence passed between them. Silence meant they had time to focus on just how bad their injuries were and conversation no matter how hard it was to try and keep up was a pleasant distraction.

"I'm surprised Ares didn't wake up," Shepard commented, her thoughts training on the young boy. She was wrong earlier, fighting dirty wasn't her saving Grace, he was.

The turian groaned in discomfort. "I slipped an extra dosage of sleeping pills in his juice...heh... he wouldn't wake up if the...if the Reapers attacked."

"What?" Shepard questioned instantly, her protective side coming out even now as she sat on the floor a beaten mess.

"It's okay," Garrus reassured her quickly. "It's not going to harm him..he usually needs more to sleep anyway."

Shepard winced as her cut arm throbbed much more deliberately than it had a few seconds ago. She chanced a glance at the seeping wound, turning away when she saw that it looked as bad as it felt.

"He has trouble sleeping?" Shepard prodded, her cracked voice still able to carry a worried undertone.

"Hmph...don't we all..." Garrus trailed, wanting nothing more than to just fall asleep right at this very minute.

"He's just a kid."

"I know...Mordin prescribed them for him as well as some other things," Garrus explained vaguely, memories of the events that transpired after he shot Shepard not exactly at the top of things he wanted to think about right now as he was dying, very slowly at that.

He guessed that there was always the option of yanking the shard out and just getting the bleeding to death business all over and done with, but his thick turian skin was already swelling around it, adjusting to the foreign presence. Removing the shard would prove more painful than just waiting for death to take him in this state.

"Mordin?" Shepard prodded...damn it she wasn't going to drop this.

Well, no time like the present to have an honesty hour, which Garrus wouldn't live through if he was being realistic.

"Yeah...I went to him after the incident...he delivered Ares..." Garrus went to shake his head stopping himself quickly as he remembered the action would prove to be excruciating. "I swear when he saw you...he looked like he was going to shoot me but said something about how...he was doing this for you, not me."

Shepard smiled sadly at Garrus' words. The doctor had helped her so much throughout her pregnancy, and even after the tragic events that transpired he went against his own morals. He kept his word.

Loyalty and trust were hard things to come by, a harsh lesson that Shepard had been forced to learn.

"I made him promise me...that if there were any complications then my son was the main priority," Shepard clarified.

"That explains it then."

In truth, Shepard had never expected her plan to be easy when she made the decision to disappear. Every time she visited Mordin for her check ups there was always some new problem with her or her son, everything about her pregnancy screamed complicated. It was in fact Mordin who suggested that he perform some procedures on her and the unborn child, so that when the time came, the child would physically resemble either a turian or a human.

Shepard of course wasn't happy with this development, arguing that it could endanger her child, like she was creating a designer baby in which she could decide what traits of hers she wanted passed down of hers and what traits of Garrus'. It was only when Mordin explained that there was no certainty that the child would survive in the womb or even the birthing process if she went against his advice that she went along with it. The child would be torn between two strands of DNA that didn't want to meld together, so Shepard trusted him, doing whatever was best for son.

If someone had told her that in four years time this is where she'd be, in a torn up penthouse suite, Garrus and herself knocking on death's door after she'd had been reunited with her turian son, she would have laughed in their face and shot them in the foot.

It only just occurred to Shepard that Garrus would have been making the final preparations regarding Ares' appearance when he was still in her womb, he would have chosen what traits Ares took from her and himself.

Shepard remembered Ares' ocean blue eyes, the eyes that made her realise he was hers...and Garrus had chosen them...after everything.

Garrus' breath hitched drawing Shepard's attention back to the wounded turian. The shard constantly making him wish the spirits would just take him now. "Everything you need to know about Ares' medication...and all that is on my computer in my room by the way...and it might be an idea to go and see Mordin when you have the chance," Garrus offered in kind.

Nodding, Shepard exhaled another shaky breath. "Noted."

"Are you okay?" Garrus asked quietly, his voice dripping with concern.

It was much easier to focus on someone else's injuries rather than your own.

"Yeah..." Shepard lied, even though it was obvious from looking at her that she resembled someone who barely escaped a Reaper battleground, "Just a few cuts and bruises..."

"I did nail you good... a few times."

"Heh...says the guys with a chunk of glass wedged in his throat."

"You just had to remind me..."

Shepard laughed weakly, probably heightening Garrus' ego even more that he was able to get that reaction out of her when she was as torn up as she was.

"What're you going to tell Ares?"he questioned suddenly. The big question that had been hanging in the air for quite some time, that neither of them dared to acknowledge until now.

"I don't know, I haven't planned that far ahead," Shepard answered truthfully, clutching onto the deep gash on her arm as it dully throbbed in time with each beat of her heart.

"You'll figure out something," Garrus reassured her even though he was uncertain of how someone would go about something like that, "You always do."

"Yeah..." Shepard trailed off. She wondered if it was wrong of her that the question wasn't at the forefront of her mind, that she had been too busy thinking about taking Garrus on at the time to even ponder it.

"Argh," Garrus cried out, his voice sounding irritated. His struggling breaths were coming out short and quick, this really wasn't the way he desired to go. Intervals of constant pain throughout and the frequent moments of intense aching that made him want to pass out? No...he had other options...he cleared his throat softly.

"I feel bad for asking," Garrus started, maintaining eye contact with Shepard two metres away from him, "but this is getting a bit too uncomfortable Bee, and I'm gonna go either way..."

Shepard eyed him cautiously, was the discomfort of the shard making him become delirious now?

"What?"

Garrus grit his teeth as another wave afflicted itself onto him at a much higher velocity. "The...thermal clips...they're under the sink."

Blinking slowly Shepard paused for a second trying to catch onto whatever he was hinting at, which was hard to do when you couldn't think that straight in the first place. "Why are you telling me this now?"

"I think you know why..." Garrus muttered, solidifying what Shepard's mind suspected.

She went quiet for a moment again. She was more than willing to kill him during their fight, and she was ready to watch him slowly die before her, so why was she having doubts now?

Because what Garrus was asking required her to take her time, to look him in the eyes meaning there were many more chances for her to over-think or to bail out. It was nothing like before where it was an act of self-defence and every injury she inflicted was done in the spur of the moment.

"Think of it as a way of making things even," Garrus suggested knocking her from her train of thought, doing his best to convince her. Spirits knows he wasn't capable of doing the act himself or he'd be gone by now.

Shepard never denied to herself that she still loved this man regardless of how much she despised him. It was never her intention to watch him suffer like this, she just needed him dead.

With that thought driving her Shepard hesitantly attempted to get herself onto her feet, using the knocked down sofa behind her as leverage. She could feel Garrus' eyes on her as she limped at the pace of a snail to the kitchen grabbing hold of whatever object was near her to keep her standing.

She retrieved the thermal clips from under the sink, silently having a go at herself for not looking there in the first place when she needed them most and made her way back into the lounge wincing and groaning in discomfort. She loaded the thermal clips into Jessie with difficulty who was in the same spot Shepard left her in when she found out Garrus had hidden the ammo she brought along.

"Have I ever told you how beautiful I think you are?" Garrus spoke up suddenly as he watched her.

Shepard continued to concentrate on the task before her, her swelled up and sprained hand struggling to slot the ammo inside Jessie."No, you haven't."

Garrus was undeterred. "Well I think you're beautiful, everything about you...is beautiful...your smile, your laugh, even right now with all those cuts and bruises on you."

The commander looked up from what she was doing quickly. "You sure that isn't the drowsiness talking?" she teased, not yet ready for the deep conversations that came up before this kind of thing.

"Come on is everything I say...from this point going to be blamed on the...glass?" Garrus huffed back playfully.

A few seconds of silence surrounded them as Shepard chose to ignore him for the time being. Unfortunately for her Garrus wasn't ready to be ignored.

"It's just there were many things I thought and never said..." he continued, every breath becoming more difficult to take in. "I don't think you realise just how much you meant to me...how much you'll always mean to me Bee."

Shepard sighed in annoyance, why did he have to do this now, couldn't it wait? She wasn't ready to deal with it, she wasn't sure if she ever would be.

To her surprise Garrus wasn't upset in any way by her reaction, he expected it actually. They both found it difficult to discuss feelings, but right now Garrus didn't have time on his side and there were certain things he didn't want to go unsaid.

"If anything, after all this is done... try to remember the good times we had. You're the only one I can actually imagine missing me."

"What about Ares and your father?" Shepard found herself asking, feeling the need to give the turian some comfort...and to try and deter the conversation away from their relationship.

"My father accepted my death a long time ago, and when Ares finds out the truth, I doubt he'll miss me any more," Garrus concluded almost immediately.

Shepard offered him a sad smile as she finally got the thermal clip in Jessie, the commander found herself softly rubbing her hands afterwards, the pain there was just as bad as the rest of her scarred body.

"Shit" Garrus whimpered in what would be deemed pathetic by turian standards. "Gaah...damn it okay this is...ah...fuck...okay let's go," Garrus spat out hurriedly, the ache almost felt like burning now, like someone had dipped the glass in lava and shoved back into the wound it created in the first place.

He came across yet another predicament. Shepard was still just sitting there with Jessie on the floor, looking at him with a strange expression, like it hurt her to see him this way.

In his eyes, at least she still felt something for him other than hate.

"Bee?" he called out desperately.

She still just sat there, and the pain wasn't getting any easier to deal with.

"Bee you can do this come on, please don't leave me hanging over here," he pleaded, his words having an effect on her as she grabbed Jessie, wincing from the action.

"Lift her up slowly..." Garrus said in the softest tone he could manage, talking her through like he was teaching a child how to hold a weapon.

Shepard did as he said lifting the gun up at a slow pace that she wanted to blame on her injuries but felt like there was more to her faltering.

"That's it, now point her at me..."

Shepard's arms manoeuvred Jessie so that the turian was within her line of sight. Shepard dripped the gun straight away as a knee jerk reaction. This was all hitting way to close to home now.

"Come on Bee you've got this...point her at me..." Garrus spoke up, still urging her on.

Shepard exhaled sharply, doing as he said and pointing Jessie back on him again, tears beginning brew in her eyes.

"Good...good," Garrus breathed out in what appeared to be early signs of relief "you're doing great Bee, now turn that safety off for me..."

Shepard's bruised hand achingly fell down to the safety cap, her mind almost hoping that the cap would scorch her or something, anything that prevented her from doing it.

There was nothing she could do but over-think now.

"That's great...that's great," Garrus complimented her as he sighed.

As weird as it was having someone, not just anyone, the man you love coax you into killing them, his words and reassurance was what was getting her through this mauling stage.

"You know I love you right?" Garrus spoke up again, his eyes locking with Shepard's glassy ones that glistened like Palaven's oceans under Menae.

"Yeah..." Shepard replied in a low tone as her arms began to shake from the convulsion of trying not to cry.

"Good...that's good to know..."

Shepard had to be strong now, she had to do this in a way that when she thought about it she didn't regret the decision. She couldn't stand things going unsaid, and if Garrus could lay himself out to her and be honest then why couldn't she?

"Garrus?" Shepard whispered, doing her best to keep Jessie pinned on him, it was like Garrus felt much more comfortable knowing she could pull the trigger at any moment, that was her remarkable way of reassuring him.

"Yeah?..."

"I love you too," she confessed, feeling the tears slide down her bruised face like rocky streams. For fuck's sake Shepard, hold it together. "I still do...I...I'm sorry it has to be this way."

Garrus, the battle-hardened turian seemed genuinely touched by that. Shepard didn't know if turians cried but his blue eyes became much shinier than usual and filled with a deep emotion buried in his orbs.

"I'm sorry too...Bee," he whispered back. "Heh...it's funny...how things turn out huh?"

Shepard silently continued to look at him past the sight of Jessie unamused, her bottom lip trembling and her injuries serving as a reminder of how they both got like this.

"Okay...maybe not..." Garrus murmured to himself.

He could he hear the sounds of Shepard lowly sobbing now instead of only seeing it, making him want to hold her, but he couldn't...even if this stupid piece of shit shard wasn't wedged in his throat he still wouldn't be able to. He fucked up every scenario he had going for him...

"Don't you worry about Ares okay?" Garrus told her with a solemn look adorning his pained face. "Everything you need to know is on my computer. You're gonna be a great mother."

Shepard scoffed over the tears. "You think?"

"I _know_," Garrus confirmed watching Shepard's face light up. Again that one smile she only ever gave him, even with the tears and the injuries, it brought out her beauty, the smile serving purpose as a rose among weeds. As a person he was more than honoured that he got to spend some good times with her, that she would hopefully remember in time, when it didn't hurt as much.

"Thank you Garrus."

They stared at one another lovingly but knowingly, this was it, the end of the line, the moment Shepard had worked so hard to get to and to think, she took no enjoyment from it.

Another singe of electrifying pain flooded Garrus' neck making him growl deeply in discomfort. "Well I don't know about you..."Garrus breathed out still not over that sudden wave "but I haven't got all day..."

Even in his last moments he was able to make a joke out of it.

"How do I look?..." he asked rhetorically in an attempt to brighten the mood, to make Shepard laugh once more at he's battered frame before he left her permanently.

However Shepard didn't do that, opting to hastily approach Garrus, doing her best to shun away all of her mangled body's protests. She sat before him, getting a closer look at the shard of glass, she didn't even want to imagine what it felt like for a second.

The two of them locked eyes, both transfixed on the other, silently appreciating each other's company. Shepard was reminded of Koylat's words when he discussed his father's passing, talking about how it saddened him, but also how he was contented with the thoughts of saying everything he needed to say, doing everything he wanted to do, feeling no sense of regret.

This was one of those moments.

"You look ready," Shepard whispered tenderly.

She leaned in carefully and mindful as she placed one last delicate kiss on Garrus' scarred mandible in which she heard him sigh beneath her contentedly.

It sounded much better than hearing his cries of pain that was for sure.

Not only did she feel that Garrus was ready, but Shepard felt as though she was ready, ready to finish this gruelling chapter of her life the way she wanted to with no regrets. She aimed Jessie on Garrus once again, refusing to let her injuries even cross her mind.

The turian stared past Jessie, looking straight into Shepard's ocean blue eyes, the eyes Ares had, the deep blue orbs of crashing waves that made him feel at home, that completed him. He was glad he had one last chance to look into them.

"Thank you Bee..." Garrus whispered in a low gentle tone "for everything."

Shepard smiled at Garrus, focusing on her breathing as she held Jessie tightly.

Garrus exhaled, taking one last look at his Shepard who regardless of everything, found her way back to him and made things right, exactly how they were suppose to be.

"Do it," Garrus said finally, closing his eyes in anxious preparation.

Shepard breathed in and out slowly, her bruised finger brushing over the trigger.

This was her at her most...masochistic...

The trigger was pressed down, Jessie held steady and Garrus' once tense body relaxed and peaceful as he drew his last breath. The sound of a single shot still echoing from Shepard's actions, a clean shot, straight through the head.

Four years. Four damn years, every ounce and ton of pain, every injury that came with it physically and emotionally.

The root to Shepard's turmoil was finally pulled from the compact soil of sorrow that plagued her, unable to grow and manifest inside her any longer.

Garrus...was gone.

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><p><strong>AN: **So as you can see I finally came to a decision about how I wanted this scene to go. I was hoping for it to come across as Shepard's emotions finally adjusting and coming together. Beginning to end: Anxiety, Anger, Annoyance, Sadness, Lust, Realisation, Determination, Fear, Strength, Numbness, Acceptance... that's how I planned out the chapter anyway. So if something comes across as seeming out of character or weird, which I'm hoping it doesn't, it's probably due to how I really wanted to portray these through this chapter, the last stand. It's only when Shepard finally deals with her emotions that she is able to erase Garrus from her dark past.

Whether I've pulled this off or not feel free to let me know, I appreciate everyone who has taken the time to read this and your opinions do matter to me, so a review would be awesome.

Well here we are, Garrus is dead. It's only taken me twenty-three months to build up to...heh..heh...I know I'm a terrible person.

Of course I ain't going to leave you guys hanging like this. I have one more chapter to give you which will hopefully provide closure for the overall story.

Again thank you for reading :D Review, favourite or story alert if the mood takes you!


	14. Dawn Of The Loser

**A/N: **...Sorry...you guys know why...this has taken me a lot longer than it should have. With college done and dusted I've been looking for a job and shit, then I had to socialise and go Reading Festival and I got myself hooked to Breaking Bad argh it's all been going on let me tell you. Any who my apologies I am a terrible person I know, I've read fanfics where the author has moments where they update fast then you won't get one for months, it's fucking annoying so I am being extremely hypocritical. If any of you are still reading this bless your hearts and I hope I haven't disappointed with this chapter. It's getting much harder to get rid of writer's block these days and I keep putting this fanfic off saying "Oh I'll write some of it tomorrow...oh I'll do it the next day." Next minute, months have gone by and I'm like "Well...fuck." If you actually read the author's note then you've gathered by now that it's usually me apologising and then coming up with excuses. Bad Sam, bad Sam.

_"You force your fire and then you falsify your deeds, Your methods dot the disconnect from all your creeds, And fortune strives to fill the vacuum that it feeds, But this is beginning to feel like the dog's lost her lead...This is beginning to feel like the dawn of the loser forever...This is beginning to feel like the dawn of the loser forever." - Tv On The Radio_

I do **not** own Kill Bill or Mass Effect...sadly.

* * *

><p>So this is what revenge truly felt like? A mix between satisfaction and disgust, the two of them constantly trying to overpower the other so they weren't in constant limbo.<p>

The gruesome battle taking place inside Shepard's head made her stomach churn, her uninterrupted stare on Garrus' lifeless body wasn't helping either.

Being a commander meant seeing your fair share of corpses.

On Akuze the bodies of her comrades were charred by the Thresher Maw's corrosive acid, making it impossible for Shepard to identify who she had lost. Her naïve young mind at the time had instantly accepted that whatever horrors fate decided to throw her way in the future couldn't be any worse than what she had just experienced.

Shepard was wrong.

With age and experience, there's an undercurrent of strength within you that is constantly fighting to prepare you for whatever disturbing sights await you next.

Luckily for Shepard, she wasn't easy to break. Images of Akuze, the colonists being melted alive at the collector base, the haunting touch of the Pragia facility and the feeling of entrapment inside the derelict Reaper. Every event in her fragile life could be played back like it happened yesterday. The smell of burning bodies, the piercing screams, the ghostly whispers all managed to engrave themselves into Shepard's memories, with no intention of leaving or becoming less memorable.

In this fucked up galaxy the most you could do is remember the lost. Scratch them into your mind, never let them be forgotten, allow their screams and the gruesome states of their bodies to plague you, to remind you never to allow such an atrocity to happen again.

Having this kind of mindset probably wasn't the most healthiest thing, but Shepard felt like she owed every person she had failed that much.

Those kind of moments in life, she can't forget, she could try but that would just make things harder. No. She'd replay every detail, discover where she went wrong, scare herself into never making the same mistakes and only then would Shepard be at peace with her actions.

There was something odd in this case however, so odd and foreign that it frightened Shepard.

She didn't want to have to replay this moment again and again. She simply wanted to forget. To block out the vacant look in Garrus' dead eyes.

His stare wasn't accusing like Shepard expected it to be...he looked at peace, like every ill and burden had been lifted from him, while Shepard was stuck sitting across from his relaxed body on the edge of whatever sanity she had left.

Out of every excruciating moment in her life, every damn one, this overtook them all by a landslide.

She had killed Garrus. The man who she had trusted implicitly, who always had her back, who she grew to love, who tried to kill her...

The thought brought up a feeling of relief which was simultaneously punished by the feeling of disgust. She was in enough physical pain from her aching injuries now she had to suffer with this shit too?

"I'm...sorry," Shepard whispered in a low chalky tone, only now becoming aware of her crimson chapped lips.

Her body seemed to have shut down, unable to carry out the simplest task of licking her own lips. It had finally took a stand, deciding that for once she would rest whether she liked it or not, with Garrus' content stare being the only thing she could focus on right now.

The once stunning penthouse's beauty was stolen from it as the place now carried a more ruptured look. Mixtures of azure and crimson blood fading into the carpet thanks to the aquarium's water painting the place a gruesome picture of destruction.

Besides that you had your broken bones, broken glass, broken television set and to Shepard's defeat a broken heart.

Time seemed pointless to keep track of as Shepard stared hollowly at the wreckage Garrus and her had made, examining every little detail. The smashed up state of the penthouse resembled every encased emotion that threatened to engulf them over their time apart, and during their reunion they both decided that there was no time like the present to bring those emotions to the surface.

Every wound that plagued Shepard's form could vouch for the overwhelming emotion the two of them had released. Every wound on her body that reeked of love and rage, of fear and denial...God how she wished the numbness she had experienced in the past few weeks would reacquaint itself with her again.

Shepard felt her eyelids slowly but surely become heavier, forcing her to destroy her glued gaze on Garrus' unmoving corpse.

Sleep appeared to be gift-wrapped and heavenly from her battered position, convincing Shepard for once to succumb to the darkness, to be at peace with this conclusion.

The commander's eyes gently closed at their own accord sending her to a place where she could find comfort, where she could forget about every past event that tortured her...where she could...she could...

"Oh God..." a familiar feminine voice echoed in a faded tone.

_Shh shh it's okay Shepard ignore it, you've fought enough. Now's the time to rest..._

"Shepard?" the voice called out in horrid surprise.

_You did all you could, find solace in that..._

"Shepard? Shepard, damn it, speak to me!" the irritating voice pleaded, seeming much more audible now and sending a surge of alarm through Shepard's slowly numbing body.

_Just ignore it Shepard, you deserve this, you of all people deserve this. You can let go now..._

"Please Shepard don't do this to me! Come on!" continued the voice relentlessly.

Shepard was consciously becoming aware of her aching wounds once again as she felt the sweet coolness of medi-gel smooth onto her beaten frame at a frantic rushed pace.

_You still have a choice Shepard. Be selfish for once._

"I've been...selfish enough..." Shepard breathed hoarsely.

Her ears detected the feminine voice exhaling in relief as she forced out her words.

"Shepard, Shepard can you hear me?" the voice continued, with a much less frightened tone than before when Shepard wasn't responding. "It's me Kasumi, you're gonna be okay alright? Just stay with me."

The commander managed to lazily crack an eyelid, aware that it was starting to swell up as she did so. Without a doubt, there the thief was, in front of her damaged form, fidgeting with omni-tool scans and swiftly applying medigel to Shepard's body.

"Am I...dead?" Shepard found herself asking in a struggled breath, delirious.

"No, no you're okay Shep. Everything is gonna be fine," Kasumi reassured in a hurried manner as she began picking and pulling fragments of glass out of the back of Shepard's forearms and thighs.

The commander winced, it wasn't like she could pull away in her state and instead tried to grit her teeth as some of the glass was deeper than the others.

Thankfully Kasumi worked fast, knowing fully well that it was better to get this over with as quickly as possible as she dropped the last fragment onto the soaked rug beneath them with the other pieces of smashed glass.

"Hey, hey lift your head for me..." Kasumi encouraged, flicking away some sharp glass that was matted into Shepard's ruined hair. "There we go, you're going to need medical attention but this should make you feel better..." she explained confidently while administering more medi-gel into Shepard via her omni-tool.

The commander was beginning to feel a slight sense of relief as the medi-gel worked into her bloodstream, doing it's best to close up the skin that had been cut from her heavy impact on the glass aquarium.

Every other injury however remained about the same as before. Medi-gel was never capable of healing a sprained wrist or a black eye, it's sole purpose was to try and stop a wound from bleeding as much as it did, so you had enough time to seek medical help.

At least the medi-gel was slowly beginning to numb the deep gash on her arm and it was starting to weep blood less and less.

Now as for the keeping conscious part, that was a little bit harder than tolerating pain. It was obvious that as much as Shepard wanted to drift to sleep right now, the act would do her more harm than good.

It didn't help that the longer she kept her eyes open, the longer she had to take in what she had just done. The torn up penthouse suite resembling a fierce journey where Garrus' corpse before her was the conclusion to it all.

Shepard was also able to take note of Kasumi's horrified gaze as she observed her surroundings, a haunted look taking her over before a small wheeze from the commander brought Kasumi's attention back to her. "I'm...I'm not a bad person...I-"

"Shh Shh, I know Shep," Kasumi hushed, placing a hand gently on Shepard's shoulder. The thief looked Shepard straight in the eye, her gaze begging for Shepard to believe her words. "You did what you had to do, you and I both know that, just try to relax."

Shepard stared back at Kasumi vacantly, her eyes drooping from her body's refusal to continue fighting.

Kasumi snapped her fingers in front of Sheaprd's face, causing Shepard to jump slightly in a delayed reaction.

"I'm going to need you to keep your eyes open for me Shep alright? Just let the medi-gel do it's job and you'll be fine," Kasumi explained, that same nervousness from before threatening to take over her false sense of confidence again.

"I don't...feel fine..." Shepard argued back, "I just...I want to rest...just let me..." she trailed off, welcoming slumber before Kasumi shook her shoulder determined yet gentle so that it didn't hurt Shepard.

"You can rest soon Shep. But for now please keep those eyes open, I'm going to try and find something to clean you up okay?"

It wasn't everyday that Kasumi found herself tending to someone she cared about who's tattered image made her uneasy, forced to rely on her vague knowledge of first aid to help her injured friend.

She hastily made her way into the kitchen, filling up a bowl with water from the tap and snatching a towel as Kasumi, quickly returned to the commander in the wrecked living room.

In Shepard's defence, she endlessly fought to stay awake, using whatever willpower she had left to put up with her body's crumbled condition.

"How...do I...look?" Shepard spoke up, Garrus' words fresh in her mind, deterring her from the state she was in.

Kasumi slowly tore her attention away from the deep gash on the commander's arm as she gently wiped the blood around the wounded area, offering Shepard a sad smile, "Do you want the truth?" Kasumi asked, avoiding the question for as long as possible.

In actual fact the answer was written all over the thief's face, as much as she tried to hide it. However conversation was conversation, and if that's what it took to keep Shepard conscious...

"Lie...to me," Shepard whispered weakly.

"You look like an exquisite portrait of humanity's women at their best," Kasumi retorted not missing a beat, causing Shepard to scoff feebly against the ruined couch she slouched against.

"...and the truth?" Shepard prodded, the mood of the conversation descending.

The sad smile was back on Kasumi's face as she struggled to word a truthful yet toned down response. "...You've seen better days."

They both sat in silence after that. The only audible sounds in the penthouse suite were Shepard's uneven breaths and the sound of dripping water, as Kasumi rinsed the towel of blood in the bowl and continued to try and clean Shepard up.

Remaining this way for thirty minutes or so, Shepard was beginning to feel a noticeable change in her body. Still badly wounded but much more capable than before with moving her limbs as she tried to help Kasumi get better access to the injuries on her body.

"Okay Shep," Kasumi spoke up while she worked, "Almost finished-"

The elevator pinged suddenly, causing both Kasumi and Shepard to still themselves and stare at one another for a second. Neither of them had to say a word, they both knew someone was going to exit those elevator doors any second now.

Shepard had to admit, Kasumi worked fast, forcing her pistol into Shepard's naked hands and cloaking her herself in the process, hastily making her way over to the elevator doors.

She waited by the side of it, invisible to whoever this intruder was. If they were hostile, Shepard would have the advantage of her gun and Kasumi would have the element of surprise, which in her books was the best way to have the upper-hand in a fight.

Both women held their breaths as the doors opened at a tense pace, neither or them daring to even flinch.

A tall figure cautiously entered the suite clutching a metal briefcase is his hands. Covered by the fallen sofa, Shepard was able to make out this intruder before they noticed her. Judging from his fringe and legs spurs he was a turian, his shadowed form observing the wreckage before him, where every smashed ornament and ruined piece of furniture was enough to explain what had taken place moments ago.

A few seconds into his hooked stare on the sight before him, he seemed to pierce his glassy blue eyes on Garrus' disturbingly still corpse.

Amongst the silence, the sound of the turian's breath hitching was audible as his head lowered and his eyes closed. He was attempting to control his breathing if Shepard was reading his body language correctly while he began to mutter sorrowed nothings to himself in a low tone.

Kasumi and Shepard remained in their positions, unsure of themselves and who they were dealing with exactly that actually had access to the suite.

"Spirits forgive me...my boy lost his way" Shepard's eyes widened like a deer in headlights "...may he find peace in the good that remained within him," the turian whispered softly, his head bowed in a mournful gesture.

"Drusus?..." Shepard chanced reluctantly, unwilling to leave the ounce of safety the flipped sofa provided her beaten body with.

Kasumi resisted the subconscious urge to penalize Shepard, opting to stay silent and transparent behind the startled intruder who was now aware of Shepard's position.

The elder turian did a double-take on the trashed suite. "...Beatrix," he whispered knowingly, a statement not a question.

That tended to put Shepard more on edge than before, unable to work out whether his hollow tone was accusing or not.

"Are you armed?" Shepard questioned immediately, still using the sofa to cover herself from his line of sight, her unsprained hand shaking from her tightened grip of Kasumi's pistol.

"Yes," he answered simply to the air, pinpointing his line of sight on the toppled sofa to avoid his son's statue corpse.

Shepard sucked in a breath, trying to will her body to prepare for another fight. Thanks to the amount of medi-gel Kasumi had dosed her in Shepard stood a chance, but faced with the feeling of her body shutting down and its strong unwillingness to cooperate as of yet her chances were severely slim.

"Why?" she prodded with a sniff. "Why are you armed?"

The turian let out an exhausted sigh. "The same reason you are: caution."

Retired C-Sec investigator, of course he could work out that she had a weapon too. Unless he was uncertain, and using his statement to work out if she actually was or not? It didn't matter, what mattered was what steps were the two of them going to take from here? Neither of them sure of the other's train of thought.

Shepard wasn't in the mood to play games, she ached all over emotionally and physically, she wanted to leave the confines of the penthouse with Ares so she could start to forget about the horrors that took place. She was just going to have straight up ask him.

"...Are you here to kill me?" she managed, her body tensing to her displeasure over what his answer would be.

Drusus went still, his eyes still focused on the sofa, the source of Shepard's sore voice. "No."

Whether or not Drusus was telling the truth Shepard would never know. That was his answer, there was no time or room to debate it, they both knew that.

In a slow and cautious motion, Shepard forced her body to creep over the edge of the tipped sofa, her eyes coming into view first before her hands latched onto the fabric to support her weight.

There he was, Drusus, Garrus' father, watching her intently as she struggled to hold up her injured body.

He looked like he had seen a ghost judging from his foggy blue gaze, his posture up-straight but slackened around the shoulders as he limply held onto the metallic briefcase with his talons.

It's only when Shepard's upper body came into his view that Drusus' mandibles flared, then clacked back to his face instantly.

Regardless of how much Drusus was trying to remain the respective representation of a turian, his tired yet glassy stare, his slightly slacked posture and his somewhat bowed head revealed more than he wanted to give away.

And he was feeling whatever torrent of emotions he was, because of Shepard.

"If we really are trusting one another here Beatrix, I'd appreciate it if whoever is with you came out now," Drusus spoke up, his tone heavy as he deterred away from the true matter at hand.

Shepard stayed silent while she observed Drusus, was he just throwing caution to the wind, testing her for anyone? Or did Kasumi truly somehow give herself away?

A few seconds of rough silence passed before Drusus tilted his head up slightly. "Beatrix, you and I both know you would not have come out of cover if there was not someone here to back you up just in case."

Fuck. God damn C-Sec.

"Kasumi," Shepard whispered in defeat, her eyes leering past Drusus and into the spacious corner by the elevator.

The elder turian didn't follow Shepard's gaze and instead focused on her the entire time, mentally noting every ill-coloured bruise and weeping cut.

The thief on the other hand, ignored Shepard.

"Kasumi please," Shepard pleaded in exasperation "It's okay, come out."

With a frustrated sigh Kasumi fizzled into Shepard's line of sight, wearing an expression of reluctance and wariness that was now visible.

"There," Shepard signalled before gritting her teeth through another aching throb from her sprained wrist.

"Thank you," Drusus replied, hollow but accordingly.

Kasumi nervously waited on the spot as Shepard and Drusus went silent again, unaccustomed to being kept in the dark.

"How much did Garrus tell you?" Drusus spoke up in a determined manner that he did not feel.

"Enough," Shepard replied firmly, trying to assume some sort of authority in her injured state. "Why didn't you tell me about Ares?"

Drusus to his credit didn't even flinch, his expression although tormented was one of confidence. "It wasn't my place to say," he explained in a abrupt yet honest fashion.

Shepard had little choice but to accept his answer, taking note of Kasumi's confused expression in her peripheral vision. Thankfully the thief did not utter a word, prepared to watch over her friend at the sidelines in hopes of gathering some answers as to who the stranger and this Ares was later.

"What now Drusus?" Shepard emphasised with a controlled shake of her head.

"What now..." Drusus repeated to himself in a hushed whisper, closing his heavy eyelids for a few seconds as he took in a deep breath and collected himself as much as he could. "Can you walk?"

Shepard grunted, "Not exactly no."

"Hmm," Drusus hummed suddenly kneeling down on the floor and unlocking the metallic briefcase via his omni-tool. "First of all we need to get you cleaned up," he began, pulling out a grey bottle of antiseptic lotion, followed by an assortment of support bandages and ice packs.

Kasumi and Shepard eyed Drusus' actions and the briefcase's contents, silent but wary as he continued with his plan of action he had constructed on the spot.

"You," Drusus regarded Kasumi with a pointed talon as he kept his eyes transfixed on the case's contents. "Take his body into the garden if you will, I can't work with...him like that."

Although business like and professional Drusus' voice quavered ever so lightly that it could have went unnoticed as he finished his sentence, Shepard managed to catch it however.

Of course the thief stayed in the same place she had been in for the past few minutes, looking to Shepard for approval or reassurance as she fiddled with her hands.

Shepard nodded at the unsure thief, prompting Kasumi to reluctantly pass Drusus and make her way over to Garrus' corpse in the middle of the room.

Again Drusus did not look up to acknowledge the thief as she grunted from Garrus' dead weight, the friction of Garrus' limp body scraping against the floor casting a eerie shadow of an atmosphere amongst the trio.

The commander couldn't blame Drusus for preoccupying himself with the briefcase's contents as Kasumi did what was asked of her, she had experienced the feeling of losing a child already and knew that the best way of escaping the dreadful realisation and torment was to keep yourself busy.

Unlike Drusus, the empty aching hole in her chest had been filled back up again when she held Ares in her arms for the first time tonight. Drusus as much as he was trying to conceal it would live the rest of his golden years with that torturous feeling of having a part of him snatched away, and that was without the knowing thought that he played a big part in his son's tragic fate.

The elder turian walked over to Shepard's position, blocking out the view of Garrus' dark blue blood soaking into the rug opposite her.

He sat down beside her, placing the contents in his talons on the floor carefully before picking up a wipe.

Shepard hissed as Drusus wiped over the gash on her arm.

He spared her an apologetic look, but didn't utter a word as he continued on with his actions.

It was only when he reached for a filled syringe that Shepard flinched away. "What are you doing?"

Drusus studied the deep gash then blinked at her. "It won't stop bleeding, I need to close it up."

"And that needle?"

"To numb the area, unless you would like me to stitch you up without anaesthetic?"

Shepard let out a rough exhale, the syringe hovering in between Drusus and her impatiently. "Sorry," she muttered, encouraging the turian to continue with his work.

Without hesitation Drusus gently injected the fluid into the wounded area causing Shepard to wince.

"Where did you learn to do all this kind of stuff?" Shepard asked as Drusus discarded the used needle and began preparing the thread.

"In C-Sec you have to take mandatory classes on first aid for all recognised Citadel races," he grabbed Shepard's arm gently before piercing the skin with the needle and thread, "it helps if you ever find yourself in a situation that has gone bad and medical help won't get there in time."

Shepard curiously watched Drusus thread her ripped skin together with precision and grace, working quickly yet mindful of his work.

"Have you ever found yourself in that kind of situation?" Shepard egged on, half out of the need to make some sort of conversation and half out of curiosity.

Drusus stilled for a split second, the moment passing as soon as it came. There was always something guarded and held back about the turian like he had his fair concoction of bittersweet happenings that melded him into the man he was, that didn't necessarily mean he was particularly keen on talking about them however. He kept his eyes on Shepard's wound as he answered her bitterly, "Yes."

This time Shepard didn't prod him for a detailed answer, deciding on staying limbo between patiently waiting for him to elaborate and accepting that was all he had to say on the subject.

It was only when Drusus finished up on her wound and began wiping away any excess of congealed blood that he spoke up again.

"Is Ares alright?" he asked formerly with concern threatening to leave his voice.

"He's still asleep, Garrus said he gave him an extra dosage of his sleep medicine," Shepard answered.

"I see," was Drusus' unreadable response. He gave Shepard's stitched wound one more wipe before reaching out for her other arm with the swollen wrist.

"Sprain?" he questioned when Shepard flinched at his touch.

Shepard nodded causing the elder turian to handle the wrist with care and tentatively apply a soothing cream around the area.

"Drusus...why does Ares need sleeping pills?" Shepard watched the turian pause slightly before continuing to apply the cream on her sprain carefully.

"He used to have night terrors a lot," Drusus explained reluctantly while picking up a support bandage. "Close you fingers," he said, prompting Shepard to do so as he rolled the support bandage over the sprained wrist, causing discomfort for a few seconds.

"Thank you," Shepard whispered gratefully before rubbing the tender area.

Unlike earlier Drusus chose to elaborate deciding that his past was_ his_ past which had nothing to do with Shepard, but this was_ her_ son.

"Garrus had them often when he was younger, night terrors that is. As did I," Drusus offered.

Shepard nodded in understanding, somewhat pleased that the elder turian was willing to offer her this kind of information when he had no obligation to. She had just killed his only son, God knows how it felt for him to be helping her right now even if he did play a crucial role in Garrus' death.

"So it runs in the family?" Shepard tested.

"Hmph, I guess you could say that," was Drusus' reply, his distant tone showcasing that she wasn't going to get any more out of him.

The turian got up again, heading back towards his briefcase near the elevator while Shepard remained seated on the trashed floor, beaten but less of a mess than she was before. She couldn't help but contemplate bringing up the subject that was weighing heavy on both her and Drusus and roughly prepared her speech while she was somewhat stable.

"I'm sorry Drusus-"

"Now is not the time or the place Beatrix," he cut her off quickly. Shepard however felt the need to persist.

"What better time than now while we are alone?" she argued, sick and tired of so much going unsaid in her life.

The turian lowered his head as he paused his actions by his briefcase. "Beatrix...I've just lost my only son tonight, if you are looking for my forgiveness then I'm afraid I can not give it to you. Not yet. I need time."

That dissolved whatever comeback Shepard was mentally preparing. Drusus was right, she had been more than selfish tonight and now Drusus had the right to be selfish too. If he wanted to avoid talking properly about what happened today then Shepard would give him that.

"I understand," Shepard whispered truthfully.

"Hmph, a part of me actually believes you," Drusus muttered in response.

In that moment Kasumi quietly walked back into the penthouse warily, her eyes scanning back and forth between Shepard sitting in the same position she left her in and Drusus knelt down at his briefcase.

He looked up at the thief when he sensed her presence. "What took you so long?"

Kasumi blinked at the turian in confusion before gesturing outside. "It looks like it's going rain, I was...finding something to cover up his body."

Drusus stilled slightly, regretting his tone with the woman. "Thank you, I...appreciate it," he said lowly before going back to rummaging through his briefcase.

Kasumi nodded reluctantly, her confusion rising as she questioningly looked back at Shepard. She was never particularly good with turian faces making it difficult for her to reach a conclusion on the turian's identity and purpose for showing up tonight.

Shepard noted the thief's silent question, sighing. After making her way up here to help her, Shepard's trusted friend deserved some answers to the thoughts bugging her.

"That's Drusus, Kasumi. Garrus' father," Shepard enlightened simply as if the information was easy to take in.

Kasumi went wide eyed, mouth agape as she found herself staring unconsciously at the elder turian by the elevator, examining his features and inwardly kicking herself for not figuring it out sooner.

Once the initial shock passed Kasumi felt overwhelmingly uneasy, moving her mouth to speak, opting Drusus to hold up his hand defiantly and cut her off.

"If you are going to offer me your sympathies then you can keep them, they're are much bigger things at hand like getting all of you out of here safely and unnoticed," he stated dismissively.

That only sent more ripples of confusion through the thief. "I'm sorry,_ all_ of us?" she prodded, tilting her head forward slightly as if she misheard him.

Drusus' eyes targeted the floor as he exhaled, lazily grabbing two folded up crutches out of his briefcase before looking at Shepard as if seeking permission to indulge the thief.

Shepard could feel Kasumi's puzzled gaze looking back and forth between her and Drusus in her peripheral vision, completely and uncomfortably in the lurch. The commander figured that it would be easier to explain things vaguely for now, instead of expecting Kasumi's help while excluding her and gave Drusus a defeated nod.

Drusus accepted Shepard's decision easily, he had no quarrel with the truth and if it made Kasumi's participation easier he was all for it. "You, Beatrix and my grandson," he elaborated in a somewhat proud tone when he spoke of Ares, Shepard noticed.

"Your grandson?" Kasumi muttered, her perplexed expression giving away how she was attempting to piece everything together.

"My son," Shepard clarified, saving Kasumi from straining herself.

The taken aback thief seemed to have lost her ability to properly articulate a sentence due to Shepard's words, stuck in a constant loop of tilting her head one way and then the other, opening her mouth to speak, then closing it again.

Shepard offered her a weak smile, aware of how frightening and unfathomable the information was to take in when you begin to register past events and try to build up an understanding from them.

In the mean time Drusus spared nothing for the drama taking place, making his way over to Shepard past Kasumi and handing her two crutches that he folded out.

Shepard whispered her thanks to him, still mindful of Kasumi coming to terms with the information she had received in the background.

"Drusus, how did you know I would need all this?" Shepard questioned, gesturing to her stitched arm and the crutches as she slid them on, cautious of her sprained left wrist.

The turian offered Shepard his hand as she struggled to get up from the floor with the crutches but refused it, feeling too damn proud and desperately seeking a sense of independence, even if it was just standing up by herself.

Drusus took a step back, ignoring whatever the thief was doing and giving Shepard the room to manoeuvre, aware of the commander's need to not accept his help.

"Honestly I was hoping you wouldn't. I took any aid I could find just in case you were much worse than I thought," he explained, watching Shepard grunt in bouts of pain as she continuously failed to stand up.

"I even brought adrenaline shots in case you were...unconcious," he added dismally.

"Argh...I nearly was," Shepard informed him as she forced herself to try and get back up again from the wrecked floor. "Kasumi came in time to try and keep me awake."

Drusus hummed to himself as Shepard finally managed to hold her own with the crutches supporting her weight, relishing in the moment of being able to make some progress in her dragged out path to slight recovery.

"It is good that you have a friend like that, trust and support are hard to come by."

Shepard put whatever energy she had into steadying herself, breathing in and out in quick, worn out successions. "Trust me I know," Shepard replied bitterly but honest, sparring whatever smile she could manage for the thief who was watching her and the turian with an estranged expression.

"Can you walk with those?" Drusus asked, unwilling to dwell in the penthouse any longer than he had to.

Shepard tested a step towards Kasumi and Drusus, grunting with the effort it was taking her. To her joy she managed it, feeling a sense of accomplishment from the act.

"That'll do," Drusus concluded from her monitored action, turning his head to look at the silent thief behind him. "I need _you_ to go upstairs and collect my grandson."

Kasumi fidgeted as she was ripped out of deep thought from Drusus' words. "Why me?"

"Beatrix is incapable of doing so and I need to swipe the area from prints. Just carry him down here, he shouldn't wake up," Drusus explained with slight annoyance, obviously not accustomed to having his orders questioned.

"And what if he does?" Kasumi continued, her tone tense as Drusus was already walking further into the living room past Shepard and scanning the area with his omni-tool.

"Then we'll deal with it," was his abrupt reply, forcing Kasumi to sigh heavily before sparing Shepard a defeated look and slowly turning for the stairs.

"Kasumi?" Shepard called out to the thief, stopping Kasumi in her tracks momentarily. "Could you bag some of his clothes and the model ships he has on display please?"

"He won't need them," Drusus spoke up, keeping his eyes on the floor as the blue light from his omni-tool grazed it.

Shepard bit her lip, noting that Kasumi was watching the two of them cautiously.

"I'm saying that he does," Shepard responded, her tone low yet still authoritative as she watched the elder turian at work.

Drusus allowed the dawning silence that swept over the penthouse highlight his frustration but refused to push the matter any further, throwing himself further into his search for any kind of prints from Garrus or Shepard.

"Very well."

Shepard exhaled a breath she didn't realise she was holding and nodded at Kasumi who nodded back unenthusiastically before forcing herself to head up the stairs, leaving Shepard and Drusus alone once again.

The commander watched the turian roam around the tattered living room instead of making conversation with him, considering tensions between them were much higher after that dispute regarding Ares.

Drusus immediately stopped scanning when the light from his omni-tool flickered a bright red. Shepard craned her neck as much as she could to catch a glimpse of whatever Drusus was kneeling down to pick up from what was left of the electronic equipment the media screen once stood on.

As he stood he twisted the blood-stained weapon in the low lighting, examining what appeared to be the knife Shepard and Garrus had used from the kitchen.

Drusus didn't question Shepard on how it ended up in the specific area it was in, or why there was blue and red blood drying and coating the blade. He told himself again and again that knowing the details wouldn't help his grief or the situation in any way, so there was no point in fulfilling his aching curiosity.

"Are there any other objects you know of that could have your fingerprints on them?" Drusus asked hollowly, still staring at the knife in his hands.

Shepard pondered this for a few seconds, raking her brain for any information. "The glass, the glass in the kitchen, I touched that."

Drusus took his eyes off the knife and searched the kitchen from living room before finding the object in question still sitting on the kitchen counter. He began making his way over to the area, not bothering to to scan the glass as he grabbed it and dumped both the knife and glass in the sink before turning the tap on.

He proceeded to wash both objects, putting more focus on the knife that was caked in blood as purple suds dripped into the plughole.

It was then that Shepard heard a creak from upstairs and turned just in time to catch Kasumi cautiously descending down the stairs with a sleeping Ares and black rutsack in her arms.

Shepard watched them both from her position as Kasumi made it to the last step, the thief's eyes constantly searching Ares and Shepard's.

"I take it he didn't wake up," Drusus commented almost smugly as he walked back into the living room and stood next to Shepard, both items clean and put back where they belonged.

"No," Kasumi responded dryly, feeling somewhat out of place holding the sleeping boy.

Shepard was so focused on Kasumi holding her snoozing son that she didn't notice that Drusus was holding a sealed plastic bag in his talons until it rustled when he outstretched his hand.

"Put these in the rutsack , that's all his medicine he'll need in there," Drusus explained vaguely, waiting for Kasumi to approach him slowly and allow him to dump the contents in the black bag she had retrieved.

The commander watched the transaction with displeasure, judging from how little Drusus was willing to give away in his state she doubted he would offer her a detailed explanation for why her son needed whatever Drusus had handed Kasumi.

That's when another thought occurred to her. "Drusus, Garrus said that I could have whatever documents and files he had on his computer," she informed the elder turian.

Drusus didn't stir in the slightest and simply replied with, "I'll send it all to you once I've cleaned this place up."

Shepard sighed, "Drusus, I'd prefer it if I got it myself."

"You think I won't keep my word?" he challenged immediately, he sounded more insulted than hurt from her request. Shepard decided that the best way to deal with this would to be honest.

"I'd just feel a lot more comfortable doing it myself. Garrus did say I could."

"I don't doubt that Beatrix, but_ I'd_ feel a lot more comfortable if you and your friend here vacated the premises. I don't know if anyone heard the dispute between you and Garrus, I don't know if authorities have been informed. I need to get to work quickly here, I know the last thing Garrus would want is you being convicted for this-"

"Drusus I-"

"Have I not been cooperative? Has the information I provided you with been false?!" Drusus challenged his voice raising slightly in annoyance.

Shepard opened her mouth to speak but no words came out as Drusus kept his blue eyes pinned on her.

"I have done nothing to make you believe that I am untrustworthy. When I say that I will send you the information, I mean it." With that the turian was an open book, revealing more about himself physically than he ever could with his words. His shoulders slackened instead of being held back with a sense of authority and his facial plates were relaxed instead of tightening against his face sternly. He and Shepard were on the same level for once.

With Kasumi observing the tense scene before her with Shepard's sleeping son in her grasp the room went silent for a short time, Shepard allowed that silence to be her way of cooperating with the elder turian regardless of her own feelings towards the matter.

They had both lost someone they cared about today, if he wanted time to himself to assess today's events before sending Shepard the information she wanted then that was something Shepard would accept.

"You are to return to your ship with Ares, and make sure no one sees you," Drusus continued without falter, "I would suggest having your friend cloak the three of you till you've made it to a shuttle."

Shepard shook her head slightly, her memory of how she entered the hotel engulfing her thoughts. "Drusus, the receptionist she saw us."

This time the elder turian's body stiffened. "That _receptionist_ is my daughter..." he explained in his usual vague way.

"Solana?..." Shepard blinked as she voiced his daughter's name with saddened surprise.

"Yes, she didn't agree to any of this, but I managed to convince her to ignore your presence here tonight...I believe she hoped you and Garrus would either argue out your differences or..."

"Or?" Shepard prodded.

"Or he would end up killing you," Drusus clarified, his sentence tasting sour in his mouth. "She doesn't know what has happened yet, so again I would suggest you cloak yourselves. I'll explain everything to her soon, she will see sense."

Shepard being a former commander and natural leader usually had the answers to everything, however she couldn't answer why Drusus of all people would put himself out to help her, after everything.

Throughout Shepard's life she had acquired a few father figures, considering that she was an orphan and never knew her parents. As her mentor at the time Anderson held a special place in her heart, his confidence in her abilities as a person and on the battlefield driving her to prove her worth from an insignificant gang member to one of the most respected people in the Alliance military.

Due to certain outcomes in their lives they felt themselves drift apart slightly, their bond still strong just stretched. That was when she encountered Zaeed Massani, who like Anderson gave her a sense of scaffolding within her life, only his ways of supporting her and helping her achieve were much different. Anderson was the man to constantly encourage you, Zaeed however preferred setting high standards and insulting you constantly until he was genuinely impressed. Five days a week Shepard used to train with Zaeed, whether it was hand to hand combat or practising their shots he would shout things like, "Is that all you got Shepard?...Now that was just pathetic...You call that a punch?...My grandmother can shoot better than you."

Shepard for a fact liked both Anderson's and Zaeed's way of teaching her, she felt at home with both of them, they had her back and regardless of distance were always there unlike the many people that had walked out of her life.

Now there was Drusus, whom she met under unfortunate circumstances, sticking his neck out for her. Again there was that father figure shadow looming over her only this time she didn't choose it. It was what it was. Neither of them may want to share a father/daughter bond metaphorically but it was there regardless, with Ares by Shepard's side, Drusus was the only other person her son would ever get to family. It was the harsh truth for both of them. Whether they wanted that bond or not it was there, Drusus would compensate for the loss of his only son by looking out for Shepard, and Shepard would cling on to Drusus so that Ares still had a sense of family.

"Thank you Drusus..." Shepard whispered finally, her words genuine.

"Just...take care of Ares," Drusus responded expressively, his tired eyes drooping somewhat as his brow plates shifted slightly outwards. "Garrus always said you would have made a good mother, I want him to be right."

With that, Shepard felt herself hold her breath, his words sending tremors through her body. "He will be," she stated with confidence and a sense of passion in her voice.

Ares was worth fighting for, he always had been. Shepard would make up for the years of his life she had missed, she would give him the love she never received as a child. That day in the chapel affected her in every negative way possible, her admiration, her love, her friendship for her crew was instantly severed, and her deep-rooted feeling for her unborn child at the time suddenly snatched away.

And yet after surviving that turmoil, after accepting that she was now a hollow shell filled with nothing but hate and a need for revenge, Ares showed Shepard that she still had so much love to give. She planned on giving that side of herself to her son completely, he was her bright light in these dark times.

"I told your men to wait in the shuttle outside the building, just make it there and you'll hear from me soon," Drusus spoke up again, his formal tone once again taking over.

Shepard half-smiled at him before nodding and with quite a bit of struggle manoeuvred herself across the room to the elevator. Kasumi noted Shepard's actions and was instantly walking by the commander's side simultaneously with Ares and his things in her arms.

Kasumi pinged the elevator for them as she let Shepard enter the lift first, the commander's breath coming out haggard after the extreme effort she put into moving her weight with the crutches.

She exhaled gratefully when she halted herself within the classy elevator, turning her body around to face Drusus who was in the living room watching the trio exit the trashed penthouse with his hands clasped behind his back.

"Goodbye Drusus," Shepard called out painfully, judging his posture and lack of words as a sign that Drusus was attempting to contain himself emotionally until the three of the left.

As Kasumi entered and pressed the button for the ground floor of the hotel with relief that was when Shepard heard Drusus' cracked reply, just as the doors began to close.

"Goodbye Beatrix..."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Okay I'm going to sound like Bioware here saying shit and then not doing it but I do have reasons as always. There's another part to this, like an aftermath of sorts that I was going to do with this bit, so it would all be one chapter however it is taking me ages and I already have this part done. So I felt like it would work out much better if I made this into two chapters. I'm literally going straight back to writing the last and final chapter now I swear. I mean it this time when I say the next chapter that I'm actually going to put effort into getting out sooner is the final chapter of Kill Garrus Volume 2. Again I'm so so sorry for the wait and thank you if you are actually still reading this.

Review if the mood takes you. Tell me how much of a fish I am being about the updates or if you enjoyed the chapter or not.

Until next time guys.

Which will be very soon.

Hopefully.


	15. Loose Ends

**A/N:** Goddamn it guys. Two years. Two fucking years. Thank you to all those that encouraged me, that kept me going when I wanted to give up, all of you are amazing and wonderful. I came up with the idea for this story when I was 16, and I was a completely different person at that age, so now I look back on it and I personally don't like the way I write and I'm not a big fan of the story. But I needed to finish, not just for myself but for you guys. Anyone who has stuck with me this long deserves a cupcake of something seriously. I hope I haven't disappointed with this chapter. It's been a hell of a gruelling experience, haha. But again, thank you for your support, I don't think you guys realise just how much your alerts, favourites and reviews have kept me going when I felt like stopping this all together. You guys are awesome.

_"Hold up, hold on, don't be scared, you'll never change what's been and gone. May your smile, shine on, don't be scared, your destiny will keep you warm." - Oasis_

For the last time ladies and gentlemen, I do _not_ own Mass Effect or Kill Bill

* * *

><p>"For what it's worth, I'm sorry you had to hear this from me."<p>

The air smelled of stale antiseptic, offending Ares somewhat as his body had no choice but to finally breathe in. At some point Joker's words became slightly muted, the heart monitor's rhythmic beeps tending to be more audible, subconsciously reminding him that he was alive, this was real and he couldn't change what Joker had spent the past thirty minutes explaining to him.

Only the heart monitor wasn't for Ares regardless of its way of forcing him to face reality, no, it was for his mother. Her limp body resting in a hospital bed between Ares and Joker, unconscious and unable to defend herself.

The monitor continued to beep as Joker awaited a response from the young turian. At twenty years old already a fine example of Shepard, following in his mother's footsteps without fail and being an asset rather than a liability in the war against the Reapers.

Shepard had raised the boy well despite everything she went through in the past. With each year things managed to get easier for her, she learned to accept the way fate had played out and became more accustomed to being called 'Mummy.'

Ares took away his transfixed gaze on the pale green wall behind Joker and made an effort to look the pilot in the eye, his azure eyes exhausted as he met Joker's equally tired ones.

"You think she's not going to make it don't you?" Ares stated as a matter of factly, his dread obvious in the undertones of his voice.

Joker leaned forward in his chair as if shifting his position would encourage his lips to move, only to find that he couldn't seem to work out how to counteract Ares' claim.

"That's why you told me all of that. Because you don't think she will ever wake up to tell me herself." The young turian had already came to his own conclusion, his voice quaking at the sheer weight of the truth he pieced together morbidly.

"Oi," a croaky voice called out from the doorway to the hospital room suddenly, and leaning beside the white frame was none other than Zaeed who unlike everyone else, didn't believe in knocking.

"You look like you could use this mate," Zaeed stated chucking a dextro-beer over to Ares who chucked it straight back.

"I'm not thirsty," the haggard turian responded hollowly.

Zaeed's grip on the beer tightened as he let out a weathered sigh before walking fully into the room and stood in front of Ares, making sure not to intimidate the lad, but to leave him no option other than to accept his offer.

"I would have gave you water if I thought you were thirsty," he hinted, dangling the beverage in front of the turian's blue painted face.

Ares breathed out harshly in annoyance before snatching the beverage out of Zaeed's hands causing the old mercenary to chuckle knowingly. The boy had a temper, and no doubt that temper would be rising by the second at this point with the information Joker decided to load onto him. But Ares wasn't stupid, he had learned from the best with Shepard constantly teaching him how to conceal his anger until the time was right, whether his pent up anger would stay concealed for long was another question entirely.

Zaeed turned away from Ares, grabbing a chair from the wall framing the door and pulling it up inbetween Joker and the turian before opening his own llevo-beer.

The crack of the can opening appeared much louder than usual as it attempted to fill the morbid silence between the three of them gaining Joker's attention subconsciously.

"I would have got you one Joker, but I never know with you," Zaeed commented taking a gulp of his beer to wash down his words.

Joker shook his head lazily, "That's alright, I don't want one."

"Can't say I would have got up to get you one if you did," Zaeed replied, the humorous tone he intended unable to mitigate his sentence. He went to take another gulp before he caught Ares in his vision, the turian's own drink still unopened as he stared at his mother's body on the bed.

"Ares," The turian looked back at the aged mercenary, "Drink your drink," Zaeed said, waiting to hear the crack of the boy's beer opening before switching back to his own beer.

"Did the doctors say anything?" Joker asked, leaning forward on his arms.

"Nah, couldn't get a word in edgeways with them. They're too busy with all the wounded coming in. Can't say half of the hospital being rubble helps," Zaeed answered bitterly.

Joker's posture deflated as he sat back into his chair and joined Ares in the silence. Yes, they had won the war, but now they had to get through the destruction the Reapers had caused in their wake. The amount of casualties was staggering, civilians and soldiers all being rushed into what was left of the hospital, many being left in the hallways and waiting areas because of the lack of room.

Ares had been offered a room earlier for the injuries he sustained in the run up to the crucible. According to Zaeed one of Harbinger's blasts landed right next to the young turian, wounding him badly. That was when Joker got the call from Shepard begging him for an extraction. Without hesitation he was there in an instant as Zaeed dragged Ares onto the Normandy, the turian's amour deeply scorched and blue blood weeping from a wound at his side.

Shepard firmly insisted that the two of them get out of there and leave her to try and get to the crucible, with Ares putting up as much of a struggle as he could to stay and fight.

He yelled at his mother telling her that he couldn't lose her too, Joker believed that her son's words gave Shepard strength to keep charging towards the crucible and to still be breathing afterwards as Zaeed held the boy back while Joker closed the Normandy's bay door.

The crucible exploding was no better. Joker had tried to stay for as long as he could refusing to leave without Shepard on board and safe. Everyone was at their stations firing whatever they could at the reaper hordes when Liara placed a hand on Joker's arm.

What she said still haunted him to this moment. "Joker, we have to go."

A sentence so simple but with so much weight attached to it, making his heart sink instantly as logic battled his emotions, he knew Liara felt the same too.

Joker had done many difficult things in his life; the battle on the Citadel, going and leaving the Collector Base, dealing with Shepard's death, her disappearance. Yet leaving the battlefield without Shepard on board was honestly one of the hardest things he had ever forced himself to do.

Of course the conflict didn't end there, as soon as he began to take off Ares was charging into the cockpit yelling with such desperate anger for him to go back, to wait for his mother. In the end Liara had to put the poor turian in stasis when he tried to get physically violent with the pilot, while the rest of the crew watched in the background with devastated expressions on their faces.

It was a cruel notion to be aware that mostly everyone in the crew had pegged Shepard as already being dead. Joker hadn't lost hope on her yet however which made leaving the area all the more difficult.

The report was music to his ears when him and the crew finally managed to get the Normandy back online after spending three days stranded on a planet they crashed on due to the blast of the crucible.

Where the crew were radioing for help not only were they going to receive it, but were being told that Shepard's body had been found and had been taken into the nearest hospital. It went without saying that the destination everyone on board the Normandy was heading straight back to was Earth.

And that's where they had all been for five days now, all cramped up in the crumbled hospital in London, waiting for Shepard to try and pull through. Only five days in a hospital that is overrun, struggling to take in more patients and having to turn others away, things weren't so looking good.

Three days in one of the nurses came by to explain how Shepard was doing. None of it was positive. It was bad enough seeing her on life support, watching a machine breathe for her, but being told that the hospital didn't know how long they could keep the machine on for was worrying.

In order to preserve energy and take in more battle-wounded patients, the life-support machine would have to be turned off eventually. It worked out that the needs of the many heavily outweighed the needs of one. Ares, didn't see it that way. In his eyes his mother was the best damn thing to ever happen to this galaxy, taking the fight to the Reapers and winning it, yet they rewarded her efforts by just letting her die.

Since the hospital's announcement Ares refused to leave the room, guarding it so to speak and only letting people he trusted in. It wasn't the best way to handle the situation but never let it be said that Ares did not inherit his mother's determination to do the unlikely. Many of the nurses were too afraid to approach the young man in the room, deciding to let him have his way for now, and that was the major problem for Joker, it was only for now. Ares' couldn't continue this forever the same way the doctors couldn't afford to keep Shepard on life support forever.

So...Joker broke the news to the young turian, just like he promised Shepard he would. Before the final battle Shepard had whispered to Joker in a tortured voice, "If anything happens to me Joker, please, tell Ares everything. If my son's going to mourn me, then he has a right to know the kind of person he is mourning."

At the time Joker tried to deter Shepard from the matter at hand, trying to crack a joke, trying to not see things for how they were. Shepard had always wanted to tell the boy the truth, but the time never came. The most that ever came out of her mouth was that Garrus died on a mission, and like all youngsters under the age of ten Ares accepted it as the truth and nothing but the truth.

As the years went by he began to question it a bit, and then a little bit more, forcing Shepard to come to terms with the fact that the day was slowly approaching that she would need to be more honest than she had been with her son, and worst of all to accept whatever his reaction was.

Much to his guilt, Ares was right. Joker had explained everything because he truly believed that this was it for Shepard, all of her lives were used up, it was only a matter of time before the doctors forcibly cut her life in this galaxy short. It didn't made Joker feel any better about himself however no matter how much he tried to convince himself that this course of action was for the best.

"How're you holding up Joker?" Zaeed spoke up, his bruised eyes fixated on Shepard.

The pilot doubted Massani really cared judging from the lack of eye contact but he indulged him regardless, anything to be rid of the heavy silence fumigating the room.

"Fine," Joker replied, his voice clipped but not rude.

This time Zaeed did look him in the eyes, the bruised bags underneath them almost matching Joker's. "I thought you'd be more torn up than that over EDI."

That got Joker's blood sizzling. It was times like these he wished he could throw a punch without breaking a bone, life was cruel however so he clenched the fabric of the seat he sat on instead, letting out a shaky exhale in the process.

"Crying about it won't help Massani," Joker argued, annoyed about the subject being brought up.

"Fucking hell, forget I asked," Zaeed replied dismissively. Whether or not Zaeed meant well or was trying to wind Joker up for his own amusement was a question that Joker would never get the answer to.

Unsurprisingly the mercenary immediately recovered from their tiny episode as he went back to glugging his beer while Ares seemed to nurse his one seemingly in deep thought.

Joker had grown to care about EDI a lot since the crew banded back together to fight the Reapers, he valued her company greatly and now she was gone, taken away like the rest of the synthetics. The one person who might have an idea about why that occurred when the crucible fired was Shepard, and she was knocking on death's door, only no one was opening it yet.

Whatever Joker was going through with EDI no longer around didn't compare to whatever Ares was probably feeling however, his shoulders slumped, his wound's dressing on his waist needing to be changed and a shut off display about his whole persona. It was getting much more difficult for Joker to believe that he had done the right thing.

"You're usually more talkative than this boy," Zaeed commented surprisingly being the pinnacle of conversation in the suffocating room as he directed his comment at Ares.

The young turian gave him a stern glare sending out a vast amount of warning signals, that wasn't enough to make Zaeed leave him alone however.

"You look like you wanna hurt me," Zaeed suggested in a playful provoking tone, making matters much more worse, "Go on then Ares, take your best shot and see if it'll make you feel any better about something that happened fifteen years ago."

"Massani-" Joker tried to warn, his eyes focused on Ares getting angrier by the second as his body visibly began to shake.

"Shut up Joker, this is between me...and Ares." Zaeed's voice became much lower as he finished his sentence locking eyes with the turian as he leaned forward. The guy just didn't know when he was crossing a line, or maybe the truth was that he genuinely didn't give a shit.

Zaeed would never admit it but he had always cared for Ares in his own little way, watching the boy being raised by Shepard, teaching the youngling to fire a weapon, sharing stories with the child who would listen excitedly. He was much like a grandson to him, and Joker didn't doubt that maybe just maybe Zaeed was becoming so heated in the mental argument occurring because he was hurt at the way Ares was now looking at him. No longer looking at a man he respected but a man who had played a role in the death of his father.

"You need to accept that you're father-"

"Don't talk about him!" Ares shot back aggressively, looking like he was going to lurch out of that chair at any moment.

That of course didn't deter Massani at all, causing him to scoff at the turian to Joker's dismay. "Hah, don't talk about him? You are so like your mother," he shook his head with sad humour, "Mate, unlike you I knew your father for more than four years that gives me -"

And that was Ares' breaking point.

The young turian swiftly chucked his unfinished beer on the tiled floor before launching himself at Zaeed in a quick succession. Joker, as startled as he was had to give the older man credit, he was what sixty something now and he still managed to take a punch to the face as hard as Ares'? The turian didn't stop there however as he went to grab the mercenary by the scruff of the neck due to the force of his punch knocking Zaeed off his chair.

Joker watched them both from the corner he managed to hurry himself into beside Shepard's bed as Ares threw another plated fist into Zaeed's open face. Blood was now showing up on Zaeed's busted lip which made the grin he was now wearing much more intimidating. That's what Joker was getting progressively worried by: Zaeed wasn't making any effort whatsoever to fight back. He continued to grin up at the turian every time he went to throw a punch helplessly at the man, his whole physique dead weight as he allowed Ares to hold him by his neck while letting his arms hang below him.

"Stop smiling!" Ares warned him with a low growl, raising his fist yet again.

Zaeed, being Zaeed, didn't obey the turian. "Or you'll what?" Zaeed snared with a cough still allowing the turian to hold him mid-air, "You'll punch me again? Well shit, if I didn't get the message the first time-"

"I'm fucking warning you Zaeed!" Ares roared launching his fist straight for the mercanary's bruising face, his fist not completing the intended action however as he found his whole body suddenly being dragged from his position.

He heard Zaeed land on the floor with a thump as his grip on the man released, all within a few seconds he landed on the floor himself only right beside the door across the room...and an aggravated Liara looking down at him.

"Are you okay Massani?" Liara asked, her biotics simmering down, keeping her eyes on the young turian as Zaeed coughed while pulling himself up into a standing position.

"Never better," Zaeed answered nonchalantly, clicking his neck for good measure and spitting some blood into a nearby bin. "The boy just needed to let off some steam."

Joker cautiously walked over to Zaeed handing him a paper towel, Massani eyed it incredulously before taking it with a murmured thanks and wiping away any blood and sweat from his face.

The pilot made his way back to his own seat, slapping his thighs lightly with his hands while he tried to make his observation of Liara and Ares less obvious than it had to be.

Liara had joined back up with them when they found her on Mars, studying the protheans...of course. She had agreed to help them with the crucible in any way she could, not even so much as flinching when Shepard introduced her to Ares who was nineteen at the time.

Turns out Liara had been busy herself for the past few years as the new shadow broker. This meant that not only did she know everything that had happened to Shepard, but she knew more about the past events than Shepard.

When that news got out things were...tense between the two of them. Shepard felt considerably hurt that her friend didn't try to help her when she knew what was going on while Liara tried defending her position. Being the shadow broker stopped her from intervening when she had so many other matters at hand. Thankfully their past friendship helped them get over that hurdle even if it meant that their friendship wasn't as strong as it was before.

"Do you think this is how your mother would want you to be acting right now?" Liara questioned sternly as Ares dragged himself to his feet. "Like a teenage boy?"

"Heh, my mother, the ever so great Shepard," Ares said bitterly, "Do you have any idea what she kept from me?"

Liara didn't say a word, her guarded expression saying everything for her.

Ares shook his head in defeat. "You know too," he murmured a statement not a question.

He walked away from Liara and back into the room, slumping into his chair as he took in a deep breath. "Does everyone know except me?" he shouted, throwing his hands in the air for emphasis.

Liara shot a disappointed look at Joker, making the pilot uncomfortable. "I promised Shepard I'd tell him," Joker defended sadly.

"You couldn't have waited?" Liara countered.

"Wait for what?" Joker replied in a low voice, his eyes glazing over while Zaeed finally sat down in the middle of the room. "For the doctors to come and take her off life support? Is that what I should have waited for?"

"I'm right here you know?" Ares pointed out vacantly.

"Cheers for reminding us," Zaeed commented sarcastically, receiving a frown from the turian.

Liara sighed from the doorway as she held her hand to her forehead. "I'm sorry Joker, I didn't mean like that."

"I know," Joker mumbled, exhaling roughly to calm himself down. "Tensions are just high at the moment you know?"

"You can say that again," Zaeed pitched in, throwing a look in Ares' direction.

"So help me Massani-"

"Enough!" Liara yelled, stopping Ares mid-sentence, "I didn't come here to hear the two of you bickering."

All three men hushed themselves instantaneously while adjusting themselves in their seats awkwardly like students in detention. Joker even went as far as holding his breath, just in case the sound of him exhaling would annoy the asari further.

"Then what did you come here for?" Zaeed asked offhandedly, turning his head back to look at Liara.

The asari closed her eyes while rubbing at her temple, "I wanted to speak with Ares," all threw men looked at her expectantly, "Alone."

"What's the point?" Ares voiced, "They probably know what you're gonna tell me anyway."

Liara watched the turian sadly. She was hoping to be delicate about this, but times like these didn't give room for a gentle touch. "Very well."

She walked towards Ares so that she was slightly standing over him, her brain trying to find the right words as of yet.

"Ares...have you ever wondered how your mother ever managed to possibly conceive you?"

The turian blinked at her slightly taken aback. "What's that got to do with anything?"

She was better off just getting this over and done with instead of tiptoeing around the real issue. Beating around the subject was only gonna make things harder to articulate.

"When Cerberus remade her, her wounds were...beyond their expertise to try and heal. They resorted to using Reaper technology," Liara explained, noticing all three men going wide-eyed. "In order to make her the woman that she once was, that kind of technology was the only logical choice for them."

"How is Reaper technology a logical choice?" Ares chimed in, still shocked. Liara felt awful shoving all this information on him after all of the events that had just occurred but it had to be done, so she sucked up the courage to continue on.

"This is Cerberus, Ares. For them there is no grey area. They rebuilt your mother with that kind of technology, unknowingly creating an option in which there's a small chance that she could conceive a hybrid child."

Ares sighed in exasperation. It was lot to try and take in. "I knew I was a mistake but not that much of a mistake," he muttered under his breath.

Liara placed a gentle hand on Ares' shoulder as the turian stared at the marked floor which Joker took note of. The last time she placed her hand on him was when she explained that they needed to leave Shepard behind.

"I think your mother would categorise you as a wonderful accident," Liara suggested trying to cheer the saddened turian up, if that was possible.

He shook his head however before placing his head into his palms. "If I had never existed, my mum never would have had to have gone through what she did," the whole room went eerily quiet, "My dad would still be alive, hell, maybe the two of them could of actually have been happy together," he breathed, like he was voicing out whatever thoughts were battling each-other in his head while his voice quaked ever so slightly.

"If I had never existed, none of those people would have died, none of you guys would have been through what you did...and my mum could've been happy-" Ares' voice faltered as he chocked back a strangled cry, struggling to hold himself together.

A tear ran down Liara's cheek, while Joker sat in deep thought. It was surprisingly Zaeed who leaned over to the young turian, grabbing his chin with force, making the emotionally drained boy look at him.

"You listen to me," Zaeed ordered, Ares not even trying to fight the mercenary off, just looking at him helplessly. "You meant everything to your mother. You weren't there whenever the great Commander Shepard would be crying her eyes out because she thought she would never get to hold you, or ever see you grow up. Your mother thought you were dead Ares, and because of that her only reason for living was to get revenge from those who took you away."

Ares' mandibles quivered as he was forced to look Zaeed in the eyes, the merc's gaze determined with an ounce of hurt threatening to make itself known.

"Don't you dare start feeling sorry for yourself boy. Everything that women did was for you, because as much as you are questioning your fucking existence right now you meant the galaxy to her. And you know what? If you asked her if she would go back and do it all again if it meant you would still exist...she wouldn't even hesitate to say yes," Zaeed finished with a bite to his tone before pulling his rough hand away and allowing those words to sink in.

Whether Ares liked it or not people cared about him, Zaeed cared, he watched the boy grow up for fuck's sake. He couldn't stand listening to the self pity pouring out of him, he just couldn't.

As Ares including everyone else mewled over Zaeed's words the turian slowly tilted his head up coming to a realisation that he wasn't necessarily suppose to pick up on.

"Massani, why are you talking about my mum in past tense?" Ares questioned, almost feeling betrayed, if anything he hoped Zaeed would be on his side and still rooting for Shepard to pull through. "You don't think she's gonna make it either."

Zaeed let out an exhausted sigh, allowing all of the day's stress to flow out of him if only for a few seconds. "Ares, T'soni said your mum was rebuilt with a great amount of Reaper technology, what do you think that means?"

The realisation hit Joker like a ton of bricks whose expression fell from saddened to tortured.

It still wasn't dawning on Ares whoever, and who could blame him with how much he was forced to take in today.

Liara intercepted their conversation, refusing to put Zaeed in this difficult position. She knelt down on her knees causing Ares to face her, he knew how dire things were, but he didn't realise the full extent of it.

"Ares," Liara choked, "Your mother used the crucible to destroy the reapers, but the crucible also managed to be rid of the harvesters, the husks and banshees. Why did it do that?," Liara paused, mentally trying to forced her words out. "It destroyed them because they were made with Reaper technology."

Ares stilled, the point of the whole conversation was finally colliding with him like an avalanche in a distance, so far away yet coming at him in such a quick succession.

"The crucible has fried whatever Reaper technology was within her, fried whatever was keeping her alive," Liara continued woefully. "She won't be alive right now without that machine...and as you know she can't stay on it forever..."

This time a strangled cry did leave Ares, turians didn't have tears, their subvocals however hinted that they were in a sad, tormented state as his wailing refused to stop and raised to high pitch.

Everyone in the room knew exactly what Liara meant without her having to say it as she held onto a helpless Ares. Shepard was practically dead, and they were just dragging the process out by trying to keep her alive.

Joker's eyes watered while he watched Ares wail into Liara's shoulder as tears brimmed from her own eyes and streamed down her face.

Zaeed didn't say a word to Ares about trying to control himself or try and be manly about the situation, no. He just sat there in his seat in the middle of the room, starring vacantly at Shepard's body on the bed, her every heartbeat a struggled one, her every breath done for her. She wouldn't want this. For them to be grasping at her life like straws.

She had done the impossible and for once she deserved to rest. She got to be a part of Ares' life, watch him become a man, Zaeed knew that for her it would be enough.

"You're her son, Ares. This is your decision," Liara soothed when Ares had calmed down enough, rubbing the young turian's back as he pulled away his subvocals still trembling slightly.

The turian tried to regain some control of himself, there was a look of authority about him just like his mother as he stood up to address everyone in the room. All eyes were on him, he felt sick, but it fought it away as best as he could. He had no choice but to take charge, to make a decision for the woman who had touched so many people's lives and helped so many people. He tried to banish the thought of the people she had killed the moment it tried to invade his mind. Ares didn't want to think about that side of his mother right now.

"My mother meant something to everyone. I..." he voice cracked slightly but he battled on with his little speech, "I think everyone deserves a chance to say their piece to her while she's still breathing."

Everyone in the room nodded miserably but respectfully.

"I would prefer it if someone else, you know...I don't think I can manage that, and I don't want this to be left to some doctor," Ares babbled avoiding saying the action out loud.

Zaeed and Joker remained mute, neither of them felt up to something like that, they couldn't bring themselves to do it.

"I'll pull the plug," Liara volunteered sorrowfully when she noticed the other men's reluctance.

Ares gave in to the impulse to grip Liara's hand in a thankful, heartfelt gesture. No one wanted to do this, and he was glad that someone who actually cared for his mother felt up to it.

"Thank you Liara. Would you mind bringing in everyone for this?"

Liara was already slowly making her way for the door as his hand fell out of hers, "Who do you want me to bring?"

"Er...can Jacob get up?"

"He's still unconscious, Kasumi's still with him I think."

Ares sadly nodded. "Okay then bring Kasumi, Marla should be working within Ward B with Koylat, but if they can tell them both to come, and bring Shadrah please."

Liara paused in her steps at the last name, "Ares, Shadrah didn't really know Shepard, you were the one who recruited her."

"I need her here for me, Liara," Ares explained honestly.

Whether Liara agreed it was the right choice or not it was a choice she could respect. Ares had met Shadrah when trying to help the quarians retake Rannoch. After managing to get peace with both the Geth and the Quarians, the Quarian people were willing to dismiss the fact she was an exile considering how she helped Ares. It felt like it was only yesterday that Shepard couldn't stop saying how proud she was of her son. Only in his twenties and he managed to bring peace to the geth and quarians. It was extraordinary to say the least.

Shadrah ended up refusing the quarians offer to take her back however, asking Ares if she could possibly fight by his side. It didn't take long for the two of them to bond, war was capable of building strong relationships with people who are on the same side, it was likely the only positive to ever come from the conflict.

Ares personally didn't know if there was even a relationship to be had that went beyond a close friendship, but he really cared for her, and was half-hoping that now the war was over, maybe just maybe they could take a chance together.

Just like his mother and father it didn't bother him that Shadrah was a different race, nor did it irk him that he couldn't see what she looked like. He cared for her deeply regardless, and needed her by his side right now.

* * *

><p>The crew were all outside Shepard's room per Ares' request, all of them having been filled in on what was going on and sadly accepting Shepard's fate. They all agreed to go in one by one, say their piece, then allow the next person in. No one hardly said a word to each-other as Koylat entered, the dismal silence saying more than words could convey.<p>

In under a minute the drell was leaving the room again. Everyone looked at him questionably to which he indulged them with an answer to their silent question.

"I read her a prayer, as I did for my father when he past away, then thanked her for helping him guide me down the right path. There are no more words to say," he explained honestly.

Ares put a hand on Koylat's shoulder, "Thank you, I appreciate it."

Koylat placed his own hand on Ares' sitting on his shoulder before nodding and heading back into ward B down the hall. The drell had volunteered like Marla to try and help some of the patients, he probably thought of the situation in a logical fashion, the patients needed him, not Shepard, not after he had said his piece.

* * *

><p>"Hey, Shepard, it's me," Marla introduced herself, while fiddling with her hands.<p>

"I've been helping out, around the hospital, which is what you're in now, not that you can hear me...fuck," she stammered, looking down at the Commander, still as a tragic painting, "I'm sorry I don't how to do these fucking things, I'm not really good with goodbyes."

Marla tucked a lock of pink hair behind her ear as she leaned her body forward, the spare white coat the doctor's gave her much too big for her skinny frame as it rised around her neck from the action.

"Okay, I know we didn't meet under the best circumstances, hell I was ready to kill ya at the time," she started, scoffing at the irony of the situation.

"But over the years of getting to know you I've learned that you are driven, that you get shit done, all that respect my dad has for you wasn't just him hyping you up. He was right. You let me prove myself to you when I met you Shepard, and yes I may have been a bit of a liability, but you gave me a chance, a chance to show that I'm worth something."

Marla felt herself becoming more and more saddened by Shepard's lack of response. This was genuinely it for the Commander, it was difficult to accept that thought after everything this woman had accomplished.

"You've made me want to help people Shepard, even If I don't get shit in return you know? I respect you too much to give that mentality up when you...you know..." Marla trailed off defeatedly.

"A lot of people are gonna miss you Shepard, I don't know how Jeff is gonna cope...But I promise you I will be there for him, I won't let him get like he did before. I don't think he feels the same way about me...well you know, you saw him with EDI, but I do care for him Shepard. I'll look out for the guy."

The pink-haired woman stood up from her seat beside Shepard with a sad smile. "Goodbye Commander."

* * *

><p>Joker gently closed the door behind before taking a deep breath and looking at Shepard's still body in the middle of the room. The beep of the life support machine and oxgyen being passed through her the only audible sounds in the room.<p>

He walked on over to the chair on the right side of Shepard's bed that Marla had occupied only a few minutes ago and sat himself down to look at her.

The faint wrinkles mapped her face lightly with new and faded scars, every detail on her face telling a story, some that many would hear about, and some that many won't.

Shepard fought for what she believed was right, she never did it for the recognition or attention.

Joker smoothed a strand of black hair out of her face. Soldiers didn't necessarily have long lifespans, but with the right amount of luck they could live past 100 years of age like many humans did nowadays, they could experience growing old, a chance to finally relax and marvel at what they had accomplished. Shepard wouldn't be allowed that chance, her time in the galaxy coming to an end at the young age of fifty.

"You wouldn't suit being all wrinkly in a wheelchair Shep," Joker commented to the stale air. "Can't say I wanted you to leave us so soon either."

He leaned back into his chair, trying to relax instead of fidget as he watched her chest expand with each breath forced into her.

"I can't believe you actually did it Shepard, you said it yourself the Reapers weren't gonna hold off forever. But you got to spend fifteen years with Ares, and I know that no matter how paranoid you were that you appreciated all the time you spent with him."

Joker sadly smiled to himself. "You've raised a good one there Shep...a little bit aggressive like a certain someone I know but, you did good with him. I knew you would."

The pilot coughed before standing up and reaching into his back pocket. He pulled out his trusty hat, fiddling with it for a little while before looking at Shepard once again.

"I remember the day you disappeared and how much I...well you know. When they discharged me from the Normandy I put this in the drawer inside your cabin. Stupid I know but it didn't feel right, leaving whatever was left of you without nothing...and I'm sounding ridiculous, I, look it made sense to me at the time okay? Though I might have been a bit drunk I can't remember," Joker babbled still clutching the cap in his rough hands.

"I assumed that Garrus would have thrown it away, I wouldn't blame him, it was his room you know? But after you brought Ares on board after everything and you handed it back to me...it felt like things were right again I guess."

Joker scoffed to himself, "Heh, I guess there's no flight lieutenant Jeff Moreau without Shepard huh?..." Joker mentally facepalmed himself, "Okay that was bad," he mumbled nervously before staring at Shepard intently once again.

"I know if you were awake you'd say no to this, but you're not," he bit back the bile in his throat from his words, "And whatever happens when we...die...I'd feel comfortable knowing you've got a piece of me with you."

With that, Joker leaned forward with the cap in his hand as he gently smoothed down Shepard's hair and placed it on her head.

He smiled at the image of her with his hat on, even if it was under eerie circumstances.

"I may be bitter about you leaving us like this, but I respect that you did what you did for the greater good. You did what we set out to do from the start, and from here I will see what we can do about getting EDI and the geth operational and back online again if that's even possible. I think that's what you'd want me to do."

God he felt sick, but he needed to say his piece, for closure and the small chance that she could hear him.

"I did what you asked. Ares knows. But that is for him to talk to you about Shep, not me. I've already meddled too much. Marla's offered to buy me a drink after this, just want you to know I turned it down, I'm not gonna use you as an excuse to go back into the state I was in."

Joker rubbed the back of his neck in mock awkwardness, pretending to himself that Shepard could see him and he wasn't just talking to himself. "I may have only turned down alcoholic drinks however...I agreed to go for a drink with her as long as I'm on tupari or water...and I know that if you could you would be smirking at me right now..."

The pilot grinned, his eyes getting glassy over the things he would never get to experience again with her. "I don't know where it's going with us. You know how I felt about EDI, but maybe...I don't know Shep...God I'm gonna miss you just...why, _why_ did you do it when you knew you were made with Reaper tech? Garrus explained this in his files that Drusus sent to you, so I know you knew what would happen!"

Joker rubbed his face with a groan as he continuously tried to stop himself from crying, "I- I'm sorry Shepard. I just, I'm really gonna miss you...I know, I know things have been complicated with us but I have never stopped caring for you," Joker confessed with a sniff.

"After everything we've been through, the good and the bad, I can still say that I am so glad to have ever met you and I'm not angry, it's hard to stay angry with you," Joker chuckled a dismal laugh before leaning down and stroking her cheek. He felt a tear finally escape his tear ducts and run down his face as he placed a delicate kiss on her cheek.

"The galaxy's not gonna be the same without you Shepard," he whispered in conclusion to his rambling, placing a hand on his cap on her head before turning away and heading for the door.

He gave the commander one last look as the tears freely ran down his cheeks, "Goodbye," he muttered in sorrowful disbelief.

When the door opened, Marla was the first person he noticed, her pink hair making her recognisable through the blotchy tears before he felt her bony arms wrap around him. He returned the gesture instantly as he sobbed lightly into her hair, her scent one of cheap perfume and aesthetic, not that he cared. The smell and feel of her hand stroking his back in a soothing manner reminded him if only for a few seconds that there were still people in his life that he cared about and who returned the feelings back.

He held her closer, ignoring everyone around him as he heard her whisper in his ear, her own voice a little choked up.

"Everything's gonna be okay Jeff."

Joker breathed in her scent one last time as he rubbed her back in return, still refusing to open his eyes and spoil the moment. "Maybe..." he replied back in a coarse tone.

* * *

><p>"Look what he's gone and done to ya," Zaeed commented as he slouched in his seat, and plucked at the cap on Shepard's head. "No offence, Shep but you don't really pull off that look off."<p>

The mercenary cackled to himself as he looked around the room in a fidgety fashion, trying to skid around the real reason for his presence in the room. He was man enough to admit to himself that the sight of Shepard hooked up to those machines, it didn't nerve him but it did trigger him.

It was the same sickening twist in his stomach that he would feel if it was Marla in Shepard's place, he couldn't shake the thought no matter how hard he tried. Therefore deflecting everything with mindless small-talk and humour seemed to be the best route to go down for now.

"Speaking of Joker, him and my one are hugging out there. Call me old fashioned Shepard, but a man should ask my permission before he lays a finger on my daughter."

Zaeed stared at Shepard in her unresponsive state. "I'm only joking of course, I don't have a fucking pole up my arse. But it would be a good past-time, watching the guy squirm," he held up a hand, "I know you disapprove, who knows, maybe they'll be alright together, maybe they'll be some fucking grandkids down the line eh?" Zaeed chuckled to himself. "I'm old enough for it now, and I've had enough practise with Ares..."

Grinning to himself Zaeed placed his rough hand on Shepard's limp one, mindful of the tube sticking out of it.

"Ares is a fine young man Shepard, partly due to my little interventions of course, but mostly you. Hell of a boy that one. Even has a thing for aliens like his mum, I mean I don't understand the attraction of quarians myself when you don't know what they fucking look like. Now asari, there's a race that'll put you off your own kind," Zaeed rambled on, stroking Shepard's index finger.

He let out a heavy sigh, he had to get this over and done with sooner or later.

"You know I'm not big on these kind of talks Shepard," he began slowly. "But I'm proud of you, I want you to know that. I know we're not blood-related or anything but damn sometimes I feel like your bloody father, going around like an old fart, watching you get older. I must admit I thought I'd be the first one to go, not the other way around..."

Zaeed shook his head dejectedly. "The galaxy is shit like that unfortunately..." he trailed off bitterly.

"They found Jessie in the rubble next to you when they found ya, she's got a few scrimps and scrapes but nothing I can't repair..." he explained vaguely. "I was, gonna give her back to you, you've both bonded, you've got your own memories with her. But then I look Ares, a boy who went from shooting waterguns to the real thing, no thanks to me of course," he cackled, "It feels right passing Jessie down, and that lad needs a decent weapon anyway...I like to think that's what you'd want me to do."

He found himself going quiet for a while as he entered deep thought, content with looking at Shepard's pale face.

"It's been an honour to fight by your side Shepard," Zaeed said in a low tone as he stood up. "I'll do what I can to look out for your boy."

* * *

><p>Kasumi entered the room like a prisoner on death's row. She lacked any fundamental energy from being by Jacob's side since he took a hit in the final push, knocking him into a state of temporary unconsciousness unlike Shepard.<p>

Her creamy skin had deteriorated into a pale chalky tone with sunken cheeks, visible bone structure and a frail posture to physically resemble the toll this war had on her.

The truth of the matter was Kasumi felt no gumption towards trying to maintain a healthy sleeping pattern and diet. If Shepard could see her right now she would have slipped into her Commander persona and gave her a good pep talk.

A faint smile appeared on Kasumi's pallid lips that didn't manage to reach her eyes as she stood at the end of Shepard's bed, inspecting every detail of the commander's immobile body.

It was haunting just how much the two women resembled one another, both of them in a declining state, only Kasumi didn't have the excuse of being physically incapable of doing any of the necessary actions her body needed to do to stay alive.

A pang of guilt struck her at that. Kasumi was using Jacob and Shepard as an excuse for the ill state she was getting herself into. It wasn't fair on either of them. She had to find a way of staying strong and to word her goodbye.

She gripped the rail of Shepard's bed tightly, her white knuckles threatening to break through her skin.

"Hey Shep," she called out weakly. "You know, with Keiji, I always wished that I could have had the chance to say my goodbyes to him."

Kasumi let out a shaky breath. "And now I have the chance to do so with you and...I don't know what to say. I guess when I found you in that penthouse, looking as bad as you did I thought, if she can survive this, she can survive anything." Kasumi let out a small chuckle that she didn't feel, "I just never thought that you would be leaving us so soon. It's was almost like the galaxy was incapable of ever taking you away."

Her eyes stung as she attempted to blink any soon to be tears away. "If someone had told me the day we met just how much we would go through together...and how much of a good friend you would become to me...I'm not sure I could of believed them."

This time the smile that graced her face did reach her eyes as they glistened from the threat of tears. "Even though things got bad between us a few times, and there were many times where we were in awful situations, I just want you to know that I don't regret coming with you back in Tokyo. I may have thought it a few times, but after seeing you reunited with your son and finally experiencing some time with him...Everything I've been through with you has been worth it."

Kasumi's downcast eyes moved over to her omni-tool as she tapped at it dolefully, causing a file to pop up as she sent it to a vacant holoframe in her left hand.

Within a few seconds the file was transferred as a picture of a younger Garrus and Shepard appeared on the holoframe. Pink, Gold and Blue glitter powdering their bodies as they fought eachother off playfully in a drunken manner after the crew managed to escape the Collector base.

The frail thief stroked the picture sadly, if felt like yesterday that Joker told her he sensed a money shot as they both hurriedly ran over to the couple and snapped a picture in one of their finer moments together.

"I remember Garrus asked me for a copy of this picture when you...disappeared. According to Joker he kept it in the cabin and you never got rid it," Kasumi mumbled while clutching the holopicture and staring at it.

"I know what it's like to love someone Shepard, you can't just switch off and not care any more no matter how cruel they are to you." Kasumi walked over to Shepard's bedside table and placed the holopicture delicately on it. "I don't know how much of what Garrus did to you was actually him or the indoctrination, but I know how much he meant to you."

She placed her hands on Shepard's in a friendly gesture. "There was something else, but I felt that maybe Ares would prefer to read it...I know you were always waiting for the right time, so I think now would be best Shepard."

Kasumi gripped Shepard's hand gently giving it a small squeeze with her bony fingers. "Things won't be the same without you Shepard. I couldn't have asked for a better friend than you...I'm going to miss you."

* * *

><p>Ares watched Kasumi leave his mother's room with a silent stare, registering her subtle nod only to find he couldn't move his feet.<p>

"Hey," Shadrah whispered comfortingly, appearing at his side.

He looked down at her gloved hand on his shoulder with dismal appreciation before he felt her other hand reach under his chin and gently reposition his face to acknowledge her.

Shadrah's eyes faintly glowed beneath her bronze helmet like two of Earth's moons. Ares couldn't see her face, he never had the chance to find out what she looked like underneath the suit either. Yet he felt as sense of comfort when his azure orbs met her eyes as if he could sense the reassuring expression she was wearing for him.

"Everything's going to be okay Ares," she stated delicately, stroking her defty fingers along his shoulder. "You need to do this for yourself."

Ares found himself suddenly leaning down to the small quarian, connecting his forehead to where he guessed hers would be under the helmet.

He tried not to fret over the action, assuming that Shadrah didn't understand the concept of what he was doing. As far as he was concerned he felt much better being in a close proximity with her if only for a few moments.

"Thank you," he whispered shakily before slowly increasing the distance between them.

When he turned around he noticed that only Kasumi and Liara where by his mother's door as Shadrah's hand on his shoulder ghosted away.

"Are you ready?" Liara asked, concern dripping from her tone.

Ares nodded reluctantly as he moved for the door, his mind desolate of any kind of sentence or thoughts that he wanted to express to his mother.

"Ares wait," Kasumi called out, stopping him from pushing the door open.

The frail woman lit her omni-tool up as she synced it with Ares' before he had a chance to question the action.

"When we brought you back onto The Normandy, a few days later your grandfather sent over all of your father's documents. Your father told your mother about them, and that they were hers to have, discussing thing like the medication you needed, any information he had gathered on the Reapers and...this."

The file beeped lowly when it downloaded to Ares omni-tool the name of the file reading _'To Beatrix and Ares'._

Ares stared at the offending file silently while Liara and Shadrah as awkward as they felt didn't utter a word.

"Your mother's read it I don't know how many times...she was always waiting for the right moment to give it to you...I just thought that maybe you might want to read it out to her one last time, I don't know," Kasumi stammered.

The young turian had a lot of things he wanted to say right now. But the words boiling inside him weren't for Kasumi. He'd seen how this war had affected her, her once healthy glow faded, she had enough to deal with when Jacob was unconscious and having to say goodbye permanently to one of her closest friends.

He wouldn't take out his rage on her.

Closing his omni-tool nonchalantly Ares scanned Kasumi with his tired eyes. "Thank you," he said roboticaly like he had programmed himself to do. "Go get yourself something to eat Kas, it'll do you some good," he commented genuinely, he hated seeing her looking so feeble.

Kasumi half-smiled at him, "Yeah I'll do that in a minute Ares," she lied, "I just want to go and check on Jacob first."

Ares nodded sadly as she dragged herself back into the deeper depths of the over-packed hospital, he'd try and get her something to eat once all this was over if he could managed it.

With a deep breath Ares creaked the door open, opting to say nothing more to Liara or Shadrah outside, he needed to stop distracting himself and be brave.

"...Hey mum," he greeted when he heard the door close behind him, the room eerily silent with the exception of the medical equipment dragging out his mother's life.

He found himself frozen on the spot for a while, mentally giving himself a pep talk to see this through as he noted Joker's cap on his mother's head and...a holopic on her nightstand.

Ares' curiosity thankfully got his legs shuffling further into the room as he picked up the holopic with hesitance.

His mother and his father, laughing at some kind of party as they seemed to be throwing glitter over each-other, they both seemed...happy together...neither of the shining glints in their eyes appeared to be false.

Ares faintly remembered when his father informed him that the intruder in the penthouse was in fact his mother. He remembered the same happiness in his mum's eyes as she held him for the first time, but that look changed whenever she looked at his father.

Everything pieced together in a cruel sense, it made his stomach churn. If he had been older he might of been able to sense the warning signals between his parents-

No, he had to stop thinking like that. How long had he been staring at the damn holopic anyway?

He placed the holopic back on the nightstand mindful of dropping it as he looked down at his mother.

"You and dad look a lot younger in that picture...it's only dawning on me now that I have his nose, heh..." Ares rambled on trying to lighten up his mood if only slightly.

Whatever laugh he was trying to conjure up died in his throat however as he slouched into the chair behind him facing his mother.

"There's a lot of things I want to ask you mum," Ares started sorrowfully. "But I already know the answer to them," he finished bitterly.

He rubbed the back of his neck in a fidgety fashion doing anything to distract him from wailing like he did earlier. "I guess I just wanted to hear you answer them...I...argh fuck-" Ares cut off shooting up from his chair.

"Do you know what this feels like mum?!" he yelled at Shepard's immobile form. "I _want_ to hate you, for everything you've done, and I can't because I understand why you did it!"

He began pacing the room as he felt a storm brewing up inside of him. "Why?! Why did you disappear? All of this, everything that happened, and everything you did could of been avoided and now I'm left with nothing, no one!"

Ares pointed a wasted accusing finger at her. "Everyone knew except for me! _Everyone!_ And you're leaving me with the thought that if I had never existed that fucking picture over there!" Ares moved his finger to the holopic with force, "That could still have been you and dad! That is what you have left me with."

His arm began to tremble as it finally collapsed to his side, Ares' entire physique slouched and defeated. "Dad gave you an option mum," he muttered in shallow breaths in the middle of the room, emotionally aching from his mother's lack of response. "Joker mentioned that dad suggested that we could still try to be a family," Ares battled his need to let out a choked cry, "And you...you turned that down. You had the option you had always wanted mum."

The young turian looked at his unconscious mother with a hurt gaze. "Yes the option wasn't perfect... it was shit I get that. You had been through so much, the timing was wrong, you had only just found out about me for fuck's sake...but wasn't the choice of having me the same?"

He shook his head miserably. "When you found out you were pregnant with me the timing wasn't right, you knew having me would cause more harm than good, hell science says I shouldn't even be alive mum."

Ares dragged himself over to his mother's side, the anger and rage draining from him leaving the young turian exhausted as he cupped his mother's cheek.

"I wasn't the best option mum, you and I both know that," he chocked out, "And yet you still brought me into this galaxy." He rubbed her cheek with one of his talons while his body trembled from the need to breakdown. "Dad's option wasn't the best, after everything he had done to you, you didn't owe him a thing, but did you really have to kill him? Did the option of taking dad's life really seem more appealing than letting him live?"

Letting out yet another shaky sigh Ares fell silent, he knew his mother's side of the story, Joker was extremely detailed and knowledgeable about it. Ares just needed to hear it from his mother's lips.

"I'm sorry," he muttered, inwardly kicking himself for his behaviour. If his mother could hear him he didn't want his rage to be the last words of his that she heard.

"I just need to vent you know," he explained vaguely, imagining the look of collected understanding on his mother's features. "I...don't hate you mum...I love you...I-"

Ares let out a strangled cry accidentally, "Argh fuck," he wailed slightly again as he attempted to muffle it, "I'm sorry mum."

It wasn't that Ares was embarrassed with displays of emotion, he just wanted to try and be strong, and since entering the room he had been an emotional nightmare.

He began to take deep breaths to calm himself down as he lowered himself into the chair once again beside his mother's bed, the holopic facing him, tormenting him. He debated once or twice to face it down but decided against it. It was a damn picture of his parents he could fucking face a picture of his parents.

Which reminded him as he gradually calmed down, "I was debating whether or not to read this to you," Ares stated honestly as his omni-tool flickered to life while he went to open the file Kasumi had sent to him.

"I was worried I guess that I would get too emotional and shit but seeing as that's already happened..." He opened the file fully sending a page of orange holographic writing to appear in front of him. "You've given me a good life mum, despite everything I said. Because of you I have experienced so much done so much, you've went further than you had to, to give me a good life and we've experienced it together. I guess this is the last thing I'd like to do with you mum, Kasumi said you read it a lot so I thought hearing it for the last time, and hearing me read it for the first time would be something you'd like...and I'm babbling."

Ares eyed the text with scrutiny before finally succumbing to reading it out loud. He took a deep breath to prepare himself.

_To Beatrix and Ares,_

_(Give this to Ares when you feel the time is right.)_

_If you're reading this then you're aware that I'm no longer here any more._

_Bee I don't know how that makes you feel, I'm kind of clinging onto the hope that maybe just maybe you will feel something. If you don't then I don't blame you. I don't think I ever could._

_Ares my boy. If you're reading this then you know what I've done, you know what your mother's done. Your mother and I had our reasons for everything we did and I understand if you no longer love or respect me. However I'm asking you not to judge your mother too harshly. I've put her through a lot, all she's done is what she needed to do, please don't hate her for that. I know for a fact that she loves you very much, as do I. _

_I've seen things and done things I'd never imagined doing when I was younger because of your mother, and you've been the greatest thing to ever happen to me, again, because of the strong woman your mother is. _

_We all make mistakes. We make mistakes because we believe we are in the right at the time, because we don't think of the consequences of our actions._

_When I shot your mother Ares I knew what shooting her would do, I won't deny that. What I didn't know was what shooting her would do to me._

_I've regretted it ever since. I would say it could have been a mild form of indoctrination, but even if that's what all this has been I was still capable of free will, I still had other options that I could of chosen. And I didn't. I take full responsibility for that._

_Bee, I'm sorry. I don't know how else to articulate it. I'm sorry for how things have turned out. But you've got Ares now, I know you'll be a good mother to him. He deserves a mother like you. I know it may seem like a scary thought now, the great Commander Shepard becoming a mother but you can do it, you don't need me to watch your six for this._

_I did whatever I could to hold the Reapers off, now it's your turn to take charge again. By the spirits I hope you'll be okay. I know everything seems daunting right now but you were born to do this Bee, and if things take a turn for the worst and you don't make it through...meet me at the bar. I'm buying._

_I love you Beatrix. I never did say that enough. Ares, I love you too, with all my heart. I hope you'll both forgive me one day._

_Garrus/Dad_

How Ares managed to keep himself together he didn't know. Reading the letter made everything that much more real and reading it out-loud was one of the hardest things he'd ever done, and that included facing the Reapers.

He closed his omni-tool with a lazy click, gripping the chair with his talons afterwards to steady himself.

In a weird way, the letter made him feel slightly better. Yes, his father was just as much a psycho as Joker's version of said events explained him to be, and yes his mother also fitted into that category only not by choice. Yet a part of him felt at peace with that.

There were no more unanswered questions in his life. He was finally on solid ground with his past, with no more lies or secrets crumbling the ground beneath him.

Saddened relief overcame him like a flood of ecstasy containing acid. It burned but felt good at the same time.

He flared his mandibles slightly while looking at his mother, lying on the bed motionless.

"I love you mum," he said clearly and audibly. "Thank you...for everything." The first time today he had said thank you and meant it.

He stood up in a tragic yet ready manner. Ares felt prepared for this. He was able to accept it.

Leaning his forehead to his mothers in a caring gesture he gently removed Joker's cap with one hand and connected their foreheads.

"You can go meet dad in that bar now. I'm sure you two have a lot to talk about." He placed Joker's cap back on her as he leaned back. "I'm gonna miss you mum."

* * *

><p>When Ares exited the room, Liara, Shadrah and Zaeed were waiting outside for him.<p>

Before he could utter a word Shadrah's arms were embracing him with delicate force, he succumbed to the want of holding her back as his long arms wrapped around her.

"Are you alright?" she asked with trepidation.

Ares hugged her more closely to him, mentally cursing the fabric keeping them apart. "I'm...okay," he answered honestly, "Much more better now." He brushed his mandibles against her soothingly before pulling away.

How could something so perfect like Shadrah happen to him?

"Oi, Ares," Zaeed voiced, drawing the young turian's attention away from the gold-suited quarian girl. "I've got some more beers back there," he thumbed down the hall. "Thought you and I could drink to your mother while T'soni...you know."

Ares thought about turning it down for a second but decided against it. Him and the old human had history together, and now that he was calm Ares felt that he could partake in a drink with the guy. He didn't really want to be around while Liara switched of the life support machine anyway.

"Sure, Massani," he turned to face Shadrah, "You coming?"

Shadrah fidgeted on the spot, "Oh me? No? I don't drink. I think I'll just wait out here for Liara," she explained vaguely.

Ares eyed Shadrah quizzically, but seeing as Liara wasn't against the idea he went along with it. He just needed to get as far away from that room as he could right now.

"Alright then," he muttered a bit disappointed. "You'll come and find me?"

"Of course," Shadrah reassured tentatively.

That was enough to convince the young turian and Massani to begin heading down the hallway. The mercenary patting Ares on the back as he muttered something about 'having something to give to him.'

"You're very loyal for someone who doesn't know Shepard that well," Liara commented in an icy tone suddenly.

If the quarian was taken aback by her comment she didn't show it. "That's Ares' mother, of course I'm loyal. What are you insinuating?" Shadrah challenged in the most polite tone she could muster.

Liara crossed her arms with a knowing expression on her face that sent chills through Shadrah's body.

"Forgive my mistrust against people who use fake names, Ch'tatia," Liara replied with heavy sarcasm.

"I don't know what you're talking about _asari_," Shadrah stated, spitting the word asari like it was an insult.

Liara sternly glared at the young quarian in the corridor, the asari gathered that the girl would try to get out of this. "But you do Ch'tatia, I have been monitoring you for years since the death of your mother, it must have been quite traumatic," Liara stabbed, trying to get a reaction.

"You know nothing!" Shadrah exclaimed while clenching her fists, obviously losing her cool.

The asari had no intention of backing down however, for years, she had kept quiet. Being a Shadow Broker had it's perks but then there were just some things you really didn't want to know.

"I lost my mother when I was younger," Liara explained, attempting to relate to the quarian. "it was Shepard who killed my mother too. Do you know why I don't hate the Commander?"

Shadrah went silent, refusing to even look Liara in the eye.

"Because my mother needed to die," Liara concluded for her. "Shepard felt the same way about your own mother."

Shadrah scoffed while flinging her arms in the air in exasperation. "And what Shepard wants Shepard gets huh?"

Liara remained calm, regardless of how riled up Shadrah was getting herself. "Do you know why Shepard felt that your mother needed to die?" Was the million credit question.

The quarian finally stilled on the spot with a downcast gaze, allowing her arms to drop to her sides. "...Yes," she breathed barely audible.

"And yet you still pursue her, going as far as to get on Ares' crew and befriending him in order to get to her?" Liara argued.

"I didn't know who he was at the time!" Shadrah shouted, "I never knew that his mother was Shepar-"

Liara held up a hand, cutting the quarian off. "I believe you, Ch'tatia."

Ch'tatia's body began to shake as a concoction of sadness and anger began to surge through her body. The shock of the asari knowing her real identity nerving her as well.

"I stopped speaking when Shepard killed my mother, my father hated me for it..."

"You were in shock," Liara empathised with a forlorn expression.

"Shock or not I'm sure that's what drove him to suicide," Ch'tatia countered sorrowfully.

No matter how many times he shook her or told her that she was being selfish, that she needed to tell him what happened to her mother...she just couldn't speak. It was years later when it was much too late that she found her voice again.

Liara sighed. "He died on a mission-"

"No," Ch'tatia interrupted weakly. "My father was a good soldier, if he didn't want to die he wouldn't have let it happen."

The asari walked forward cautiously. "You don't know that."

Ch'tatia backed away slightly as a reflex, holding herself. "It doesn't matter. What matters is that when I went on my pilgrimage all I could remember was what Shepard said to me..."

The two women went silent for a few eerie seconds. They both knew what she was talking about.

"When you go on your pilgrimage, if you still feel angry about it...I'll be waiting..."

Liara remained quiet, she knew all this already but was aware that the young quarian needed to get it out of her system. She needed to be sure she was making the right call here.

"And I was angry...I still am," Ch'tatia continued woefully. "I swore never to return to my people until I found her, then the Reapers attacked...I met Ares on Rannoch and I...I didn't know until I agreed to board his ship that his mother was Shepard...all these years, and there she was, right in front of me."

It wasn't Liara's intention to bring up all these bad memories for the young girl, she had been through a lot. But considering the weight of the choice she was going to give her the asari had to know if Ch'tatia still felt as bitter as she did all those years ago.

"The machine's in there Ch'tatia," Liara informed her in a pained tone, noting the quarian's startled reaction.

The girl hovered where she stood for a while, unsure of what the asari was playing at. "What are you saying?" she murmured, eyeing the asari suspiciously.

"I'm giving you the chance to do what you set out to do, giving you the chance to do what Shepard gave you the option to do," Liara stated as a matter of factly in laymen's terms, crossing her arms in the process.

Ch'tatia waved a hand at the asari dismissively. "Where's the honour in that? Killing the woman in her sleep? I wanted a fight," she argued in annoyance.

Liara walked further towards the quarian, this time the girl didn't retract away from her, standing her ground this time. "You'll never be given the chance to fight her, Ch'tatia. But you do have the chance to get closure."

She rested her hand on the the girl's shoulder sympathetically, physically showing Ch'tatia that she was trustworthy. Either way Shepard would be taken off life support, and if it helped the quarian girl in any way then it was something Liara would allow.

"This is my offer to you."

* * *

><p>The room felt different when the two women entered. It was like everyone had left a piece of their essence with Shepard before saying their goodbyes. The notion was calming and pleasant instead of being dismal and saddening. There was a sense of readiness about the atmosphere, like all the cards had fallen into place with Ch'tatia being the last loose end.<p>

Liara watched the young quarian from the doorway as the girl approached the life support machine. She didn't know what she had expected from Ch'tatia but it wasn't what she was witnessing now.

Ch'tatia was surprisingly calm, walking into the room with ease as her hand hovered over the controls of the machine. It didn't seem like she was hesitating more like, savouring the moment as the girl turned her head to look at the commander helpless on the hospital bed.

"This is for my mother Shepard," she whispered in a low tone, keeping her gaze on the commander as she pulled the switch gently, hearing the heart-rate monitor flat-line and the oxygen no longer pumping into her.

Liara felt a tear slide down her face as she watched Shepard and Ch'tatia finally become at peace, something so tragic yet beautiful in a sense to watch. There was no venom in Ch'tatia's voice when she spoke to Shepard, and the commander was allowed to peacefully slip away from the galaxy she had worked so hard to save, a look of vacant relief plastered onto her pale face as the hum of the machine became non-existent.

Neither of the women said a word to each-other as they walked out of the room allowing the silence to speak volumes for them. Ch'tatia nodded at Liara in a thankful gesture, one that said she was free from the memories that haunted her, before heading down the hall. She was likely going to catch up with Ares Liara presumed, leaving her outside Shepard's room as tears leaked down her pale blue face.

Shepard had done the impossible with the Reapers. But there would always be a story that you would hear whispered on the subject of revenge and tragedy. One that people will hear and not believe, one that some would say is a story of the effects of love and one that some would say was a story on the dark side of revenge.

No matter how many people felt they knew Shepard's whole story, they only knew the gist of it.

Even Liara couldn't say she knew the full extent of what was going on in Shepard's mind or why it had to be Garrus and Shepard's relationship that fell to such a heartbreaking conclusion.

What she did know however was that regardless of how hard Shepard fought, revenge was and always have been her greatest enemy of all.

Liara allowed a smile to adorn her pale lips slightly as she imagined Shepard meeting Garrus at that bar, smashed glasses everywhere from gunfire, knocked over chairs and bunch of screaming civilians.

All because Garrus' first words to her would probably be something like, "She who seeks revenge, should remember to dig two graves."

**The End**


End file.
